A shallow subject.

[Megamorph]

How many of you guys (and girls) have broken up with a girl (or guy) because you didn't find that person attractive?

I am considering it. The chick I am dating, and who I just got in an argument with, is carrying much too much weight, and it's been fucking with my head.

I'd say she's carrying anywhere from 30-40 pounds too much weight, actually. I had this experience before. My ex weighed 160+ when I met her, and I helped her get down to 125. Total transformation. Nice. It took a shitload of MY energy and, in the end, I broke it off because she was reverting, mentally, to her former dumb-ass ways (partying and breaking promises, among other things) so she could use what I helped build to satisfy some other dude. I don't feel like doing this a second time, although this girl is not fucked up to begin with.

I was having sex with her the other night, which is the second time between us, and I have yet to finish with her. Combined, it's been over five hours. Still, I didn't finish. Something about this bothers me, and I think it's the fact that she's too heavy which is fucking with my mind. In turn, I am beating myself up for being such a shallow piece of shit. I really am being just a shallow piece of shit, as I care about her as a person and I really like the majority of her personality.

I already set her up with a diet, lifting, and cardio program, at her request. However, she has already skipped one lifting day, one cardio session, and is fucking up the meal plan she's supposed to be sticking to. I told her to ditch the fucking fruit, and today, in her room, I find two fucking grocery bags full of fruit. She said, "I bought food." She bought a bunch of fruit, some cookie-type shit, and granola bars. Yeah, I can make use of the granola bars, but SHE's supposed to be keeping her carbs low (except postworkout and on exam days).

Damn. I wrote it down several times, too, for her to remember.

I do like her. A lot. But she's weird, sexually, and I am not physically attracted to her. I am mentally attracted to her, save for her lack of...will.

Also, she's a Residence Advisor, which has its benefits, but also has some fucked up detriments. She's going to write up my roommate, which I don't mind, but that means we are both going to get punished by some disciplinary committee. If that happens, I will say that I am not involved and should not be targetted for something I did not do. They have this gay policy, though, that maintains that we should keep each other in check. Yeah, I'll body check him through the wall after I explode on the committee, telling them to fuck the fuck off and get real majors.

Anyway, back to the point, has anyone else been through this? Also, has anyone broken up with a person they were already seeing because of a physical issue?

 

[b fold the truth]

IMHO...she does NOT really want to lose weight...not REALLY anyway. Chances are she FEELS pressured to lose weight for you or because she is around you. YOU sound a lot more upset about her weight, her diet, her training etc...than she does. There is something wrong with that and it appears that she is happy...

160 pounds big? Hmmm...not in my book...even for a woman.

Just a thought...but if you can't see her heart without looking at a couple of extra pounds...then I believe that you have some soul searching to do. What if she looked at you and said "but he didn't do that last rep" or "he missed that meal" or "he is just too skinny for me to ever 'finish' with." Just something to think about...

Once again...this is my very humble and honest opinion.

B True

 

[AAP]

Why not pick someone that already fits your ideal, not someone you have to create it with.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I have been with men that are physically gods and men that have never seen the inside of the gym. There was something about them that I truly cared for and because of that, I began to find them more and more physically appealing. Oh and the guys who had the awesome bodies, if I wasn't with them for the right reasons - meaning I really care for THEM, then the sex was awful.

Perhaps you became intimate with this girl too soon. How could you be THAT INTIMATE with a girl that you say you care for, but then when you take your clothing off, you are so "not into" her that you can't climax?

I think that you really need to reassess what it is that you like about this girl and whether or not you should continue to be anything more than just friends... if that.

 

[AAP]

Basically, he knew when he met this girl that she was NOT what he liked or what he would be satisfied with in her current state.

Imagine how SHE feels with him nagging on her and trying to make her into something she may not like to be.

 

[BigBazooka]

However, she has already skipped one lifting day, one cardio session, and is fucking up the meal plan she's supposed to be sticking to.

One word: DNP.

 

[BigBazooka]

No seriously. Like Anal Intruder said, you should really pick a girl that pleases you instead of trying to change someone to another person.

 

[AAP]

However, she has already skipped one lifting day, one cardio session, and is fucking up the meal plan she's supposed to be sticking to.

