weirding out coworkers

[HappyScrappy]

my coworker (a dude) just e-mailed me a question about programming.
I ignored it and started talking about lunch.

then he went with that.

I then told him that I was gonna go and snort all the used coffee grounds - not for lunch, just for, you know, something to do.

he then gave me a "uhh, okay"

then I said - strike that, I'm gonna pour all the used grounds into my mouth until my cheeks are puffed out and then just stand in the middle of the kitchen, mouth towards the ceiling until someone walks in on me.
then I will much myself in the cheeks as hard as I can with both fists... and then just sort of wing it from there.

he paused, and then was like "so, uh, you don't know the answer to my question do you - I'll just ask someone else"

I'll wait a min or two and then write back with the answer he wanted.

class act? you bet.

 

[HappyScrappy]

and by "e-mail" I mean AIM.

thanks.

 

[RRR]

I love messin with my co-workers, they think I'm crazy. It makes work so much more fun

 

[the nature boy]

I like to walk around with the skin of my ball sack pulled out of my open zipper. When people ask me what it is I say

"It's just a piece of chewing gum stuck to my pants"

If they inquire about the hairs on this supposed piece of chewing gum, I say

"It's a piece of chewing gum that fell on the barber shop floor."

Mozeltov.

 

[HG Pennypacker]

I like to send co-workers emails as well. Here's and exchange that went on earlier this week. All names have been changed to protect the innocent:

Email I received from my boss extolling the virtues of some jackass' customer service skills

Erasmus Mustafa and I were downstairs in the Anaheim training center when a
> student saw our Company name logo shirts and approached us with a concern.
> The student said "The vending machine took my dollar. Who do I need to
> talk to in order to get my dollar back." Erasmus responded "Here, I'll give
> you a dollar now and I'll take care of getting my money back from the
> vendor later."
>
> That is what a real world class customer service attitude is all about!
> This is how we need to treat every student, every franchisee and every
> fellow company name team member. This is what makes customers return and
> employees stay. Thanks Erasmus for showing us what great companies are made
> of!

Now of course, I want to share this kind of enthusiasm with my managers, so I forwarded them the email and included my own experience:

The other day a student saw my fancy dress shirt and said he lost a dollar in the ice cream machine. The fat fuck was trying to get a chipwich. I kicked him in the balls and pelted him in the head with a nickel as I ran away.


Needless to say, more than half thought I was serious and wondered how it is possible that i've achieved what I have in life. I topped if off by sending them one last experience i've had:

This morning there was a lady getting a Chef Boyardee Ravioli out of the vending machine. She saw that I had a nicely pressed shirt and said, "Hey, that machine stole my dollar!" I asked her what she was trying to buy? She said the Ravioli. I said, "maybe that was the Chef telling you that you are too fuck'in fat to be eating Ravioli at 8:00am in the morning." She thanked me and the vending machine for helping her with her diet and said it was the best abuse she had ever gotten for $1!