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 E-Mail That I Want To Send To My Wife. Opinions Please!
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| Author | Topic: E-Mail That I Want To Send To My Wife. Opinions Please! | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder 
Posts: 386 |
If you don't know (and care), here's the background: http://www.elitefitness.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/005444.html http://www.elitefitness.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/005772.html I just wanted to let you know how much your words have hurt me. Again. The sad thing is, I don't think you realize how cruel you were to tell me the things you did. I have endured a lot through this, I don't want to carry your burdens too. You need to own your own demons. You say you still have friendship and welfare feelings for Matt. I'm glad you're thinking of somebody's feelings because you're certainly not thinking of mine or the health of our relationship. Just at the time that I'm ready to open back up to you and begin building again, you tell me that you are still focusing energy on the guy that you had an affair with. The guy that was half responsible for me having to sit through a DNA test with my own wife. You and Matt DESTROYED almost everything I ever believed in. This situation has been extremely damaging and painful to me. Every time I start TRUSTING you again, you tell me something that challenges my faith in you. I told you I won't play to this shit any more and I WON'T. You have the audacity to sit back and whine to me about the loss of the relationship that you had with him? You tell me that you are dedicating your marriage counseling time to trying to work through your feelings for him� And even though you know how I feel about you contacting him (which you did anyway behind my back, without giving me the option to be there), you tell me you want to talk to him and complain when I don't understand. Well, I don't understand. I never will. Take a moment and REALLY put yourself in my shoes � would you understand? If you were serious about us and 100 percent committed to me, you would be telling me that you are focusing on us, our family and future -- and not making me wonder if you're still thinking about what it would be like to be with him. Not making me wonder if you are still wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. Not making me wonder if you seeing him the other day has triggered feelings in you. Your friendship with him is gone. Forever. You chose that. If you miss Matt, his companionship and the two-month affair you had with him, pursue it. Just know that I do not support it and will not remain in this marriage. You guys hurt me!! I'm supposed to accept the fact that you're still thinking of him and pining over your 'loss'? What about my losses? What about our loss? If you were thinking of me in the slightest, you never would have gone where you did, WHEN you did. That was selfish behavior, not loving and sharing behavior. What did you hope to gain from telling me that stuff? Some crosses are meant to be borne alone. You're married and committed to me or you're not. Please don't respond to this, I don't want to hear from you right now (especially over e-mail). I don't want to hear from you until you have made a decision that you are sure you can uphold. I'll wait as long as I can, but I won't wait forever. I'll contact you for arrangements with Mya. [This message has been edited by BigTruck (edited October 24, 2000).]     | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder 
Posts: 1346 |
BROTHER... YOUR THE MAN!!! MAY WOMEN FALL AT YOUR MERCY... IN THE DEEPEST WAY, I FEEL FOR YOU... GET YOURS BRO, IN ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE. | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1345 |
Only send it if it wil make YOU feel better...Because of how you've explained her It might not even phase her...so only do it if YOU will benifit from it without getting any response from her. I personally wouldn't bother....but I'm not you  | ||
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Cool Novice 
Posts: 39 |
that were real nice words, obviously from the heart, but are you sure that e-mail is the best forum to show her how you feel..? why don't you call her or write a paper letter? imo, those are more personal than e-mail, good luck, whatever you end up doing... ~leaf~ | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 25 |
Truck, I wouldn't send it...except for maybe the last paragraph, ie-"don't contact me until you have made a decision". The rest of the e-mail is, understandably, an exercise in venting your frustration and anger...she knows she has and is fucked up...she doesn't deserve to know how you feel right now...force her to make her decision without any input/persuasion from you. Truck, you know I was originally with you on this, that is, to give her another chance. However, if she is still on the fence and continues to struggle with her feelings for the other guy (especially after you have been determined to be the baby's father), it is probably time to terminate the marriage. It's time to protect yourself and your relationship with your kids. Good luck and keep us posted. Ferrus | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder 
Posts: 263 |
TRUCK, I WOULD SAY GO AHEAD AND SEND IT. AS LONG AS U ARE BEING HONEST AND TELLING HER EXACTLY HOW U FEEL W/O HOLDING BACK, SEND IT. READING YOUR POSTS, WITH ALL THE PROBLEMS YOU ARE HAVING WITH YOUR WOMAN MADE ME REALIZE JUST HOW GOOD I HAVE IT....ZEUS | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 626 |
