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Author
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Topic: Texas humor
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Olympian
Posts: 1750
From:the outer regions of the inner labia
Registered: Oct 2000
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posted February 14, 2001 02:21 PM |
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The Top FORTY Things You Will NEVER Hear in Texas:40. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrestling's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who gives a hoot who won the Civil War?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C: drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fianc�e, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. You All.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla. And, the Number One thing you'll NEVER hear in Texas: 1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight. ------------------
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Moderator
Posts: 4307
From:Houston, TX, USA
Registered: Apr 2000
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posted February 14, 2001 02:27 PM |
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What's with "We got it all on the C: drive?" We're computer literate here.  We got Dell, and Compaq, and Texas Instruments, and Nasa. Y'all saying we aint smart? hehehe
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Mutant
 
Posts: 3125
From:cryogenically frozen somewhere in FL
Registered: Aug 2000
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posted February 14, 2001 02:31 PM |
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Captian...please excuse me for talking out of turn, on a Texan subject.. that I am not....but isn't it Ya' all or Yu ull ?[This message has been edited by AGENT SHAGWELL (edited February 14, 2001).]
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Moderator
Posts: 2733
From:LaLa Land
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted February 14, 2001 02:32 PM |
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[email protected] AM DYIN!!!!!!!!!Thank you, Cap. I really needed a hearty laugh today. ------------------
....beauty knows no pain.
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Olympian
Posts: 1540
From:College Station, TX, USA
Registered: Jul 2000
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posted February 14, 2001 02:33 PM |
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Cough, spit...we's smartur than ya's thank up thare in tha north...HEHE!!------------------
GIG 'EM, Badkins21
[email protected]
http://www.angelfire.com/pa2/badkins
"Get BIG, or get the f*ck out," "Smoke it 'til your fingers burn," "The world IS mine!!"
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 310
From:TEXAS
Registered: Jun 2000
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posted February 14, 2001 02:47 PM |
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You're right. Good place to stay out of....------------------
Zebo Daddy rocks!
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Olympian
Posts: 1540
From:College Station, TX, USA
Registered: Jul 2000
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posted February 14, 2001 03:31 PM |
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Shags, the proper conjuntion is "y'all," since it's replacing the longer, "you all."WHOOOOOOOP!! THAT'S AN AGGIE THING IF Y'ALL DIDN'T KNOW... ------------------
GIG 'EM, Badkins21
[email protected]
http://www.angelfire.com/pa2/badkins
"Get BIG, or get the f*ck out," "Smoke it 'til your fingers burn," "The world IS mine!!"
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Olympian
Posts: 1839
From:Diego, Cali
Registered: May 2000
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posted February 14, 2001 04:09 PM |
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LMFAO....Texan born and raised!!!!
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 1457
From:~texas~
Registered: Jul 2000
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posted February 14, 2001 04:12 PM |
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I done did got me laugh out of this here post
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 656
From:Austin, TX
Registered: Aug 2000
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posted February 14, 2001 06:29 PM |
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jeez...------------------
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra. Suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night the ice weasels come. 
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 751
From:
Registered: Jan 2000
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posted February 14, 2001 06:38 PM |
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lol...thanks I needed a laugh after the rough day at school...
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 598
From: TX USA
Registered: Mar 2000
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posted February 14, 2001 06:42 PM |
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Only sixteen?Throw her back..I'm after her younger sister------------------
SAMM
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