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Meeting females after your ex...

B

badazzwhitedude

New member
I usually post on the anabolic board, but some of you may know that I have some issues with females a lot of the time because of things in the past. Well, here is why I posted:

I used to be just a player having fun with numerous girls. I got tired of that however, and I just don't want to do that anymore. I perfer something more stable. So, the last couple of years I have been dating girls, but I have been treated like shit.

I was going out with a girl this summer and she was the most fun female I had ever been with by far. Very outgoing as well, and to top it all off, she was one of those girls that was an ego boost to be seen around with 'cause she was SUPER fine. I thought we were going to be together for a long time and she was completely whipped on me. Unfortuantely she had problems with depression and got on heavy amounts of anti-depressants (Prozac) and she was never the same again. Needless to say it ruined everything between us. :(

Anyhow, I have been able to meet another really good-looking girl recently, but I was unexcited about it because I expect some shit to happen as it always does. I am sure I ruined it with this chick. I find it hard to be my old self after this shit. I view every female to be the same (my last one was debatable though because of the situation) and I expect each one to be brainless just like I have found all the other ones I had been out with. I know there must be a few good ones somewhere. But if I don't get excited about a female and am cold and expect her to be like all the others, I know it probably won't happen.

My question is have some of you guys felt like this and what did you do to change? I have been talking with a couple of females, but because of my low expectations of the female gender, I know I ruined it with the one I just mentioned above, but I don't want to ruin it with this other one I have been talking to. I have a date with her this upcoming weekend by the way, and she is a cute blonde. To top it all off, she is 19 y/o, and she's still a virgin. :p

I am 23 by the way.
 
Hey badazz :)

You're not alone. A vast majority of people feel this way after they've been hurt by someone.

OK, so that doesn't make you feel better.

What will? Time... Hope is tricky, it can cure you or it can kill you.

The way you react to heartbreak determines the way you'll treat the next one in line. If you don't let yourself get jaded, you can give everyone the full benefit of your trust from the start.

This is too dangerous for most people - they prefer to harden up and maintain distance, but that's conducive to mindgames.

All I can say is risk it. Give your heart and hope she deserves it. If she doesn't, well, you're in the same situation. It hurts. But you get over this shit. If you can try not to punish the next girl for the last one's mistakes, eventually you will find someone who will live up to your trust and the rewards will astound you.

Good luck with your virgin - this might be someone who doesn't know how to fuck with your head, she's fresh and sweet and hopefully innocent. When I was a virgin I believed everything I was told. Try to remember this, and don't suspect her of the games that have been played on you in the past.

Good luck
 
BADAZZ

WELL MAN, I WENT THROUGH SOME SIMILAR SHIT. I WAS WITH THIS CHICK FOR FIVE YEARS (I'M ALSO 23). SHE WAS FINE AS A MOFO, SMART, AND WILL BE VERY SUCCESSFUL ONE DAY SOON. WHEN WE BROKE UP I FOUND MY SELF COMPARING EVERYONE TO HER. WELL, YOU CANT COMPARE ANY GIRL THAT YOU TALK TO TO A PREVIOUS ONE FOR THEY ARE NVR ALIKE. EACH IS DIFFERENT. IF YOU GO INTO SOMETHING EXPECTING SOMETHING GREAT, YOU ARE MORE THAN LIKELY GOING TO BE DISSAPPOINTED IN THE END.

YOU HAVE TO FACE THAT FACT AND REALIZE THAT IF YOU ARE WANTING A NEW GIRL TO BE LIKE THE PREVIOUS ONE, IT WILL NOT HAPPEN. EACH GIRL IS DIFFERENT AND YOU JUST HAVE TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT EACH AND GO WITH IT. YOU HAVE TO GIVE EACH GIRL A CHANCE AND BY THINKING THEY ARE GOING TO BE LIKE SOMEONE YOU REALLY LIKE OR COMPARING THEM, THAT CHANCE IS OVER BEFORE IT EVER BEGINS.