Big Truck, I don't mean to sound like a flame, but your letter while it was too the point and brought your feelings across, it still sounded like it was written by a SCHMUCK who has been WHIPPED and has his tail between his legs. I have read your past threads and I am sure you have told your wife these things over and over. Do you think she will pay any attention to them again in an email? Dude it has come time to hold your head high. You are giving this woman the pleasure of knowing that she has broken you. You MUST take back something for yourself. Right now, you are basically saying that you are putting yourself in second place while she makes up her mind about this other guy. Is that what you want? Do you think that is what another woman would want? A man who has been utterly defeated and beaten? A man who has no self respect or personal value. I don't think this is you, but I do think you are letting the heart do the talking, when you need to be letting the head. Face it, she used you, abused you, lied and betrayed you. What else can someone do before you write them off? She is a lost cause, get over it. You are not Super-Save-Them-Man. If I were going to write your letter, it would be simple, brief and to the point. Just tell her that based on the talks you two have had (and you don't need to go over the details or even bring them up again) tell her it is time to cut the losses for both parties and you will make arrangements about your daughter. Come on man, hold that head high, you are much better than the two of those losers together. You are much more of a loss than she will ever be. Jae | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 386 |
This is why I posted it. Great feedback so far!! | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 744 |
Truck--it sounds like she wants both of you, and of course this will not work, I think you should send it because it expresses your deepest darkest feelings that she may not know about. ------------------ | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1209 |
Truck, your marriage is over. You can send the letter if you want, but it is futile. You will forever have the thought in your mind "Is she cheating on me?" and it's going to make you both miserable. If you feel like you need to give it to her for your own sake, then print it out, hand it to her, and watch her read it. Your letter isn't going to change a thing. Once a cheat, always a cheat. Go out and find yourself again. Do this for your child, do you want to make your childs life miserable by fighting? File for divorce first, and get custody of your child. Ask Chesty what could happen, he's been thru it and so have I. | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1010 |
Where is your pride? You still want to be with this slut? Im sure you remember the good times with her, but now she is just a slut. Treat her like one. PS Hope you dont take offense to this, I just really hate cheaters. [This message has been edited by Mr. T (edited October 24, 2000).] | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 386 |
Pride is a funny thing. She's the mother of my first child and is carrying my second child. She has been my family for the last eight years. It's not that easy to walk away. Divorce is permanent and IF there's a chance that this relationship could work out under NEW rules, I'm willing to take it. HOWEVER, I am also starting to see things as they REALLY are and am slowly beginning to understand that this just may not be in the cards. There's a point when you stop being empathetic, loving and caring and you start being a sucker. I just need to know when to let go. I haven't quite figured it out. That's why the support from all of you is so helpful. No offence taken at anything. This is all stuff I NEED to hear -- no sugar-coating. Thanks. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 121 |
Rotten said it, walk away with your pride in tack. Your marriage is over and in the end you will be happy for it. Move on to someone who will respect you for the carring person you obviously are. From reading your post it sounds like your wife has zero respect for you. Get it back and move on to a better life. I made a fool of myself once, It still hurts (not the loss of love) Knowing that I allowed my self respect to be trashed. And that I let it happen. | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1346 |
MAYBE HE CANT TALK TO HER WITHOUT LETTING EMOTION GET TOO INVOLVED... IT WAS HIS WIFE, TILL DEATH DO THEY PART!!! EMAIL AWAY. THAT WAY YOUR WORDS YOU WANT TO SAY ARE HEARD AND RECEIVED... SHE DOESNT GET TEH INTENSE EMOTION YOU HAVE BUILT UP. SHE GETS THE DIRECT WORDS. SHE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO HEAR. SHE CANT TURN IT AROUND ON YOU. SEND IT. | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 501 |
How about this "fuck you bitch, you are a whore. PS... you got fat" | ||
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Guru 
Posts: 3515 |
I can tell you from experience that when it happens and you find out, even if you work it out, you will always wonder if something is going on when she goes out with the girls and such. If I were you speaking from experience and mistakes, move on get away, and screw her. | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1091 |
