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things to weird people out

HappyScrappy

HappyScrappy

New member
Okay, so many times, as I'm out and about with friends, I will find myself in some painful conversation with someone that doesn't seem to get that I don't want to be talking with them and really would prefer them to just walk away.

I used to have more tolerance for this, but as I get older, I pretty much will just say some random shit to see what their reaction is and at least that way I can get a little entertainment out of it.

Usually I just wing it at them time, some offensive story or something - but there are always some real charmers that work great.

old standbys are "I just shit my pants" or "I have an incrediblly small and flaccid penis".
There is the one where you ask them if they know anything about rashes on your nuts.
Another one that isn't as good since it involves timing and all - but if they ask where the bathroom is - just stand up and say "right here baby" and do a two thumbs pointing at the face deal and a knowing nod.

So... what are some more? As the weekend approaches, it is that much closer to the time when I'll have to go out and deal with people.
I hate that shit.
 
Have you tried the following:

Do you ever wipe your ass too much and then have it bleed? I hate it when that happens.

Shit, I forgot to wipe my ass again. ***Scratches and digs at anus.***

***Farts on hand and shoves hand in person's face.*** Does that smell normal to you?

Will you sit on my face?

Do me a favor and go pants that guy over there. Don't worry, I'll back you up.

Do you like wrenches?

What do you think would look good on me with baby blue capri pants? I'm thinking something with little flowers.
 
Re: Re: things to weird people out

outsider said:



My moped is yellow.
Click to expand...

funny you say that - I want to get a moped once I move.
I don't care about the color - I like a lot of the retro shit, but they are all usually pretty low power.


sometimes you can lean in real close to the person and say "I've got new socks on"
 
Here's a classic line my brother used to tell me all the time.

"Do you want to eat a bowl of poo-poo?"

Try it. It might work.

Damn, I miss the bastard. He would jump in the middle of a conversation and say something along these lines "Hey, maybe you want to try a taste of my poo-poo?".

He's 25.
 

Do you ever wipe your ass too much and then have it bleed? I hate it when that happens.

haven't done that - but it sounds exactly like one of my friends and something he would say. he is obsessed with poop. he had an idea in 1999 for a website that just had pics of his dumps and then other people could post their dumps and then talk about it on the site.
his dream was apparently shared by others since there are sites out there like that.


Shit, I forgot to wipe my ass again. ***Scratches and digs at anus.***

haven't done that one. I mean, I have - but I haven't told someone about it.


***Farts on hand and shoves hand in person's face.*** Does that smell normal to you?

a lot of times I will follow up my "I just shit my pants" with a shove of my hand in their face after rubbing my ass and say "seriously - smell that!"

Will you sit on my face?

that is pythonesque.
I have said it, but it usually doesn't work as well as some of the others.


Do me a favor and go pants that guy over there. Don't worry, I'll back you up.


LOL - oh shit, I'm constantly using the "I'll totally back you up!" line and then just leaving the bar as they go to do it.


Do you like wrenches?

never done this.


What do you think would look good on me with baby blue capri pants? I'm thinking something with little flowers.

lol - that could backfire. :)
 
Tell them that you're a misanthrope.
 
I should add that I want to come across as weird in a "what the fuck?" way - but not the serial killer creepy sort of way.

so I'm gonna ignore the dead people comments.

nathan has the idea with bodily fluid comments.

I'm also really scared that I will meet a dwarf in a bar while drunk one night. I'm pretty sure I'd have to have a conversation with them, and there is NO way that could ever lead to anything good.
 
HappyScrappy said:


are you one of those startrek site people?
Click to expand...

I don't think i've ever seen an entire episode of the show. I'm one of the few that has never seen Star Wars. The first 30 minutes was so boring to me, I couldn't watch the rest. I just remember in college one of my friends saying that I was a misanthrope. I had to look the word up.
 
HappyScrappy said:
I should add that I want to come across as weird in a "what the fuck?" way - but not the serial killer creepy sort of way.

so I'm gonna ignore the dead people comments.

nathan has the idea with bodily fluid comments.

I'm also really scared that I will meet a dwarf in a bar while drunk one night. I'm pretty sure I'd have to have a conversation with them, and there is NO way that could ever lead to anything good.
Click to expand...

I'm gonna start another thread cause this reminds of me of something.
 
For all of your benefit I shall now rate theses replies as to their 'weirdness factor'. This is a scale that goes from 0 to 17 that dosent rate the intrinsic weirdness, but the amount that a person would be 'weirded out'.

12 - "I just shit my pants"

14 - "I have an incrediblly small and flaccid penis".

13 - There is the one where you ask them if they know anything about rashes on your nuts.

10- Another one that isn't as good since it involves timing and all - but if they ask where the bathroom is - just stand up and say "right here baby" and do a two thumbs pointing at the face deal and a knowing nod.

2 - My moped is yellow.

14 - Do you ever wipe your ass too much and then have it bleed? I hate it when that happens.

12 - Shit, I forgot to wipe my ass again. ***Scratches and digs at anus.***

16 - ***Farts on hand and shoves hand in person's face.*** Does that smell normal to you?

