You might be a redneck if....

[b fold the truth]

You might be a redneck if you pawn your guns to pay for your deer lease.


You might be a redneck if your home still has wide load sprayed painted on the side

If those big red fuzzy dice that you won at the Carnival are of greater monetary value than the vehicle they're hanging in...

If your household pets double as your livestock.

You might be a redneck if your belt buckle can substitute for a frying pan.

You might be a redneck if you have ever made payment on home improvments by giving the guy one of your firearms.

You might be a redneck if you can make a tune with a dip can!!!!

You might be a redneck if you have ever smoked a cigarette while having sex

You might be a rednek if u have more beercans then your wife does pairs of pants

you know your a redneck when your girlfriend has her bridal registry at the True value hardware store.

You nail pillows to the wall because you don't have a headboard for your bed.

you might be a redneck if you got three boat motors and no boat

Your might be a redneck if...
You worked on your car's electrical system and now all the lights go out with you step on the brakes.

You might be a redneck, if your babies pacifire consists of a bottle nipple and electrical tape.

You might be a redneck if you take your big sattelite turn it upside down and put pvc pipe for legs and think it is a gazebo.

 

[b fold the truth]

Redneck Medical Terms


Artery......................The study of paintings.
Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................A sheep dog.
Coma........................A punctuation mark.
D&C.........................Where Washington is.
Dilate......................To live long.
Enema.......................Not a friend.
Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................A small lie.
Genital.....................Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series..................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................I knew it.
Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery.
Rectum......................Darn near killed him.
Secretion...................Hiding something
Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
Tablet......................A small table.
Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.......................More than one.
Urine.......................Opposite of you're out
Varicose....................Near by

 

[b fold the truth]

Things you wont ever hear a redneck say.....
Oh I just couldn't.
Hell, she's only sixteen.
I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
Duct tape won't fix that.
Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
We don't keep firearms in this house.
Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
You can't feed that to the dog.
No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
Wrasslin's fake.
Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
We're vegetarians.
Do you think my gut is too big?
I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
Honey, we don't need another dog.
Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
Spittin is such a nasty habit.
I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
Trim the fat off that steak.
Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
The tires on that truck are too big.
I've got it all on the C drive.
Unsweetened tea tastes better.
Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
Checkmate.
She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
I don't have a favorite college team.
Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight

 

[b fold the truth]

The Redneck Love Poem


Collards are green,
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flappin in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in may.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth
for which I am proud.
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete.
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me "n" you's like a moon pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for a Valentine's Day,
they git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on that special day
for the cooler at Krogers,
that's impressive, I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever",
they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds....
IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!!

 

[Temple]

Keep making fun of my family like that and my bubba will open a can of whoop ass on you!!!!!!!!

 

[gymnpoppa]

If yo mama tore her best dress coon hunting.....

If your engine block is being cleaned in your bathtub....

if your best shoes have numbers on them..........................

If you keep referring to the 5th grade as your senior year......

 

[Burning_Inside]

You might be a redneck if ...

You make over 10 posts a day on the chat board.

 

[Stuey01]

Checkmate.

LOL

Stu.

 

[Bigsatan13]

B-fold, son in your case there is no might be

I worked with a bunch of guys from the south and I listened to this one guy tell the other,"Son, you're such a redneck that when you get up in the morning you slap rubbing alcohol on the back of your neck just so you feel right."

 

[robby]

does someone explain to an european what the heck you call
redneck ?

 

[Bigsatan13]

does someone explain to an european what the heck you call
redneck ?

All I'll say is it's not as bad as being European.
It's a good ole boy, a hillbilly, an oakie.

 

[Peyote Killa]

Nice Post B Fold, hey who is in your avatar?
Is that Night Fly?

 

[Milhouse]

You might be a redneck if

-you refer to your sister as your wife
-you go to your family reunion to pick up chicks
-you live in a mobile home surrounded by thirteen cars that arent
-the word 'NASCAR" comes up in youe prenup agreement


How does a redneck get a circumcision?
He kicks his sister in the teeth.

 

[robby]

All I'll say is it's not as bad as being European.
It's a good ole boy, a hillbilly, an oakie.

ok, i get it, thank's

btw: don't flame the good old world, lol

 

[Y_lifter]

If the front porch on your house collapses, and kills more than 5 dogs, you might be a redneck.

 

[brian747478`]

i think that is bfold in the atavar? haha
looking forward to seeing you this weekend bro

 

[b fold the truth]

So many true things in that post...lol

Avatar...what do you mean who is that in my avatar

B True

 

[b fold the truth]

Just recently we started making payments on a used septic tank -- do you think we might be rednecks?

If your kids can't play with their blocks....cause your car is sittin on em.

For sale: 1986 Piece of shit Nissan Pickup, 4 cyl. Five-speed trans. Runs like 100 squirrels, but drives nice. Stereo needs work, otherwise good for 'wheeling. No reasonable offer refused. Must sell; need newer truck. Trades accepted; running or not. call ********** for details. Diesel, fullsize 4X4, Ford or GM accepted.

you use a disk drive for a beer holder

: you sleep through p.e.
: you live in a 1 room trailer
: you drink a beer at a chinese resteraunt
: you think 6th grade is highschool
: if u have a acent that sounds like your drunk

You might be a redneck if your dog has his own recliner.(

 

[b fold the truth]

No more rednecks out here? Gosh...I miss dballer.

B True

 

[FISHTALES]

when the value of your truck increases or decreases depending on the amount of gas in it.