I Prayed Last Night 1st In A Long Time

[WIDELAT]

MY BEST FRIEND WAS KILLED IN MARCH OF 98 CLOSEST PERSON TO ME EVER I WAS IN SHOCK IN APRIL ON A BOYS DEEP SEA FISHING TRIP MY FATHER HAD A MAJOR HEART ATTACK AND DIED IN MY ARMS. (NOT LOOKING FOR PITY). I WAS ON THE EDGE AT THE TIME OF MY FRIENDS DEATH IN BECOMING A MINISTER LEAST TO SAY AFTER MY FATHERS DEATH THE NEXT MONTH I TURNED MY BACK ON THE PERSON WHO GAVE HIM TO ME GOD (FOR BELIVERS)

WHEN I WAS A YOUNG BOY ABOUT 8 OR SO I WOULD READ THE BIBLE WITH NO HELP AND UNDERSTOOD IT AND WANTED TO BE A TOOL FOR GOD TO SHOW HIM THAT I WAS HIS. AFTER MY FATHER DIED I WENT THE OPPOSITE WAY STARTED SELLING DRUGS AND WORKING FULLTIME TO HELP PAY THE MORGAGE WITH MY MOM WHO WAS AT THE TIME OUT OF IT COMPLETELEY. I GOT THROUGH THAT BUT TURNED OFF ALL MY EMOTIONS AND MY PRIDE HAS NOT LET ME FORGIVE GOD FOR MY LOSSES.

LATLEY I HAVE BEEN FEELING SO MUCH PAIN INSIDE AND SUFFERING AND NO EXPLANATION WOULD HIT ME THEN ON SEP 11 MY B-DAY I GOT A CARD IN THE MAIL AND I LOST IT I WANTED MY FATHER TO BE WITH ME ON MY BIRTHDAY I FELT LIKE A LITTLE BOY WHO JUST WANTED HIS DADDY I CRIED TO MY GIRL FOR ABOUT AN HOUR THE FIRST TIME I HAVE EVER CRIED SINCE EITHER DEATH.

I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH ABOUT THEM AT ALL I STILL HAVE THE MEMORIES JUST THEIR NOT IN THEM AND I AM FILLED WITH UNBELIVABLE GUILT. I HAD A HORRIBLE DREAM A FEW NIGHTS AGO AND I BALLED MY EYES OUT AND NEEDED TO TELL SOMEONE SPECIFIC IN MY FAMILY FOR COMFORT BUT I DON'T KNOW WHO IT WAS I THOUGHT MAYBE MY UNCLE. AS I THOUGHT OF IT MORE THE ONLY PERSON I WANTED TO TALK TO ABOUT MY PAIN WAS MY FATHER BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONE WHO I WENT TO FOR ALL THOSE THINGS. THEREPY DOES NOT HELP THEY DID NOT KNOW HIM AND I HAVE TRIED IT. I ASKED FOR GOD TO SHOW ME WHAT HE WANTS FROM ME AND HELP ME TO FORGIVE HIM.

THE THING I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS MY LIFE IS NOT BAD AT ALL I JUST TURNED 24 HAVE OWNED MY OWN COMPANY FOR A WHILE AND AM WITH WOMAN OF MY DREAMS, MY SOULMATE, SHE IS THE ONLY OTHER ONE I HAVE TOLD THESE THINGS TO. I HAVE NEVER LOVED SOMEONE MORE THEN SHE AND I KNOW GOD HAS PUT HER IN MY LIFE TO SPEND IT WITH HER AND BUILD A FUTURE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE IS GOOD EXCEPT THIS THING WON'T LEAVE ME THIS PAIN AND SUFFERING THAT RIGHT AT THIS SECOND IS ALMOST UNBARABLE AT TIMES. LACK OF SLEEP DON'T HELP THAT THOUGH. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I ASKED GOD AND FOR SOME REASON ITS ALWAYS EASEIR TO GET THINGS OFF TO YOU GUYS BECAUSE NON OF US KNOW EACH OTHER PERSONALLY. JUST WANTED TO WRITE ALL THIS OUT IT HELPS, AND IF GOD ENCORAGES YOU TO GIVE ADVISE I WELCOME IT.

 

[TEXgrl]

i'm sorry you are having a bad time.

