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Damn, I'm torn apart right now....

  • Thread starter Thread starter Big Buck
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Big Buck

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I have a million different things going on in my head. My baby's mama straight up told me (about 10 mins ago actually on the phone) she never wants to be w/ me again. When I was in TX, I meet up w/ this girl that I dated a long time ago. We got REALLY close again. I kinda wish I was in TX right now instead of here.....I'm so confused right now...I don't know what to do. :bawling:
 
Baby's mama hey?

After dropping that from your vocabulary, I'd move to TX and engage in group sex with this girl and ALL of her friends. If they object, ether and a bat could help.
 
Oh, and one more thing.....when I get out in less than a year, she'll be in Cali with the baby and I'll be in TX. :bawling: :bawling:
 
could it be that you fooled around with this girl is why she doesn't want to be with you? Or is there another reason? I mean, girls just don't wake up and decide something like this. (Then again, maybe girls do, I am not sure what they do actually). If the reason is superficial, calm down and give it a week, she will come crawling back. If the reason is legitimate, then I don't know.

I am not sure what to tell you to do other than DON'T DROP THAT BABY. You better try to stay in the picture as much as possible, otherwise she is going to use that against you in court when it comes to child support issues.
 
2 words need to be in writing bro.. If you want them...
VISITATION RIGHTS....
Regardless of what goes on between you 2, make sure to keep it real with your kid...
 
Actually I do have an idea. Stop your cycle now and send me all your gear. Start your clomid therapy immediately. It will help with the depression and confusion.

Why will you be in TX and not CA? Are you stuck in TX? You can move you know. Where is she right now? Fill us in.
 
Anal AssPlorer said:
could it be that you fooled around with this girl is why she doesn't want to be with you? Or is there another reason? I mean, girls just don't wake up and decide something like this. (Then again, maybe girls do, I am not sure what they do actually). If the reason is superficial, calm down and give it a week, she will come crawling back. If the reason is legitimate, then I don't know.

.
Click to expand...

We have been off and on for the last 6 months. She doesn't know that I fooled around w/ the other girl. The real reason I was with her was cuz of the baby....I don't know what to do. See the thing is I don't want her back....but on the other hand, I do care for her and am afraid to tell her what I want.
 
Buck,

You have a kid with this woman. You and she need to come to an understanding that you are the child;s parents and as such will at least RESPECT each other in that role. Your son deserves that.

After that is accomplished, you can both have individual lives and that's OK.
 
Very sorry to hear that buck..it seems a lot of people including myself have had some real heartbreaks lately...I am a bit out of it right now but if you ever feel like venting you've got my email and my AIM handle is frackal as well...
 
Anal AssPlorer said:
Actually I do have an idea. Stop your cycle now and send me all your gear. Start your clomid therapy immediately. It will help with the depression and confusion.

Why will you be in TX and not CA? Are you stuck in TX? You can move you know. Where is she right now? Fill us in.
Click to expand...

Well, I'm originally from TX...just went back there to visit. I am in the Marines and stationed in Cali. I get out of the Marines in 11 months and plan on going to college in TX.
 
Y_Lifter said:
2 words need to be in writing bro.. If you want them...
VISITATION RIGHTS....
Regardless of what goes on between you 2, make sure to keep it real with your kid...
Click to expand...

What he said.
 
I plan on doing everything for my son that I can!!!! I'm a man and a father damnit....I don't take my responsibility to my son lightly...I'll be there for him!!!!

BTW: she knows I juice, could she try to use that in court?
 
Go to college in CA and be near your son. Now what is HER reason for ditching you? If she has met someone, that could work in your favor. But believe me, you want the visitation rights down and legal. Or else she will use them to manipulate you down the road. I know, I know, she would never do that right? Yeah, they all say that, but wait until you are in TX with a supermodel with false teeth, she will be jealous then. And also, work out the child support issues between the two of you, not through the court, because the courts are not going to take into consideration you want to go to college. "You did your service, now get a job" that is what they will tell you.
 
