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FreakMonster
New member
How many times did you think that you found the love of your life only to discover she practices black magic, which led to your giving her the pink slip a few months into the relationship?
Why part ways?
Communication, or lack thereof, is often the underlying problem with couples and puts an end to relationships. Sometimes they don't talk at all (the "silence will cure all" approach), sometimes they talk themselves to death (the "let's always say what's on our minds" policy) and sometimes they just don't know what they're talking about (the "a small white lie will clean this right up" solution).
Different outlooks on how relationships should be, as well as different cultures and upbringings, often lead to breakups in the dating game -- especially if two people don't talk things through in the early stages of the relationship.
Make an effort and talk about expectations, change, communication, and compromise.
Expectations !!!!
Religion
People from different religions cannot expect their partners to make the switch and adopt their religious set of beliefs. Furthermore, if you plan on taking the plunge down the line, discuss whether it's even possible.
Marriage
Maybe you're the type that follows the Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn outlook on love and have decided to steer clear of the typical marriage. If so, let the strong bond of love for each other cement your relationship into place.
If you do, however, decide to get married, make sure you discuss when and how you would like to do so. The last thing you want to discover is that while you're expecting an easy, breezy, beautiful kind of gig, she wants a grandiose ceremony with the equivalent of a small village present to take part in this special day.
If you think it necessary, consider discussing a prenuptial agreement. Just ask Donald Trump for details.
She wants a litter
Children end up becoming an "avoided" topic, which ultimately leads to breakups. If you come from a family of six and want nothing more than one child to call your own, that's fine. But if your woman expects three little munchkins to keep you running around for the rest of your days, then you might have a problem.
Before you even get into how many children you want, discuss if you even envision kids in your future. If you can't decide on how many, well at least you can take more time to decide after you have your first.
Individuality
Although it's understood that once two people form a couple, they become one entity, it is imperative, at least for the sanity of the relationship, to maintain your independence and freedom. This means that if you like going to a sports bar with your buddies to watch the football game, your girlfriend should understand.
On the other hand, if you feel like staying home and watching some old Rambo classics with your woman, then she has the same right to put on her dancing shoes and hit the nightclub with her girlfriends.
Can she change you?
The three c's
Change
If your girlfriend expects you to change after years in a relationship, then she has another thing coming. But as she molds you into her specifications of the perfect boyfriend from the get-go, keep in mind that you also change as you grow older.
The perfect example to illustrate this point is an e-mail I received from a reader saying he had been with his soon-to-be-wife for seven years. He thought he knew her like the back of his hand, until one day, she said she couldn't go on this way, and felt as though they had grown apart.
Needless to say that this individual was heartbroken, once more reinforcing the fact that people can change and grow out of relationships. This is not to scare anyone into celibacy, but to alert men in relationships that change always occurs.
Expecting people to remain who they were when you first met can lead to disaster in the long run; don't make that mistake...
Communication
Many men tell me that all they do is communicate with their women… even when they have nothing to say! The key here is to be attentive to what your woman is actually saying and not just nod your head in agreement, so you can get back to the latest rerun of Baywatch.
The mistake many men make is that they only pretend to listen until it is their turn to talk. If that's the case, then you might as well raise your white flag and give up. You won't get anything done. Actually, you're probably just ticking her off even more.
The point of a discussion is to comprehend each other's opinions and come to an understanding. The point is not to wait for her to stop yakking to tell her how wrong she is and how right you are.
Always give her the benefit of the doubt and be direct in your affirmations; don't assume she'll get what you're saying.
Compromise
Sacrifice is probably the most operative rule in relationships. Put aside your pride and learn to apologize when you've made a mistake. Remember that a relationship is not a power struggle.
Be wary of the old "If you love me, you will do it" lyric. This is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Don't give in to emotional blackmail, but apply this practice to the person you love. Compromising shouldn't be difficult, especially if she's the love of your life.
take it from the top
To avoid becoming a bad relationship statistic, keep the lines of communication open from the get-go, and keep these four tips in mind:
1- Discuss issues as you go along, as values and wants evolve.
2- Accept the other person for what they are, and don't expect them to change.
3- Try to understand your woman, rather than argue with her.
