If you could choose between...

[evansteve]

being lonely and depressed

or being anxious and depressed and trying to make friends...

which one would you choose?


explanation: When I see people hanging out with friends I realize that I dont have a core group, I get depressed. When I am by myself I'm not really depressed but I'm just lonely.

When I get out and try to make friends, I'm more depressed because I realize even more so what I'm missing out on. And I'm more anxious because I'm trying to get it but I'm not sure if I will succeed.

This is my last year of college, feels sad knowing that I dont have a core group yet, and that everything is all in the hands of this year, about whether I come out of college with friends or not.




and dont tell me to seek help ppl, i already have, and im doing the best that i can, im on meds, and im getting counselling.

 

[EnderJE]

Are you still holding that paper?

Easy with the meds, bro. You're just shy and have no game.

 

[hawaii50]

i used to be in the exact same place you are... Jesus helps. seriously. more than you'll ever know.

 

[bigmann245]

first fix the depressed thing. then you can be more outgoing and meet the right people. where do you hang out? do you even talk to girls at school? i would start hanging out where everyone else hangs out and go from there. its not hard. you need more confidence and not worry so much if a woman blows you off. just move on to the next. soon you will find one that is interested in you. just dont be pushy. i know your getting desperate but maybe your setting your standars a bit too high.

 

[evansteve]

i used to be in the exact same place you are... Jesus helps. seriously. more than you'll ever know.

I have Jesus, but I dont think He's helping to ease the pain. Just because you have Jesus, doesnt mean that He will take your pain away...

 

[chefbone]

i'D RATHER BE DRUNK...BLAHHHHHHHHHHH

 

[ohashi]

Better to have no core group at all than to slowly outgrow your group, watch it fall apart, or not be able to say goodbye to your best friend because he ODed on heroin

 

[hawaii50]

you have to ask first

 

[chefbone]

Better to have no core group at all than to slowly outgrow your group, watch it fall apart, or not be able to say goodbye to your best friend because he ODed on heroin

Yo, where r u in NYC...holla

 

[evansteve]

first fix the depressed thing. then you can be more outgoing and meet the right people. where do you hang out? do you even talk to girls at school? i would start hanging out where everyone else hangs out and go from there. its not hard. you need more confidence and not worry so much if a woman blows you off. just move on to the next. soon you will find one that is interested in you. just dont be pushy. i know your getting desperate but maybe your setting your standars a bit too high.

I dont know if the depressed thing can be fixed easily. Medication doesnt really cure the problem.
I hang out in my apartment. I dont try to hang where there is ppl much cuz it depresses me. Yes I talk to girls at school.

Right now, I could care less about women, I just need a friggin core group of friends.

Standards are everything. If you dont set them high enough and succeed with your goals, you will still always be depressed.

 

[hawaii50]

seriously.. just not caring whether you have friends seems to make people want to be your friends.. be the leader, and they'll flock to you.

 

[Raina]

Being someone who deals daily with clinical depression and anxiety, I can say I'd rather be alone. Lonely is a tricky word because I've been lonely for years despite living with someone and having lots of people in my life. Having people around, even people who genuinely care about you doesn't mean you can't be lonely.

When I'm really down or anxious I have a hell of a time being around other people. Being as fake as I have to be to avoid questions of what's wrong etc is exhausting.

 

[bigmann245]

Being someone who deals daily with clinical depression and anxiety, I can say I'd rather be alone. Lonely is a tricky word because I've been lonely for years despite living with someone and having lots of people in my life. Having people around, even people who genuinely care about you doesn't mean you can't be lonely.

When I'm really down or anxious I have a hell of a time being around other people. Being as fake as I have to be to avoid questions of what's wrong etc is exhausting.

you just discribed my wife to the "T". she is exactly like that. she even said that. she would rather be lonely than be with friends and fake being happy she is there. that is wierd. not that you both would rather be alone but the fact that you think the same way.

 

[Raina]

There is nothing in the world than being in a room full of people and feeling totally alone.

 

[Beachbum1546]

i'm not exactly sure as to how my post applies but i'm going to tell you a little story about a friend of mine I met this year.

