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Accidentally masturbated in the squat rack today

supersizeme

supersizeme

New member
Guys, I am so embarrassed. I don't know if I'm ever gonna go back to my gym again. I need some advice. I was doing my first working set of heavy lunging squat-hack extension curls in the squat rack earlier today like I do every first Tuesday of months that end with the letter "y." I have the squat rack decorated like I always do with a few blue and purple papier-mache streamers hanging from it, as well as a giant octopus pinata hanging from the top bar with the tentacles acting as bands for added resistance. I finish my set, rack the bar, and immediately pull the flask out of my sock and take a long drag of sweet, carb-enriched eggnog. The next thing I know, I'm jerking off all over the place. It's at this point that people are starting to stare at me, but I pay it no mind because I was using some pretty heavy weight on my set, and thus was expecting the looks of awe and admiration. Not only that, but I have an enormous left ass cheek that never fails to attract attention. At some point in the middle of me shamelessly pleasuring myself, I reel out of control and slam right into the octopus pinata, busting it open as I fall down. Out pours about 40 pounds of tootsie rolls, grape blow pops, and sticks of Land of Lakes butter all over me and the floor. I'm knocked out, cock in hand. By the time I regain consciousness, I'm being dragged out of the gym by a small posse of personal trainers. So basically I called it a day and went home, but I'm wondering how long I should wait before I go back, or if I should just find a new gym altogether. I know some of you have been in this situation before. Help a bro out.
 
My experience is that it takes two weeks for things to normalize after these episodes. Guys are quite understanding of these things you see.
 
If Poyeboy were here, he'd know what to do. I think I'm most upset at having to get a new pinata. You have to go all the way down to southern Mexico to get one now since the U.S. started the Pinata Embargo immediately after September 11th. One more reason I wish we'd find Bin Laden...
 
Don't worry SSME, you not alone with your frivolous gym bound snake shaking. I myself have been known to shine the mushroom helmet in-between sets and even during calve raises. The best way to go about your buisness and not look 'weird' - is to combine both of the elements into your routine.

For example most people think of the penis in a non-workout environment. They do not know the true and correct path, you must in fact show them the true meaning of brolyship in its every form. To start the integration, let them notice that your penis, nay your purple pocket coach is taking a really active role in your workouts. Talk to it between sets, psych yourself up by shouting lewd demeaning phrases at it, and even use the communal weight chain for tricep presses, to strap on a nickel or even a quarter to your meat rocket for the extra intensity. This way they will not look at you like the perverted freak you are, but instead more of a concerned and hardcore workout guru who is not afraid to show that his vagina lance is really getting into the iron game.

Learn to do this right and they will crowd around and chear you and the little guy on. As a advanced tecnique also consider spot injecting your kegel muscles, so for moral you can even let out a victory squirt after each set - kind of like like fireworks except protein enriched for whatever lucky lady decides to catch your champion swimmers. I can only talk about it though, at the end of the night when your crouched under the rack waiting to fall asleep, it is ultimately up to you to get your bologna brolly in the game.
 
I envision you sitting at your computer with a big smile on your face, eagerly refreshing your browser hoping for yet another reply to this retarded thread. When you see that someone else has replied you think to yourself, "Yes! Someone else has read and loved my wonderful thread. I'm ever so clever and everyone loves me for it. I wonder what lovely message they have left me this time. Surely they are praising my greatness." Well guess what nancy pants, you and your posts are all shit! That's right, pure and total shit. You can shove your fucking squat rack story up your ass for all I care. I hope you choke on your own self-love asshole. Eat shit and die.
 
Nathan said:
I envision you sitting at your computer with a big smile on your face, eagerly refreshing your browser hoping for yet another reply to this retarded thread. When you see that someone else has replied you think to yourself, "Yes! Someone else has read and loved my wonderful thread. I'm ever so clever and everyone loves me for it. I wonder what lovely message they have left me this time. Surely they are praising my greatness." Well guess what nancy pants, you and your posts are all shit! That's right, pure and total shit. You can shove your fucking squat rack story up your ass for all I care. I hope you choke on your own self-love asshole. Eat shit and die.
Click to expand...

