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i've fallen off the wagon....
- Thread starter H_T_
- Start date
needtogetarmy
CEO of Project Mayhem
drunk santa...hawt!
vixensghost
New member
Great! One step closer to a straight jacket and drooling bibs.
vixensghost
New member
HumanTarget said:
It's gotta be tough 'splainin YOUR diaper buldge to peeps though. You have no shame....
vixensghost
New member
HumanTarget said:
There is a part of me who hopes you're kidding.
Faizakafez
New member
HT,
how are the attempts going along?
how are the attempts going along?
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Spartacus
Guest
since march 1st I went 77 days,then 95 days and now it's about 65 days. the last day I drank was oct 1st in Ukraine. I think I'm done with drinking as I don't even desire it or the drunk at all.
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Spartacus
Guest
just an FYI I went almost 9 years not drinking form age 30-39 and then started back oct '01
about the same damn time elite instituted the karma system
about the same damn time elite instituted the karma system
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Spartacus
Guest
so anybody here including you HT want to chat up alcoholism and/or drug addiction just ask me
I got much experience
I got much experience
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Spartacus
Guest
Ironically I find that I spend more money not drinking. when you're a heavy alcoholic as I was/am you end up mostly drinking alone and thus the alcohol is cheap because you buy it and bring it home.musclemom said:
now sober I have dates and they are far more expensive than an 18 pack of miller lite
sunday night I had a cobb salad and she had a piece of fish.we shared some desert. no drinks
50 bucks
50 bucks is around 3 days of beer
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Spartacus
Guest
C&C works well enoughHumanTarget said:
there's about a dozen of us here
I can usually tell when one of us goes on a bender and posts
we I do it it's blantently obvious
that's one of the worst effects of heavy drinking/alcoholism
you get meaner as time goes on
when I started back drinking oct 01 I was a happy drunk
and now I'm mean
I never used to be mean
never got into a bar fight until aug last year
I'm not a mean person and it scares me the animosity that emerges when I drink
fuck it Im done
I drank when I went to ukraine twice and that's it
god I hope
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Spartacus
Guest
toughest thing for me is being a morticianjnevin said:
I have 13-14 years of dead in my brain
it's not the dead bodies
it's not the grief and greaving
it's having to face your mortality daily
even if I were to leave the business and move to vegas(any "fun" growing city etc)
the mortuary biz will be with me
it's made me damn close to being nihilistic
and alcohol and/or sedation or any drug escape offers solace
calveless wonder
New member
stress from having a youngin on the way?
You're a big dude.....i figured your dedication to the gym would deter your alcohol consumption.
the more dedicated i am in the gym, the less i drink/go out. maybe once a week
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Spartacus
Guest
humanT has a kid on the way?
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Spartacus
Guest
Diving Bell and the Butterfly
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Spartacus
Guest
had a crippled old man at the funeral home a few years back
he was around mid-eighties and had been all crippled up in the fetal position for about the last 20 years of his life
couldn't communicate and I remember a nurse sayin' she could see him alive in his eyes
20 years of that I thought
the horror
he was around mid-eighties and had been all crippled up in the fetal position for about the last 20 years of his life
couldn't communicate and I remember a nurse sayin' she could see him alive in his eyes
20 years of that I thought
the horror
calveless wonder
New member
Spartacus said:
that's terrible....stuff like that really makes me feel assisted suicide should be legal.
i remember my grandmother in the last 5-8 years of her life would constantly tell my father she wishes she just died already. Osteoperosis did a number on her spine and had chronic pain. last time i saw her she was barely able to move....she died like a month later.
that's no way to live...
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Spartacus
Guest
"My soul is in danger. Always has been"- Charles Bukowski
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Spartacus
Guest
Was sitting on the couch with Linda, the good dark night descending, when there was a knock on the door. Linda got it.
Better come here, Hank..."
I walked to the door, barefooted, in my robe. A young blond guy, a young fat girl and a medium sized girl.
They want your autograph..."
I don´t see people," I told them.
We just want your autograph," said the blond guy, then we promise never to come back."
Then he started giggling, and holding his head. The girls just stared.
But none of you have a pen or even a piece of paper I said.
Oh," said the blond kid, taking his hands from his head, We´ll come back again with a book! Myabe at a more proper time..."
Tha bathrobe. The bare feet. Maybe the kid thought i was eccentric. Maybe I was.
Don´t come in the morning," I told them.
I saw them begin to walk off and I closed the door...
Now I´m up here writing about them. You´ve got to be a little hard with them or they´ll swarm you. I´ve had some horrible expreriences blocking that door. So many of them think that somehow you´ll invite them in and drink with them all night. I prefer to drink alone. A writer owes nothing except to his writing. He owes nothing to the reader except the availability of the printed page. And worse, many of the doorknockers are not even readers. They´ve just heard something. The reader and the best human is the one who rewards me with his or her absence.
Better come here, Hank..."
I walked to the door, barefooted, in my robe. A young blond guy, a young fat girl and a medium sized girl.
They want your autograph..."
I don´t see people," I told them.
We just want your autograph," said the blond guy, then we promise never to come back."
Then he started giggling, and holding his head. The girls just stared.
But none of you have a pen or even a piece of paper I said.
