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- Thread starter big_bad_buff
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bran987
New member
Today I woke up and took a pee. I peed on the seat on purpose, and then left the seat up. Becky came in to take a crap, and she fell in the toilet. Then, when she put the seat down, she sat in my pee. She asked me why I did that...and then she realized I was Uncle Jesse. Then she went and sat in the pee again. Then I bleached the laces for my white tennis shoes. They got really clean, so I took the bleach and spelled out "butt-lord" on Danny Tanner's front lawn. Then I went back to my house and built a snowman with really sweet hair. It was summer, so there wasn't any snow, but I made Joey Gladstone go to the zoo and buy me 40,000 snow cones. I ate some Chef Boyardee "Dinosaurs with meatballs." Everyone thinks that they stopped making them, but the truth is that I just bought them all. Then I went over to Jimmy Buffet's house and stole all of the Flintstone's Push-Pops out of his freezer. Then, I took a huge dump on his lawn and farted on his guard dog. I went home and put on my leather pajamas with the rhinestones and the fringes. I looked at myself in the mirror and got a raging boner. Then I watched every episode of The Cosby Show and went to bed. Tomorrow, I'm going to the Video Game Exchange to trade in the Game-Gear that Becky bought me (cause she is lame) for a Nintendo Power Glove.
Your Friend,
Uncle Jesse
!!!!!!!!!
Your Friend,
Uncle Jesse
!!!!!!!!!
big_bad_buff
New member
Uncle Jesse vs Robocop
RESULTS:
Before the match, Reuben Studdard came out to sing the National Anthem. Uncle Jesse threw a pear at him, and Reuben exploded. However, the laws in New York are very strict as they relate to hurling citrus at large, gut-bellied, reality-show singers, which prompted the arrival of Uncle Jesse's first opponent...that foil five-o, ROBOCOP. Uncle Jesse quickly reminded Robocop that, even though he was made of metal, and that metal is sweet, that his hair sucked. Robocop became furious, but then Uncle Jesse threw a peanut at him and Robocop agreed about his hair. The bell rang, and the match was underway. Robocop came out of the corner with a running lariat, but Uncle Jesse ducked and returned fire with a "Jessai-Moonsault" that sent Robocop through the ropes to the outside. Robocop was dazed, and Uncle Jesse climbed to the top rope and flew to the outside with his dreaded "U.J.X." splash. Robocop was sent to the floor, cracking his robo-nuts on a nearby child. The child was unharmed, because Robocop's nuts were small, and delicate. Robocop made his way to his feet and slowly climbed back into the ring. Uncle Jesse pointed at the ceiling, and said "Look! A naked man!" which prompted Robocop to quickly look toward the heavens (because Robocop is queer). Uncle Jesse quickly scurried behind Robocop and jumped on his back. UJ then proceeded to administer his "Split-End-Sleeper" while simultaneously unplugging all of the wires in Robocop's head. Uncle Jesse quickly rearranged said wires, and Robocop became motionless. Then, Uncle Jesse ran in front of Robocop and yelled "HAVE MERCY," to which Robocop became animated again...and started singing "my milkshake brings all da boys to da yard." Uncle Jesse had programmed Robocop to think that he was a really, really, really, really, really worthless piece of one-hit-wonder-pop-culture trash! Robocop was promptly pantsed by the drunken sailors in the pub, and Uncle Jesse was declared the victor.
RESULTS:
Before the match, Reuben Studdard came out to sing the National Anthem. Uncle Jesse threw a pear at him, and Reuben exploded. However, the laws in New York are very strict as they relate to hurling citrus at large, gut-bellied, reality-show singers, which prompted the arrival of Uncle Jesse's first opponent...that foil five-o, ROBOCOP. Uncle Jesse quickly reminded Robocop that, even though he was made of metal, and that metal is sweet, that his hair sucked. Robocop became furious, but then Uncle Jesse threw a peanut at him and Robocop agreed about his hair. The bell rang, and the match was underway. Robocop came out of the corner with a running lariat, but Uncle Jesse ducked and returned fire with a "Jessai-Moonsault" that sent Robocop through the ropes to the outside. Robocop was dazed, and Uncle Jesse climbed to the top rope and flew to the outside with his dreaded "U.J.X." splash. Robocop was sent to the floor, cracking his robo-nuts on a nearby child. The child was unharmed, because Robocop's nuts were small, and delicate. Robocop made his way to his feet and slowly climbed back into the ring. Uncle Jesse pointed at the ceiling, and said "Look! A naked man!" which prompted Robocop to quickly look toward the heavens (because Robocop is queer). Uncle Jesse quickly scurried behind Robocop and jumped on his back. UJ then proceeded to administer his "Split-End-Sleeper" while simultaneously unplugging all of the wires in Robocop's head. Uncle Jesse quickly rearranged said wires, and Robocop became motionless. Then, Uncle Jesse ran in front of Robocop and yelled "HAVE MERCY," to which Robocop became animated again...and started singing "my milkshake brings all da boys to da yard." Uncle Jesse had programmed Robocop to think that he was a really, really, really, really, really worthless piece of one-hit-wonder-pop-culture trash! Robocop was promptly pantsed by the drunken sailors in the pub, and Uncle Jesse was declared the victor.
big_bad_buff
New member
i dont know, but Uncle Jesse is pretty cool
SoreArms said:
S
Spartacus
Guest
who the fuck is uncle jesse?
big_bad_buff
New member
man....how could you not know who uncle jesse is? that's amazing to me
4everhung said:
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