Oh you're just pissy 'cause you didn't think of it first.

Good comedy. :D
 
Nathan said:
I envision you sitting at your computer with a big smile on your face, eagerly refreshing your browser hoping for yet another reply to this retarded thread. When you see that someone else has replied you think to yourself, "Yes! Someone else has read and loved my wonderful thread. I'm ever so clever and everyone loves me for it. I wonder what lovely message they have left me this time. Surely they are praising my greatness." Well guess what nancy pants, you and your posts are all shit! That's right, pure and total shit. You can shove your fucking squat rack story up your ass for all I care. I hope you choke on your own self-love asshole. Eat shit and die.
Click to expand...

It's actually quite the opposite. Normally I cringe after hitting "submit" knowing that 99% of my threads go unreplied and drop down faster than my broly, Nathan, in front a cub scout who's just been pantsed.

Knoxville you, like, complete me only not really because you lack a clitoris. I'd totally hire you for a porn critiquing job if I had a porn site.
 
Nathan said:
I envision you sitting at your computer with a big smile on your face, eagerly refreshing your browser hoping for yet another reply to this retarded thread. When you see that someone else has replied you think to yourself, "Yes! Someone else has read and loved my wonderful thread. I'm ever so clever and everyone loves me for it. I wonder what lovely message they have left me this time. Surely they are praising my greatness." Well guess what nancy pants, you and your posts are all shit! That's right, pure and total shit. You can shove your fucking squat rack story up your ass for all I care. I hope you choke on your own self-love asshole. Eat shit and die.
Click to expand...



Sour grapes....it outclassed the primodial, sophomoric tripe oozing from your Bic pen. :D
 
The strange thing is, how many of you actually pictured the squat rack decorated with streamers and an octopus pinata when reading this incredible story, which of course was based off of actual events... like a CBS Sunday Night Movie.

The networks are probably scrambling as we speak coming up with rights for Squat Rack Spanker: The Supersizeme Story A story about a young man, a flask of eggnog, and an octopus pinata in a world where iron isn't the only thing pumped at the gym.
 
Supersucksonhavoc,

The only way to save face in all this is to fill up a giant big gulp mug full of spermies and take it back to your gyms personal trainers as a peace offering.
 
Nathan said:
I envision you sitting at your computer with a big smile on your face, eagerly refreshing your browser hoping for yet another reply to this retarded thread. When you see that someone else has replied you think to yourself, "Yes! Someone else has read and loved my wonderful thread. I'm ever so clever and everyone loves me for it. I wonder what lovely message they have left me this time. Surely they are praising my greatness
Click to expand...

Like thats not what we all do.
 
Just posting to add that if you ever happen to masturbate around 30 minutes - 2 hours post workout and insulin lispro injection, your penis will be incredibly vascular and you may have to frequently stop mid pump to give it a rest before commencing. Sorry SSME if this is off topic, but I figured that there would never be a actual thread where I could share this first hand info, so its posted here since this is the closest thing to it.
 
KnoXville said:
Just posting to add that if you ever happen to masturbate around 30 minutes - 2 hours post workout and insulin lispro injection, your penis will be incredibly vascular and you may have to frequently stop mid pump to give it a rest before commencing. Sorry SSME if this is off topic, but I figured that there would never be a actual thread where I could share this first hand info, so its posted here since this is the closest thing to it.
Click to expand...


WHAT IS A LISPRO INJECTION?


I thought I knew most everything about this subject. I was wrong.
 
Testosterone boy said:



WHAT IS A LISPRO INJECTION?


I thought I knew most everything about this subject. I was wrong.
Click to expand...

I meant to say humalog, I was doing some research earlier and had that name in my head, same difference - except log is the brand name by eli lilly, whilst lispro is the molecular name of the analog. Like anavar (humalog) V.s Oxandrolone (lispro).

