do I have an eating disorder?

[circusgirl]

I am posting this message here as a) it pertains to my training diet and b) I know there are several female BBers who post here who have struggled with eating issues in the past.

Some years ago, I was bulimic. I stopped throwing up around 5 years ago, but the bingeing behaviour never really went away. It didn't bother me though, as I just didn't get fat, at all. I was doing 10 hours+ of tkd training a week, I guess it never got the chance... but no-one can train that intensively for ever, and since I started trying to eat clean for lifting, it's become a real problem.

Most of the time for the last few months, I've been able to contain it to one cheat day every 6 days or so, so it hasn't been bothering me, other than the near constant obsession with regular soda, pastries and cakes.

But since my hubbie left to work in DC for 2 months, I've been getting depressed and it's back with a vengeance. I have binged on crap like pizza, cake, soda EVERY DAY this week. It seems like I am finding it hard to stop.

I am not posting here to get people to say poor you, what I want to know is, how do you folks on here who have had similar eating peoblems cope with the urge to lapse back into bad habits when under a lot of stress and how do you get back on the straight and narrow? (BTW I will never throw up again, so don't worry on that score).

I'm trying not to hate myself, as that doesn't help matters at all. But my lack of willpower is getting to me... I have given up alcohol and throwing up and never wavered, so I know I have the willpower in there somewhere, but where...

 

[NY Muscle]

it seems you are a binger, happens for lots of reasons, stress, depression. seratonin problems...sometimes if you have been dieting too long your mind/body gives up and you start binging again and losing that will power..other than trying some SSRI's, behavoral therapy is an option...eating disorder groups..most psychiatrists will know where to send you...

 

[nikkita]

I think that we all can get depressed or stressed... and the way you can handle problems is half the way to resolving them. You say "I'm trying not to hate myself", it may be good that you think about what it is really that is bothering you... sometimes we can have a self-esteem problem and express it by bingering or other type of behaviour.... which leads on the long run to be hard to handle willpower. Try to get help by talking to a counselor or psychologist, so that you find out what is really bothering you.

 

[circusgirl]

I should hbave added - I know what is bothering me, but after years of trying to put it right I've realised it's just not going to go away. All shitty stuff from the past, basically, that torments me every moment of the day when I'm not actively busy. "Help" has ranged from the "tell me about your problems" variety which doesn't help, talking and talking doesn't change anything. Or the "well just get over it" variety, which doesn't help much either.

I've spent a lot of time in psych hospitals for manic depression, and I'm not actually suffering depression at the moment, thanks to medication intake on a permanent basis. When I say depressed I mean feeling down and wanting to cry, whereas when actually suffering from depression, I am incapable of tears, as I am on another planet...

I've seen plenty of psychiatrists, and about the only thing they can do other than what I am taking for the bipolar stuff is offer me valium, which I decline. Counsellors are good for not being able to get out of bed, or if there's something on your mind that you need to talk about, but neither of those is my problem...

I used to drink and do bulimia, then I used to cut, then I started bingeing.... I was really hoping focussing positively on weight training would help, which it has... but not enough...

 

[velvett]

Do you have any close friends that know you really well that could help keep you busy, out and about (even against your will) so you really can't focus on being alone, food or cravings?

 

[NY Muscle]

I should hbave added - I know what is bothering me, but after years of trying to put it right I've realised it's just not going to go away. All shitty stuff from the past, basically, that torments me every moment of the day when I'm not actively busy. "Help" has ranged from the "tell me about your problems" variety which doesn't help, talking and talking doesn't change anything. Or the "well just get over it" variety, which doesn't help much either.

I've spent a lot of time in psych hospitals for manic depression, and I'm not actually suffering depression at the moment, thanks to medication intake on a permanent basis. When I say depressed I mean feeling down and wanting to cry, whereas when actually suffering from depression, I am incapable of tears, as I am on another planet...

I've seen plenty of psychiatrists, and about the only thing they can do other than what I am taking for the bipolar stuff is offer me valium, which I decline. Counsellors are good for not being able to get out of bed, or if there's something on your mind that you need to talk about, but neither of those is my problem...

I used to drink and do bulimia, then I used to cut, then I started bingeing.... I was really hoping focussing positively on weight training would help, which it has... but not enough...

