Cutting-Off your children....when?

[Marauder79]

So When do you think its time for parents to cut you off and why?

How should paying for further education go?

For me, i got cut-off when i was 17 after my parents divorce.....

 

[theoak01]

about 18 sounds reasonable,I live at home but pay for all my own stuff,and throw in for food , I also paid for my own college

 

[canadianhitman]

17 is not realistic....especially when you consider the Canadian gov't stance on child support. According to the gov't, a parent doesn't get to stop paying child support as soon as a magic age is hit (say 18), they can be made to pay as long as child is in school (including post-secondary). It's indisputable...why do you think HS grads can be denied OSAP based on their parents' salary? You might be able to sue your dad's ass, now that I think about it.

 

[canadianhitman]

On a more personal feeling-type note, I think any parent that doesn't do their best to assist a child pursuing higher education (when they can afford to do so) is a reprenhensible turd.

 

[The_Ghost]

I cut myself off from them at 19, I didn't want their help with school and moved out on my own. Things were great at home, just something I wanted to do for myself.

 

[dirty~d~]

I left home at 18 (my own choice). I had to move back last summer, though. I miss my own space. My brother, on the other hand (older than me by 6 years) has lived here pretty much his entire life, except for the 7 months he tried having his own place. I think my parents like having him around so they aren't stuck talking to just each other all of the time.

 

[gonelifting]

I stayed with my parents well into my 20s. Neither of us minded at all. We have a great relationship with each other to this day. Staying with them helped me save a huge amount of money while working full time and allowed me to purchase the house I have now. Without their help, some landlord somewhere would have what I have now and I'd still be renting forever.

Thanks Mom and Dad!

Everybody's relationship is different and has to treat their situation differently with their parents. IMO as long as the child is MOVING FORWARD <---very important) with the help of his/her parents, they should keep using that help until they're on their own.

 

[PICK3]

About 35-36.

 

[Sassy69]

My parents actually encouraged me to stay in town for my first 2 yrs of college, mostly because I was the oldest & the first to be in the positio to leave. I think that freaked them out a little. I did leave when I was 20 though. While I was living at home, I worked in my dad's office and went to school on scholarship. When I moved away, they gave me $800 to start off w/ and I again had scholarship (that, thank god, increased proportionally for out-of-state tuition) and I also immediately started working on campus once I got myself situated. After one semester working in the dorm cafeteria (omg....!) I have spent every semester I was in school since (3 degrees) either working as a teaching or research assistant on stipend, an internship or full-time but on the company's dime.

I really needed to leave by the time I was 20 - I was going whacko living at home after my first yr of college. I did come back and live with them for about 2 months after I sold my house in FL during a lull between jobs. It was fantastic to get a chance to be close to family (esp my 2 little nephews) for the first time in nearly 20 yrs, but after about a week I was bouncing off the walls again. I actually ended up spending most of my time at a gym again.

 

[tbuz67]

I stayed with my parents well into my 20s. Neither of us minded at all. We have a great relationship with each other to this day. Staying with them helped me save a huge amount of money while working full time and allowed me to purchase the house I have now. Without their help, some landlord somewhere would have what I have now and I'd still be renting forever.

I read in Newsweek a while back that this is becoming a common economic strategy for many people graduating college and entering the workforce. It works.

I don't know about others, but when someone uses the term "cut off", I associate that with the term "wealth". Like in the movie "Arthur" when Dudley Moore's character was threatened with being "cut off" by his family if he didn't marry some girl.
It seems to have a different meaning that "get out on your own". To me, it does, anyway.

"Cut off" seems to mean "no more money for you"

while "getting out on your own" seems to mean "learn to support yourself"

When should parents get a child to go out on their own? Once the child isn't a child anymore.

why? Because they have to learn how to be responsible for themselves, they are fully grown.