I don't think this letter isn't anything you haven't said to her before. And I don't think that it will make her wake up and refocus her mind on the marriage. That would have happened a long time ago if that was something she truly wanted. If your relationship is meant to work out on the basis of trust, honesty, emotional connection -it will. Whether you are divorced, married or whatever. It seems to me that she is not being directly honest with you with her words - but her actions are very telling. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 293 |
This email is part of the problem, WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO HER THROUGH EMAIL? She is supposed to be your wife, not a pen pal, so you need to do all this stuff face to face if you can. ------------------ | ||
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Guru
Posts: 2055 |
Sorry Truck, Nothing about this is good - IT ALL SUCKS. I think that the only thing that matters at this point are the kids. I go with JAE on this, she is playing all sides and having fun. She would only tell me once that she was still thinking about the other guy and the moving van and friend would show up and dump her ass off the sofa as I moved out. You need to be with people you like and that would have mutaul respect for and quit thinking about this so much. It is running your life right now and you are not focusing on the stuff that matters. It won't be long and its already starting were all aspects of your life are in trauma. Work on the kid issues and screw the rest. They are the best thing to come out of this and the rest of it should pass like water under the bridge. | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1010 |
Yeah Truck, I understand about the kids. To tell you the truth, you could get custody of them due to her affair. Is this the only bad personality trait she shows? Usually people like this have a history of only thinking about themselves. Is she a good mother? I dont think its good to take kids from their mother but what values will she be teaching them when she cant keep her pants on? | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1345 |
Just another thought...if shes the one who fucked up (no pun intended)...shouldn't she be the one e mailing you and kissing your ass???!! Also...pride is overated...but being an idiot is not....don't be a fool...listen to Mr.T [This message has been edited by AGENT SHAGWELL (edited October 24, 2000).] | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 241 |
I agree with Cleaner. The worst thing you can do is try to "work it out" at this point. I really feel for you man, I have had this happen to me countless times(although no children were involved). It's NOT worth it. Life is hard, but when you are dealt lemons, make lemonade. Learn from your mistakes-we all make them. Pick up, go on, be a great father to your kids and ignore whatever crap she tries to load you down with. ------------------ | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 626 |
Highly doubtful he will get custody of his kids, even if she has had 100 affairs in one month alone. I know, my son's mother was living with a crackhead and she was fast on the road to addiction, she had no job, she moved 11 times in 4 months, she had no car, she was arrested 6 times for drugs and bad checks, and I went to court and LOST!! Here I was with my own place, in college, living a clean healthy life and the judge said that at an early age the child needed a dual parent household to be in. Rather than giving me my son, the judge allowed him to stay there, put them in a subsidized houseing (the projects), gave them welfare and it only made them more lazy. I picked him up one weekend when he was four years old and his mother never came back around until he was five and in kindergarten. In that time, she had divorced, remarried, divorced and was still living with the same bum. He had just once ran over her with her own car. She showed up and signed my son over to me, although about 6 months later she regretted it because it put a cut back on their welfare and she tried to reclaim him. The court that time took a look at I having him in a private school, I owned my own place, I had a job paying over 60K at age 23 and I -most important- had time to spend with him. That judge told her "no thanks - go sing it somewhere else." And he actually awarded me child support. though I gave her the option to signing away all parental and visitation rights in leiu of me not collecting child support and the dummy did it. Truck, try to see your children as much as possible and you can believe as they get older, they will see the situation for what it really is. Try not to argue in front of them but then again, don't be a whipping post either. But you MUST move on beyond this girl. I know first hand how much pain you are going through, but I will tell you something, that pain will not kill you, it will either strenghten you or defeat you. Rejoice in the pain, at least it tells you that you are human and you have feelings and you were doing the right thing in your own mind. I would hate it worse if you were having no pain or remorse. Send me your address, I have something to mail you. Jae | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1010 |
Depends on the judge Jae- | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 136 |
I don't know what to say really, very well written and from the heart. I myself am a hot head and If I were ever cheated on there would be absolute hell to pay, and I damn well mean it. If someone ruined my life like that I would make it my duty to make their lives an absolute hell. But thats just me |
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posted October 24, 2000 09:45 AM
