Fat guys don't have vaginas = No love for adiposely enhanced heffers.
My advice: Stock up on the lube and porno buddy. Because your cherry, like your sex life, is going nowhere and its in no particular hurry. That is your true desinty hippo boy - make sure to remember those remarks if you ever need a motivational 'pic me up' or something.
Reminder: I permit no skinny slandering in this bitch.