amusing lil joke

[saint808]

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body
part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated? "

No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not
be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and
they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down. Mrs. Parks ignored her and
asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size
when stimulated?" "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part
that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As
for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

(1) you have a dirty mind,
(2) you didn't read your homework, and
(3) one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.

 

[mekannik]

At a small airport terminal in Texas, three strangers awaiting their
shuttle flight start conversing about the recent world events. The
strangers were of varying cultures. One was Native American. Another
was a cowboy from Texas. The other person was a fanatical Arab Muslim.

During their conversation, they began to discuss their cultural
history.

The Native American stated, "Once my people were many, now we are
few."

The Muslim then chimed in and arrogantly said, "once my people were
few and now we are many."

The Texas cowboy looked at the Muslim, shifted the toothpick in his
mouth and said with a sh*t eatin' grin, "that's cause we ain't played
Cowboys and Muslims yet."

 

[mekannik]

Jesus and Moses were strolling by the Red Sea, when Moses nudged Jesus and said, "Psst. Hey, Jesus, I've still got it."
Moses turned towards the Red Sea and lifted his staff on high. The angels began to sing, the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted. Moses lowered his arms and, with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face Jesus.

Jesus scoffed. "Moses, my boy," said the Messiah, "I have still got it." And with a flourish of his robes, Jesus stepped onto the waters of the Red Sea and began to stride across without so much as a ripple.

But to Moses' amazement, halfway across the water, Jesus suddenly began to sink. He splashed into the water and began to choke and flounder as the waves tossed him around. Moses grumbled at Jesus' sillyness and parted the water once more. Moses helped Jesus back to shore, as the Saviour hacked up salt water.

When they had finally reached shore, Moses slapped a consoling hand on Jesus' shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, Lord. Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet."

 

[mekannik]

One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in
despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.

The demon asked, "Why so glum?"

The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down
here. You a drinking man?"

"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."

"Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink.
Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till
we throw up and then we drink some more!"

The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.

"You better believe it!"

"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the
world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already
dead, remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker,
slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow.

You into drugs?"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."

"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of
crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the
drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"

"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never
realized Hell was such a cool place!"

The demon said, "You gay?"

"No."

"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays

 

[SonicBlue]

A teacher was getting her class to practice their spelling by spelling out what they had for breakfast. She asked if anyone would like to start. Little Johnny's hand shot up. "Anybody, would anyone like to spell what they had for breakfast?" she said trying to ignore Johnny. Sally finally raised her hand and said "toast T-O-A-S-T... I had toast for breakfast". "Very good said the teacher, anyone else?" (Johnny's hand still frantically waving in the air). Roger's hand went up. "Yes Roger, what did you have for breakfast?" "Corn Flakes C-O-R-N F-L-A-K-ES... I had Corn Flakes for breakfast." "Very good" said the teacher. After some time she finally decided to give Jonny a chance. "Yes Johnny, what did you have for breakast?


"FUCK ALL! F-U-C-K A-L-L... FUCK ALL, that's what I had for breakfast" replied Johnny.

Used to Johnny's antics, the teacher scolded Johnny for his language but moved on with the class. "O.K. we're now going to do Geography, can someone tell me where the Lebonese border is?

Once again Johnny's hand shot up. "Anybody?" said the teacher not wanting to give Johnny a chance. "Anyody at all??". No hands went up... only Johnny's. "O.K. Johnny", thinking Geography would be safe from his language, "where is the Lebonese border?".



Johnny replies "Upstairs at my house having sex with my Mother, that's why I had FUCK ALL for breakfast!"