Chemically the difference is quite small, pancreatic slin have a haxamer shape (6) and must be broken down individually to work - While lispro (humalog) has two of the amino acids in that same polypeptide sequence switched around - its a small change but the molecules haxamers now break apart much faster, and hence is rapid acting.
 
I don't know how to play the trombone and frankly I'm glad. I can't stand that mother fucking instrument. Also, it was the tall freaks who played it in high school since they were the ones with the long arms. That was funny to me since I enjoy laughing at people that are different than me. Obviously, I am better than trombone players.
 
KnoXville said:


I meant to say humalog, I was doing some research earlier and had that name in my head, same difference - except log is the brand name by eli lilly, whilst lispro is the molecular name of the analog. Like anavar (humalog) V.s Oxandrolone (lispro).

Chemically the difference is quite small, pancreatic slin have a haxamer shape (6) and must be broken down individually to work - While lispro (humalog) has two of the amino acids in that same polypeptide sequence switched around - its a small change but the molecules haxamers now break apart much faster, and hence is rapid acting.
Click to expand...


Thanks...I've been wondering if my slin is still good after keeping it in the garage for 1 1/2 years. Stayed between 40-65 degrees F.
 
Nathan said:
I envision you sitting at your computer with a big smile on your face, eagerly refreshing your browser hoping for yet another reply to this retarded thread. When you see that someone else has replied you think to yourself, "Yes! Someone else has read and loved my wonderful thread. I'm ever so clever and everyone loves me for it. I wonder what lovely message they have left me this time. Surely they are praising my greatness." Well guess what nancy pants, you and your posts are all shit! That's right, pure and total shit. You can shove your fucking squat rack story up your ass for all I care. I hope you choke on your own self-love asshole. Eat shit and die.
Click to expand...

:FRlol: :FRlol: :FRlol:
 
Testosterone boy said:

Thanks...I've been wondering if my slin is still good after keeping it in the garage for 1 1/2 years. Stayed between 40-65 degrees F.
Click to expand...

Nope - Polypeptide (protein) hormones are very delicate molecules compared with the Cholesterol (lipid) based ones, while you can store steroids for around 4 years easy with no problems, insulin you unfortunately cannot. If refrigerated it will last a year (2-5c), but unrefrigerated in a cool place I would give it maybe 30 days. It's so cheap anyways, like $30, so break your piggy bank and purchase a new vial. The pharmacy team that works at the local shoppers drug mart beside my gym, all think that i am a serious type1 diabetic because i always get my slin there. They always praise my dedication to the sport, especially with my 'condition'.
 
KnoXville said:


Nope - Polypeptide (protein) hormones are very delicate molecules compared with the Cholesterol (lipid) based ones, while you can store steroids for around 4 years easy with no problems, insulin you unfortunately cannot. If refrigerated it will last a year (2-5c), but unrefrigerated in a cool place I would give it maybe 30 days. It's so cheap anyways, like $30, so break your piggy bank and purchase a new vial. The pharmacy team that works at the local shoppers drug mart beside my gym, all think that i am a serious type1 diabetic because i always get my slin there. They always praise my dedication to the sport, especially with my 'condition'.
Click to expand...


Thanks bro...I was wondering why I wsn't feeling the sides that made me quit the slin last time.

I'm thinkin 20 iu post workout is about right for a 235 pounder. What do you think? Sounds like you pound a lot of slin.
 
Say, did you all know that if you dip a wet string in some sugar and then put it in some water you can totally make liquid crystals? It's true.
 
Testosterone boy said:



Thanks bro...I was wondering why I wsn't feeling the sides that made me quit the slin last time.

I'm thinkin 20 iu post workout is about right for a 235 pounder. What do you think? Sounds like you pound a lot of slin.
Click to expand...

15 units is plenty. I doubt you will see a big difference in muscle anabolism if you go any higher, maybe a tad bit more adipose. What sides did you experience? Because of the different nature of neg feedback for protein hormones as opposed to steroid ones, it is very hard to get any sides that are not almost immediate reversible. I played around with dosages and a couple supplemental / prescription compounds for around 4 months with lispro, and after stopping had a nurse friend set up a continuos 2 hour GTT curve. Found that my sensitivity was textbook, perfect. Although I am naturally a little hyperinsulaemic regardless, so after eating carbs my blood glucose will go light hypo for around 5-10 minutes until my nat glucagon picks up the pace.
 
