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Future One

Elite Bodybuilder

Posts: 873
From:Somewhere in Canada, sometime in the far future...
Registered: Jul 2000

posted February 19, 2001 10:56 AM

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President-elect George W. Bush received his first national security briefing at the Governor's Mansion in Austin, Texas. It was conducted by Brigadier General Thomas C. Bradley, Army Staff Liaison to the National Security Council, and David L. McKittrick, Deputy Assistant to the Director of the CIA. An anonymous Security Council staff member leaked a transcript of the briefing to the press.
Bradley: Good morning, Mr. President-elect. Congratulations on your victory.

Bush: Thanks. That's a nice suit. How come you don't wear a uniform. Are you really a general?

Bradley: I wear my uniform when I'm working at the Pentagon. Now, would you like to get started?

Bush: Yeah, I guess. How long is this gonna take?

McKittrick: Mr. President-elect, these briefings usually only take 15-20 minutes, depending on world events. Somewhat longer if you have questions or require further detail.

Bush: Okay.

Bradley: Beginning with the Middle East, as you may know, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak . . .

Bush: He's a Jew, right?

Bradley: One would assume so. Now . . .

Bush: I bet he voted for Pat Buchanan.

Bradley: Sir, Mr. Barak has resigned as a result of the continuing violence between the Palestinians and the Israeli security forces.

Bush: I hear those Palestrians are A-rabs without any oil. That must be real hard on them. I mean, an A-rab without oil is, I guess, just a shepherd or a terrorist or something. I feel compassion for them.

Bradley: Yes, sir. In any event, the situation is extremely volatile because most of the casualties are Palestinian youth - children really - who assault the Israeli soldiers with rocks.

Bush: Rocks? Well, hey, this is easy. Why don't we just get rid of the rocks? The Israelite army could just go in there and pick them up and haul them away for making gravel or paving roads or something. The Jews could probably even make a buck or two on that deal.

McKittrick: Sir, Palestine is a rocky desert. Removing all the rocks from Palestine would be like removing all the assholes from Texas.

Bush: Excuse me? What did you say? What's your name again, mister?

McKittrick: John Doe.

Bush: Well, Mr. Doe, we'll see how long your career lasts in my administration.

Bradley: Sir, in any case, you can't remove the rocks from Palestine.

Bush: Where's Uncle Dick?

Bradley: Sir?

Bush: Dick Cheney. He should be here. He knows what to do about all this detail stuff.

Bradley: Sir, I believe he's in Washington supervising the transition.

Bush: Transition?

Bradley: Changing the government, sir. Replacing the Democratic officeholders in the Executive Branch. Preparing for your administration in Washington.

Bush: I have to move to Washington? I just bought a ranch. A big one, too.

McKittrick: Perhaps we could move on to events in Europe.

Bush. That's better. I like Europe.

McKittrick: Have you traveled extensively there?

Bush: I didn't say I'd been there. I said I like the Europese. You know,a lot of Americans came here from Europe. My own family used to be a part of Europe. I'm not sure which.

McKittrick: Yes, sir, I can imagine. Mr.President-elect, the European Union is becoming more of a reality and changing the nature of our responsibilities and influence there. The Europeans want to establish their own 60,000 man security force, and that raises questions about the future viability of NATO.

Bush: I don't get it.

McKittrick: Get what, sir? Europe? NATO? Where did I lose you?

Bush: Don't be a smartass. My dad used to run the FBI, you know. Or the CIA. Who are you with? He ran that too.

Bradley: Sir, what he's saying . . .

Bush: I know what he's saying. The Europese want to redo the continent into one big country. With ONE army. That's stupid! If it's all one army, who are you going to attack? Answer me that.

McKittrick: Mr. President-elect, I believe that's enough for one day. I think you're right; we'll give these pesky details to Vice President-elect Cheney, and you can get back to the ranch. Thank you for your time and attention.

Bush: Oh sure, this is fun. Maybe when I'm president we can have these briefings once a year.

Bradley: Yes, sir. Good day, sir.

Bush: Yeah, bye. Oh, hey, listen. I wasn't talking about ALL the rocks. Just the ones that are throwin' size. I'm not stupid, you know.

McKittrick: God help us all.

Bush: What was that??

McKittrick: Nothing Sir, have a good Day.

------------------


"Mr. Phillips, are you honestly telling me that people are really going to believe that I'm the 'before,' and he's the 'after'?"



Johnny had spent the best years of his life there, playing with the other children, running, laughing, and experiencing the wonders of nature through innocent eyes. He even sneaked his first kiss there from Becky Thompson while standing underneath the slide, so there was no way in hell he was going to let CostCo put another store on "his" playground.


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TxCollegeguy

Elite Bodybuilder

Posts: 819
From:
Registered: Jan 2000

posted February 19, 2001 11:02 AM

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hahaha....Has Leno or Letterman used this yet? I'd like to see part of that some night on one of those shows...