JUST GO WITH THE FLOW. IF THIS CHICK IS FINE AND COOL, YOU JUST NEED TO WORK OUT THE SMALL DETAILS. THATS IT.

KAYNE
 
Honeynut said:


Good luck with your virgin - this might be someone who doesn't know how to fuck with your head, she's fresh and sweet and hopefully innocent. When I was a virgin I believed everything I was told.
Click to expand...

She used some of those exact words to describe herself in a conversation we had. The thing is I was so secure the last time and look what happened. Now I am afraid these feelings will carry over to this chick and I just won't care. I find it hard to even care about anyone anymore to be honest. I want to, but it's like I just can't. That's the issue here.
 
Just my opinion.

Maybe you expect to much from them, in your mind you are ready to commit in a womans mind there is chaos,even if she knew what she wanted she would eventually change her mind, i am posative of this. So you can't let them know what you want.
If i were you i would step back and take a break from women for a while, just go find yourself.
it is almost a comfort to not have to worry about someone else sometimes.

you are so worried about finding the right person that you are putting pressure on yourself to make things workout.
They treat you like shit because you let them,don't ever let a woman think you are unsure of yourself or anything for that matter because they will see it as a sign of weakness and they will loose interest, or they will treat you like shit!
Step back my brother and just breathe......

Dillon
 
Dillon,

I was never unsure of myself with my last girl. I treated her very well, but at the same time I was still a bit cocky and I was quite secure. I already said what had happened up above. I could step back like you said, but if someone were to come along that might actually be worth a shit for a change, I would miss out dude. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.
 
Yea man i understand, but you are very young and sometimes you have to take that chance, and you will be taking a chance on yourself, and when you do that you never loose.
 
Hey Badazz---

A couple basic rules about relationships, esp after breaking up:

1) Make sure you are truly ready to start dating again. If you are too hung up on the previous one, either back off a little and get yourself to a healthy place again or just be friends - no expectations.

2) Its not fair to the next one if you have already have preconceived notions based on the last one. Do you do that with the new guy friends that you meet? Same thing -- unless some explicitly demonstrates to YOU that they lack integrity (e.g. they do something to you intentionally) then they should deserve the same respect of a friendship as you would give any other person.

3) Remember to be patient with people -- you are young and there's plenty of time. Don't panic about trying to find "the right one" right away. If you put pressure on yourself that has no real basis or meaning, its not going to make your life any easier. And if a girl you are interested in is esp young, take into consideration the stuff you have been reading here --- if they are going away to college or trying to figure out what to do with their lives, don't get pissed if you don't necessarily fit into those plans. I.e. give some consideration to where the other person is coming from -- do what you can to keep the communication open and real and avoid the mind games.

Good luck!
Sassy
 
BADAZZ

Damn i think we are living the same lives. I was dating this dancer, so fuckin hot, but she acted weird sometimes. I mean WEIRD. So i broke it off after buying the bitch roses. I could have bought some test for the cost of that BS. That is what being a nice guy gets you. But her best freind was hanging all over me in the club this weekend. I guess she will think im a dick b/c of that. She is fair game.

Why cant i find a smart, beautiful, outgoing girl that doesnt have I-S-S-U-E-S??????:confused:
 
Sassy

You must be one of those girls who play with guys minds. (Not flaming just sounds like it) (no offense meant) My last girl wanted me to meet her parents and go out to eat with them, BEFORE A FUCKIN KISS WAS EXCHNAGED. Fuck that. Let's see, i bought her roses,- no kiss, took her out about 8 times- no kiss


= FUCK THAT
 
Badazz -

Methinks you're not over what happend with your ex yet. You can't rush these things, healing happens by itself.

If you don't feel too much, you can't expect to get hurt, 'cause if it doesn't work you haven't invested your heart and therefore it won't cause you pain.

And don't think you'll miss out! You can have a relationship, it'll just take your heart a little more time than usual to get into it. So maybe you don't have butterflies. You can still have a good time with her, get to know one another.