KnoXville said:


15 units is plenty. I doubt you will see a big difference in muscle anabolism if you go any higher, maybe a tad bit more adipose. What sides did you experience? Because of the different nature of neg feedback for protein hormones as opposed to steroid ones, it is very hard to get any sides that are not almost immediate reversible. I played around with dosages and a couple supplemental / prescription compounds for around 4 months with lispro, and after stopping had a nurse friend set up a continuos 2 hour GTT curve. Found that my sensitivity was textbook, perfect. Although I am naturally a little hyperinsulaemic regardless, so after eating carbs my blood glucose will go light hypo for around 5-10 minutes until my nat glucagon picks up the pace.
Click to expand...


I was doing HGH and experienced dizziness and seeing yellowish patterns. So I started glucophage instead and got no sides from that. I was not familiar with the need for carbs at the time and did the slin and HGH prior to workout from advice,
 
Some scientists believe that silicone-based lifeforms could exist someplaces in the universe, what with silicone being capable of making 4 single covalent bonds at a time as does carbon. Outrageous!
 
Testosterone boy said:

I was doing HGH and experienced dizziness and seeing yellowish patterns. So I started glucophage instead and got no sides from that. I was not familiar with the need for carbs at the time and did the slin and HGH prior to workout from advice,
Click to expand...

Sounds like you got a dose of some good ol' carpel tunnel - dizziness / vertigo are common. That is from the Gh btw, not the slin. Glucophage is very different than slin, but it took away some of the symptoms by upregulating the glut-4 receptors that insulin + Gh downgraded. Insulin's primary neg feedback is to downregulate its own receptors, so combined with Gh it really takes a toll on your resistance - the only reason people recommend combining them is because the gh is increased (obviously) and / or with testosterone analogs, so you can overcome the contrasting effect they have on each other and make more gains. By using them together you double your chances of insulin ressitance.

Nathan said:
Also, DNA is made out of proteins. PROTEINS!
Click to expand...

Actually, DNA is a nucliec acid made of sugar, phosphate and a nitrogenous base, plus ACGT- they in turn form proteins with the help of RNA. They are not made of proteins.

Nathan said:
Some scientists believe that silicone-based lifeforms could exist someplaces in the universe, what with silicone being capable of making 4 single covalent bonds at a time as does carbon. Outrageous!
Click to expand...

But the silicon atom has eight more electrons than the carbon atom and its homogenous bond length multiple times bigger, thus a silicon bond is generally weaker than a carbon bond, and hence carbon makes life and silicon makes rocks.

Stick that in you urethra and smoke it nancy pants.

P.S - 'someplaces' - is not a word.
 
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you must be bold and brave jerking away in the gym like that for the whole world to see. If pee wee herman can do it in the movie theater anyone can do it anywhere! LMAO!
 
Nathan said:
I envision you sitting at your computer with a big smile on your face, eagerly refreshing your browser hoping for yet another reply to this retarded thread. When you see that someone else has replied you think to yourself, "Yes! Someone else has read and loved my wonderful thread. I'm ever so clever and everyone loves me for it. I wonder what lovely message they have left me this time. Surely they are praising my greatness." Well guess what nancy pants, you and your posts are all shit! That's right, pure and total shit. You can shove your fucking squat rack story up your ass for all I care. I hope you choke on your own self-love asshole. Eat shit and die.
Click to expand...

To quote the noble bard, "Me thinks thou doth protest too much"
Have you accidentally masturbated at the squat rack yourself? Or are you like a homophobe who bashes gays because he's afraid he's gay himself. Do you fear that you yourself may one day masturbate at the squat rack, and therefore you attack current squat rack masturbaters (or Squatrabators as they're called)?
 
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