Anal AssPlorer said:
Go to college in CA and be near your son. Now what is HER reason for ditching you? If she has met someone, that could work in your favor. But believe me, you want the visitation rights down and legal. Or else she will use them to manipulate you down the road. I know, I know, she would never do that right? Yeah, they all say that, but wait until you are in TX with a supermodel with false teeth, she will be jealous then. And also, work out the child support issues between the two of you, not through the court, because the courts are not going to take into consideration you want to go to college. "You did your service, now get a job" that is what they will tell you.
Click to expand...

all of my family is in TX, plus I don't wanna stay here. She just said "I'm tired of your shit, it's over." She is a psycho....she'll call and check my credit cards/banking account to see the places I spent money at and then question me to see who I was with....eventhough I was just there w/ a friend of mine (and she's married too!!!)
 
Big Buck said:
I plan on doing everything for my son that I can!!!! I'm a man and a father damnit....I don't take my responsibility to my son lightly...I'll be there for him!!!!

I had no doubt on that one...

BTW: she knows I juice, could she try to use that in court?
Nothing's illegal if it can't be proven in a court of law..
Click to expand...
 
You bet she would if she wanted to keep your son away from you.

He juices
He sleeps around
He just a college student
He was never here in the beginning


But the very first thing to do is to have your son Legitized. Even if you are listed on the birth certificate and have given him your last name, the fact you were never married throws it into an entirely different light. You can take NO legal issues or court action until the Legitimazation is announced. (They will give you a certificate like a birth certificate in this case.)
 
Sounds like you are going to have your hands full with this girl. She sounds driven by jealously and insecurity. A poisonous mix.
 
Anal AssPlorer said:
You bet she would if she wanted to keep your son away from you.

He juices
He sleeps around
He just a college student
He was never here in the beginning


But the very first thing to do is to have your son Legitized. Even if you are listed on the birth certificate and have given him your last name, the fact you were never married throws it into an entirely different light. You can take NO legal issues or court action until the Legitimazation is announced. (They will give you a certificate like a birth certificate in this case.)
Click to expand...

I was married to her...still pending a divorce. She actually still lives w/ me @ my house. Although she said she was packing up tonight and leaving....:bawling:
 
Big Buck said:


I was married to her...still pending a divorce. She actually still lives w/ me @ my house. Although she said she was packing up tonight and leaving....:bawling:
Click to expand...


HOLY SHIT... i didn't know it was like that!!! damn buck.. you got an early start in life huh.. seems like the fun you missed out on you are trying to make up for now...
OK... you are in a fix for sure...
question 1: ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HER? you really need to answer this.. never mind the kid for now.. but do you love her for her?
if the answer is no, then you must come to an understanding that you have a child together and even though the two of you can't be together, you are the father and want to be active in his life.

secondly.. the chick in texas.. cross that bridge when you get to it.. You have a lot on your plate right now.. worry about one thing at a time :)
 
Supergirl is very correct. Now I see it a little differently, when you said "my baby's mamma" I just thought she was your girlfriend. Now you are married, that changes everything. You did support her by letting her stay in your house and such, but now you have alimony on top of it all.

Look at it this way, a judge will look at her and feel sorry for her, because it was your house (and I hope it still is YOUR house when the divorce is over, but I think CA is one of the 50-50 states. I will have to check.)

Ok, you don't want her, but then again don't cast her out too quickly. You have to make SOME attempt, at the very least just to show your humanity side in the court room.


Dude how old are you? On one hand I want to tell you to say fuck her and go live your life where ever it may lead, on the other hand I want to say "Watch every move you make it may come back to haunt you."
 
Big Buck said:
she knows I juice, could she try to use that in court?
Click to expand...

If court gets nasty, all she has to do is say "He uses drugs"
That could seriously hurt your visitation rights.
My advice: keep it friendly.
 
