Tough situation, advice needed.

[gUiLe]

I figured I would ask me fellow board memers for a little help. I
have a REAL fucked up family. I have two bro's and a sister. My
sister was on drugs and drinking, and I wound up with her child.
She is also mentally unfit to boot. So, 4years later, I have adopted
her child and treat him like one of my own. The sad thing is my
two bro's. They are just as much his uncle as I am, but they
wouldn't lift a hand to help! All they do is offer and never come through. It is not easy since my wife got laid off and is home with
our two children and my nephew. He recently went to a soccer
camp (he's 8 btw) for the week. It was $210.00 for the week!
So, my wife suggested we ask his uncles to pitch in since we never ask them for anything. My one brother said he would pay
the whole thing! This sound's great on paper, but he is a fucking
bullshitt artist all the way. So, I ask him for $70.00 and he said
it was inappropriate that I asked! This kid would have been in a
shelter if I didn't step up to the plate for him and his own uncles
wouldn't even shell out $70.00? Then, he tell's my dad that me
and my wife knew what we were getting ourselves into when
we took the kid!!

Is it me, or is that just disgusting? My problem lies here. Both of
my brothers have been talking shit about me and my wife behind
our backs for the last few weeks. I ain't about that. You got
something to say, say it to ME! There is also a lot of jealousy
involved. Do I confront the both of these fools? Or do I just
distance myself? I don't usually like confrontation's but I think
it's eating me up inside. The other thing is do I just try to change
their fucked up way of thinking? That will not happen. If your
an iggnorant person, you can hear the truth all day long and it
won't phase you because it's not THEIR truth. I am the baby in
the family, and it seems like everything comes easy to me (in
both of their eyes at least) that's where the jealousy comes in.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks
g

 

[Bodhidogma]

much respect to you for taking in your nephew

as for your brothers, i dont know what to tell you. they are assholes.

 

[Torch]

I would confront them, make sure they know how you really feel. Putting distance between you is just going to make things worse in the long run. There is nothing wrong with asking for a little help. How old are your bros? Sounds like they have some growing up to do.

I hate when people talk shit like that man. Just bring it all out in the open, be calm and rational about the situation. Dont let them get the best of you.

 

[beastboy]

You did a great thing by getting custody of your nephew, and his uncles should be a part of his life, but if it was me I don't think I could get upset because they didn't shell out any money. Your brother does have a point about you knowing what you were "getting yourself into" and unless an agreement was made then for him to help out financially you shouldn't be upset. Now if the uncle's didn't want to be a part of his life...then I would be upset. But I can also see you getting upset about him(the uncle) saying one thing then doing the other...but by the sounds of things you should of expected that.....just my .02

 

[The Shadow]

...whatever you do....do not let the child become the hostage in a tug-of-war....remember - if you accept money from them, although not legally, morally you would probably have to let the uncles have *some* say in the kid's future.....

 

[Longhorn85]

He recently went to a soccer
camp (he's 8 btw) for the week. It was $210.00 for the week!

My hat is off to you for taking in the kid. If you are tight on finances, you may have to prioritize your spending better though. If it was your choice to send the kid to a $200 soccer camp, you can't expect others to pay. Soccer camp is not a necessity, it is a nicety.

Hell I'd take him to the park everyday and play soccer with him.

Again, I respect your decision to take him in.

 

[casavant]

Don't try to get another cent out of you brothers, even if it means not putting your kids in pricey camps. They'll still grow up fine. ttlpkg hit it on the head.

 

[gUiLe]

Beastboy- Please understand, I am not looking for a steady
stream of allowance for the child. I think it is common decency.
Here is a kid that is more needy (not in terms of materalistic)
because of all the shit he went through, and they could care less
about him. They almost never even ask how he's doing! I really
could care less about them contributing in ANY way, and I am
not looking for a pat on the back but to get grief over it is just
rediculous. This soccer camp was an isolated incident. My one
brother took him for a week this summer (first time he EVER took
the kid) and at the end of the week, he called me to tell me he
couldn't handle his behavior and wanted me to pick him up!
Then his wife said "well, we were doing you a favor by taking him." A favor?? WTF? How's about doing something for your nephew you fucking idiot!

Corn- The child will NEVER be part of that because both uncles
don't really give two shits about the kid. If it weren't for me (again, I am not patting myself on the back here) the kid would
have gone to a foster home. One time my bro said to me "If my sister went and had another kid am I going to take care of him
too"? What the fuck happend to family? If me and my wife died,
both of my selfish brothers would let them go to a foster home
too. It's almost like they feel "it's not my problem"! I am 34 and
my brothers are 41 and 39.
g

 

[gUiLe]

Don't try to get another cent out of you brothers, even if it means not putting your kids in pricey camps. They'll still grow up fine. ttlpkg hit it on the head.

I hear what your saying it's just that he loves soccer so much, and
we thought it would really be good for him. It's not that we
can't afford it, it's just that my brother's have always said "If there's anything we can do for him, let us know." If the situation
was reversed, I would do it in a heartbeat. When he was still
with my sister, me and my wife would go visit him and take him
out for haircuts (she used to cut his hair herself) sneakers, clothes, weekend shore trips, whatever! It's called family. Both
of my brothers NEVER took him even for a day let alone a pair
of sneakers. It's just fucked up to me. I couldn't live with myself
if it were me. It's almost like we were raised by different families.
g

 

[casavant]

I hear you man. I'm not putting you down. Good luck to ya.