Oh," said the blond kid, taking his hands from his head, We´ll come back again with a book! Myabe at a more proper time..."
Tha bathrobe. The bare feet. Maybe the kid thought i was eccentric. Maybe I was.
Don´t come in the morning," I told them.
I saw them begin to walk off and I closed the door...
Now I´m up here writing about them. You´ve got to be a little hard with them or they´ll swarm you. I´ve had some horrible expreriences blocking that door. So many of them think that somehow you´ll invite them in and drink with them all night. I prefer to drink alone. A writer owes nothing except to his writing. He owes nothing to the reader except the availability of the printed page. And worse, many of the doorknockers are not even readers. They´ve just heard something. The reader and the best human is the one who rewards me with his or her absence.
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Spartacus
Guest
Slow at the track today, my damned life dangling on the hook. I am there every day. I don´t see anybody else out there every day except the employees. I probably have some malady. Saroyan lost his ass at the track, Fante at poker, Dostoevsky at the weel. And it´s really not a matter of the money unless you run out of it. I had a gambler friend once who said, I don´t care if I win or lose, I just want to gamble."
Faizakafez
New member
congrats ht
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Spartacus
Guest
I suppose there´s always something out there we want to torment ourselves with. And at the track you get the feel of the other people, the desperate darkness, and how easy they toss it in and quit. The racetrack crowd is the world brought down to size, life grinding against death and losing. Nobody wins finally, we are just seeking a reprieve, a moment out of the glare.
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Spartacus
Guest
Spartacus said:
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Spartacus
Guest
looks like pick3 in 30 years
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Spartacus
Guest
I smoke too much, I drink too much but I can´t write too much, it just keeps coming and I call for more and it arrives and mixes with Mahler. Sometimes I deliberately stop myself. I say, wait a moment, go to sleep or look at your 9 cats or sit with your wife on the couch. You´re either at the track or with the Macintosh. And then I stop, put on the brakes, park the damned thing. Some people have written that my writing has helped them go on. It has helped me too. The writing, the roses, the 9 cats
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Spartacus
Guest
There´s a small balcony here, the door is open and I can see the lights of the cars on the Harbor Freeway south, they never stop, that roll of lights, on and on. All those people. What are they doing? What are they thinking? We´re all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn´t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.
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Spartacus
Guest
Keep it going, Mahler! You´ve made this a wonderous night. Don´t stop, you son-of-a-bitch! Don´t stop!
continued...
http://www.ai.ee/users/tr/captainis...and_the_sailors_have_taken_over_the_ship.html
continued...
http://www.ai.ee/users/tr/captainis...and_the_sailors_have_taken_over_the_ship.html
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Spartacus
Guest
today's wall street journal front page center article was on prescription drug abuse in US nursing homesHumanTarget said:
"powerful antipsychotics used to subdue elderly"
aging population
basically pills are cheaper than people
cant say I blame them
who's going to pay to have each alzheimer's/dementia patient cared for by a person each
when it's my turn
drug me up
This lady I worked with tonight was telling me about the bad car wreck she got in last year and how she was almost killed. They were slammed into from behind and pushed into oncoming traffic and slammed into again in the side.. She said she looked in the back seat at her son as her vehicle was being rammed and she unmistakenly (according to her) saw angels decscend and wrap their wings around her son. Maybe she was hallucinating, I don't know. She says she is certain of what she saw... I thought I'd tell of something good since the world sucks so bad. That story brightened my night.
vixensghost
New member
HumanTarget said:
Stop.
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Spartacus
Guest
I'm on a stack of red bull and wellbutrin
stupid bitch takes 10 minutes after i order to tell me they don't have what i want. then it takes 5 more minutes for me to lose my patience waiting for the fucking manager before i go into the kitchen and find her. wtf? doesn't anyone ever do their job anymore? fucking low rent restaurant workers ought to be replaced by goddam 3 toed-sloths.......or mexicans.
calveless wonder
New member
HumanTarget said:
This is sad.........
taking it out on a waitress? Maybe she didn't find out till the cooks said something? There's a million scenarios that could have happened...not the end of the world man. Projecting your anger on other people isn't going to change anything
I hope you get yourself straightened out bro, for real. I'm surprised more people aren't like "wtf" on this thread out of concern.
The destructive path you are on is going to get worse. I remember you saying you stopped taking your anti depressants...maybe you should go back on?
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Spartacus
Guest
Most people are not ready for death, theirs or anybody else´s. It shocks them, terrifies them. It´s like a great surprise. Hell, it should never be. I carry death in my left pocket. Sometimes I take it out and talk to it: Hello, baby, how you doing? When you coming for me? I´ll be ready."Spartacus said:
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Spartacus
Guest
There´s nothing to mourn about death any more than there is to mourn about the growing of a flower. What is terrible is not death but the lives people live or don´t live up until their death. They don´t honor their own lives, they piss on their lives. They shit them away. Dumb fuckers. They concentrate too much on fucking, movies, money, family, fucking. Their mindes are full of cotton. They swallow God without thinking, they swallow country without thinking. Soon they forget how to think, they let others think for them. Their brains are stuffed with cotton. They look ugly, they talk ugly, they walk ugly. Play them the great music of the centuries and they can´t hear it. Most people´s deaths are a sham. Thare´s nothing left to die.
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