10 - Will you sit on my face?

8 - Do me a favor and go pants that guy over there. Don't worry, I'll back you up.

3 - Do you like wrenches?

5 - What do you think would look good on me with baby blue capri pants? I'm thinking something with little flowers.

10 - "Do you want to eat a bowl of poo-poo?"

2 - My helmet is shiny.

2 - i forgot to take my mother out of the box and feed her...

0 - Tell them that you're a misanthrope.

-12 - I've almost broken the lawn gnomes secret code!
(But 17 on the gayness scale)
 
Personal favorites I've used..

1) Damn dude, you sure do gat a purdy mouth
2) So how do you feel about goats?
3) (while unbuckling Belt) Dude, does this look normal?
4) Have you ever considered Gerbiling?
5) Necrophelia, just think about it and get back to me.
6) Ya know, midgets really are natures perfect toy.
7) Huh.. Excuse me... I think I have wood. I'll be right back...
8) I like corn
9) Ya know, Chickens have a really tight ass...
10) (While unzipping Pants) Honestly, ya think I should get a Prince Albert?



Hmmm, that's all I can think of off the top of my head... PEACE :wodin:
 
Ask them if they know:

Raistlin and Caramon Majere
Tanis Half-Elven
Tasslehoff Burfoot
Fizban
Drizzt Do'Urden (I'm sure I spelled that wrong)
Artemis Entreri (a bit harder)

:D
 
Norman Bates said:
Ask them if they know:

Raistlin and Caramon Majere
Tanis Half-Elven
Tasslehoff Burfoot
Fizban
Drizzt Do'Urden (I'm sure I spelled that wrong)
Artemis Entreri (a bit harder)

:D
Click to expand...

You are so dead. Run little man run. i know you're in love me and all.
 
HappyScrappy said:

So... what are some more? As the weekend approaches, it is that much closer to the time when I'll have to go out and deal with people.
I hate that shit.
Click to expand...
this one always killed me. not weird but highly effective, especially with complete strangers. so you wanna shine someone off that is buggin you? well, if you're in a crowded place, such as what you have described i would make sure i ended the conversation like this:
"Well, it was nice talking to you. Hey, good luck beatin that rape charge."

obviously make it loud enough for all to hear. I once heard someone did this to a guy on the subway as they were getting off the train. I guess this guy almost got jumped after everyone heard it. too funny. mean, but funny.
 
Say this to anyone shorter than you....

A recent study shows that one of the effects of pregnant women drinking moderatley during pregnancy is stunted growth in their children that shows up in the childs teenage years. Bummer to be you huh?

Want to see naked pics of me and your (girlfriend / boyfriend) ?

Stair at a spot on the floor or ceiling the entire time your talking to someone.
 
Freak Show - have you ever read any David Sedaris stuff? His sister and he are always goofing around and when they were younger she did that to him on a subway train in NYC. She stood by the door and said goodbye and then right as she was leaving she said "good luck beating that rape charge" and the doors shut as she walked off.
He said he had to get off at the next stop because it was so awkward.
I think that was in "Naked"
She's the same one that got two black eyes done as her makeup at a photoshoot for a magazine article about her. She then left the photoshoot and wore the makeup around to the grocery store and stuff. She also likes to wear a fat suit around, or just parts of it so it looks even weirder.

Them's my kinds of people.

And Wodin - you are right - if you are having a conversation and focus on their ear, or just past them, but talk to them, it will weird them out.
I have a project manager here that does that, she refuses to ever make eye contact with me.

In high school, being the classy fellow that I am, I was in a mall with a friend on the second story and looked down to see another friend on the first floor level.
I yelled out "HEY SEAN!!!" and waved. He looked up and smiled and waved back and then I yelled "How's that RASH doing?!"
He turned bright red and then his dad walked up next to him and gave me a dirty look.
Fantastic.
 
lol, good thread happy, lol at Norman Bates

Try:
Hold me
Can I massage your knee
Lets switch pants for the night
I use semen for hair gel


Those work well!
 
havoc said:

Lets switch pants for the night
Click to expand...

LOL - I was at a party in college one year and the theme of it was you couldn't leave in the same shirt that you came in with. So there were lots of guys and girls trading shirts.

I figured I'd take it a step further and traded pants with someone (which was a reference to another party that I took off my pants because they were wet - not piss, but margarita - and then asked people if they'd trade with me).
One guy did trade pants with me and I was blown away in my drunken state how comfortable and wrinkle free they remained throughout the night, so I started getting up on things and yelling that I was wrinkle free.
Which then later became something that either my friends or I would tell people in bars - just point over to a friend when talking to a girl and say, "he's wrinkle free" and the girl usually has no clue how to respond.
It's great :)
(although one girl replied "well, the body is a natural iron you know" and then went back to a normal conversation with the girl next to her)
 
Norman Bates said:
Ask them if they know:

Raistlin and Caramon Majere
Tanis Half-Elven
Tasslehoff Burfoot
Fizban
Drizzt Do'Urden (I'm sure I spelled that wrong)
Artemis Entreri (a bit harder)

:D
Click to expand...

LMAO

:lmao:
 
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