How about..... getting off her back? Is she Ms. Olympia? One workout, cardio and meal is not going to hurt.

Besides, if you are not attracted to her, then do HER a favor and move on.

 

[biteme]

I'm so shallow that I can't even date someone unless they are very attractive.

 

[biteme]

Have you ever seen a fairly attractive person with someone that is very unattractive and wonder how they can stand to look at that mug every morning? George and Barbara Bush come to mind.

I don't judge people by their looks and a lot of people can't help being unattractive, but many don't even try.

 

[p60]

hmmm,

this is a very interesting question. I have pondered this myself too.
Personally I don't know if you are too shallow for not wanting to be with her because you are 'physically attracted' to her.

I guess the question to ask yourself is why are you two together? Overall are you attracted to her (personality and looks)? Is it just that you feel paranoid about what others will thing about your choice? Or Perhaps are you dating her out of obligation? Who asked who out first?

Here's my opinion.

I guess I would never do something unless I truly wanted to, same goes with which women I'd go out with.
I know we are supposed to strive to not being shallow, and the 'goodsayers' say looks shouldnt matter a penny, but lets be real here,
I wouldn't just 'settle' when it comes to who you are friggin going out with, lol. I mean if you married someone u werent attracted enough to, it would be hard to live with that voice in your head saying 'she isn't that good' .
now maybe that voice 'ideally' shouldnt be there in the first place, but saying it shouldnt wont make it go away.

Personally I think average men should pair with average females and attractive men with attractive females, unless they others 'for sure' want to do otherwise.

I wouldnt step into a relationship if u arent even that positive that u 'for sure' like her. and i definately wouldnt sleep with someone that i didnt know if i liked well enough to be with until death, but thats me, as i treat sex with very high respect.
But if you arent climaxing from her, think of how that could affect your relationship. personally i think its very important to have a good sexual relationship as well, but then again I only plan on sleeping with one woman in my life, so I better not have regrets, lol!

and personally I wouldn't date this girl if you think u can do better (finding someone with as good of a personality who is more attractive)

And on a side note, fitness is a big hobby of mine and affects my life in some big ways. A big hope of mine is to find a woman who is into fitness that i like in other ways too.

Another thing is that I consider discipline a very important trait, including discipline for health. I mean honestly, I don't want to marry someone who balloons when they get older and have health problems. Ideally I want someone who I still can desire to have sex with when they are in their 30s/40s/50s etc.

Well I think I've blabbed enough. I've thought a lot about this subject too so I had a few things to say. Hope that helps.

and my final opinion is: "You shouldnt have to work at making yourself become attracted to your girlfriend/wife"

 

[AAP]

I'm so shallow that I can't even date someone unless they are very attractive.

Damn right. I am prejudice and proud....

 

[Mr.X]

My apologies, this thread was moved by mistake.

Mr.X

 

[notoriousQQ]

Megamorph,

Why don't you try and find someone you are attracted to without having to change who they are? Makes absolutely no sense and the fact that this behavior is repetitive leads me to think you might have some issues yourself. Can't you pull the high quality poonanny that you want without having to pull the Major Payne routine on someone?

 

[Raina]

I'd personally be pretty pissy if someone decided that I needed to change. For me it's usually the opposite and my significant other (and family for that matter) gets on me for dropping weight. Regardless though, to put that much pressure on someone is only going to fuck with their head. If the girl really wants to change and is asking for help that's one thing, but to turn her routine upside down doesn't seem to reasonable. I'd certainly be an unhappy woman if my significant other was judging me for sitting down with some ice cream. I just had cheez-its for breakfast-- what do you think of that.

Somewhere out there is a woman who lives a similar lifestyle. Perhaps that's what you should seek out if you're not happy. I live with someone who doesn't eat/train the way that I do. He gets to the point where he can't gag down any more baked chicken and half lives on cereal. That's his call. It's challenging to live with someone who lives a different lifestyle, but I choose my battles. I'm not the food/fitness police. I don't want to be-- that's too personal a decision and that pressure isn't healthy. If you're not happy, find someone else....but don't impose your will onto someone else and set up a "conditional-love" situation. You'll both end up miserable.