4- Keep an informal count to make sure that sacrifices are distributed equally
Why part ways?
Communication, or lack thereof, is often the underlying problem with couples and puts an end to relationships. Sometimes they don't talk at all (the "silence will cure all" approach), sometimes they talk themselves to death (the "let's always say what's on our minds" policy) and sometimes they just don't know what they're talking about (the "a small white lie will clean this right up" solution).
Different outlooks on how relationships should be, as well as different cultures and upbringings, often lead to breakups in the dating game -- especially if two people don't talk things through in the early stages of the relationship.
Make an effort and talk about expectations, change, communication, and compromise.
Expectations !!!!
Religion
People from different religions cannot expect their partners to make the switch and adopt their religious set of beliefs. Furthermore, if you plan on taking the plunge down the line, discuss whether it's even possible.
Marriage
Maybe you're the type that follows the Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn outlook on love and have decided to steer clear of the typical marriage. If so, let the strong bond of love for each other cement your relationship into place.
If you do, however, decide to get married, make sure you discuss when and how you would like to do so. The last thing you want to discover is that while you're expecting an easy, breezy, beautiful kind of gig, she wants a grandiose ceremony with the equivalent of a small village present to take part in this special day.
If you think it necessary, consider discussing a prenuptial agreement. Just ask Donald Trump for details.
She wants a litter
Children end up becoming an "avoided" topic, which ultimately leads to breakups. If you come from a family of six and want nothing more than one child to call your own, that's fine. But if your woman expects three little munchkins to keep you running around for the rest of your days, then you might have a problem.
Before you even get into how many children you want, discuss if you even envision kids in your future. If you can't decide on how many, well at least you can take more time to decide after you have your first.
Individuality
Although it's understood that once two people form a couple, they become one entity, it is imperative, at least for the sanity of the relationship, to maintain your independence and freedom. This means that if you like going to a sports bar with your buddies to watch the football game, your girlfriend should understand.
On the other hand, if you feel like staying home and watching some old Rambo classics with your woman, then she has the same right to put on her dancing shoes and hit the nightclub with her girlfriends.
Can she change you?
The three c's
Change
If your girlfriend expects you to change after years in a relationship, then she has another thing coming. But as she molds you into her specifications of the perfect boyfriend from the get-go, keep in mind that you also change as you grow older.
The perfect example to illustrate this point is an e-mail I received from a reader saying he had been with his soon-to-be-wife for seven years. He thought he knew her like the back of his hand, until one day, she said she couldn't go on this way, and felt as though they had grown apart.
Needless to say that this individual was heartbroken, once more reinforcing the fact that people can change and grow out of relationships. This is not to scare anyone into celibacy, but to alert men in relationships that change always occurs.
Expecting people to remain who they were when you first met can lead to disaster in the long run; don't make that mistake...
Communication
Many men tell me that all they do is communicate with their women… even when they have nothing to say! The key here is to be attentive to what your woman is actually saying and not just nod your head in agreement, so you can get back to the latest rerun of Baywatch.
The mistake many men make is that they only pretend to listen until it is their turn to talk. If that's the case, then you might as well raise your white flag and give up. You won't get anything done. Actually, you're probably just ticking her off even more.
The point of a discussion is to comprehend each other's opinions and come to an understanding. The point is not to wait for her to stop yakking to tell her how wrong she is and how right you are.
Always give her the benefit of the doubt and be direct in your affirmations; don't assume she'll get what you're saying.
Compromise
Sacrifice is probably the most operative rule in relationships. Put aside your pride and learn to apologize when you've made a mistake. Remember that a relationship is not a power struggle.
Be wary of the old "If you love me, you will do it" lyric. This is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Don't give in to emotional blackmail, but apply this practice to the person you love. Compromising shouldn't be difficult, especially if she's the love of your life.
take it from the top
To avoid becoming a bad relationship statistic, keep the lines of communication open from the get-go, and keep these four tips in mind:
1- Discuss issues as you go along, as values and wants evolve.
2- Accept the other person for what they are, and don't expect them to change.
3- Try to understand your woman, rather than argue with her.
4- Keep an informal count to make sure that sacrifices are distributed equally