 

[WIDELAT]

YEAH ITS JUST SOMETHING I CAN'T FIGURE OUT I DON'T GET IT IT HAS BEEN SO LONG KNOW AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT SO IT FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY, AND BELIVE ME I WANT TO DEAL WITH IT.

 

[Y_lifter]

Psa 22:1 My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my groaning?
Psa 22:2 O my God, I cry in the daytime, but thou answerest not; And in the night season, and am not silent.
Psa 22:3 But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel.
Psa 22:4 Our fathers trusted in thee: They trusted, and thou didst deliver them.
Psa 22:5 They cried unto thee, and were delivered: They trusted in thee, and were not put to shame.
Psa 22:6 But I am a worm, and no man; A reproach of men, and despised of the people.
Psa 22:7 All they that see me laugh me to scorn: They shoot out the lip, they shake the head, saying,
Psa 22:8 Commit thyself unto Jehovah; Let him deliver him: Let him rescue him, seeing he delighteth in him.
Psa 22:9 But thou art he that took me out of the womb; Thou didst make me trust when I was upon my mother's breasts.
Psa 22:10 I was cast upon thee from the womb; Thou art my God since my mother bare me.
Psa 22:11 Be not far from me; for trouble is near; For there is none to help.
Psa 22:12 Many bulls have compassed me; Strong bulls of Bashan have beset me round.
Psa 22:13 They gape upon me with their mouth, As a ravening and a roaring lion.
Psa 22:14 I am poured out like water, And all my bones are out of joint: My heart is like wax; It is melted within me.
Psa 22:15 My strength is dried up like a potsherd; And my tongue cleaveth to my jaws;
And thou hast brought me into the dust of death.
Psa 22:16 For dogs have compassed me: A company of evil-doers have inclosed me; They pierced my hands and my feet.
Psa 22:17 I may count all my bones; They look and stare upon me.
Psa 22:18 They part my garments among them, And upon my vesture do they cast lots.
Psa 22:19 But be not thou far off, O Jehovah: O thou my succor, haste thee to help me.
Psa 22:20 Deliver my soul from the sword, My darling from the power of the dog.
Psa 22:21 Save me from the lion's mouth; Yea, from the horns of the wild-oxen thou hast answered me.
Psa 22:22 I will declare thy name unto my brethren: In the midst of the assembly will I praise thee.
Psa 22:23 Ye that fear Jehovah, praise him; All ye the seed of Jacob, glorify him;
And stand in awe of him, all ye the seed of Israel.
Psa 22:24 For he hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; Neither hath he hid his face from him;
But when he cried unto him, he heard.
Psa 22:25 Of thee cometh my praise in the great assembly: I will pay my vows before them that fear him.
Psa 22:26 The meek shall eat and be satisfied; They shall praise Jehovah that seek after him: Let your heart live for ever.
Psa 22:27 All the ends of the earth shall remember and turn unto Jehovah;
And all the kindreds of the nations shall worship before thee.
Psa 22:28 For the kingdom is Jehovah's; And he is the ruler over the nations.
Psa 22:29 All the fat ones of the earth shall eat and worship: All they that go down to the dust shall bow before him,
Even he that cannot keep his soul alive.
Psa 22:30 A seed shall serve him; It shall be told of the Lord unto the next generation.
Psa 22:31 They shall come and shall declare his righteousness Unto a people that shall be born, that he hath done it.

 

[Y_lifter]

Psa 23:1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
Psa 23:2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside still waters.
Psa 23:3 He restoreth my soul: He guideth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Psa 23:4 Yea, thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Psa 23:5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou hast anointed my head with oil; My cup runneth over.
Psa 23:6 Surely goodness and lovingkindness shall follow me all the days of my life; And I shall dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

 

[grlpwrd]

When I was going thru some tough times someone told me let go and let God. That was one of the best advice I was ever given.

Also, you might want to talk to a priest/reverend to discuss your relationship with God and all that. You're going thru a lot and I hope it works out for you.

 

[WIDELAT]

THANKS FOR THE SCRIPTER Y IT HITS IN THE RIGHT SPOT.

AND I WANT GOD TO TAKE THIS FROM ME GRLP YEAH I NEED TO SEE SOMEONE RELIGOUS ABOUT THIS. THANK YOU GUYS, HELPS.

 

[Steroid_Virgin]

its always good to turn to god, but in your case I'd also go speak to a psychologist too...

 

[dballer]

You turned to the right person.

good luck bro.

