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A few weeks ago, two work friends and myself headed out to a bar near our office for about an hour after work. Actually - it wasn't about an hour - it was exactly that - we had one hour. In that hour - I consumed a beer and a shot of Patron (really good tequila - for those that didn't know), one of my friends had two beers and two shots of Patron and still my other friend had two high ball glasses of Captain on the rocks, two low ball glasses of Wild Turkey on the rocks, and two shots of Patron. Needless to say - he was wasted.
Well, Mr. Wasted (as we'll call him) gets a call from his girlfriend who was drunk and at the White Sox game. So, he starts talking normally to her, but she couldn't hear him so he starts to talk louder and louder. At the same time, he thinks it's funny to start to talk dirty and here is how this went.
At first, while talking loudly, the kind of volume that only the people at adjacent tables could hear, he says this,
"So, tonight, I am going do you in the ass! - Hello! Can you hear me!?!? Yeah, in the ass!! - I am going to lube it up and stick it in your ass!!"
At this point - I notice that other people are paying attention and I start laughing my ass off. At the same time - I am trying to slide my chair away from the table. However, she still can't hear him - so he starts yelling - the WHOLE ENTIRE BAR can hear him and they ALL stop what they are doing and start listening to this,
"HEY! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!? I AM GOING TO LUBE EVERYTHING UP AND STICK MY BALLS IN YOUR ASS! CAN YOU HEAR ME? I AM GOING TO LUBE IT UP AND STICK MY BALLS IN YOU! MY BALLS - I AM GOING TO STICK THEM IN YOU! I AM GOING TO STICK MY BALLS IN YOU!!"
I had tears running down my face I was laughing so hard, I was also all the way across the bar trying to distance myself from him. After he got off the phone, the waitress that we had a good relationship with up until that point, treated us like we had small pox, so we figured it was time to go...
Well, Mr. Wasted (as we'll call him) gets a call from his girlfriend who was drunk and at the White Sox game. So, he starts talking normally to her, but she couldn't hear him so he starts to talk louder and louder. At the same time, he thinks it's funny to start to talk dirty and here is how this went.
At first, while talking loudly, the kind of volume that only the people at adjacent tables could hear, he says this,
"So, tonight, I am going do you in the ass! - Hello! Can you hear me!?!? Yeah, in the ass!! - I am going to lube it up and stick it in your ass!!"
At this point - I notice that other people are paying attention and I start laughing my ass off. At the same time - I am trying to slide my chair away from the table. However, she still can't hear him - so he starts yelling - the WHOLE ENTIRE BAR can hear him and they ALL stop what they are doing and start listening to this,
"HEY! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!? I AM GOING TO LUBE EVERYTHING UP AND STICK MY BALLS IN YOUR ASS! CAN YOU HEAR ME? I AM GOING TO LUBE IT UP AND STICK MY BALLS IN YOU! MY BALLS - I AM GOING TO STICK THEM IN YOU! I AM GOING TO STICK MY BALLS IN YOU!!"
I had tears running down my face I was laughing so hard, I was also all the way across the bar trying to distance myself from him. After he got off the phone, the waitress that we had a good relationship with up until that point, treated us like we had small pox, so we figured it was time to go...
