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jerseyrugger76
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> > Stemming the flow of illegal immigrants
> >
> > From the Manitoba Herald, Canada:
> >
> > The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into
> > Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for
> > increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
> >
> > The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among
> > left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt,
> > pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
> >
> > Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of
> > sociology professors, animal- rights activists and Unitarians
> > crossing their fields at night.
> >
> > 'I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
> > Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,' said Manitoba farmer Red
> > Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was
> > cold, exhausted and hungry.
> > 'He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.
> >
> > When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to
> > show him my screenplay, eh?'
> >
> > In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
> > fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing
> > speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. 'Not real
> > effective,' he said.
> > 'The
> > liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they
> > wouldn't give milk.'
> >
> > Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet
> > liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station
> > wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for
> > themselves.
> >
> > 'A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,'
> > an Ontario
> > border patrolman said. 'I found one carload without a drop of
> > drinking water. 'They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet,
> > though.'
> >
> > When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
> > wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives.
> > Rumors have
> > been circulating about the Bush administration establishing
> > reeducation camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic
> > beer and watch NASCAR races.
> >
> > In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of
> > crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on
> > bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a
> > half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian
> > immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the
> > supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary
> > Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.
> >
> > 'If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk
> > Show, we get suspicious about their age,' an official said.
> >
> > Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
> > creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
> > Sarandon movies.
> >
> > 'I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just
> > can't support them,' an Ottawa resident said. 'How many art-history
> > majors does one country need?
> >
> > From the Manitoba Herald, Canada:
> >
> > The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into
> > Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for
> > increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
> >
> > The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among
> > left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt,
> > pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
> >
> > Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of
> > sociology professors, animal- rights activists and Unitarians
> > crossing their fields at night.
> >
> > 'I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
> > Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,' said Manitoba farmer Red
> > Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was
> > cold, exhausted and hungry.
> > 'He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.
> >
> > When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to
> > show him my screenplay, eh?'
> >
> > In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
> > fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing
> > speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. 'Not real
> > effective,' he said.
> > 'The
> > liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they
> > wouldn't give milk.'
> >
> > Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet
> > liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station
> > wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for
> > themselves.
> >
> > 'A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,'
> > an Ontario
> > border patrolman said. 'I found one carload without a drop of
> > drinking water. 'They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet,
> > though.'
> >
> > When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
> > wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives.
> > Rumors have
> > been circulating about the Bush administration establishing
> > reeducation camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic
> > beer and watch NASCAR races.
> >
> > In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of
> > crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on
> > bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a
> > half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian
> > immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the
> > supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary
> > Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.
> >
> > 'If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk
> > Show, we get suspicious about their age,' an official said.
> >
> > Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
> > creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
> > Sarandon movies.
> >
> > 'I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just
> > can't support them,' an Ottawa resident said. 'How many art-history
> > majors does one country need?
the U.S. of A. a lot more.
