Should I apologize or not?

[AAP]

Basically what it comes down to is there is a good friend of mine that has a wife no one likes. (I mean really, no one likes her and it really is all her fault) anyhow, I got an email from him today regarding dinner arrangements I had made for later this week, which he had consulted her about in a previous email. Sadly my friend forgot to delete the portion of email that she replied to with some ugly untruthful comments about me. I mean they were not just sort of true. They were COMPLETELY UNTRUE. As in... LIES. Ok, so I emailed BOTH of them back and let her know that her comments were completely off base and untrue and that I was excusing myself from dinner in her prescence. She then emails us both back (forgetting that REPLY will direct it to both in the email address) and instead of taking issue with me, she blames him completely for being such a loser to have a friend like me. (never minding that they both had been unemployed for over 18 months and the only reason their house was not foreclosed is because I helped him get a job and loaned him money up front to get creditors off his back.) I mean, she rides his back hard for MY comments. So I replied to both of them and let her know that she was wrong and this is why she had no friends in our social circle. Actually she has no friends period except her husband's and as I said no one cares for her. I am not exaggerating. I was not a bitch or ugly about it, but all the things that she accused me of (being unemployed - even though I somehow miraculously draw a corporate paycheck, living in an section 8 apartment - despite her being at parties in my home, being an alcoholic - only because I kept a well stocked bar for my friends, I must be the only alcoholic with a 6 pack of abs and 6% BF) get the idea? Everything that she said was already known to others and they knew it was a lie. She is just full of petty insecurities and this is how she justifies her own shortcomings. I just ended the email with that from this day on, she would never be invited back in my house or activities and I did not care to have her around otherwise. Now I am not the first person to do this. My friend had a best friend that he grew up with for more than 20 years and that guy last year did this same thing. he said 'hey your wife is nothing but a rumor monger and trouble starter, she has no respect for me or anyone of the people that we associate with.' And he decided that he didn't care to include her in activities in his home or invitations to other activities as well.

Now my friend really is a nice guy and the only reason that they have a social life now is because I take the initiative to invite them into my activities. I do invite his former best friend as well so they can talk, although that guy still will not speak to the wife. If not for me, this guy would never be exposed to social activities because none of our other friends will invite them to anything. I am not kidding. The only christmas party they went to last year was mine. Although the rest of our friends had their own parties, it was that they didn't include them because they can't stand her.

Now my friend is suggesting she and I apologize and forget this has happened.

I have no problem apologizing for something that I wrongly did. Either knowingly or unknowingly. But when everything that I said to someone (in a rather nice manner) is the truth, why should I apologize?

I dare say that I am extremely above honesty that the average person, but I do believe in walking one's own path. My path has been honesty and morals and I do not care to cheapen it with a false apology to her. Why should I apologize for the truth?

On the other hand, I hate to see this friend lose his only contact with life outside work.

 

[Raina]

I don't think that you did anything wrong nor do I think that you owe her an appology. In that situation I wouldn't be able to be around someone in a social setting knowing that we hated each other. It's too bad that your friend's friends have backed out of his life...but I don't think you should be obligated to play nice with a bitch that you don't like just for him.

 

[MrMuscle]

Hmm, this is like a chick fight aint it?
I think you did the right thing, i usually avoid confronting people that i know will get hurt, but from what you wrote it seems she had it coming. its sad about your friend, but he has to choose what he wants more i guess.

 

[the nature boy]

well if you really care about this friend of yours you can take the high road and have her apologize to you and you apologize to her (even if you did nothing wrong in your mind). however you should mayb tell her to never say any shit about you again or that'll be it, and tell her the only reason why you're apologizing is because of you want to remain in contact with your good friend.

 

[WODIN]

You shouldn't apologize for just speaking the simple truth. He is an adult and can make his own decisions and it is not your job to ensure that he has any kind of social life. If he wants one bad enough he'll stuff this troglodite on the mantel and move on.

 

[Kryp2o]

Hmmm . . . I have a sister in-law that's the same way and has pretty much alienated the entire family and the few friends she had. It just seems like some sort of compulsive disorder they have and can never stop. Even after destroying all ties with everyone.

I don't think you should appologize, there's no merit to it. To me it would be the same as not being honest with yourself and your friend despite the situation. I think your friend has some choices to make.

 

[big4life]

Hmmm . . . I have a sister in-law that's the same way and has pretty much alienated the entire family and the few friends she had. It just seems like some sort of compulsive disorder they have and can never stop. Even after destroying all ties with everyone.

omg!!!! I have the same type of sister-in-law.


AA, you don't have anything to apologize for.

 

[Norman Bates]

You shouldn´t apologize if you don´t feel guilty, especially if she is a stupid bitch.

 

[supersizeme]

You were wrongly accused of being a no job havin' alcoholic. You are high if you think an apology should come out of your mouth.

 

[Frackal]

Dont apologize for christs sake. Stab her with a meathook

 

[VooDoo Lady]

"Now my friend is suggesting she and I apologize and forget this has happened."


Ummmmm....NO!

SHE is the one who should be apologizing to YOU.....your friend needs to realize that he has to accept her walking all over him because they are married, but the rest of the world does NOT have to take her crap (that may come as a shock to both of them).......

Seriously there is enough negativity in the world around us that we don't need to be inviting it in.

 

[AAP]

The issue is moot now.

But anyway....

Natureboy - what good is a false apology? It will only justify/encourage her act and it will cheapen me.

Monkfish - I would invite him by himself, but she would never allow him to come. he would catch two weeks of hell for just two hours of social life. I did invite him by himself (as did his other friends) but he never comes by himself. As fucked up as it seems, he is loyal to the old bitch.



So... anyway as the title of this post says, it is a moot point now. He called me and said that she wanted to talk to me on the 3 way extension. the first thing she said was "I just want Ray to hear us when WE apologize to each other." I said, "I don't have anything to apologize for. Maybe you want to apologize for those things you have said which you know are untrue." She was quiet for a minute and then asks "so this means you are not going to apologize to me at all?" I was like "nope" and then.... she launches into the hissy fit and says it is my fault that her husband is only making $22 an hour now. It is my fault because I found a stupid job for him to do and that they can't live as well as they were used to. I am like WTF??? When I met this guy, he was making $ZERO$ per hour. He only made $30 in NYC and as we all know, the cost of living is ridiculous. He lost $8 an hour, but gained more savings with a lower cost of living in South florida and no state tax withheld. In addition he now has full health insurance available to him. In his previous job in NYC, he could not afford the paycheck deductions every payday so he forgo the insurance in order to keep the extra $80 in his pocket. I told her this and told her that if she was not living up to her ideal standards then she needed to get off her ass and go to work full time and help contribute to the pot. (she works part time time as a Girl Friday answering phones three hours a day) I told her that she was full of shit hiding behind the claim that her doctor will not clear her to work full time. The rest of the time when she could be working she (and she actually brags about this) is sitting down at the 10 cents Bingo Games on Commercial Highway. Or out at the Swap Shop buying needless shit. Or shopping at the mall. It seems that the doctor will not let her earn money, but he doesn't put any health restrictions on her spending it. In addition, I got him this job right after Sept 11 when the economy was at an all time low.

Anyway, I just hung up in her face. In a way I am relieved. I really did not like her but tried to put an honest effort into it because of him.

 

[Kryp2o]

You did the right thing . . . sometimes you just have to let the truth be know, walk away and let them decide there own fate. Like the saying goes . . . you can't save a world that dosen't want to be saved.