Classic Simpson Lines.....

[Zerxes]

The one where Burns and Homer are playing Golf & Burns says "O pick a club would you Simpson?! Any open faced club!! SANDWEDGE!"

Homer: " Mmmmmm...Open-faced club-sandwich".

 

[sereneman]

WHen Homer thinks he is about to die, I think an elephant was charging him. He says, "Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, save me."

Apu-"I can't believe I traded my indian heritage for a cheap forgery"

 

[big_bad_buff]

i use to hate the simpsons, untill i watched it stoned, then i was hooked, so funny, that and the jamie foxx show, that was back in the day when i would smoke though.

 

[TC2]

Ralph always has the funniest lines:

"me fail english?? thats unpossible".

 

[bigAragorn]

this is THE best by far

Marge " Homer they dont sell hotdogs at a funeral"

Hot dog guy " Hot dogs, get your hot dogs here!!!"
Homer " woohoo!"

Marge "What do you do follow my husband around?"

Hot dog guy " Lady. he's putting my kids through college."

.....homer cant even afford to put his own kids through college

 

[PinK233]

"my cat's breath smells like cat food"

"this smells like grandma!"

 

[Hannibal]

The one where Burns and Homer are playing Golf & Burns says "O pick a club would you Simpson?! Any open faced club!! SANDWEDGE!"

Homer: " Mmmmmm...Open-faced club-sandwhich".

Yeah...thats the one where Smithers is cheating for Mr Burns. And Homer can't understand how he is losing.

He finally snaps...."HOW DOES THAT OLD MAN HIT THE BALL SO FAR"



....don't get me started on The Simpsons...I won't stop.

 

[Zerxes]

Bart: "Dad are you licking toads"?

Homer: "Im not NOT licking toads"!

 

[Bullit]

Mayor quimby talking about Springfields power consumption during a heat wave :

"We're sucking back more juice than my wife at an open bar"

 

[sermon_of_mockery]

when martin was skipping around nelson munts(sp),and singing
"hark to the story of nelson,a name a I hold so dear,we shall remain best friend for years,and years,and years"

oh how about the one where homer was talking to marge on the phone,and he kept dialing the phone # even though they had been talking already.

Oh.. where police chief wiggum called in a report to headquarters for"nospmis R remoh"And his deputy said"cheif your reading the epitaph backwards,and your speaking into your wallet".

 

[sermon_of_mockery]

"ahoy hoy holly mortals" M, Montgomery Burns.

 

[the nature boy]

Originally posted by someonewhowasbanned
this has got to be my favourite sequence from the simpsons....

Homer: [very slowly] Y'ello?
Man: Hello, Homer. This is God...frey Jones from the TV magazine show
"Rock Bottom".
-- Does the first syllable count?, "Homer Bad Man"

The scene switches to Jones at his desk.

Jones: We're aware of your problems, and, Mr. Simpson...we want to help.
Homer: Mmm. I saw that report you did on Sasquatch. It was fair and
even-handed. I'll do it!
-- "Rock Bottom"'s laurels, "Homer Bad Man"

Homer is interviewed on-camera by Godfrey Jones.

Homer: Ehh, someone had to take the babysitter home. Then I noticed she
was sitting on the gummi Venus, so I grabbed it off her. Oh,
just thinking about that sweet, sweet candy...[moans lustfully] I
just wish I had another one right now. But the most important
thing is --
Jones: That was really great Mr. Simpson. We got everything we need.
Homer: OK. Say, can you introduce me to the Sasquatch? I like his
style.
-- The interview on "Rock Bottom", "Homer Bad Man"

Homer and the rest of his family watch the report that night on "Rock
Bottom".

Homer: Hee hee! Here comes the bouncing ball of justice!
Jones: Tonight on "Rock Bottom", we go undercover at a sex farm for sex
hookers.
Farmer: I keep telling you, I just grow sorghum here.
Man: Uh huh. And where are the hookers?
Farmer: [points] 'round back. [realizes] Whoops.
Jones: But first:
[photo of Ashley and her parents at graduation]
She was a university honor student who devoted her life to kids,
[slomo of Homer reaching for his car keys]
until the night a grossly-overweight pervert named Homer Simpson
gave her a crash course in depravity. "Babysitter and the
Beast"!
-- The "Rock Bottom" show, "Homer Bad Man"

"Aw, crap," laments Homer as the interview is shown.