Ok this is a last resort…go to a hypnotist..I did and it worked…but I noticed after 6 months or so you may want to go again…the 1st time I went it was $250, then its like $50 if you want “tune ups”..i also didn’t go back for tune ups and I think I should have as the results would have lasted longer.

The tune ups as I call them at this place are tapes with subliminal messages and these unbelievably high tech sunglasses with red lights flashing super fast…bugs you out..but works….they also used these glasses to help put you in the hypnotic state while the hypnotist is talking to u..

I tell u this lady was a genius…she also had in her office who works with her a guy who speaks to dead people….and has REAL pyschic powers….the reason I say this is…when I walked in I talked to him..i didn’t say anything other than..”hi how are you, ihave an appt with the hypnotist…..so after we go in the room she gets a call on the phone…she says..ill be right back…she comes back and she said…the (guy who can talk to dead people) told me some things about you that he would like me to ask you about….she said it..and I literally almost passed out….the thing he said is NOT something ANYONE could EVER figure out…but it was something he felt after h saw me walk in….so after I heard that I knew this shit was for real.


She did some cool things with me…we talked about diet and nutrtion and foods etc…she did this cool test where shed place fingers on certain body parts of mine..make me clear my mind…ask me questions..id give answers…she could tell if I was lying or telling the truth..was UNREAL…so after an hour of this..she founsd out MANY things and even little things..like avoiding sugar and carbs…which is a MUST for me when im dieting…

Anyway this woman sat with me for 3 hours…was no bullshit…she was so nice…seemed as if she cared…was nothing like you see on tv…this woman was amazing

 

[PowerPrincess]

it seems you are a binger, happens for lots of reasons, stress, depression. seratonin problems...sometimes if you have been dieting too long your mind/body gives up and you start binging again and losing that will power..other than trying some SSRI's, behavoral therapy is an option...eating disorder groups..most psychiatrists will know where to send you...

WHAT'S AN SSRI???

 

[wyst]

Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitor, also: Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitor (SRI) - any medication that slows the re-absorption of serotonin by neurons in the brain; thus allowing serotonin to remain in the synapse longer. SRIs can interfere with sexual desire or function, but this effect is often temporary. Like most psychiatric medications, SRIs are best started with ramped dosage. The SRI medications include (generic names) buspirone hydrochloride, fluoxetine, fluvoxamine, mirtazapine, nefazodone, paroxetine, sertraline, trazodone, venlaxfazine. CAUTION: SRIs should not be combined with MAOIs.

Fluoxetine is, I think, also known as Prozac. I know one of 'em is prozac.

xoxo

Wyst

 

[NY Muscle]

Prozac is commonly used for weight loss in people with the aforementioned problems like circusgirl

takes a few weeks to really get blood levels up so it doesnt work overnight

 

[FitFossil]

…she did this cool test where shed place fingers on certain body parts of mine..make me clear my mind…ask me questions..id give answers…she could tell if I was lying or telling the truth..

NY Muscle,

Was this the type of test where you're lying on your back and you hold up one arm while she tries to pull it down while touching a point on the body saying something like "thyroid", and if your thyroid or whatever isn't healthy, your arm goes weak (even though you think you're holding it as hard as you can)?

 

[VeggieLifterChick]

CircusGirl,

I've had issues with bingeing similar to what you describe, related to feeling lonely or sad. (I have never been bulimic but I have had issues with compulsive overeating).

I find that acknowledging my behavior and recognizing the reason/cause makes me feel a bit more in control over it. It is very very difficult for me to "just stop" especially once I get used to eating so much and such yummy (but bad) foods.

I find that what helps me the most in overcoming it is, like Velvett said, being with people and being busy. If I am around friends I am less likely to binge because a) its embarassing to be seen doing it and b) my mind is most likely occupied with things other than bad feelings or problems.

I also think that you might be sick of eating the same "diet foods" and that this may be playing into your compulsion to eat tastier though unhealthful foods. That has happened to me, anyways. You might want to find some new recipes or new spices or just new alternative foods to those you have been eating that have similar nutritional profiles to the ones you've dieted on.

You also mentioned that you can't keep up your exercise while eating clean. It is more likely that you just need to eat more of the clean foods, as in higher calories. I'm not sure what 10 hours of tkd training is, as I'm not sure what "tkd" stands for.

Hope this helps! About the counselors: look for someone who can help you with behavioral therapy, someone who can teach you coping mechanisms for when you crave a binge.

