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what if things change

B

blueyedkowgrl

New member
ok, here's a question i've been pondering, what happens if you start feeling diffrent about your partner?

now i have been with my husband for 7 yrs. been married less than 2. we have 2 kids and in the past year things have changed. I feel diffrent. i can't excatly pin point the problem I just know that i feel very restless. i changed jobs thinking that might help, no luck, i went on vacation by myself still felt it when i got back.I feel like screaming.should i ride it out and see if it's just me being silly or am i in need for a change?
My husband is 35 and i am 25. I am beginning to think that we are growing apart. he is acting "old" and i'm not sure i can handle that. we were going to go out 2 weeks ago and he started bitching that he didn't want to go because it was too loud and too crowded. hello we were on vacation fo the weekend i wanted to have some fun. but nooo he didn't want to.and it'sn ot just that he's realling beginning to annoy me, i am tired of being his mom too.I have 2 kids a dog a house and a job to take care of i can't do everything for him. i am streched to the limit as it is.
I feel bad that i am beginning to feel this way but what the hell can i do? he's not doing anything wrong but i still feel this way. damnit to hell, I hate this shit! I should have stayed with my idea of non commited purely pleasures of the flesh relationships. they were so much easier.
 
........

Well hun he is 10 years older than you and this is the point when he is slowing down and you at 25 are still going strong. I don't have much relationship advice since I avoid them like the black death, for the reasons stated hehe. I don't know what 2 tell ya hope things work out with ya.

Drizz
 
You have two choices...stay or go. You will always have those two choices no matter what. You are going to have to decide what you want the most.
 
My wife and I are both parents and are both in our mid-thirties.
We are tired and our social activity has definitely slowed down. It's natural and you should have expected it, especially after having two kids in two years.
If you love him, this will not detract from that love.
If your love for him is superficial, you wil leave him and destroy your kids' lives as millions of other people have.
 
Communication......

Sweety - I really have no experience to speak from but all I can say is talk to your husband about how your feeling.
 
Damn. You never gave yourself the opportunity to find yourself.
You're 25. You've been with him since you were 18. You're entire adult life has been spent in a form of captivity. He was 28. He lived. You should too. Unfortunately, you didn't choose too. Too little too late??? With 2 kids, a dog, a house... one may think so.

Why do so many people get married so young??? I can't understand it. I'm 24. I have a 4 year old daughter. I was with her mom for 3 years, we lived together for 2. We were engaged, but we never ran for the temple. Since we split about 3 years ago, (shit, it'll be 4 years on the 15th of this month that she moved out... :bawling: )... her and I have changed so much. Why do so many people get married young? Is it because they are afraid they won't find anyone else, scared to be alone??? I see so many young cute girl's that are married, they sit there sipping tea with their hubby's looking bored as shit... never gave themselves the chance to live. Why?
--
 
Weapon X said:
My wife and I are both parents and are both in our mid-thirties.
We are tired and our social activity has definitely slowed down. It's natural and you should have expected it, especially after having two kids in two years.
If you love him, this will not detract from that love.
If your love for him is superficial, you wil leave him and destroy your kids' lives as millions of other people have.
Click to expand...

I wouldn't say that it destroys a kids life if the parents are not together, as long as you still show them the love. I speak from personal experience, my parents divorced when I was young and my life is good.
 
YoungBlood said:


I wouldn't say that it destroys a kids life if the parents are not together, as long as you still show them the love. I speak from personal experience, my parents divorced when I was young and my life is good.
Click to expand...

I was looking at the specifics of this case. Sorry to generalise. I myself am divorced from my first son's mother.
If Mom leaves Dad for no other reason than that he doesn't party as hard as he used to now that they have two kids, then that's breaking up the kids' family for selfish reasons if she splits.
My personal opinion.
 
YoungBlood said:

I wouldn't say that it destroys a kids life if the parents are not together, as long as you still show them the love. I speak from personal experience, my parents divorced when I was young and my life is good.
Click to expand...

It might not destroy them, but it will change them
and in my personal experience....it usually isn't
for the better.
My kids are royally struggling with it and it
has been difficult to watch.
 
weapon X, divorce does not necessarly destroy lives, sometimes it is better. Would you like to live in a house where mom does not want to be home?? My children will always be loved and cared for by me and their father no matter what happens.
 
thats not the reason. there are alot of ther issues. i am so sick and tired of feeling like i am his mother too. I am a woman who has all sorts of needs that are not being met
selfish my ass i have broken my fucking back to keep this family together.
 
i am a product of a divorced house and i would never tell my mother that her and my father should have stayed together for me. bullshit.
 
blueyedkowgrl said:
weapon X, divorce does not necessarly destroy lives, sometimes it is better. Would you like to live in a house where mom does not want to be home?? My children will always be loved and cared for by me and their father no matter what happens.
Click to expand...

I can only evaluate the situation based on what you have said. If the parents split because, "mom does not want to be home," that's some shit she should have worked out before having two kids.
I lived in a home with rock-em sock-em parents and I have nannied for a little girl of a single mom, and I had it better than she did. I had it better than this little girl with her exhausted mother and the little girl crying for a male role model and some stability in her house.
Again, just my opinion. People today are too quick to marry and too quick to assume that divorce is the answer.
 
blueyedkowgrl said:
i am a product of a divorced house and i would never tell my mother that her and my father should have stayed together for me. bullshit.
Click to expand...

If you don't want to hear the opinions of those who might disagree with your philosophy, don't ask for advice on a chat board. Again, no flame. I've been there as a child of a broken home, as well as a divorced dad.
 