His name is Drew and he lives down the hall from me in my dorm. He is a freshman and I'm a senior. He has tons of friend where as I dont have many. What I watched him do while I hung out with surprised me. When ever he was around someone he didn't know he would introduce himself and strike conversation. i mean completely random people. he always got a positive respone. then i realized that is how we met. i was getting my keys out to open my door when he walked by and introduced himself. he then invited me to a poker game that night. i thought he was cool and now we hang out all the time. see the thing is the majority of people are willing or even wanting attention from others and that is what drew does. he talks to them, seems interested then invites them to do something and it works everytime.

how that translate to you. be open to people and dont worry about people rejecting you/not liking you. this isn't high school 99% people will welcome you and want to hang out with you. just be cool and yourself.

 

[bigmann245]

There is nothing in the world than being in a room full of people and feeling totally alone.

are you my wifes sister? she says the same exact things. im not kidding you raina. im trying to understand it better. its hard though.

 

[Raina]

be open to people and dont worry about people rejecting you/not liking you. this isn't high school 99% people will welcome you and want to hang out with you. just be cool and yourself.

Exactly. Screw what anyone else thinks. You have to be yourself or your relationships are based on fake surface BS. Yuck. Most of the world is artificial.

 

[EnderJE]

I just need a friggin core group of friends.

What are we? Okay, other then a bunch of alters?

 

[EnderJE]

There is nothing in the world than being in a room full of people and feeling totally alone.

That's one of the best feelings in the world. Its better when you go to a really public place and feel all alone.

 

[Beachbum1546]

Exactly. Screw what anyone else thinks. You have to be yourself or your relationships are based on fake surface BS. Yuck. Most of the world is artificial.

i'm such a bad storyteller over the net. i type slow but my brain flies with thoughts so my hands never can catch up and my writing always come across jumbled and peiced together rather than a streaming thought.

 

[evansteve]

seriously.. just not caring whether you have friends seems to make people want to be your friends.. be the leader, and they'll flock to you.

maybe you are right about this. plus not caring would tend to make things easier.

What are we? Okay, other then a bunch of alters?

ha, i dont get it. what are you sayin.

 

[evansteve]

Being someone who deals daily with clinical depression and anxiety, I can say I'd rather be alone. Lonely is a tricky word because I've been lonely for years despite living with someone and having lots of people in my life. Having people around, even people who genuinely care about you doesn't mean you can't be lonely.

When I'm really down or anxious I have a hell of a time being around other people. Being as fake as I have to be to avoid questions of what's wrong etc is exhausting.

thanks for your response. its refreshing knowing that there are other people out there who are dealing with the same stuff. I kind of look up to you too, so that also helps, knowing that you too have this condition, but still are successful and everything at life.

i think i can relate with not wanting to have to hide my anxious/depressed feelings when around people, that sucks.

There is nothing in the world than being in a room full of people and feeling totally alone.

righto on that one,
that is something that really sucks.

 

[evansteve]

how that translate to you. be open to people and dont worry about people rejecting you/not liking you. this isn't high school 99% people will welcome you and want to hang out with you. just be cool and yourself.

thank you for your post that you gave.

I understand that being real friend to everyone is wise. The problem is that I want a core group of friends, and many people already have this or do not want it, so when I press on people and if I asked them to hang out a lot, I might come across as needy, desperate, or uncool, and then they would reject me.
I feel like this still happens a lot, even though I'm not in highschool anymore. I think its just human nature to only want to be with people who look cool and self-sufficient, patient, and not desperate.

 

[evansteve]

Exactly. Screw what anyone else thinks. You have to be yourself or your relationships are based on fake surface BS. Yuck. Most of the world is artificial.

true dat.

Well I'll try to be myself. But I think that most people will run away from me in fear, and I will only end up feeling sad as a result.
Who I am underneath inside, is a vulnerable, desperate, lonely person. No one wants to be around someone like that, who is only looking for people as a cure to his problems.

I guess I'm the type that really doesnt like to be rejected, and if I was 100% honest with people and my motives, I think that most would reject me, and that would be painful, and I'm not sure if I could do it long enough to find a person who wouldnt reject me. I'd probably burn out beforehand.