 

[NY Muscle]

NY Muscle,

Was this the type of test where you're lying on your back and you hold up one arm while she tries to pull it down while touching a point on the body saying something like "thyroid", and if your thyroid or whatever isn't healthy, your arm goes weak (even though you think you're holding it as hard as you can)?

YES! Except I was standing…and she did touching and tapping on certain points on my body, face, hand, ribs. Pretty wicked. Its like she knows when your body is lying to you, so that you don’t even know it.

Pretty cool…and she was right on everything she discovered. You also have a perceived level of stress for each activity you do or thing about your life…and after an hour or so of relaxing your mind she tests you again, she wont put you under until the stress level is from 0-3, and many of the levels started out with and 8-10 on me…like for instance..if you are afraid of heights, petrified…that’s a 10…but she relaxes the shit out of you that you are so calm later that you only feel its like a 3 or less. Then she puts you under.



Have you had this done or someone you know? if so, how did it go?

 

[circusgirl]

Thanks for all the advice folks. I will try to stay busy and will try hypnosis. It helped my dad give up smoking... didn't get him into the gym though .

Did I say I couldn't keep up exercise while eating clean? Sorry, must've typed the sentence wrong, no, it's when I DON'T eat clean and only binge, I no longer have the energy to work out as the insulin rockets up and down and I lose the desire to do anything - when I have been eating clean I have had SO much more energy, maybe I should focus on that.

Tofu in the fridge, maybe I have been eating too much tuna... that's also a possibility. I tend to find something that works and then eat it and eat it and eat it and I guess I may be sick of eating similar stuff all the time. The oatmeal and protein powder option with a chopped apple is a great breakfast tho - thanks spatts for the oatmeal + powder tip!

I am off for 4 days to a project meeting in Italy - I will try to stay away from pizza lol.

Things are looking up though - I may be closer to a new job than I thought... a friend's company is desperate for good programmers with my specialist knowledge, and there aren't many of them about.... my current boss's husband owns that company tho! Trying to cheer myself up - I'll go take some more piccies of my kitties...

 

[trial0rzgrl]

reading through your story, i see my life for the past two years. it almost perfectly describes me (exept i gained 40 pounds when they put me on bc pills ) it has been tough.. i have really been trying to replace my starving and bad habits with bb and eating healthy, for more than a year. i have to tell you that today has been the first day since then that i ate enough without going over split between 5 meal(which was the hard part for me)... so today is a very special day.... i know it prob wont last for too long but i have learned that i have to be able to be nice to myself and understand i will be sick for a while so if i slip i can just start over the next day....
it helped me to fill house with healthy foods and no junk food just in case....
things that worked to keep me busy: warm bath (calming also).. a funny one... going to walgreens and buying greeting cards... reading about nutrition...
the most imp thing to rem is that if you want it you can have it.... you will get through anything.... i am so happy to hear you keep your food down. i know how diff that can be.. congrats!!!! thats so great... when you think things are terrible think about how far you have come and are willing to go.... i wish you only the best... rem you are not alone and you will get through this.. good luck

btw... l tyrosine worked wonders for me... 2 grams a day!

 

[wannabeBB]

Do you crave alot of sweets?
I just heard about this book and have been reading it. (That's why I havent been on here much lately . I find the idea so fascinating. There are 2 books: one is The Sugar Addicts Recovery Program and the other is Potatoes not Prozac. I have anxiety disorder which can sometimes lead to depression.
I crave alot of sweets (like binging on sweets) and never knew what was wrong with me. I would overeat, then starve. I could eat hardly nothing and still never lose weight. This is eating disordered. Then someone on another board told me about this. I read the book, and was amazed to find out that it sounds just like me! It is very workable into a bodybuilder diet.

I hate cheat days. I mentioned this in another thread. How I do good all week and cheat once and have a relapse. I cheated on saturday(after doing great all week). I had alot of sweets and then sunday I was depressed and moody and couldnt get back on track.

Go to www.radiantrecovery and take the quiz, "Are you sugar sensitive?"
I know it's hard to give up sweet stuff, but I am miserable and the cravings are holding me back from my goals.
I'm not saying this is what you have, but it is definately worth looking into.

 

[circusgirl]

wow I am a total sugar JUNKIE. I think about sugar 24/7, whether I am going to have some soon, when I can have some, f I can't have some - kinda like cigarette smokers must feel when they give up their habit... off to take that quiz.