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Grotto

Cool Novice

Posts: 24
From:Toronto
Registered: Feb 2001

posted February 19, 2001 11:25 AM

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Great American Presidents
(A Canadian perspective)

Washington = great man
Jefferson = great man
Franklin = Great smart man
Lincoln = Great humanitarian man
Kennedy = great man
George W. Bush HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Sorry but the truth hurts
Grotto



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MattTheSkywalker

Moderator

Posts: 2694
From:Atlanta GA
Registered: Jan 2000

posted February 19, 2001 03:13 PM

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Grotto, I see you are calling Kennedy a great man. Is that your own opinion or did someone tell you that?

Because it seems to me, given the Cuban missile crisis and the Bay of Pigs fuck-up, he was one of the worst Presidents we've ever had. His assassination is the only reason he has any decent legacy.


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CrazyThug

Amateur Bodybuilder

Posts: 148
From:on da streets slangin thangs (da 30349)
Registered: Feb 2001

posted February 19, 2001 03:48 PM

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Somehow the missile crisis has been turned into something to make Kennedy look good.

What most people don't know is that to get the missiles out of Cuba, he agreed to withdraw our missiles we had in Turkey that could have struck the USSR.

The media leaves that part of the story out.


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Myo-genetic

Cool Novice

Posts: 47
From:Manila, Philippines
Registered: Feb 2001

posted February 19, 2001 04:26 PM

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In relation to the "looks" post, this ties together perfectly. I must bump for Matt as Kennedy was one of the worst presidents the U.S. has ever seen. He is considered "good" to the average citizen because he was a good looking man with a pretty wife and good-looking children, as well as came from a very recognized and wealthy political family. Basically he beat Nixon in the election because Nixon made the mistake of going on a debate while he was ill. Any historian can tell you that the polls swung that night at a rediculous rate, even though the debate was typical of anything that had already been said in the election. The average person did not pay attention to the issues that night. All they saw was a tall, tanned picture of health standing next to a sweating, tired, very old-looking man who had to struggle to maintain his stength and composure. Just like Clinton, Kennedy was so beloved because he was the "All-American boy". Nothing more.


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Myo-genetic

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From:Manila, Philippines
Registered: Feb 2001

posted February 19, 2001 04:31 PM

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And if you ask the average American who states that Kennedy or Clinton were great presidents to back up their statements, you get a "deer in the headlights" stare 95% of the time.


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special ed

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From:USA
Registered: Jan 2001

posted February 19, 2001 07:24 PM

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quote:
Originally posted by Myo-genetic:
And if you ask the average American who states that Kennedy or Clinton were great presidents to back up their statements, you get a "deer in the headlights" stare 95% of the time.

LMAO!!!!

Or even worse, "well, Clinton did what he promised."
I usually respond "what was that? lower the nations morals some more?"

Kennedy, Clinton, Carter.....what's the damn difference?


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Badkins21

Olympian

Posts: 1657
From:TEXAS!!! A&M!!! AMERICA!!!
Registered: Jul 2000

posted February 19, 2001 07:37 PM

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That's one of the funniest things I've ever read...


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bigschweeler

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From:
Registered: Dec 2000

posted February 19, 2001 07:52 PM

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It's easy to be critical of our Presidents but could you do better?

They deal with complex issues every day and make mistakes like the rest of us. I may not agree with their ideology, but I respect them.


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Myo-genetic

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Posts: 47
From:Manila, Philippines
Registered: Feb 2001

posted February 19, 2001 08:31 PM

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Too bad that the greatest leaders are smart enough to stay out of politics and do something like be the Chief Technology Officer at Microsoft.

I'm not saying that I could do better, (it doesn't take much in the case of Bill Clinton) but at least I understand that he was the bottom of the barrel when it came to presidents. We are just now seeing the effects of the Clinton/Gore economy after 10 great years of living under the economy that Regan/Bush/Greenspan created back in the Eighties. In case anyone is wondering, you only see the effects of a presidents administration on the economy AFTER he leaves office. So now poor George W. has to clean up Clintons mess.


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The Varnsen

Amateur Bodybuilder

Posts: 211
From:Wellington, New Zealand
Registered: Jan 2001

posted February 20, 2001 07:06 AM

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Well i agree Kennedy is famous and recognized only because he was murdered, but Clinton is a whole different story...

Why are these guys so tall?

feet/inches 6' 4" Abraham Lincoln
6' 3" Lyndon B Johnson
6' 2�" Bill Clinton
Thomas Jefferson
6' 2" Chester Arthur
George Bush
Franklin D Roosevelt
George Washington
6' 1" Andrew Jackson
Ronald Reagan
6' 0" James Buchanan
Gerald R Ford
James Garfield
Warren Harding
John F Kennedy
James Monroe
William H Taft
John Tyler
5' 11�" Richard M Nixon
5' 11" Grover Cleveland
Herbert Hoover
Woodrow Wilson
5' 10�" Dwight D Eisenhower
5' 10" Calvin Coolidge
Andrew Johnson
Franklin Pierce
Theodore Roosevelt
5' 9�" Jimmy Carter
5' 9" Millard Fillmore
Harry S Truman
5' 8�" Rutherford B Hayes
5' 8" Ulysses S Grant
William H Harrison
James Polk
Zachary Taylor
5' 7" John Adams
John Quincy Adams
William McKinley
5' 6" Benjamin Harrison
Martin Van Buren
5' 4" James Madison


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WODIN

Mutant

Posts: 3297
From:Look Behind You!!!
Registered: Aug 2000

posted February 20, 2001 07:25 AM

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JFK - Started The Peace Corp, The Presidents Council on Physical Fitness (you know the one that AHNOLD chaired while Bush, Sr. was in office), the National Wild Life Preserve, Strongly supported the GATT (yeah that took only four administrations to get through office), The Arms control and Disarmament Agency, The National Endowment for the Arts and THE GREEN BERETS, which lead to the founding of the Seals, Scouts and Rangers.