 

[1_more_rep]

being lonely and depressed

or being anxious and depressed and trying to make friends...

which one would you choose?


explanation: When I see people hanging out with friends I realize that I dont have a core group, I get depressed. When I am by myself I'm not really depressed but I'm just lonely.

When I get out and try to make friends, I'm more depressed because I realize even more so what I'm missing out on. And I'm more anxious because I'm trying to get it but I'm not sure if I will succeed.

This is my last year of college, feels sad knowing that I dont have a core group yet, and that everything is all in the hands of this year, about whether I come out of college with friends or not.




and dont tell me to seek help ppl, i already have, and im doing the best that i can, im on meds, and im getting counselling.

bro you don't HAVE to be part of any particular "group" to have friends. just initiate a conversation next time you're in class or something and see if it works. (i'd suggest doing it during the break or before class starts so as to not piss off the person if they're very serious about their academics) example: im in high school but i took a college class for summerschool - the first day of class everyone was outside and quiet waiting before the teacher came. so i just said "so how is everyone? excited about the first day?! " and i just started getting feedback and before you know it we were all talking to each other only 5 min. after dead silence.

and i'm sure you're a good person from the posts i've read of yours you're a good bro and person. you're probably just being TOO shy and can't show your true self even though you WANT to. i advise just lighten up a little and talk to some more people. whats the WORST that can happen when you talk to someone and be nice to them? they say "oh im busy can we talk later" or something like that to say they don't want to talk. Best scenario - they talk back and want to know more about YOU, etc. and you probably have a meal plan since you are at college you might want to invite someone you don't know very well to go to lunch one day or something.

goodluck with your search bro. i'll be your friend if you need one when all else fails. feel free to PM or IM me if you have any more Qs

 

[evansteve]

bro you don't HAVE to be part of any particular "group" to have friends. just initiate a conversation next time you're in class or something and see if it works. (i'd suggest doing it during the break or before class starts so as to not piss off the person if they're very serious about their academics) example: im in high school but i took a college class for summerschool - the first day of class everyone was outside and quiet waiting before the teacher came. so i just said "so how is everyone? excited about the first day?! " and i just started getting feedback and before you know it we were all talking to each other only 5 min. after dead silence.

and i'm sure you're a good person from the posts i've read of yours you're a good bro and person. you're probably just being TOO shy and can't show your true self even though you WANT to. i advise just lighten up a little and talk to some more people. whats the WORST that can happen when you talk to someone and be nice to them? they say "oh im busy can we talk later" or something like that to say they don't want to talk. Best scenario - they talk back and want to know more about YOU, etc. and you probably have a meal plan since you are at college you might want to invite someone you don't know very well to go to lunch one day or something.

goodluck with your search bro. i'll be your friend if you need one when all else fails. feel free to PM or IM me if you have any more Qs

Thanks man, I'll remember to hit you up if I feel like I need anything.

you got some good points. being yourself til you meet someone who likes you. i think the hardest part is just dealing with all the rejections along the way, and to keep going.

No, I dont have a college meal plan, but I could still invite someone to get food at the Market area at my scool. I'd just have to pay cash.

 

[biteme]

being lonely and depressed

or being anxious and depressed and trying to make friends...

which one would you choose?


explanation: When I see people hanging out with friends I realize that I dont have a core group, I get depressed. When I am by myself I'm not really depressed but I'm just lonely.

When I get out and try to make friends, I'm more depressed because I realize even more so what I'm missing out on. And I'm more anxious because I'm trying to get it but I'm not sure if I will succeed.

This is my last year of college, feels sad knowing that I dont have a core group yet, and that everything is all in the hands of this year, about whether I come out of college with friends or not.




and dont tell me to seek help ppl, i already have, and im doing the best that i can, im on meds, and im getting counselling.

None of that stuff matters when you mature. I have the same friends that Ive had since high school (more than a lifetime ago). I rarely see them and speak only occasionally.

 

[biteme]

The only thing I'm missing is a wife and I'm not sure if I want one of those.

 

[H_T_]

evan, i'm thinking a woman is the last thing you need.

 

[evansteve]

evan, i'm thinking a woman is the last thing you need.

what makes you say that?