Anal AssPlorer said:


Dude how old are you? On one hand I want to tell you to say fuck her and go live your life where ever it may lead, on the other hand I want to say "Watch every move you make it may come back to haunt you."
Click to expand...

I'm only 21!!! She's almost 26....I really think she got pregnant on purpose to trap me.....
 
Big Buck said:


I'm only 21!!! She's almost 26....I really think she got pregnant on purpose to trap me.....
Click to expand...

you need to make a break from her then.. just an amicable divorce so you don't have too many probs with the kid... then you need to worry about YOU!!! this is your life and you need to be happy as well as keep with your responsibilities. I am sure you can work out visitation rights. Buck.. get the divorce, finish the marines and worry about getting your life in gear.. to college and seeing your son.. the girls are ancillary to everything else... now love is a different story, but from what i am reading.. you are not in love at all...
 
Are you getting a California divorce? ..... if so, it's one of the worst states, for the man, to get one in....... too bad you can't get a divorce in TX:(

I've been in this exact situation..... she told me she hated me and never wanted to see her again...... so that night I went out and fucked another girl...... but the 'ol lady found out.......:( and it got worse...... she said that she didn't REALLY mean that she never wanted to see me again.... she was just mad at me.....


So, my advice is to play it cool for a few weeks and be a nice guy (no fighting, or getting caught going out on her)...... it will blow over, then you can reasonably talk about your future plans and your baby.
 
When I went to a shrink after a break up of 6 years. I was 22 when this happened. She was a couple years older than me and ready to get married. I was not. The shrink told me to just get laid.
 
thefantom1 said:
"My baby's Mama"... that is so fucking ghetto
Click to expand...

it just sounded weird saying "the mother of my child"...LOL...too much to write out!!!
 
Brother it is going to be tough, but time will make it better. I be you don't sleep good for awhile, but it will get better. Work out really hard and try to get some sleep.

If you can not be together make it hold and don't always think about getting back with her. Only if you are sure it is over. Again It will hurt, because use guys have a heart unlike the women in this world.
 
The thing that is really gonna tear me apart, is not being able to see my son everyday.
 
Get used to it. You may not see him everyday, but in 12 years he will be old enough to come live with you if you want him to. (or rather if he wants to).

Damn a CALI divorce. She is sitting pretty in courts without having to claim you juice. Make sure you keep everything low key with your other activities and don't piss her off. Go for a quickie divorce, even if you have to drive to Mexico.
 
Big Buck said:


I'm only 21!!! She's almost 26....I really think she got pregnant on purpose to trap me.....
Click to expand...

That happened to my Uncle when he was your age. She was older, got pregnant, forced him to marry her. Of course years later (I think so, maybe sooner) he found out she wasn't his daughter but by then they had another kid so they stayed married for awhile, then of course divorced eventually. Shit, my cousin still doesn't know that he's not her real father
 
Buck sorry to hear about your situation. You know already most of I what I'm going to say. First you gotta do whats best for your son. Everything is else should pale in comparison. Make sure the little playa is yours just to be on the safe side, and God forbid if hes not it will save a lot more pain and torment that can follow. Try to have the AS shit kept out of court as much as you can, b/c that will cause more problems in its own.

My uncle lost his son to his ex-wife and she moved to Florida and does everything in her power for them to not to see each other. My cousin turns 18 in May and after he graduates is moving up north to go to school and live w/ his dad.

Best of luck Buck.
 
Anal AssPlorer said:
Get used to it. You may not see him everyday, but in 12 years he will be old enough to come live with you if you want him to. (or rather if he wants to).

Damn a CALI divorce. She is sitting pretty in courts without having to claim you juice. Make sure you keep everything low key with your other activities and don't piss her off. Go for a quickie divorce, even if you have to drive to Mexico.
Click to expand...

what to have to do to get an annualment?
 
well..I'm outta here in a few...time to get in a good screaming match....:rolleyes: :bawling: :mad:
 
A few things I know of, you can get it annouled if you prove you never slept together while married, you can if you havne oinly been married for a certain amount of time.
 