If there is a problem, it'll be when you're in a relationship and you're starting to fall in love again and you run away 'cause you're afraid to invest.
 
Stop Filling that man with Bullshit

Badazz take a guy point of view, the women dont know what they want, this has been proved over and over and all throughout history.:D
 
You must be one of those girls who play with guys minds.
Click to expand...

Golfer18 -- I completely missed the logic that made you leap from the above statement to your story of your girl. Did you ask her why she invited you to meet the parents -- or did you just assumes something. Did you assume that because you bought her roses she is supposed to return the favor with something.

Do you even know why she did or did not do these things? Did you ask? If you are confused but you didnt' ask her why, then you both had expectations that were not met - so now she's a bitch and somehow I play with guys' minds.

I may not be perfect but I sure as hell make an attempt to state where I'm coming from, or if I feel like doing something for someone, I do it expecting nothing more than the good feeling I get from doing it. I can't make any assumptions about what the other person is going to do or not do. If I want clarification, then I fucking ask. Otherwise I am happy getting out of it what I wanted. Anything I else I get out of it just icing on the cake. Or if I get a negative response, that's fine too because I had NO expectations. And I dont' walk around telling everyone what a fucker the guy is for not responding like I "expected" because I felt he "owed" me.

If that sounds like I'm playing mind games then I propose you examine the rules of the game more closely and see if I am executing in proper form. I know what the hell I want.

When you have more sound logic to draw these conclusions about me, then come and talk to me - perhaps we can discuss then. No flame intended.
 
haha i pressed the wrong button

Well this girl would act like we had been dating for 10 years. Yes i did expect a kiss or atleast a fuckin hug. How can you talk about liking somone so much and not even give a hug. FUCK THAT. I didnt expect to sleep with her. That would have been terrible, i dont date sluts. But i do expect affection. Its not my fault her last BF fucker her best friends. The bottomline is bitches play with guys minds. Unless you pull the "dickhead" act. There is two extremes, if your a dickhead, then they love your or hate you. if your a nice guy the fuckin take adavantage of you.
 
Sassy

My fault, im straight forward too. I say if i like you or not. I am not scared of rejection, i would rather be rejected than not know what side of the fence im on. That is the worst and that is what happened. I stated my feeling on the card that was with the roses. She is scared to state hers, therefore i cannot be with ehr b/c she has no self confidence. She pulled weird shit also. Im not a dick! I a fuck gent. to the "T".
 
.02

Dude, I was the same way when my first wife dusted my ass. I had just gone without for three yrs to get her through college and was looking forward to starting for myself like we agreed. well, I was seriously bent and overtly pissed at the world. Starting shit at intersections with other drivers, threatening people, running my mouth to start shit and all that. I wasn't looking for any of these skanky bitches because they are all fucking nuts. I was talking to Heather trying to help her sort out her shit marraige. The longer I talked, the more I saw the buttplug she was married to didn't deserve her. She saw something in me, too, and we hit it off when he hit the road. Anyway, what I'm saying is don't go looking for it. Just be you and don't think or anticipate what is going to happen and don't force yourself to try to feel anything. Be nice, be honest, be fair and don't kiss ass. Right is right.
 
Golfer --

As I always say, I will respect your opinion based your experience, but I really hate assumptions or statements that fail to take into account other information, or just plain failure to listen to input outside of your own already reached conclusion.

I have agreed on other threads that girls, especially under 30, or maybe under 25, just haven't figured out what they truly want or haven't found the self-confidence to be the way they want to be -- long story, but generally a product of this wonderful society we have developed.

But I've seen SOOOOO many relationships get completely fucked because of people's assumptions and expectations not being met - and for reasons that may be blatant miscommunications or due to the other person's past experiences. But I would present to you the "other side". Do you have ANY IDEA how many guys I've come across who are completely fucked up because of some experience they had with some woman? So just as your girlfriend responded to you based on her experience, I've dealt w/ plenty of guys who acted some way because of a previous relationship.

