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Mon colocataire retour au Collège, Matt Doeing, m'a envoyé sur nos jours de collège - un certain temps il y a maintenant. Si vous voulez un bon rire (à mes frais), alors s'il vous plaît lire ce qui suit - tout sur moi à mon époque de gloire!
De: Matthew Doeing Je me souviens comme c'était hier.... C'était un samedi soir et Bruce, Marcus, George et moi (Oui, que George - le Spellmeister) ont été obtenir tous chargés pour une énorme soirée sur la ville. L'odeur de cologne, gel pour les cheveux pas cher, et testostérone puait l'air comme un vestiaire de football. Nous étions aspirant à une couple de Labatt brasse, Je regarde les Wolverines du Michigan trounce Purdue (football collégial) et en espérant et en priant comme l'enfer d'avoir notre chemin avec les dames chaudes à Campbell Street Station - un kick-ass club local de boire et danser tout près de la frontière à Sarnia belle, L'Ontario. Nous avons été pompé! Accordée, notre chance avec les dames n'a pas été excellent dernièrement. en fait, elle a sucé!Vérité est, the closest any of us had gotten to getting laid in the last six months was Spellwin\'s sad attempt to score at his brother\'s wedding with the maid of honor... et elle a été mariée! It was hilarious...and pathetic! Mais nous étions les gars! Que l'enfer savons-nous, droit? Mon colocataire quatrième et plus récent était ce personnage nommé Darcy. (Nous avons loué au deuxième étage d'une vieille maison victorienne - serré sur l'espace mais le loyer a été super!) Il était un gars calme, grassouillet, un peu geek, à la tête chauve et un nez trop grand pour son visage. Globalement, un mec assez cool. Il y a environ deux semaines il a rompu avec une chaude Samantha nommée numéro qui nous serait ont fait don d'un rein pour avoir des relations sexuelles avec! Nous avons pensé que c'était juste muet-cul chance que Darcy pourrait obtenir une superbe Nana comme Samantha mais, as you\'ll see, dumb-cul chance n'a rien à faire! En tout cas, here\'s Darcy sitting on our only recliner, jambes qui pèsent sur l'accoudoir, avec un œil en lisant certains gras nouveau livre sur le Donjons et Dragons ou quelle que soit, avec l'autre oeil, nous regarde quatre schmucks obtenir assez pour les dames. Et le fils-de-a-pute riait à nous! Pas de la merde. "What\'s so damn funny, Darc?" Spellwin a demandé. (Darc était notre surnom pour lui - un mélange entre Darcy et "neuneu") "Viens de regarder le spectacle." Darcy a répondu. "Vous les gars passez par cette chose rituelle fucked-up un peu tous les week-ends, mais, Allez, Quelle est la dernière fois que quelqu'un d'entre vous l'ont obtenu mis?" Les quatre d'entre nous seulement se regardèrent. Ouais, C'était un peu gênant. "At least we\'re fuckin trying! You just dumped a fine piece of ass so you\'ll be looking again soon." Marcus taquiné. "Heh, I\'m enjoying the peace. When I\'m ready for another babe, I\'ll go out and get one." Darcy est retourné à son livre. "Just like that, vous pensez que vous pouvez sortir un EEG, une autre fille comme Samantha? Des conneries!" Marcus s'emballent comme une mauvaise herbe-wacker italienne sur le crack! "Coup d'oeil, I don\'t know, picking up chicks just ain\'t that difficult. What\'s the big deal?" Darcy a tenté de revenir à son livre. Maintenant c'est mon tour. La connerie était allé trop loin. I was calling Darcy\'s bluff! Allez, Darc," J'ai dit "You\'re telling me if you came out with us tonight you would have a babe by the end of the fuckin night. You know that\'s bullshit! I\'ll bet you rent you\'re full of shit." (J'ai pensé que c'était une centaines de dollars très facile!) Je pouvais voir Darcy y penser. Il avait un camion chargé de prêts aux étudiants et peu d'argent. (He was shooting for a Doctoral Degree in Behavior Analysis at WMU and that ain\'t cheap.) "Prêt de moi $20 Ensuite, vous devrez payer seulement moi $80 quand je gagne." Darcy dit avec sa main sur! "Fils de pute arrogant, Heh?" Je l'ai giflé 02:10 points dans sa main et lui dit de l'enfer se dépêcher et préparez-vous. alors, tout d'un coup, J'ai commencé le sentiment nerveux au sujet de ce fichu pari. Nous avons tiré dans le stationnement de la Station de rue de Campbell et presque écrasé un explorateur comme nous effroi à 3 Babes à pied dans la porte! Nous pressé et a ordonné une brasser et fait notre chemin à travers la barre emballée et floppé vers le bas à une table imbibé de bière dans le coin arrière. The table sucked...it