He also actually fought in World War II, and didn't have his daddy hide him at some military base in Texas!

His administration took on the Mob and organized crime as no other had before.


So Yeah I'd say he was a Great President.

------------------


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BarbarianHorde

Amateur Bodybuilder

Posts: 223
From:NSW, Australia
Registered: Dec 2000

posted February 20, 2001 07:54 AM

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http://www.romp.com/series/show.php?series=26&episode=9


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Grotto

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From:Toronto
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posted February 20, 2001 03:21 PM

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Dont laugh but Nixon opened the doors and recognised China when no other western politition could.
He was also a psycho loonie but that was a big accomplishment. No one remembers that, just his ultra right wing actions. And because of these personal fault he will never be considered a great pres.
Grotto


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Myo-genetic

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Posts: 47
From:Manila, Philippines
Registered: Feb 2001

posted February 20, 2001 07:08 PM

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quote:
Originally posted by WODIN:
JFK - Started The Peace Corp, The Presidents Council on Physical Fitness (you know the one that AHNOLD chaired while Bush, Sr. was in office), the National Wild Life Preserve, Strongly supported the GATT (yeah that took only four administrations to get through office), The Arms control and Disarmament Agency, The National Endowment for the Arts and THE GREEN BERETS, which lead to the founding of the Seals, Scouts and Rangers.

He also actually fought in World War II, and didn't have his daddy hide him at some military base in Texas!

His administration took on the Mob and organized crime as no other had before.


So Yeah I'd say he was a Great President.


Most of those things that you said are all fine and dandy to give you a warm-fuzzy feeling, but what practical use are they to the country? First the wildlife federation. Great on a personal level (as I too feel nature should be respected) but does nothing for the forward progress of a naton. The Presidents Council on Physical Fitness....nothing but a worthless waste and a smokescreen to make us think the government cares about our well being. If was a great program, why has our incedence of obesity increased 6% in the last 10 years? The Peace Corp-also does nothing for the forward progress of America...just gives hippies a "purpose" to their lives. The Endowment for the Arts....I'm seeing a pattern here now...as I'm sure most who are reading this thread.
The Special Forces in the military....typical of a democrat to try to take credit for a military iniciative.

Just because you are a veteran does not automatically qualify you to be a leader.

The mob hardly lost a step until the late 60's and 70's.


So in this, I offer not a flame, but a chance at learning what exactly defines presidential greatness. Three letters was by what he was known: FDR.

Click on the link to read about this great man:
http://www.let.ruu.nl/ams/xroads/ch10.htm


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MattTheSkywalker

Moderator

Posts: 2694
From:Atlanta GA
Registered: Jan 2000

posted February 20, 2001 07:19 PM

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quote:
Originally posted by WODIN:
JFK - Started The Peace Corp, The Presidents Council on Physical Fitness (you know the one that AHNOLD chaired while Bush, Sr. was in office), the National Wild Life Preserve, Strongly supported the GATT (yeah that took only four administrations to get through office), The Arms control and Disarmament Agency, The National Endowment for the Arts and THE GREEN BERETS, which lead to the founding of the Seals, Scouts and Rangers.

He also actually fought in World War II, and didn't have his daddy hide him at some military base in Texas!

His administration took on the Mob and organized crime as no other had before.


So Yeah I'd say he was a Great President.


His WW2 heroics are well documented. I'm not criticizing that. It also means little as a president....or should we elect David Hackworth, our most decorated vet?

Rangers existed LONG BEFORE the Green Berets. World war 2, Korea....in fact the idea of the Ranger as elite soldier dates to the Revolutionary War. Kennedy was instrumental in developing teh Special Operations Community, but his use of it was to roll us down the slippery slope toward Vietnam. (His followers deserve most of the blame though).

NEA is good why again? promotes creativity? Or does it fund derelicts?

None of these relatively minor goods should remove the focus from his egregious mishandling of the Missile Crisis or Bay of Pigs.

He also attacked teh mob after they gave him Illiois. This is why RFK is dead. They're both hypocrites.


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fistfullofsteel

Elite Bodybuilder

Posts: 825
From:
Registered: Aug 2000

posted February 20, 2001 09:44 PM

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According to c-spans historians pole overall ranking, JFK comes in at number 8; i think that is pretty good.

this was a quick search, i didn't really study it carefully, but one thing is for sure, taking a couple of history classes in college doesn't qualify me as an authority to judge which presidents were the best.
http://www.americanpresidents.org/survey/historians/overall.asp


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