I contend that its not a female / male thing -- both sides constantly set up expectations of the other and get fucked because the communication wasn't there. So now anyone who has to deal with those people going forward will encounter the same problem. Thus these threads constantly get started. I'm trying to dispell the myth that all girls are fucked in the head. I could say all men are fucked, but guess what? I won't say that because I've never met all men so I can't make that claim. Simple as that. I let people be who are they are until they demonstrate to me that they arent'.
 
Sassy age?

Well im only 19, sooo a majority are "fucked in the head" except for a girlfriend i stopped dating 8 months, she was great, i dont why i dropped her. She was a little boring. I will call her Wednesday and tell her i want top be friends. DAmn she was cool.:bawling:
 
Sassy69 said:
I have agreed on other threads that girls, especially under 30, or maybe under 25, just haven't figured out what they truly want or haven't found the self-confidence to be the way they want to be -- long story, but generally a product of this wonderful society we have developed.
Click to expand...


I have a theory on this I think young beautiful girls are a lot like young atheletes that have to much money thrown at them, neither has the substance and maturity.....to deal with their good fortune.
 
Young beautiful Woman= Young Athletes

Great analogy, This is so true.

As far as dateing after being scorned, this is one of the biggest issues in my life right now. The hardest part of my break up was that there were no signs. We were going great, marrige looked like it was a year away. Then poof, she's gone. No warning.

Now how do you trust after that crap. After a girl looks you dead in the eyes and says "I will never leave you, I could never hurt you." After haveing the relationship of a lifetime, now your girlfriend is sleeping with a guy three weeks later. When she never called you 2 say good bye or its over.

HOW DO YOU TRUST?
 
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KitKat

I have wasted my time, game, and money on girls. No more. Time to find a women.
 
HighIntensity said:
.

As far as dateing after being scorned, this is one of the biggest issues in my life right now. The hardest part of my break up was that there were no signs. We were going great, marrige looked like it was a year away. Then poof, she's gone. No warning.

Click to expand...

Happened to me too bro'. It sucks. But I don't know how to feel about my last girl's situation. She got on drugs (perscribed) and it messed with her head big time. She went from the most affectionate (and horny) person to nothing at all.

Very hard to trust. This girl seems cool that I am talking with now, but I will probably be so stand-offish towards her and she will not be drawn to me at all because of it.
 
I had fun reading Golfer and Sassy go at it a little...:D

Sassy, I am not trying to jump into another relationship here. In fact, I did tell her that I am still kind of trying to get over my last girl and that we can be friends and see what happens later. She agreed and in fact she said she was not wanting to jump into things because she has been hurt too. But I would at least like to try and get her interest, which I have been usually good at doing but now it's like it's so damn hard to give a shit at all because I have no expectations and she may pick up on that and forget about it all and I wouldn't blame her.

This comes from the fact of the matter that the vast majority of the times I have seen, it has been the females' fault. This is based on my experience and what I have seen my friends go through. I could safely say probably about 75%+ that it was the female's fault. And I feel this is carrying over to other females that I am meeting and that I just don't give a damn about them. I really just don't genuinely care because in my mind it's like they are all the same and don't know what they want. And the truth is that females (especially young ones) really don't know what they want and they have a horrible reputation for it. It's just not cool and shows complete immaturity. They are like little children. But I applaud a female who is mature and knows what she wants and is stable, because it is a rare creature indeed, sad to say.

I could always go chasing hoes with some of my friends, but I am sick of that stuff as I have already done that quite a bit in the past and I am just tired of it.
 
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Ok bro here is the breakdown.

