uh... my relationship with the old lady is over..

[decem]

not cool... not cool at all..

after two years and many break-ups.. including a seven month time period where we didn't talk.. my girl and i have decided to call it quits..

the stupid thing is that.. for the past two weeks.. i was sitting here bitching to my friends about how i'm not "in love" and how i've never "made love" to her.. and how hard it will be to break up with her cause things were going good between us.. and i didn't want to spring it on her..

then two nights ago, she springs it on me..

she said that since i'm not in love with her.... and since i have so much doubt as to whether i want to be with her or not.. then that is definitely a sign.. which is what i was thinking.. but i was gonna give it another month just to see if i got "that feeling" back.. ya know..

i asked her what the hell made her bring it up now.. and she said that things were "too good" between us.. and that i'm gonna end up letting things get all good while i hold in all my feelings and doubts.. and then just spring it on her one day out of the blue and crush her.. which i probably would have..

now.. even after two weeks of my "thinking" unfaithfully.. wanting to just be "in love".. wanting "that feeling" back.. her springing this on me out of the blue has somewhat crushed me..

i mean.. she's not at all at ease with it either.. she wants nothing more than to be with me.. i on the other hand.. have always doubted it..

and to tell you the truth.. everything hasn't been "great" between us.. we've broken up a few times since we've been back together.. i don't trust her and she doesn't trust me..

but now all of a sudden.. i have this somewhat deep love for her.. and i see the things that i didn't see before.. and i'm thinking about little things to do for her.. which i would never have even been able to think of before.. and it's killing me to leave her..

is that normal? which part? the part about how i wasn't really content/happy with the relationship? or the part where i only feel the things i need to feel to be happy when we break up and i miss her?

this fucking sucks.. now i have to pack all my shit and drive 2500 miles to ohio.. alone.. thinking about her the whole time and wondering if i'm doing the right thing..

 

[TxCollegeguy]

Love sucks man...not much more can be said about it

Just go on with your life and if your paths cross again perhaps things might be different

 

[thefantom1]

Its a tough decision.... and it's always different once the actual break up occured....... many times you will wonder if you did the right thing.... I really don't know what to say to you... but can you truly say that you are not in love with her????? Imagine her not being around anymore to talk to.....at all..... It sucks.. Just make sure its what you really want to do

 

[GLADIATOR351]

I can relate...... Like they say you never know what you've got til it's gone.....I don't know what to say other than... Think this over before you realize you left something really good 2500 miles behind... relationships are by no means easy...

good luck.....

 

[supergirl]

i think we all saw this one coming.. long distance sucks Not to worry decem.. you got 5 minutes to wait for a bus, you have 5 minutes to wait for another girl LOL

 

[Test boy]

I feel for you. Absence makes my heart grow fonder as well.

 

[spongebob]

now.. even after two weeks of my "thinking" unfaithfully.. wanting to just be "in love".. wanting "that feeling" back.. her springing this on me out of the blue has somewhat crushed me.


but now all of a sudden.. i have this somewhat deep love for her.. and i see the things that i didn't see before.. and i'm thinking about little things to do for her.. which i would never have even been able to think of before.. and it's killing me to leave her..

the reason it may have crushed you is because it hurt your ego.

as far as you realizing this "new love" for her it maybe because you have a new found respect for her and the decision she had to make. she loves you, but she sacrificed her desire to be with you for your happiness(cause you didnt want to be with her). a sacrifice that very few people make.
or it maybe your ego is hurt.
goodluck.




PS. i am not a marriage counselor....but i did sleep at a Best Western last night.

 

[decem]

thanks for the replies everyone..

i'm thinking spongebob is probably the closest.. maybe it is my ego.. i'll admit that i have one.. and she also happens to be the MOST caring person... (unconditional love.. unquestioning devotion.. passion.. i'm talking REAL love here..) that i've ever met..

it's stupid.. she is the one person that i think would make the perfect wife.. everything from how deeply in love she is with me.. how beautiful she is.. how devoted she is.. how unselfish she is.. she's got everything.. but for whatever reason.. i can't fall in love with her..

i have wanted nothing more than to fall in love with her.. but haven't.. and so.. as a result.. i'm always debating about the grass on the other side... and i'm wishing for that "happiness" that comes with "true love".. yet it's right in front of my face..

and now.. we just had one of the best days that we've ever had.. we actually "made love".. we talked.. we laughed.. she had that glow to her that i seldom if ever see.. i actually pictured her with my child while we were in the mall.. i can think of thousands of those "little but meaningful" things to do for her..

actaully.. i take the one part back about the ego.. it's not getting in the way.. my ego isn't what's making this THAT much harder.. because in reality.. even though she said it.. i can have her back whenever i want.. she wants what's best for us.. but she also wants us to work and wants me to stay.. and she'd love to have me stay.. so it's not my ego that is making me all of a sudden fall in love with her.. it's just not..

is it that i never realize how much i love her until our relationship is threatened.. is the reason that i can't "fall in love" with her is because i'm afraid of commitment or going through some normal 25y/o thing..??

what the crap. i'm still planning on leaving on tues or wed.. but now it seems hard to remember why i'm actually leaving..

 

[SeXKiTTen_CanDy]

What I don't understand about some relationships is, if you are constantly arguing and breaking it off, why the hell do you get back together?????????

I have a mate like that her and her man were constantly fighting, real bad, but they always got back together, and they are still bloody doing it, I don't get it.

 

[decem]

What I don't understand about some relationships is, if you are constantly arguing and breaking it off, why the hell do you get back together?????????

i don't understand it either.. i used to talk the same way.. but now i'm the one actually doing that stupid bullshit..

is it fear of being alone?

is it just that hard to accept the fact that you can "love" someone to death.. but when it comes to a relationship.. you two just weren't meant to be?

i don't know... if you figure it out... let me know how to stop doing it.