Santa Claws

[Heavy Weight Champ]

Make your list now kiddies!

> > Dear Santa,
> > I wud like a kool toy space ranjur
> > for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
> > YeR FReND,
> > BiLLy
> >
> > Dear Billy,
> > Nice spelling. You're on your way to
> > being a career lawn care specialist.
> > How 'bout I send you a fucking book so
> > You can learn to read and write? I'm
> > giving your older brother the space
> > ranger, at least HE can spell!
> > Santa
> >
> > ----------------------------------------
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > I have been a good girl all year, and
> > the only thing I ask for is peace and
> > joy in the world for everybody!
> > Love,
> > Sarah
> >
> > Dear Sarah,
> > You're parents smoked pot when they had
> > you, didn't they?
> > Santa
> >
> > -------------------------------------------------
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > I've written you for three years now
> > asking for a fire truck. Please, I
> > really really want a fire truck this year!
> > Love,
> > Joey
> >
> > Dear Joey,
> > Let me make it up to you. While you
> > sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
> > You'll have more fire trucks than you'll
> > know what to do with.
> > Santa
> >
> > --------------------------------------------------
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > I don't know if you can do this, but for
> > Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
> > and daddy to get back together. Please
> > see what you can do.
> > Love,
> > Teddy
> >
> > Dear Teddy,
> > What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's
> > still having with the babysitter?
> > He's banging her like a screen door in a
> > hurricane, son! Let me get you
> > some nice Legos instead.
> > Santa
> >
> > ----------------------------------------
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > I need more Pokemon cards please! All
> > my friends have more Pokemon cards
> > than me. Please see what you can do.
> > Love,
> > Michelle
> >
> > Dear Michelle,
> > It blows my fucking mind. Kids are
> > forcing their parents to buy hundreds of
> > dollars worth of these stupid cards, and
> > none of you snot-nosed brats are even
> > learning to play the game. Let me get
> > you something more your speed, like
> > "Chutes and Ladders."
> > Santa
> >
> > ----------------------------------------
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > I want a new bike, playstation, a train,
> > some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a
> > pony and a tuba.
> > Love,
> > Francis
> >
> > Dear Francis,
> > Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
> > Santa
> >
> > ----------------------------------------
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > I left milk and cookies for you under the
> > tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer
> > outside the backdoor.
> > Love,
> > Susan
> >
> > Dear Susan,
> > Milk gives me the shits and carrots make
> > the deer fart in my face. You want to be
> > a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas
> > Regal and some Toblerone.
> > Santa
> >
> > -----------------------------------------------
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > What do you do the other 364 days
> > of the year? Are you making toys?
> > Your friend,
> > Thomas
> >
> > Dear Thomas,
> > All toys get made in China. I have a
> > condo in Vegas, where I spend most my
> > time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses,
> > and losing all my cash at the craps table.
> > Hey, YOU wanted to know!
> > Santa
> >
> > -----------------------------------------------
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > Do you see us when we're sleeping, do
> > you really know when we're awake, like
> > in the song?
> > Love,
> > Jessica
> >
> > Dear Jessica,
> > You are that gullible? Good luck in
> > whatever you do, I'm skipping your
> > house...
> > Santa
> >
> > ----------------------------------------------
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > I really really want a puppy this year.
> > Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
> > could I have one?
> > Timmy
> >
> > Timmy,
> > That whiney begging shit may work with
> > your folks, but that crap don't work up
> > here. You're getting a sweater again.
> > Santa
> >
> > ------------------------------------------------
> >
> > Dearest Santa,
> > We don't have a chimney in our house, how
> > do you get into our home?
> > Love,
> > Marky
> >
> > Mark,
> > First, stop calling yourself "Marky,"
> > that's why you're getting your ass
> > whipped at school. Secondly, you don't
> > live in a house, that's a low-rent
> > apartment complex you're living in.
> > Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like
> > all the burglars do, through your
> > bedroom window. Sweet Dreams!
> > Santa

 

[Iron Thrower]

Funny shit, good post!!