I dated a woman for years through high school and college. I ended up marrying her when we were 21. We had been dating for 7 years before that. A year before we got married her doctor prescribed prozac for depression. Her mother was also on it dont know if its hereditary or not. Things were still fine as long as she took her meds. Now about two months after we were married she decided not to take her meds anymore cause I should love her for her. Well needless to say she was not the same and got progressively worse she would laugh out loud for no reason, start crying for what seemed like the slightest and I am talking about not being able to find her keys on the key rack type stuff. I tried my best to stick it out to get her to the doctor but she refused and at the age of 24 I was officially divorced. I made another stupid mistake by then moving in with the first girl I dated and she then pretty much used me for every cent she could suck out of me.

I really kinda hated women after that for a long long time. My way of making them pay was becoming the biggest player I could. Now this wasnt a concious thought but that is how it really was. I slept with many many women and give thanks everyday that I never contracted a STD. I lived in Cleveland at the time and worked at one of the busiest night clubs there and getting women was as easy as breathing.

I did that for about 4 years then it just got old. I dont know if what it was but I just felt very alone all the time no matter how many women I would be with it was just emptyness. So I kinda withdrew from everyone I could. I had friends down were I live now. Called the one guy about training out of his health club and then called another guy to get the job as relief manager at his night club. I put my notice in at work and moved down here. For the entire first year I was here I did not date, I didnt hook up with anyone. As a matter a fact I had very little contact with any women accept at both jobs. I was kinda coming to terms with myself and what I had gone through with my ex-wife and the woman after her.

The good news is that time does heal all. A year ago I met the woman of my dreams. I couldnt even imagine a second date after what had happened to me and when I wasnt looking out of nowere I met someone that I would never want to imagine my life without.

So I am sorry for what your going through now bro but trust me in the long run you will only be better for it.
 
Thanks for the experience abbaddon. A lot of that sounds like me, and even last month I kind of led on a couple girls and just dropped out of sight because I was pissed.
 
badazzwhitedude said:
Thanks for the experience abbaddon. A lot of that sounds like me, and even last month I kind of led on a couple girls and just dropped out of sight because I was pissed.
Click to expand...

No problem I hope all who read it learn from the mistakes I made. That kinda pain is the worst kind of pain.......... besides a heavy day of straight-legged deadlifts..... just kidding.
 
Thanks kitkat for the karma.

I would hook you guys up with karma, but I have been having a problem with it, and I e-mailed George about it. Even when I send positive karma, it ends up being as negative karma SOMETIMES, but not all the time (some other have been having this problem too). Apparantly there are some bugs still to be worked out. If you want to take a chance, I will try to hook you up, but otherwise I will just leave it alone. Just holler at me here if you want to me try it. I appreciate the opinions and experiences. Any more will be appreciated.
 
Jesus Christ this is weird. Everything Abbaddon has said tonight is describing what has happend to me or exactly what I think. If it weren't me, I'd think I had two screen names
 
kitKat said:


I have a theory on this I think young beautiful girls are a lot like young atheletes that have to much money thrown at them, neither has the substance and maturity.....to deal with their good fortune.
Click to expand...

very well said
 
dgreenhill said:
Hey, everything happens for a reason. With my last girlfriend I traded looks for a free place to stay.

Now I have a very pretty girlfriend. And I am out of debt. It all worked out great.
Click to expand...

That's pretty low living off a women. You should be a man and pay for your own shit. Low Low Low. pretty pathetic!!
 
Thanks Honeynut for the karma. I would return it to you too, but like I said above, I have been having problems with it, as have some other people.

George e-mailed me back about the karma problem and said he was going to look into it.
 
Honeynut said:
Great, maybe you can ask him to look into it for me too! I run out so fast, way before twenty.
Click to expand...

Yeah I told him that many people are having problems. The biggest seems to be sending good karma, but it turns out to be bad sometimes. I posted a thread on it at the anabolic board a couple of days ago, and I even e-mailed George the link to the thread so he could see how many people were having problems. There are still some bugs to be worked out. He may end up posting something about it. We will have to wait and see.
 
Just gotta press on dude. But definetly do not go out thinking that the next one is gonna be the same or blow ya off. Because ya just never know.....

:beer:
 
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