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in an answer to buying stogies from a drugstore, et al.
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CVS?!?! Uh... they don't sell cigars, they sell dried out, mulched tobacco sweepings (the shit from floor of the cigar factory) rolled in a 'compounded' wrapper. That means the worst of the shit puréed with fillers and binders that is rolled out thin and used to bind the other shit into what LOOKS like a cigar.
Do you know that are almost no U.D.M.C. rules for imported crap cigars? (That's Unidentifiable Dry Matter Content) That means you could be smoking, well, damn near anything that gets mixed in with the sweepings: paper, rats heads, soil, etc. As long as the U.D.M.C. content makes up less than 10% of the total net weight of the product, it passes the regs. (Damn near the same goes for institutional grade Ketchup... ask about some horror stories I know about Ketchup and you will NEVER eat that shit from the pump bottle at the hotdog stand EVER again, guaranteed.)
Cigars. I have a serious thing for cigars. I even collect humidors if you need to get me a late holiday present , so here goes:
You want to smoke shit? Literally? Go to the drugstore and buy cigars. Would you buy bread from a store where almost NO ONE ever buys the bread? Bad idea.
I can spout about high end cigars all day (just ask my wife, she calls most Cigars 'women repellent' lol!) But the basics are simple:
1. A good cigar should be moist and firm, not wet and tight, not dry and crackly. Can you pinch it and it bounces back? Ok, that's a good sign.
2. Does it have any water spots on the Wrapper? No Buena. Don't buy it, it means that someone bought a lot of dry crap and over-humidified it to get it back in shape fast. Any ashy looking mould on the wrapper? let em lie.
3. Look at the rest of the cigars in the box: do they all have fairly uniform wrapper colour? They should, always, even cheap cigars are packed in batches based upon how they are grown, and all those wrappers should be damn near the same colour. If not you have a box that was put together from older boxes that were partially empty, no good, you want em they way nature intended, not the way a lazy tobacconist intended.
4. Smell: great. that's easy, they smell good, they will prolly taste good, they smell like shit? leave em be. ANY hint of mouldy or 'grassy' odour and let em lie. No smell? They are old and dead, and that's no good either.
5. Great cigars go through distinct stages of life: fresh, 'the sickness', and aged.... fresh is literally within a week or so of being rolled, pretty rare to find and a unique flavour and interesting smoke, not my favourite. Between a month and 3-6 months is 'the sickness', taste like shit, smoke like shit, even great cigars go through this stage of life. Put em in your humidor and let em rest, you don't have the patience for that? give your cigars to someone who does, or just smoke 'em, your to damn impatient to read this long ass post anyway. Cigars can be smokeable, and GREAT, if stored correctly for as long as 150 years, no shit. I smoked some pre-revolution cubanos with a man in the Bahamas about 10 years ago that were un-fucking-real. I have a few sections of my big box that have Montechristo 1's and 2's that are more than a dozen years old, they kick ass to say the least.
6. Dont give up: you dont like one size? try another. I tried for years to like presidente's but finally realized I am a rubusto man, you dont like blond Dominicans? try some double maduros or oscuras(if you can find em, call me!), a great cigar is like a great beer or wine grape: when you hit the great one, you'll know.
Questions? ask me. I like this topic, and will get into storage techniques that dont break the bank if you are interested. Need brand suggestions? let me know what kind of whisky you like and i can damn near every time pick cigar that will match your tastes. well... almost. at least a few to test out anyway. You want to get into big cubans: watch out for counterfeits, there are lot's of em, you can almost always tell with the band.... anyway....
cheers,
chef
ps: if you are a serious 'gotta know it all' idiot like me, do a search on amazon for a video called "But a Good Cigar Is a Smoke!", or see if you can rent it. Makes a good present for an overboard friend, too.
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CVS?!?! Uh... they don't sell cigars, they sell dried out, mulched tobacco sweepings (the shit from floor of the cigar factory) rolled in a 'compounded' wrapper. That means the worst of the shit puréed with fillers and binders that is rolled out thin and used to bind the other shit into what LOOKS like a cigar.
Do you know that are almost no U.D.M.C. rules for imported crap cigars? (That's Unidentifiable Dry Matter Content) That means you could be smoking, well, damn near anything that gets mixed in with the sweepings: paper, rats heads, soil, etc. As long as the U.D.M.C. content makes up less than 10% of the total net weight of the product, it passes the regs. (Damn near the same goes for institutional grade Ketchup... ask about some horror stories I know about Ketchup and you will NEVER eat that shit from the pump bottle at the hotdog stand EVER again, guaranteed.)
Cigars. I have a serious thing for cigars. I even collect humidors if you need to get me a late holiday present , so here goes:
You want to smoke shit? Literally? Go to the drugstore and buy cigars. Would you buy bread from a store where almost NO ONE ever buys the bread? Bad idea.
I can spout about high end cigars all day (just ask my wife, she calls most Cigars 'women repellent' lol!) But the basics are simple:
1. A good cigar should be moist and firm, not wet and tight, not dry and crackly. Can you pinch it and it bounces back? Ok, that's a good sign.
2. Does it have any water spots on the Wrapper? No Buena. Don't buy it, it means that someone bought a lot of dry crap and over-humidified it to get it back in shape fast. Any ashy looking mould on the wrapper? let em lie.
3. Look at the rest of the cigars in the box: do they all have fairly uniform wrapper colour? They should, always, even cheap cigars are packed in batches based upon how they are grown, and all those wrappers should be damn near the same colour. If not you have a box that was put together from older boxes that were partially empty, no good, you want em they way nature intended, not the way a lazy tobacconist intended.
4. Smell: great. that's easy, they smell good, they will prolly taste good, they smell like shit? leave em be. ANY hint of mouldy or 'grassy' odour and let em lie. No smell? They are old and dead, and that's no good either.
5. Great cigars go through distinct stages of life: fresh, 'the sickness', and aged.... fresh is literally within a week or so of being rolled, pretty rare to find and a unique flavour and interesting smoke, not my favourite. Between a month and 3-6 months is 'the sickness', taste like shit, smoke like shit, even great cigars go through this stage of life. Put em in your humidor and let em rest, you don't have the patience for that? give your cigars to someone who does, or just smoke 'em, your to damn impatient to read this long ass post anyway. Cigars can be smokeable, and GREAT, if stored correctly for as long as 150 years, no shit. I smoked some pre-revolution cubanos with a man in the Bahamas about 10 years ago that were un-fucking-real. I have a few sections of my big box that have Montechristo 1's and 2's that are more than a dozen years old, they kick ass to say the least.
6. Dont give up: you dont like one size? try another. I tried for years to like presidente's but finally realized I am a rubusto man, you dont like blond Dominicans? try some double maduros or oscuras(if you can find em, call me!), a great cigar is like a great beer or wine grape: when you hit the great one, you'll know.
Questions? ask me. I like this topic, and will get into storage techniques that dont break the bank if you are interested. Need brand suggestions? let me know what kind of whisky you like and i can damn near every time pick cigar that will match your tastes. well... almost. at least a few to test out anyway. You want to get into big cubans: watch out for counterfeits, there are lot's of em, you can almost always tell with the band.... anyway....
cheers,
chef
ps: if you are a serious 'gotta know it all' idiot like me, do a search on amazon for a video called "But a Good Cigar Is a Smoke!", or see if you can rent it. Makes a good present for an overboard friend, too.
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