Homer: Somebody had to take the babysitter home. Then I noticed she was
sitting on [splice] her sweet [splice] can. [splice] -- o I grab
her -- [splice] sweet can. [splice] Oh, just thinking about
[splice] her [splice] can [splice] I just wish I had he --
[splice] sweet [splice] sweet [splice] s-s-sweet [splice] can.
Jones: So, Mr. Simpson: you admit you grabbed her can. What do you have
to say in your defense?
Homer: [looking lustful in a clearly-paused VCR shot]
Jones: Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further.
[paused shot of Homer grows larger]
No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me. Get back! Get
back! Mist -- Mr. Simpson -- nooo!
Man: [quickly] Dramatization -- may not have happened.
-- High-quality "Rock Bottom" journalism, "Homer Bad Man"

Homer: [fearfully] Marge? Kids? Everything's going to be just fine.
No go upstairs, and pack your bags...we're going to start a new
life...under the sea.
[calypso music starts]
[Homer dances with fish as Lisa plays a seahorse saxophone,
Marge a squid harp, and Bart the xylophone clams]
Homer: [eats a dancing fish, sings]
Under the sea, under the sea,
[eats a couple more fish]
There'll be no accusations, just friendly crustaceans
Under the sea!
[eats a line of seahorses, grabs an escaping one]
[eats a live crab as though it were a shrimp]
[eats a pair of dancing fish, then a snail who tries to escape]
[stands there with fish skeletons floating about]
Marge: Homer, that's your solution to everything: to move under the sea.
It's not going to happen!
Homer: Not with _that_ attitude!
-- The little Homer mermaid, "Homer Bad Man"

Marge: Look, maybe this whole thing will blow over.
[helicopters swoop over the house; news vans pull up]
Homer: It didn't blow over, Marge. Nothing _ever_ blows over for me.
[the car gets flipped by the wind from the helicopters]
-- They only blow over literally, "Homer Bad Man"

The next morning, Homer gets out of the shower to see helicopters
looking into his bathroom window. He panics and slips as cameras flash.
The picture appears on the news that night.

Newsman: Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent
which he believes gives him sexual powers.
Homer: Hey -- that's a half-truth!
{[changes channels to Sally Jesse Raphael]}
Woman: {[weeping] I don't know Homer Simpson, I -- I never met Homer
Simpson or had any contact with him, but -- [cries
uncontrollably] -- I'm sorry, I can't go on.}
Sally: {That's OK: your tears say more than real evidence _ever_
could.}
-- "Homer Bad Man"

Announcer: Today on "Ben": mothers and runaway daughters reunited by
their hatred of Homer Simpson. And here's your host, Gentle
Ben.
[a bear wearing a helmet with a microphone runs out]
Woman 1: I just have one thing to say: let's have less Homer Simpson
and more money for public schools.
[smattering of applause; Ben growls]
Woman 2: Ben, I have a question --
[Ben runs over to tables piled with food]
Man: No, Ben, no!
[Ben swats him away; men shoot tranquilizers into him]
-- Nightmare daytime talk shows, "Homer Bad Man"

Ben is about to collapse onto the crowd, but the screen goes blank just
in time. Homer changes the channels again.

Announcer: And now we return to "Fox Night at the Movies": "Homer S.:
Portrait of an Ass-Grabber", starring Dennis Franz.
Homer: Ooh, "portrait"! Sounds classy. [looks at family, who look
away] Doesn't it?
[on screen, Franz laughs as he drives through a line of
parking meters while the babysitter screams]
[a cat cleans itself in the middle of the road]
"Ashley": No, Mr. Simpson! A cat is a living creature.
"Homer": I don't care. [runs it over]
[crashes into some garbage bins]
"Homer": Now I'm going to grab me some _sweet_.
"Ashley": No, Mr. Simpson, that's sexual harassment. If you keep it
up, I'll yell so loud the whole country will hear
"Homer": [laughs] With a _man_ in the White house? [laughs] Not
likely! [laughs more]
-- Unbiased media coverage, as usual, "Homer Bad Man"

On another channel, Kent Brockman commentates from a helicopter.

Kent: This is hour 57 of our live, round-the-clock coverage outside the
Simpson estate. Remember, by the way, to tune in at 8:00 for
highlights of today's vigil, including when the garbage man came
and when Marge Simpson put the cat out...possibly because it was
harassed, we don't know.
Of course, there's no way to see into the Simpson home without
some kind of infrared heat-sensitive camera. So, let's turn it
on.
[screen shows blue house, orange Simpsons watching TV]
Now, this technology is new to me, but...I'm pretty sure that's
Homer Simpson in the oven, rotating slowly. [closeup of turkey]
His body temperature has risen to over 400 degrees -- he's
literally stewing in his own juices.
[in the studio] Now, here are some results from our phone-in
poll: 95% of the people believe Homer Simpson is guilty. Of
course, this is just a television poll which is not legally
binding, unless proposition 304 passes. And we all pray it will.

 

[Island Son]

Homer: Higher I say! I want to soar higher than any man has ever soared! I want to look down on the clouds with contempt! I want to sneer at God's creation, and spit on his ... uh oh.

