Dirty Joke Thread!

[vixenbabe]

I love 'em..Bring 'em on if you have any!

This one is not really dirty..But....It's cute:

On his birthday Patrick asked for a ten speed bike.

His daddy said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80K and your mom just lost her job. Sorry, there is no way we can afford the bike".

The next day the dad see's Patrick heading out the front door with his suitcase. So dad asks, " Son, where are you going?"

Patrick replies, ' I was walking past your bedroom door last night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. I heard her tell you to wait cuz she was coming too. I'll be damned if I'm sticking around here by myself with an $80K mortgage, and no bike".

 

[Steroid_Virgin]

HAHa

 

[jwill3:16]

lmao

 

[machaveli]

Q: whats the difference between a bitch and a slut???

A: A slut will fuck you and all your friends and a bitch will fuck all your friends and not you!
-- the architect

 

[karson]

yo

who the fuck lives in a 80K house, thats the real joke.......''
anyways..
what do girls and tile floors have in common?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them the rest of your life....
how do you please a girl????
who cares
how do you make Martha Stewart scream twice?
fuck her in the ass and wipe your dick on her drapes
whats the difference between a fag and a microwave?
the microwave doesnt fart when you pull the meat out

 

[vixenbabe]

Come on now! I want more dirty jokes peeps!

Karson... Maybe they had a $125K down payment --YOU are reading too much into the joke.

Thanks for the one's listed thus far!

 

[vinylgroover]

Two dwarfs pick up two hookers and take them to their hotel rooms. The first dwarf not only can't get a hard-on, but all night he has to listen to the other dwarf grunting, "One, two, three, uhh ..."

In the morning the second dwarf says to the first dwarf, "So how was it?"

The first dwarf says, "I can't believe how much it sucked. I couldn't get a hard-on all night."

The second dwarf says, "You think that's bad - I couldn't even get up on the bed."

That's pretty bad isn't it

 

[vixenbabe]

Snicker-snicker, VG!

 

[drgoodbody]

Little Johnny and his family live on a farm. One day Johnny comes running into the kitchen and says "mommy, the brown cow is fucking the white cow!", and the mother replies, "Johnny, we don't say that word, we say the brown cow is SURPRISING the white cow." Johnny says o.k. and goes back outside.

Later that afternoon Johnny comes running in again, and his mother looks at him and says, "Let me guess, the brown cow is now surprising the black cow", and little Johnny says, "He sure is, he's FUCKING the white cow AGAIN!"

DrG

 

[vixenbabe]

hehehehe



A chinese couple get married and she is a virgin. On the wedding night , she cowers naked under the bed covers as her hubby undresses.
He climbs into bed next to her and trries to be reassuring: " My darring, I know dis your first time and you flighen--I promise U I give U anything U want, I do anything u want. Whatta u want?"

She replies, " I wanna numma 69."

He has an odd look on his face and replies," U wanna beef and blocolli now? "

 

[karson]

yo

a little boy is caught by his mother jacking off. his mom says dont do that tommy you will go blind...the little boy thinks about it and replies, can i atleast do it until i need glasses........


at a trial in kentucky a lawyer tells the jury that in the video tape about to be shown you will see the defendent walk up to a sheep, pull his pants down and have sex with it. afterwards you will see the sheep lick the man clean and he will run away.

after being said, one juror looks to another and says.....
you know, a good sheep will do that!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[vinylgroover]

Re: yo

a little boy is caught by his mother jacking off. his mom says dont do that tommy you will go blind...the little boy thinks about it and replies, can i atleast do it until i need glasses........

hahaha.....i've been wearing glasses since i was 4 (and that's no joke)

 

[vixenbabe]

Cute Karson!

Vinyl- Hairy palms too? I fell for that joke once. My brother mentioned people who masterbate will grow hair on their palms- I was checking out my hands before he could finish telling me about this lil known "fact"... I think I was thirteen at the time.

 

[FreeballinDC]

A gay couple want to have a baby, so they place an ad in the paper for a lesbian to be a surrogate mother.

They find one, and she agrees to the terms, and then proceeds to be artificially inseminated.

The procedure works, and nine months later, she has a baby boy.

The gay couple go to the hospital's maternity ward to see their baby boy. They are at the big window, and see all the babys in their cribs crying, except one in the back of the room.

They ask the attending nurse to see their baby, and sure enough, she brings out the one that is not crying.

As they are holding the baby, one guy asks the nurse: "I notice that all these other babies are crying except ours. Why is ours the quiet one?"

The nurse says: "Oh yours is good now, but you should see what happens when we pull the pacifier out of his ass".

Edited because of my shitty Engrish

 

[vinylgroover]

Cute Karson!

Vinyl- Hairy palms too? I fell for that joke once. My brother mentioned people who masterbate will grow hair on their palms- I was checking out my hands before he could finish telling me about this lil known "fact"... I think I was thirteen at the time.

No.......i can't blame wanking for the hairy palms......that's a genetic 'Greek' thing.

Girls love it........great or giving back rubs in winter

 

[vinylgroover]

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a hot chick. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?"
The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!"
"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."

 

[vixenbabe]

LMAO! Kisses to Freeballin and VG and the rest of you!

By the way...I'll be catching you on AIM from now on VG. It's time for Gabrielle to say bye-bye to Elite!

It's been fun, and many times, very informative!

Buttt.....I feel like a thief since I'm not plat. and it appear's from Ffactor's thread they want all us Non-plat's to go away. It's biz and I understand that!

BE GOOD TO ONE ANOTHER- STAY SAFE- TRAIN HARD- LAUGH WHEN YOU CAN ... AND...FUCK/MAKE LOVE LIKE BUNNIES

Peace!

 

[vinylgroover]

LMAO! Kisses to Freeballin and VG and the rest of you!

By the way...I'll be catching you on AIM from now on VG. It's time for Gabrielle to say bye-bye to Elite!

It's been fun, and many times, very informative!

Buttt.....I feel like a thief since I'm not plat. and it appear's from Ffactor's thread they want all us Non-plat's to go away. It's biz and I understand that!

BE GOOD TO ONE ANOTHER- STAY SAFE- TRAIN HARD- LAUGH WHEN YOU CAN ... AND...FUCK/MAKE LOVE LIKE BUNNIES

Peace!

Don't you dare go anywhere......i'm non-plat but i've given just as much good advice here FOR FREE as i've taken, as i'm sure many others have.

And besides, i can't see your avatars on AIM

 

[MFMan]

this good post