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Q: What is the definition of Confidence?
A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next!"
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself!!
Q: Why do seagulls have wings?
A: To beat the gypsies to the tip.
Q: What is the politically correct name for Lesbian
A: "Vagitarian"
Q: What is the difference between a 69 and driving in the fog?
A: When driving in the fog, you can't see the asshole in front of you.
Q: What's got 90 balls and makes women sweat?
A: Bingo.
Q: How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis, I mean ladder
Q: What's 100yds long and smells of piss?
A: The Post Office queue on Thursday mornings.
Q: What's green and gets you pissed?
A: A Giro
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with darkness"
Q: What have the Gas Board and pelicans got in common?
A: They can both stick their bills up their arse.
Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog.
Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A: Well endowed.
Q: Who is the only man, weighing over 11st, who has ridden Derby winner, since 1945?
A: Lester Piggott's cell mate.
Q: What does Joan Collins put behind her ears to attract men?
A: Her feet.
Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can get to sleep with a light on.
Q: How do you make a dog drink?
A: Put it in a liquidiser.
Q: How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's probably screwed in too tight anyway.
Q: What's got four legs and an arm?
A: A rottweiler.
Woman: "I've got acute angina".
Man: "Your tits aren't bad either".
Q: What do you do if your boiler explodes?
A: Buy her some flowers.
Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.
A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next!"
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself!!
Q: Why do seagulls have wings?
A: To beat the gypsies to the tip.
Q: What is the politically correct name for Lesbian
A: "Vagitarian"
Q: What is the difference between a 69 and driving in the fog?
A: When driving in the fog, you can't see the asshole in front of you.
Q: What's got 90 balls and makes women sweat?
A: Bingo.
Q: How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis, I mean ladder
Q: What's 100yds long and smells of piss?
A: The Post Office queue on Thursday mornings.
Q: What's green and gets you pissed?
A: A Giro
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with darkness"
Q: What have the Gas Board and pelicans got in common?
A: They can both stick their bills up their arse.
Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog.
Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A: Well endowed.
Q: Who is the only man, weighing over 11st, who has ridden Derby winner, since 1945?
A: Lester Piggott's cell mate.
Q: What does Joan Collins put behind her ears to attract men?
A: Her feet.
Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can get to sleep with a light on.
Q: How do you make a dog drink?
A: Put it in a liquidiser.
Q: How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's probably screwed in too tight anyway.
Q: What's got four legs and an arm?
A: A rottweiler.
Woman: "I've got acute angina".
Man: "Your tits aren't bad either".
Q: What do you do if your boiler explodes?
A: Buy her some flowers.
Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.