Carl: I think I just logged on to the internet
(now THAT was gold)

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food

 

[manson]

Chief Wiggum to homer: "Yeah the reason I pulled you over Simpson was because your brake light started to flash while you were making that turn back there"

 

[Pebcak]

The one where Homer gets hired by the other company and they move the family to a planned community and Bart is in scholl with a random kid (the bumb class)...

Random Kid: They think I'm slow, eh. I'm from Can-a-da.

Or the following Ralph Wiggum lines.....

Ralph: I sleep in a drawer.
Ralph: I don't have a red crayon.

Classics.

Pebcak

 

[Lao Tzu]

(when bart wins an elephant on a radio call in show)

Homer: well call you back (hangs up phone). Bart! with ten thousand dollars, we'd be millionaires. We could buy all sorts of useful things like....love.

 

[WODIN]

"Donughts....."

 

[Y_lifter]

ummmm PORK FAT - Homer

Thank you for coming.... I'll see you in Hell - Apu

The Pinchy the Lobster episode was a Classic

 

[PoyeBoy]

Zombie animals yelling "TOOOMAAACCCCOOO"

Or homer when he sees the trampoline for sale in the paper "trambopoline, tramarine, trambop bopaline"

 

[Optimus B]

Homer is the fucking man!!

All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.

America's health care system is second only to Japan ... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain ... well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

 

[Optimus B]

You must love this country more than I love a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning.

 

[Bluto]

Homer: Everytime I learn something new, it pushes out something old.....like that time I took a wine-tasting class and forgot how to drive.

Lisa: Dad, you were drunk!

Homer: And how!

 

[gettinlarger]

Shelbyville Kid ... "I guess that makes you a garbage man"
Bart ... "I know you are, but what am I?"
SK ... "A garbage man"
B ... "I know you are, but what am I?"
SK ... "A garbage man"
B ... "I know you are, but what am I?"
SK ... "A garbage man"
B ... "Takes one to know one"
Some nerd ... "Checkmate!"

Moe ... "So I was out buying some cotton balls ..."
Carl ... "The absorbent kind?!"
Moe ... "You got that right, my friend!!"
(Cheers and high fives ensue)

 

[Mike P.T.]

Homer: "Hello.... My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.

Post office guy: "Ok Mr. Burns what's your first name?"

Homer: "I don't know..."

 

[Bullit]

Homer: "Hello.... My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.

Post office guy: "Ok Mr. Burns what's your first name?"

Homer: "I don't know..."

LOL thats a good one.
It reminds me of the Seinfeld where George is getting a massage from a guy, and is super worried about it

guy: so George, what do you do?
george: I dunno
guy: you dont know?
george: no

 

[bigAragorn]

yeah that one where homer gets moved and works for scorpio is great......

"Im sorry you feel that way homer....no hard feelings......oh and if you dont mind killing someone on your way out it would be alot of help."




Scorpio---> There's hammock hut. That's on third......you got hammocks r us thats on third.......there's the hammock place thats on third too.....as a matter a fact they're all in the same complex the hammock complex down on third"

Homer--> Oh in the hammock district

Scorpio--> yeah you got heather's hammocks......see the best thing about that is heather jumps in the hammock with you.....im just kiddin.

 

[Immortal Juicer]

So many...

The Simpsons is the best show ever. I could start to name lines, but there are far too many. The Simpsons is one of Gods gifts to man, here is some proof:



http://boards.elitefitness.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=110534&highlight=simpsons

http://boards.elitefitness.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=28030&highlight=simpsons

http://boards.elitefitness.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=147149&highlight=simpsons



Now someone try to argue with me. Homer is the muthafuckin mad.

 

[Lao Tzu]

marge:homer, what are you doing
homer:im securing our financial future
marge:with grease?
homer: (sarcastically) no, through savings & wise investments. of course with grease

 

[needsize]

Marge: Homer, you have a rage problem
Homer: No I don't
Marge: Look, you're punching the cat right now.....

 

[gettinlarger]

Homer: (scared little girl voice) Marge, there's a spider near my car keys ...
Marge: You did the right thing by telling me.

 

[KING]

When Homer floods Springfield an Millhouse is wearing flood pants.

"finally, everything is coming up Millhouse!!"



Mr.Burns in the park when Bart got Lady

"This fine canine has a coat fit for a Yale's Man"

then he shakes the dog's hand and says

"Smithers I belive this dog is a Skulls and Bones"

 

[dissto]

lisa: " look dad, they opened up an internet cafe in springfield"
homer: "internet? that thing is still around?"

 

[pauly]

as he's eating a blueberrry filled doughnut

homer, you need to start eating more fruit

but, maaaarge, purple is a fruit.

 

[Lestat]

can't get enough of these simpsons!