I am not sure about annulment, I was thinking in Mexico, the divorce would be quicker, cheaper, and with some cash on the side, you could get the judge to favor you more.


OH AND MAKE SURE YOU POST ALL THE DETAILS TO THE SCREAMING MATCH.
 
Austin316 said:
A few things I know of, you can get it annouled if you prove you never slept together while married, you can if you havne oinly been married for a certain amount of time.
Click to expand...

well..the kid is kinda proof...LOL
 
Buck,

When did things turn for the worst? Was it always like this? Was it a good relationship at one time? Maybe there's a chance you can stay together at least until you get back to Texas. Or at least you shoud be able to get a trial separation that will last until you get back to Texas. Then you will have a better chance of getting visitation/custody.

Also, are you sure you want to leave the Corps? From what I know about you you have a bright future there.
 
just got back in...I'll post some of the details to the screaming match...:mad:
 
Sorry to hear Buck. I'm 21 too and having some baby momma drama. It sucks because you know when you split the courts are going to give all the parental rights to the woman.
 
Sometimes you just gotta say What the Fuck...


Be strong, and Get the blood work done so their is no doubt about little buck, patch things up with her if you can, get seperate credit cards and cancel the ones you have now...That way she can't charge up shit on your credit record, get a seperat mailing box for all your credit and bank stuff. Get a new account and cancel the old one...If she's serious about the splitting up dont give her the chance to rob you blind
 
I assume your name is on the birth certificate? If so your in the same predicimate I was in a week ago. It'll be up to you to pay for the paternity test and its not cheap, mine was $500. I know now why people go on talk shows and have them done.

BTW in case you didn't know they don't take blood for paternity tests they just swab your mouth. Didn't know if you were afraid of needles or not. J/K :)
 
Pimp C said:
I assume your name is on the birth certificate? If so your in the same predicimate I was in a week ago. It'll be up to you to pay for the paternity test and its not cheap, mine was $500. I know now why people go on talk shows and have them done.

BTW in case you didn't know they don't take blood for paternity tests they just swab your mouth. Didn't know if you were afraid of needles or not. J/K :)
Click to expand...

yes, my name is on the birth certificate. Needles...are you kidding...I'm scared to death of them...:angel:
 
Hey Buck, been through this once, doing it again :(

First, remember at this point it's all about the kid. You gotta suck back the shit with her, and come to an understanding on the kid. Let her scream, rant, whatever. Anyway, it actually pisses them off more when you don't scream back :D

Try to work things out as much as you can with her, then get a lawyer to draft an agreement that you both can sign. You need a lawyer, but don't let things get into a legal battle. Lawyer's may pretend to be your best bud, but they'll suck you dry.

Not much you can do on the Child Support, even if you wanted to. That's pretty much cut and dried, formula based. Doesn't sound like you want full custody, but split custody can make a difference.

Get everything in writing. Visitation schedules, down to each holiday, etc. Sounds like a pain in the ass, but it can save a whole lotta hassles down the road.
 
I got home last night about 5:15....we started talking about things..what I want, what she wants...etc, etc. She got ready @ 6 and left by 7 to go to a Billy Idol concert w/ her friend. She got home about 2 in the morning. She came and layed down in the bed. She gets up after about 5 mins and walks out of the room....so I go and check on her. She's laying down on the coach. I ask her what she's doing...she says "I can't stand to be near you"......so we fought from 2 till 4 in the morning...I mean REALLY getting into it....she even asked me to leave the house last night. I was dead tired (I had to babysit my son, and he was being cranky and didn't sleep very well) So @ 4, I told her "fuck it, I'm going to bed" Well, I wake up @ 6:20 in the morning...I'm like WTF???? My alarm was set for 5:30. I roll over and she's laying in the bed on the other side of the baby, and she's awake. I asked her "WTF..you know have to go to work this morning, why didn't you wake me up?" She just rolls her eyes. Fucking bitch was gonna let me be late...I know she turned off my alarm. She knows I'll get in trouble if I'm even 5 minutes late. So I had to hussle and get to work. (didn't have enough time to even brush my teeth, shave, or get any food)....so I had to shave and brush my teeth @ work. I'm gonna talk to a lawyer today...fuck her!!!
 