Bk... It looks like you have made up your mind to leave and you are just looking for reassurance. I will tell you that I prayed for my parents to get a divorce when I was a kid but they never did. Then when I'm 35 they get one, I told them both to fuck off!
 
this issue has only come up in the past 2 yrs. my kids are 4 and 5. I am not going to leave to "party". I may have chosen to live this way but what i am supposed to do if i feel this way? stay forever and hope that i "get over it"? And they would have a male role model their father, and i would make sure of that. parents who are miserable make their kids miserable. i can tell you from experience when we were fighting all the time my daughter would wake up with nightmares every night. when the fighting stopped so did her nightmares. i don't think that was a coincidence. We never fought in front of them but it was all the tension.
 
No matter what choice you make either you or your children will suffer. Why do you say that you act as a mother for your husband??
 
It's called the 7 year itch and it destroys lots of marriages.
What both you and he wanted from the relationship 7 years ago is probably different from what you both want today, but you're stuck in the rules/roles set up years ago.
Realize that it's natural and to be expected.
All relationships need to grow and change to satisfy both partners, and that comes from re-negotiation, talking it out, so that both get what they want.
I'll probably get flamed to hell for this, but there is one "TV doctor" that talks a lot about this; both women and men like him because he's so "common sense".
The guy, "Dr. Phil" on the Oprah show has a lot to say on re-negotiating relationships.
http://www.oprah.com/phil/showappear/phil_show_main.jhtml
and a book "Relationship Rescue:a seven step strategy for reconnecting with your partner"
Good luck.
 
Sweetie! Sweetie! Sweetie!

Take it from someone who has been married for a long time....IT'S LIKE A ROLLCOASTER IN marriage!

There are times in our marriage that I give 90 % and he only gives me 10%. We have to give of ourselves when the other can't...THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT DOLL!

Trust me, there are times I wanna run for the hills when he's in one of his moods.But ya know what? I just take a step back and dig deep inside myself and recall when I am not the best person to be around.

Take some time alone and dig deep, hon! Ask yourself if the marriage it worth the work...

Anything GOOD is worth the hard work! Not a damn thing in this world is easy..even pleasure's of the flesh relationships now a days.....
 
Last edited:
Good posts, John & Vixenbabe!
Alot of people leave when the relationship changes. The changes are unavoidable, and nobody is the person they were 7 years ago.
 
no we haven't undergone counseling he doesn't feel that is helpful. he thinks that they are "not worth the paper their degree is printed on"

My husband does pretty much nothing for himself. I suppose by the "typical" role as wife i am supposed to feed him clean his clothes make sure all the bills are paid any every other minor detail in his life, dr. appts etc etc. the only difference between him and the my youngest is he wipes his own ass.

i don't want my kids to suffer thats for sure, I just don't like feeling like this.
 
The "7 year itch?" I was divorced in 92' after 7.5 years and my last (serious / live-in) relationship lasted 7 years. Hmmmmm...The ladies keep trading me in (or do they trade up? - lol). Works well for me though.

BTW - things change as you age without question but some of the comments "up there" make it sound like all of us in our mid to late 30's are in fucking wheelchairs. BS, I'm almost 37 and life gets better every year. I wouldn't go back for anything.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Later,
 
He's right about a lot of counselors. But there are also some great ones who can help provide needed perspective. Ask for recommendations, is possibel.
But if he absolutely refuses to go , then he's not being very good about this. He's probably afraid. I was.
You need to let him know that the marriage is on the line, and you two must get counseling together.
 
1911, i didn't mean he's that bad but his ideas have changed alot over time. thats not the real issue i think it's just the latest thing that pissed me off.
 
Your husband should be referring to a psycholgist/psychiatrist.

However, a counselor should act as a mediator, allowing you two to talk about things that need to be addressed. He's basicly a coach, that will mediate your discussions. I didn't want to go to a counselor when we broke up either. Looking back, I can see I was being ignorant. Sounds like your husband is too. That's unfortunate.
--
 
I understand how you feel, as I said I've been there too (but with no kids thankfully).

You have two choices: Both of you decide to fix-it, whatever that may entail as each situation is unique and has it's own complexities. Or, you cut-n-run. Obviously easier said than done sometimes. You probably already know what you need to do to be happy and more importantly, to ensure your kids have a satisfactory future. Act on it.

BTW - us guy's are pieces of crap when we can get away with it. Being complacent is so easy in a relationship, at least it used to be for me until I woke-up.

Again, I wish you the best.

Regards,
 
to tell you the truth i wouldn't even know what to say. because i have no idea what the real problem is, i know what stuff is annoying me to all high hell but why is it buggin me? i can't answer that. and i feel terrible about it. its not his fault its mine i have changed and i'm not sure what to do about it.
 
blueyedkowgrl said:
I suppose by the "typical" role as wife i am supposed to feed him clean his clothes make sure all the bills are paid any every other minor detail in his life....
Click to expand...
In other words he has a personal slave.
Recognize this is a role you have bought into by performing it and not protesting.
Lots of newly marrieds have "rules" in their head they never discussed or agreed to, and now feel stuck with.
But it's like a co-alcoholic, takes two for it to work. If you stop buying into it, he has no choice but to change or re-negotiate.
If you don't think it is your role to pick his clothes up off the floor, then don't do it.
When he runs out of clothes he will have motivation to renegotiate the rules of clothes cleaning.
I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't have some rules he'd like to change as well.
 
Go out a fuck around on him behind his back. Isn't that what most woman that complain about there husbands to strangers do? You may as well as get it over with because that is where you are heading.
 
no if i wanted to fuck around behind his back i would have done it already. I am not doing now that nor is that my intention in the future.
 
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