was no accident it was empty! "Ya voir dans quelques dickheads!" Darcy a souri, a attrapé sa bière et a disparu dans la foule. Les quatre d'entre nous se regardèrent et se mit à rire. Qui l'enfer qu'il pensait qu'il était? Au cours de la prochaine heure, Nous avons aspiré vers le bas environ quatre Labatt chaque, tiré d'une petite piscine, et a continué à rechercher la barre des babes. L'endroit était calé plein de chaudasses! Nous étions tout emballage bois! Puis il nous a frappés, comme un le nombre droit entre les yeux! We couldn\'t believe it! Cette vision brûle toujours dans mon cerveau! Il y avait Darcy, assis froidement à une table de choix avec trois de la plus chaude, babes parée-out ce côté de Chicago! Deux blondes, une brune aux seins aussi gros que des melons et, Je parie, aussi doux que le cantaloup mûr. And the kicker... ...ils ont été suspendus sur lui comme les groupies rock affamées de sexe! En particulier, l'un des poussins blondes était entier lui - J'ai Darcy demi prévue à Commencez juste là, lui taper sur la table! Then George said what we were all thinking... "No freakin way is that Darcy with that smoking hot babe... Crissake, I think she\'s ready to suck his knob right now! Unfucking believable." George, myself, Bruce, and Marcus just stared at each other. We were stunned! Shocked! What the hell was going on here? Did Darcy drug these chicks? Or maybe hypnotize them? Maybe he had a dick the size of a blue-ribbon cucumber? Perhaps he paid them... But the asshole had no money! The guy was a goof! A fuckin putz! What made this bastard so damn attractive to these beautiful babes! il va sans dire, the rest of the night sucked swamp water! Darcy did stop by our table just before closing, smacked me on the back and said he would pick up his winnings in the morning... when he got home!Then the damn freak left with those heavenly bodies following him like lost puppies! I didn\'t sleep for shit that night... Stuck once again rubbing one out before bed, the thought of Darcy popping those steaming hot chicks was frying my brain - there had to be some rational explanation for it! But what the hell was it? It gnawed me like a rat on roadkill! I was up early the next morning, sitting in the main room of our pad staring through the TV when Darcy blew in. "Hé, bud, can I get that cash? Me and the girls are heading out for a bite to eat." Darcy acted like this shit with 3 chicks happened all the time. "Dude, what happened last night?" I asked as I fished through my wallet for the cash. I was short. "You gotta clue me in on your fuckin secret! I\'m begging you man!" I slapped $74 in his hand. "Bien sûr, what the hell are roommates for? Let me get something to eat first, I\'m starving. See ya in a few." He shot out the door and I spied through the window as he jumped into a brand new black BMW convertible. The brunette was driving and just one blonde was in the back seat. Poor bastard, he lost a blonde! The other guys slowly wandered into the room and, sure as hell, the conversation was Darcy. The dumb-asses didn\'t know I just spoke to Darcy 10-minutes ago. "I bet those bitches just felt sorry for him." Marcus piped up first. "He probably slept on the couch and whacked it!" Spellwin added. "Probably his sisters friends. I\'ve seen pictures of his sister. She\'s hot!" It was Marcus\'s turn. "Maybe he knows something we don\'t." Bruce chimed in but felt the cold glare from the other guys. "Or maybe he has a dick the size of a bowling pin!" We laughed our balls off on that one but the wheels were spinning a mile a minute in my brain. I couldn\'t wait to corner Darcy and learn his secret! About half-past noon Darcy strolled up the stairs and into the apartment. I was dissecting the football stats from the Sunday paper, trying not to look like a giddy schoolgirl waiting for my first kiss! "What\'s up?" I asked. "Just a beautiful Sunday." Darcy tossed his jacket on the chair and dragged himself to his room. "I need a power nap. It was a long ass night!" "What the fuck?" I thought to myself but then Darcy peaked his head outside the door. "Give me 2 hours and then we can start your training. Get a pen, notepad, and grab George\'s tape recorder. That dumb shit won\'t even know it\'s missing. We\'ll head down to the cafe about [3:00] environ. Sound good?" "Perfect." I whispered trying to mask my excitement. Darcy and I sat down in a quiet booth at the Riverside Cafe\' and ordered coffee. "What the hell happened last