DAMN THIS SUCKS!!! She just called me and wants to "work things out"...I swear she is PSYCHO.
 
Buck ........WHAT DO YOU WANT???? I am gonna give you my skippy of what I see happenin..... You love your child, and yes, you love her. You want them both but want your youth at the same time and the freedom that comes with it. Unfortunately those two choices you made....to get married and to have a child.....are responsibilities and with that an end to that youth you are craving. The resentment will build until you are SURE you want nothing else but the family you have chosen to make. Make your decision whatever it may be for the good of all. Selfishness does no one any good and you can't have it all. Until this is worked out in your head the anger will be there effecting you every day existance and that of your child. If ya wanna make your boy happy then BE HAPPY. That's the best advice I can give you and I hope it helps.

Star
 
I would suggest counseling. Try to get her to go to a marriage counselor with you. If she won't go then go by yourself. It can't hurt and may help you look better in court. The juice could conceivably come back to bite you in the ass it you end up in court, so you may want to consider getting off. Up to you.

I would highly recommend a paternity test. I have done some work with Child Support in the past and I think it was North Carolina that was testing a new paternity testing system by asking married couples if they could do the test to see the effectiveness. The test showed that something like 30% (not 100% sure of the total, but pretty frickin' high) of the husbands were in fact not the fathers of the baby. It was so high, that they stopped the test early. Paternity test is going to cost you since your name is on the birth certificate. But definitely will be worth it.

Child support is essentially figured on the formula that is established by formula as was stated, you should be able to find those formulas on the state's web site. Probably under Human services.

Best of luck bro,

Zen
 
I bet she was just pissed cause you didn't bring her with you on your trip to TX

I remember what you said when you were here and I think it would be wise to take things slow and if she wants to work things out then if you still care for her and you want to stay with her, calm her down work things out and take them day by day


Were you planning on bringing the 2 of them back with you to TX???
 
Star...you are exactly right. Thanx for the advice Zen...and TX, yes I was thinking about it...but not now.
 
I have been there....My husband was 20 when we married. Unfortunately he didn't live past 22. I feel he should of been young longer but the decisions can not be taken back. A baby is permanent. Work with what you have to make it the happiest possible situation for you to be in.....whatever that situation may be. In turn you will have an environment that child will revel and grow in.

Star
 
ZenMachine said:
Buck,

Maybe I missed it above, but if you do get divorced, do you want custody?

Zen
Click to expand...

realistically, I couldn't get custody of him. She's a great mother.
 
Not necessarily true. Unlikely that you would get custody, but still a possibility.

You need to decide what is best for you, and what you think is best for the child and move from there.

Again, best of luck

Zen
 
California is a community property state. She will get at LEAST 50% of everything and the only advice I can give you is BE THE BEST FATHER you can, do the Ward Cleaver thing because anything you do that has the least bit of naughtyness to it will be used by her lawyer to squeeze every last bit out of you.

The mother has most rights in California divorce court, alas men have few rights in this state. I'm sorry, but like has been stated before- be the best father you can, go out of your way to take care of him. It's not the boys' choice to be in this world, but he is and deserves both your attentions.

So many time parents fight over the kids and it screws them up for life. Neither of you fall into that trap.

Children are a blessing and deserve to be treated as such.

I wish you and your family well.
 
for the reasons stated above by cm350 you should take advantage of the fact that she is talking again about working things out. Get counseling, a trial separation if necessary, but your goal should be stay married at least until you leave the Corps and return to Texas. If you get them back to Texas things will work out better, you'll have your family around, more favorable laws, and even if you do split up she may decide to stay in the state so you'll be closer to the kid
 
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