You probably enjoy it about as much as I DID.
HATED IT! The more I engaged in the anorixic/bulimic behavior, the more I hated MYSELF for it, the more I continued to punish myself WITH THE BEHAVIOR..... it was a vicious cycle.
What you do not understand is that MANY of the women here once had those eating disorders. I can't speak for everyone here, I can only speak for myself. Though I no longer engage in the behavior, the thoughts STILL COME. Yes, everytime there is a crisis in my life (and with the divorce hell I am in - BELIEVE ME... THERE IS NO SHORTAGE) my first reaction is that I am weak, I am small, I'll NEVER be anything, never amount to anything, am unlovable and DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED!!! But then I take a deep breath and realize that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE STATEMENTS IS
PURE BULLSHIT!
I AM STRONG and I AM BETTER THAN THAT!
What you don't understand is that yes, I used to get some kind of rush when people used to stare at me because I was so thin. They would raise their eyebrows and say, "My God, know one would have EVER guessed that you had four kids!" That is because I looked like a 15 year old KID who had a superfast metabolism.... either that or I just didn't eat (DUH!). And then they would say, "Well you must just be GENETICALLY like that." Because who in THIER RIGHT MIND would do THAT to themselves ON PURPOSE?!?!?! Ummmmm, NO, no genetics - I JUST STARVED AND WORK-OUTED TO DEATH.
Since I "snapped out of it" and decided that I wanted to be SOMETHING MORE, you are right, people DO STARE, but the look is not the same. Now people do not look at me as if I am a genetic freak (Women used to give me that "lucky bitch" stare of hate.). Now they STARE AT ME WITH PART ADMIRATION/ PART DISBELIEF. After all, how could a women who has had so many children and who is approaching her mid thirties POSSIBLY be so strong, self-confident, and sexy?!
Yesterday night at the gym I was payed A VERY HIGH compliment. I am training at a new gym w/my friend Fitness Chick. She is destined for the Olympia I believe. She is in THE BEST SHAPE OF HER LIFE (Her physique is FAR superior to mine.) and she is about ten years younger. She is AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL TO BOOT. There is no comparison. I feel driven and motivated by her.... she is a tremendous inspiration, yet I feel ZERO jealousy. She put the time and dedication into her physique and DESERVES every bit of the accolades that she receives. You must realize that next to her, I am all but invisible in the gym. But that is very cool with me as I am there to train and be better - not to "be on display". hehehehee Anyways, the owner of the gym, himself a professional bodybuilder came up to us while we were training, interupted (of course, not while we were executing any movements - LOL) and said to me, "Are those
REALLY all of your kids?!" I said, "Yes, REALLY hehehhee" Then he said, "If you don't mind my asking, how old ARE YOU?!" Mind you, I looked like shit - NEVER wear ANY makeup to train and my hair hadn't been washed for two days. I replied, "Not at all. I am 34." He just walked away with his eyes wide, shaking his head abit. hehehehheeee
You see, now people look at my body and admire my accomplishments and are inspired to train hard and eat right or AT LEAST quit smoking or make a few dietary changes.
Do you see the difference?
I have been to other websites where people with eating disorders go for support. But there is a difference between openly discussing a basically "undiscussable issue" (because of the guilt associated with the disorder) to try and OVERCOME a problem and almost glorifying the desire to be thin REGARDLESS of the cost.
Go back and re-read your posts. I realize that much of what you wrote was said with tremendous sarcasm, but saw right through it and heard the self-loathing and misery.
Am I satisfied with my physique? To a great extent, YES. Could it be improved upon? Of course! If I was never able to get ANY BIGGER would I DIE of self-hatred?! ABSOLUTLEY NOT!! As a matter of fact, I am COMPLETELY satisfied with my size overall. I only need to add abit here and there to be more balanced and symmetrical (has to do with competition). As for my bf% ... that can be EASILY altered with diet and activity level. I have enough lean mass and the knowledge about how to do this....Besides, unless I have a shoot or a show, whether I am a smooth and sexy 20% or a lean and hard 12% or ripped up and dried out, ready to step out onto stage for a competition at 6% I am EQUALLY BEAUTIFUL and EQUALLY HAPPY!
Can you say the same about yourself? Tell me that if you gain TWO POUNDS YOU DON'T WIG?! Tell me that if your clothing doesn't get THE TEENIEST BIT tight, you DO NOT WIG?! Tell me that if you ARE NOT THE SKINNIEST CREATURE in the room, that YOU DO NOT WIG?!
Guess what? I don't HAVE TO WIG because I have my mass and it is all good.
Regardless of who I am on the outside - I am discovering who I am on the inside.... SHE IS PRETTY FUCKING COOL.
I suspect that it is the same with most of you, sadly, the world may never know as you spend too much time hating her and trying to keep her hidden.... sucks ass being numb. IT TRULY SUCKS ASS.
That is why I always tell women to BUILD MASS FIRST and worry about losing fat LATER.
Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below 
Its real easy to get into a discussion, start labeling people, etc. but its also good to pull yourself out of a category that is getting labeled just long enough to get your own objective view....