night?" I blurted out. I couldn\'t wait. "What\'s the secret?" "There is no one secret, dude." Darcy a souri. "It\'s a combination of things. Like having a bag full of fuckin magic tricks when you need it." "Darcy, don\'t take this wrong but, um, you\'re not the best looking dude in the world." I was confused as hell. "How can you score with these hot chicks. Samantha was a fluke I thought but after last night, I don\'t know what the fuck to think?" "Matt, we\'ve only known each other, what, 3-4 months tops? There\'s a lot of shit you don\'t know about me. I\'ve had a good life so far. I\'ve learned a lot of shit." Darcy had a serious look going. "Tell me this, if I spend time with you and lay out all the shit I know about women what do you plan on doing with this information?" "I plan on using it to get laid! That\'s kind of a stupid question." J'ai dit. "Coup d'oeil, don\'t worry, man, I won\'t tell a soul." "No that\'s not my issue. en fait, just the opposite. "Darcy pinched his lip in thought. Then he looked up at me with a shit-eating grin. "You\'re freaking me out." He really was. "What the fuck is on your mind?" "I got a fuckin brainstorm going here." He pointed at his head. "Tell me what you think - you want to learn how to pick up chicks at the drop of a hat, droit? I already know your answer - every guy does. And even though you won\'t admit it, you probably would like to learn how to bang them so they keep coming back begging for more? You want to be a fuckin stud! Am I accurate?" I just nodded. What the hell could I say? "Here\'s my plan..." Darcy looked me square in the eyes. "Over the next two weeks I\'m going to teach you everything I know about picking up babes, seducing them to do whatever you want and then making them cum like a freak when you do sack them. After the classroom bullshit, we are going to hit the club scene and put your knowledge to action and get you laid, just to prove this shit works. Sound good?" "Hell yes!" De nouveau, what could I say? "Here\'s what I need from you. I want you to take notes and record everything I tell you over the next 2 semaines, every fucking detail, and put it in a book we can sell on the Internet. Not some cheap-ass 5 ou 10 page fucking report but a serious, no bullshit book that people can download, lire, et then use to go out and get laid!I need to make some serious cash so this book has to be fucking First-Class!" Darcy paused. "What do you think?" I said the only thing that came to my mind... "Darcy, I think you\'re a fucking genius!" For the next two weeks, every night, de [7:30] until after midnight, I sat in awe as Darcy pounded me with knowledge that absolutely blew me away. He was programming my brain to become a damn sex machine with the babes! He hit me with revolutionary, ball-busting information that, I swear... ...could get a dead man laid! By the end of my two-weeks of training I was a new man! I could feel it in my bones and soul and it felt pretty damn awesome! For the first time in my sad life, I knew exactly what women wanted, how to get them, and how to satisfy the living hell out of them! That just pumped me with nut-busting confidence! Maintenant, about that week after my training... I\'m not going to bullshit you and say I got laid every night after my training. Nope, didn\'t happen. But I did get laid 6 days after the training applying Darcy\'s brilliant advice and again on Day 13. Then I caught on fire! I had that \'kid-in-a-candy-shop, bang-every-chick-in-site\' mentality. I was on a freakin roll! Not to sound like a jerk, but I actually lost count of how many women I sacked! I was out of control. But I\'ve mellowed and I\'m glad I did. Maintenant, believe this shit or not, I enjoy the \'quality\' of the women I\'m with more than the \'quantity\'. I\'m betting you\'ll feel the same way too, after a few months of getting crazy and \'sowing your wild oats\'! But here\'s why I tell you about my recent history, the same hard-ass, dick-popping, beaver-busting information Darcy stuffed in my brain I stuffed into the digital pages of The Ugly Man\'s Guide! I left nothing out. Tell me, just for shits and grins, how would your life be if you learned the following facts... Here\'s a link to check out all the facts now... To Your Success, Matt Matthew Doeing PS: Spellwin read the book and finally got laid too - although it took him a little longer than yours truly - 9 days if memory serves me. |
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