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satanic goatslayer
New member
I am a big fan of vegetables.
I only like the freshest of the crop though, so when I found out that the farmer's market was closed today, I was quite displeased. I would have to go into town to go to the supermarket.
Cripes.
I walked in with my walkman blaring Skid Row and headed towards the produce aisle to obtain some tomatos and lettuce. An old lady blocked my way, so I shoved my cart into her back, broke the old coot's hip, then stole her bonnet and put it on. I twisted my shoe into her temple as I left.
I asked the produce man how I could tell what vegetables were best. He told me to do the squeeze test.
I sat back and thought a while.
I threw a potato at him and yelled obscenities.
He called in the butcher and a fight ensued.
The butcher ran at me with his knife, raised it, then dropped to the ground after I shot him with an rubber band. I gave myself a pat on the back, the proceeded to break his jaw with my cork boots, tear strips of skin from his throat and crush his head with a jar of pickles until blood coated my face.
Produce man tried to run, but I run with my arms and legs on the ground, so I caught him quickly and struck him in the kneecap with some frozen peas.
I stood over top of him and began to urinate on myself.
He looked frightened and asked, "Man, why are you pissing yourself?????"
I told him that the prospect of killing him and eating his meat was causing me an almost orgasmic sense of anticipation.
I took my toolbelt off and tied my urine soaked pants around his neck. He wheezed, choked, and gagged from the stench.
A song hit me deep inside when it came on the store speakers.
"MmmMmmMmmMmm"
Lovely.
"Once, there was this kid who got into an accident and couldn't come to school, but whe-e-e-n he finally came back, his hair had turned from black into bright white. He said that it was from when the cars had smashed soooooo hard.
MmmMmmMmmMmm."
I did a jig, then began to pelt produce man in the face with frozen McCain juices (from concentrate).
"Catch the taste, you arrogant prick!!!!" I taunted, before fastening him to the butcher's table and dismembering him with a meat cleaver.
I then made jus de Produce Man and dipped his thigh into his blood before devouring it. He was a bit sinewy though, and I had to run a cashier over with my electric scooter to compensate for the meat.
It isn't female season, I forgot, so I had to run before the conservation officers came to arrest me.
I only like the freshest of the crop though, so when I found out that the farmer's market was closed today, I was quite displeased. I would have to go into town to go to the supermarket.
Cripes.
I walked in with my walkman blaring Skid Row and headed towards the produce aisle to obtain some tomatos and lettuce. An old lady blocked my way, so I shoved my cart into her back, broke the old coot's hip, then stole her bonnet and put it on. I twisted my shoe into her temple as I left.
I asked the produce man how I could tell what vegetables were best. He told me to do the squeeze test.
I sat back and thought a while.
I threw a potato at him and yelled obscenities.
He called in the butcher and a fight ensued.
The butcher ran at me with his knife, raised it, then dropped to the ground after I shot him with an rubber band. I gave myself a pat on the back, the proceeded to break his jaw with my cork boots, tear strips of skin from his throat and crush his head with a jar of pickles until blood coated my face.
Produce man tried to run, but I run with my arms and legs on the ground, so I caught him quickly and struck him in the kneecap with some frozen peas.
I stood over top of him and began to urinate on myself.
He looked frightened and asked, "Man, why are you pissing yourself?????"
I told him that the prospect of killing him and eating his meat was causing me an almost orgasmic sense of anticipation.
I took my toolbelt off and tied my urine soaked pants around his neck. He wheezed, choked, and gagged from the stench.
A song hit me deep inside when it came on the store speakers.
"MmmMmmMmmMmm"
Lovely.
"Once, there was this kid who got into an accident and couldn't come to school, but whe-e-e-n he finally came back, his hair had turned from black into bright white. He said that it was from when the cars had smashed soooooo hard.
MmmMmmMmmMmm."
I did a jig, then began to pelt produce man in the face with frozen McCain juices (from concentrate).
"Catch the taste, you arrogant prick!!!!" I taunted, before fastening him to the butcher's table and dismembering him with a meat cleaver.
I then made jus de Produce Man and dipped his thigh into his blood before devouring it. He was a bit sinewy though, and I had to run a cashier over with my electric scooter to compensate for the meat.
It isn't female season, I forgot, so I had to run before the conservation officers came to arrest me.
Vegetables should be killed by any means. 
Next time I come across a Vegetable I will chop it into little pieces and eat it.
Remorse! No, I will not feel any remorse for the Vegetables that I will kill! Death to Vegetables! Especially broccoli and Iceburg Lettuce!