How should paying for further education go? Any way you can fucking get it: working full-time, student loans, saving up for college as you grow up, scholarships, Pell grant. Hell, some girls have been known to prostitute and strip to get through college. And, yes, parents can be a big help, if they're willing

And if you don't have the money, you just don't go. Furthering one's education isn't a God-given right. Its a priviledge. Some people simply will never get the chance. There are many, many people out there in the cruel, cold world who don't even have any money out there to get "cut-off" from. If you want something out in the world, and it doesn't look like its going to be just handed to you any time soon, you just have to work your ass off for it.
Thats the way I see it.

 

[EnderJE]

Me? Once my oldest was born, I sold his time into the slave trade to help pay his way. Hey, money doesn't grow on trees, ya know?

 

[rnch]

as each child moved out, my parents encouraged them to take their bedroom furniture with them.....so they couldn not move back in again.

 

[Buddy_Christ]

I think it depends on the situation really. If the child is selfish, disrespectful, and expects mom and dad to do everything for them, then cut them off as soon as you legally can. Otherwise, I don't think there should be a time when you "cut off" your children.

I don't think parents should give their kids everything, make them work for things they want definetly. As far as education, if the parents can help out and their income is screwing their kid for grants/loans, then I think it's great when a parent helps them financially. When my brother was applying to colleges, my dad told him he'd help out. When my brother picked an out of state school my dad told him he had to come up with the difference between staying in state and going out of state if he wanted to go. My brother did, and he went (well, til he dropped out).

When me and my sister started college, my dad loaned us a few hundred our first semester so we could get books, even though I was 26 at the time. I paid him back, and he knew I would. There have been a few other times that I've been in a bind and my dad has willingly loaned me money until I could pay him back, which I have done. 3 out of the 4 of us appreciate those things from my dad and do pay him back, so he's not going to deny us help if we need it. Mind you, it's rare that I've had to ask my dad for help, but I know he'll do it if I'm in a sitution that I need it.

I expect my kids to start college after they finish high school. If they're in college and are still respectful and appreciative of what I'm doing for them, then I'll support them as needed. If they decide to skip college, then they better start looking for a full time job and a place to move into, as they aren't going to freeload off of me forever. If they would run into a situation where they needed help, I'd help them out if I could. As long as they never turned their backs on me, I'd never turn my back on them. I don't feel it's an obligation to take care of them like that once they're older, I feel it's just trying to help them keep their head above water and try to make a good life for themselves if they have no where else to turn.


On the other end....my gf moved out of home shortly after high school. She didn't have the best high school grades and her mother and step-father wouldn't of helped her for college even if she wanted to go. She somehow got by on her own until she got married (and struggled even more then because of her worthless ex-husband). Her sister, however, still lives at home and she's 26. Her parents gave her their older cars to use, paid for her education (a BA in spanish at a private school), she whined to her grandmother until she paid for her to go get her Masters (Early Childhood Education), she mooches off of them constantly and bitches when they don't give her money. If she's over at her grandmother's house and is asked if she'll do something to help her (like vaccum) she won't do it unless her grandmother pays her to, even though that woman paid for her to get her Masters degree and she isn't paying it back. Her parents tolerate this shit and really aren't making any attempts to put their foot down and get her out of the house. The only bills she pays are her car payment and insurance. She got her Masters last December, went and applied at one school district for a substitute position, then went and got a part time job at a bank as a teller. She got lucky and the school district she applied at had a Spanish teacher that was taking a year sabbatical. She got the position full time for one year this past September. She knows this teaching position is over with in June, yet she's still sitting on her ass and not getting her resume out. We're not in a highly populated area, so in order for her to get a good teaching job, she has to move at least an hour away. That means no more freeloading off of mommy and daddy. She's going to freeload off of them for as long as she possibly can, and they will continue to put up with it from her. I would never let my kids freeload off of me for as long as she has done. Sorry, you're 26, you have a Masters degree, you are certified to teach and can also teach a foriegn language...get the fuck out and get a life of your own.