 

[alien amp pharm]

I haven't lost either parent yet, but I can relate in that I have lost other relatives and friends very close to me.
It's easy to feel pain and anger whenever you lose someone close or something horrible happens. Heck, you feel all kinds of emotions. That's normal.

It is good that you prayed, only God can lift that hurt and burden from you.

Now I'm no shrink, expert or anything, but it sounds like you have a few good things going for you. It sounds like you have been blessed with other certain things. Focus on that, treasure that, and be thankful for the good things you have.

Remember, everyone must pass from this earth. Now if your father was a believer that should make you happy just knowing he was saved and could be living eternal life in heaven.

 

[Y_lifter]

In those times when I miss my Father, I stop thinking about him being gone.

INSTEAD:

I remember all the Good times we spent together.
I remember "Specific" FUNNY things he did or said.
Before you know it, I am no longer Sad or Crying but Laughing...

 

[big_bad_buff]

WIDELAT

good thing you have someone and something you know is true, and can help you through anything and everything. it must be hard, i can't imagine.....just think of all the people that go though this and worse, but have no hope at all......prayer is the best tool you could ever use.

 

[68GT350]

Just remember, God doesn't provide the solution. He provides the strength for you to find the solution.

 

[Raina]

Philippians 4:6-7 (nlt) Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything...If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.

My thoughts and prayers are with you-- I'm sorry to hear that you've gone through so much pain and sincerely hope that you will again find the peace that you've known...the peace only He can give.

 

[WIDELAT]

I HAVE DONE THE SCICOLOGIST THING IT HELPED HIDE IT AND LOCK IT AWAY BUT IT ALL CAME BACK 10 FOLD SO I AM GOING TO JUST FOCUS WITH GOD AND TRY TO OPEN UP.

AFTER THE BOAT TRIP WHEN HE DIED I CAN'T REMEMBER HIM JUST LITTLE TINY THINGS MOST MEMORIES I HAVE I ERASED HIM AND MY FRIEND FROM BEING THERE LIKE I NEVER KNEW THEM, DO YOU HAVE ANYIDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BARELY REMEMBER SOMEONE WHO RAISED YOU WITH LOVE I FOUND NO WRONG IN THAT MAN EVER. IF I TURN OUT TO BE A QUARTER OF WHAT HE WAS I WILL BE HAPPY.

 

[Y_lifter]

DO YOU HAVE ANYIDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BARELY REMEMBER SOMEONE WHO RAISED YOU WITH LOVE

Yes, It is Normal....

Go get a Photo Album or home movies if you have them or at your families. Go through it and see if you can bring those memories back. This is how I remembered those things that I had forgotten for some reason.

All that day going through the pictures I was saying "Oh man I forgot all about this"

 

[TEXgrl]

great posts raina and Y-lifter, i sent karma, but i couldn't hit Y until i spread myself around

widelat, hope you are doing well today, i thought about you last night.

 

[Kali]

Widelat, it is so ironic that you bring this up. This month is the month of my father's birthday and the day he died. It is also the time when my cousin and my 3 best friends (that I was supposed to be with at the time) died in 2 separate car accidents within 30 min of each other. Needless to say, this month is a really rough month for me too. (Not looking for pity either) My dad died 10 years ago on the 30th and it is hitting me harder this year, then it has the last nine. I think it is because it is a big marker, and I am looking back at my life wondering if he would have been proud of me or if he would have liked what I have become. I think the worst thing is not being able to remember everything. I almost feel like I am a bad person because of it, and it kills me not to remember the little things. As much as I hate to say it, (and hear it myself) everything does happen for a reason. Maybe the path your life has taken has lead you to your soul mate, and this was your destiny. I know that if my father were still alive today, my life would be completely different. Even though I may not have liked it at times, I am a very fortunate person overall. Let me know if you need to talk, and have a good day cutie.

 

[WIDELAT]

THANK YOU GUYS Y, KALI, RIANA, TEX EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NEVER SEEN MOST OF YOU EXCEPT KALI I KNOW I COULD TELL YOU GUYS ANYTHING U GUYS HAVE HELPED ME MORE THEN YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE THANK YOU. NOW I HAVE FIVE YEARS OF CRYING AND GRIEVING AND MISSING AND REMEMBERING. GOD BLESS YOU ALL I'LL LET YOU GUYS KNOW HOW ITS GOING.