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Rules For Men To Live By

Dial_tone

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Rules for men to live by:

1. Thou shalt not rent Sleepless in Seattle.

2. When on a fishing trip with the guys, never, no matter how sunburned you and your buds may be....is it NOT appropriate to rub sunscreen on each other's backs.

3. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem--you didn't see nothin'.

4. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

5. When in need to go pee, there is a minimum of one empty urinal between you and another man. If this is not possible, you're out of luck----hold it 'til later.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call you on it. (Exception: When trying to pick-up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%).

7. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

8. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

9. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late: five minutes. Maximum waiting time: six minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

10. Things that you can always cheat on: your taxes, the SAT's, and your resume. Things you can never cheat on: golf, darts, poker.

11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines the pit stops, not the weakest.

12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

14. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail out a friend within 12 hours.

15. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact even remembering your best buddy's birthday is strictly optional).

16. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if you secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

17. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. (bodybuilders exempt)

18. Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

19. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress; but you may never ask who's playing.

20. It is permissible to order a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless model....and it's free.

21. Only in a situation of mortal peril are you allowed to kick another member of the male species in the "family jewels."

22. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible "I recognize you" nod is all the conversation you need.

23. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to do her.
 
did you edit 17? :D
 
buttplug said:
What's wrong with girly fruity drinks? ;(

It appears that some men are VERY concerned about putting up a hyper-masculine front.
 
anabolicmd said:


It appears that some men are VERY concerned about putting up a hyper-masculine front.
It's not good to fight the gay in you. I don't see why they'd do it... makes them look even less masculine. ;(
 
buttplug said:
It's not good to fight the gay in you. I don't see why they'd do it... makes them look even less masculine. ;(

Thats right. Im a manly man, yet I enjoy mimosas, whats wrong with that?
 
anabolicmd said:


It appears that some men are VERY concerned about putting up a hyper-masculine front.

Oh and that front SOOO impresses the ladies...::Body types with a sarcastic tone::
 
buttplug said:
It's not good to fight the gay in you. I don't see why they'd do it... makes them look even less masculine. ;(

...and buttplug makes my case for me on my sacastic response.
 
BodyByFinaplix said:


...and buttplug makes my case for me on my sacastic response.
hah well, it's true. I'm picturing a totally homosexual man, fighting his urges trying to cover up and come out as Super Macho man of the decade to make up for his inner desires.

LET'S NOT ORDER A PINA COLADA, OR EVERYONE WILL KNOW I HAVE THE GAY.
 
Grrrr...I hate it when the order gets messed up on a thread.
 
buttplug said:
hah well, it's true. I'm picturing a totally homosexual man, fighting his urges trying to cover up and come out as Super Macho man of the decade to make up for his inner desires.

LET'S NOT ORDER A PINA COLADA, OR EVERYONE WILL KNOW I HAVE THE GAY.

Exactally. Anywho I actually think its funny when other guys do that shit. It makes me think they do actually fear they are gay, or actually have a small dick. I actually make jokes at my expenise about my own sexuality, masuclinity, and the size of my penis. Most guys of course don't get it, but a few do, and most of my female friends laugh.
 
BodyByFinaplix said:
... and yes I do dress stylishly, enjoy shopping at the mall, and think interior decorating is interesting. Guys, those things do not make you gay. Having anal sex with other men makes you gay.
Let's go shopping. We'll then sit under a big umbrella and sip on some fruity drinks with little umbrellas in them, we'll go home to catch Trading Spaces on TLC and then we can have anal sex. Nothing gay there. ;(
 
... and yes I do dress stylishly, enjoy shopping at the mall, and think interior decorating is interesting. Guys, those things do not make you gay. Having anal sex with other men makes you gay.
 
I wub stwawbewwy dacquowies.
 
buttplug said:
Let's go shopping. We'll then sit under a big umbrella and sip on some fruity drinks with little umbrellas in them, we'll go home to catch Trading Spaces on TLC and then we can have anal sex. Nothing gay there. ;(

Sounds good to me buttplug, as long as you aren't a man, nothing gay there. See you at mall at noon tomarrrow?:D
 
There is a Pier-One imports right by the mall in my city, we can stop there on the way out. I love that store!
 
i dress well, don't mind the mall that much... but enjoying interior decorating is where the line is drawn.
btw im not gay, but my ass is.
 
sigweed, sorry but I can't stand a shitty looking house/apartment. The way your home looks inside says everything about your personality.
 
UA_Iron said:
big bump for aap

I think he forgets his gender sometimes.

If you depend on another man to define the guidelines of your life, you truly are lost.

Only one man knows what's best for you: YOU!




DIV
 
one of the best things about this post, is that on the first page (other than DT and RJ), its just alters speaking with each other...

sad really.
 
Spanky11 said:
one of the best things about this post, is that on the first page (other than DT and RJ), its just alters speaking with each other...

sad really.

People originally thought that you and Chaos Mage were the same person.

Talk about an alter call.........:xeye:



DIV
 
nope sorry. i think people that have alters really need to get out more.

i would never stoop to creating an alter
 
Spanky11 said:
nope sorry. i think people that have alters really need to get out more.

i would never stoop to creating an alter

I agree, but you know as well as I do that there are many kids who have alters......


DIV
 
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