Relationship question

[Mysterio]

Ok right now I'm dating this girl everything was going so great then all of a suden things started to change. Before she would make every effort to talk with me and she always committed time for us. It seems to me like she she dosen't feel or act the way she did before. We use to talk every night at 9pm now she calls me like at 11:00pm or at almost midnight. She rather be out with her friends more then be with me. To get straight to the chase what made me start thinking this way is she wants to go out dancing to clubs with her friends and I told her I don't really like that idea. I told her I don't want to go to clubs so she says is it all right if I go my friends then. I'm not stupid here. She wants to have me believe that she is just going to dance with her friends when there are guys there. Like she just going to be there and not dance with some dude. I have done everything for this women. I tell her I love her every chance I get. I never would put are relationship in jeopardy like she does and it seems like now she just makes me feel bad. She always tells me how guys always hit on her and she still talks to her ex. Says there friends. Take into account that we are engaged to be married next year. Its like I have taken the back seat here guys. Its like she not the same women I knew. What I want to ask is how would you approach such a situation if you were me? Like what would you say to show how you feel and do you think that this is a bad sign to things to come? Women a greatly encouraged to repley so I can see what you ladies think of this as well. Guys I don't know what to do but I love her. I really do.

 

[Smurfy]

YOu two need to figure out activities to do together. It helps when you have the same interests. ANd, IMO, when one person wants to be out partying and the other one doesnt, it causes problems like you have stated above. Then you start becoming suspicious of her activities when you are not around to watch her.

 

[slickdadd]

Wait, you two are engaged? You threw that in during the middle and I'm not sure how to take it. That should be in the first sentence if you are. Otherwise, assuming you aren't, you are way more attached than she is clearly. Let loose. Find other ways to occupy your time and don't be clingy and overprotective. That will just annoy her and drive her away if she has these other things on her mind.

 

[Mysterio]

YOu two need to figure out activities to do together. It helps when you have the same interests. ANd, IMO, when one person wants to be out partying and the other one doesnt, it causes problems like you have stated above. Then you start becoming suspicious of her activities when you are not around to watch her.

Thanks for responding but what should I say to her to let here know how I feel or should I break up? I don't go to clubs any longer now that I go to church. I don't feel right going there. Before you say anything yes she knows I don't go cause of my believe's but its like it don't matter to her no more.

 

[Mysterio]

Wait, you two are engaged? You threw that in during the middle and I'm not sure how to take it. That should be in the first sentence if you are. Otherwise, assuming you aren't, you are way more attached than she is clearly. Let loose. Find other ways to occupy your time and don't be clingy and overprotective. That will just annoy her and drive her away if she has these other things on her mind.

She the one who asked me to marry her. She told me she felt the same way I do. Atleast I thought she did. I'm just having a bad time right now. I never had a lot growing up as support as I grew up without my family as a kid. At age 14 I was already living on the streets and I supported myself. I basically made cause I cared about myself. SHe was the 1st person that actually cared about me, told me she loved me, and was there for me. Growing up i never had that. All I'm saying is this is a real tough break for me and inside I feel like this is destroying me.

 

[jh1]

One way to look at it is that you were probably more both comprimising to make each other happy in the beginning, but now not so much.

Here is what I am saying - in the beginning you will do anyting to make the other person happy - i.e. you would have went to the club, and she probably wouldn't have went to the club to make you happy. But in the end you two are both going to do what makes you happy, because you have to be happy before you can make someone else happy. If you are worried about her screwing everything up, well not sure what to say. If she is going to do so, she is going to do it - you can't make her stay or make her love you.

It's really hard to take, it can be all consuming. I was dating someone for about 6 months - and she had to see me every day, and call a million times, went to great extents to be with me all the time - I fell for her so I enjoyed it. One day outta the blue she came to me and said she felt smothered, and needed space. It was almost laughable considering... Well of course I freaked out and wondered what CAUSED the sudden change. I wasn't concerned she didn't want to spend as much time together, I was concered about what the hell happened to make her say that. Drove her nuts for awhile with my questions about what was going on. I even broke it off because I couldn't stop thinking about it, and she either couldn't or didn't care to explain to me what was going on in her mind. She came back, but things weren't the same - we'll see what happens.

Hang in there.