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Spanky11
New member
How to recognize an engineer
>
>You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You
>
>A. Straighten it.
>B. Ignore it.
>C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a
>solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your
>belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
>
>The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who
>writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole
>stupid thing on "Marketing."
>
>SOCIAL SKILLS
>
>Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.
>"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social
>interaction:
>
>* Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation
>* Important social contacts
>* A feeling of connectedness with other humans.
>
>In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for
>social interactions:
>
>* Get it over with as soon as possible.
>* Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
>* Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.
>
>FASCINATION WITH GADGETS
>
>To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two
>categories:
>
>1. things that need to be fixed, and
>2. things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to
>play with them.
>
>Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily
>available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't
>understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
>Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
>yet. No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what
>it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower
>without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering
>unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimised
>and feature-poor toys.
>
>FASHION AND APPEARANCE
>
>Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic
>thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages
>are freezing or sticking together then the objective of clothing has been
>met. Anything else is a waste.
>
>DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE
>
>Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various
>indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of
>attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above
>function. Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely
>recognised as superior marriage material:
>
>* intelligent
>* dependable
>* employed
>* honest, and
>* handy around the house.
>
>While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an
>engineer, most normal people harbour an intense desire to mate with them,
>thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long
>before losing their virginity. Male engineers reach their peak of sexual
>attractiveness later than normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos
>in their mid thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of
>sexually irresistible men in technical professions: * Bill Gates. *
>MacGyver. * Etcetera. Female engineers become irresistible at the age of
>consent and remain that way until their death.
>
>HONESTY
>
>Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human
>relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from
>customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.
>Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound
>like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to
>believe them. The complete list of engineer lies includes: "I won't change
>anything without asking you first." "I'll return your hard-to-find cable
>tomorrow." "I have to have new equipment to do my job." "I'm not jealous of
>your new computer."
>
>FRUGALITY
>
>Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean
>spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in
>optimization, that is, "How can I escape this situation while retaining the
>greatest amount of cash?"
>
>POWERS OF CONCENTRATION
>
>If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to
>concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in
>the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead
>prematurely. Some funeral homes in high-tech areas have started checking
>resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical
>engineering or experience in computer programming is propped up in the
>lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it.
>
>RISK
>
>Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is
>understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake the
>media will treat it like it's a big deal or something. Here are some
>examples of bad press for engineers:
>
>* Ford Pinto, Edsel
>* Hindenburg
>* Space Shuttle Challenger
>* Hubble space telescope
>* Apollo 13
>* Titanic
>
>The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:
>
>RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people
>
>REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.
>
>Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards
>and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by
>advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are
>far too complicated to explain. If that approach is not sufficient to halt
>the project, then the engineer will fall back to a second line of defence:
>"It's technically possible but it will cost too much."
>
>EGO
>
>Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
>
>* How smart they are.
>* How many cool devices they own.
>
>The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the
>problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem
>until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the
>engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal --
>a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature. Engineers will go
>without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just
>because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will
>experience an ego rush that is better than sex. Nothing is more threatening
>to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill.
>Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work
>from the engineer. When an engineer says that something can't be done (a
>code phrase that means it's not fun to do), some clever normal people have
>learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say
>something along these lines: "I'll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to
>solve difficult technical problems." At that point it is a good idea for the
>normal person to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The
>engineer will set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.
>
>You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You
>
>A. Straighten it.
>B. Ignore it.
>C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a
>solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your
>belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
>
>The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who
>writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole
>stupid thing on "Marketing."
>
>SOCIAL SKILLS
>
>Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.
>"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social
>interaction:
>
>* Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation
>* Important social contacts
>* A feeling of connectedness with other humans.
>
>In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for
>social interactions:
>
>* Get it over with as soon as possible.
>* Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
>* Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.
>
>FASCINATION WITH GADGETS
>
>To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two
>categories:
>
>1. things that need to be fixed, and
>2. things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to
>play with them.
>
>Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily
>available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't
>understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
>Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
>yet. No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what
>it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower
>without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering
>unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimised
>and feature-poor toys.
>
>FASHION AND APPEARANCE
>
>Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic
>thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages
>are freezing or sticking together then the objective of clothing has been
>met. Anything else is a waste.
>
>DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE
>
>Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various
>indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of
>attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above
>function. Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely
>recognised as superior marriage material:
>
>* intelligent
>* dependable
>* employed
>* honest, and
>* handy around the house.
>
>While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an
>engineer, most normal people harbour an intense desire to mate with them,
>thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long
>before losing their virginity. Male engineers reach their peak of sexual
>attractiveness later than normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos
>in their mid thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of
>sexually irresistible men in technical professions: * Bill Gates. *
>MacGyver. * Etcetera. Female engineers become irresistible at the age of
>consent and remain that way until their death.
>
>HONESTY
>
>Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human
>relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from
>customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.
>Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound
>like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to
>believe them. The complete list of engineer lies includes: "I won't change
>anything without asking you first." "I'll return your hard-to-find cable
>tomorrow." "I have to have new equipment to do my job." "I'm not jealous of
>your new computer."
>
>FRUGALITY
>
>Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean
>spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in
>optimization, that is, "How can I escape this situation while retaining the
>greatest amount of cash?"
>
>POWERS OF CONCENTRATION
>
>If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to
>concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in
>the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead
>prematurely. Some funeral homes in high-tech areas have started checking
>resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical
>engineering or experience in computer programming is propped up in the
>lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it.
>
>RISK
>
>Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is
>understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake the
>media will treat it like it's a big deal or something. Here are some
>examples of bad press for engineers:
>
>* Ford Pinto, Edsel
>* Hindenburg
>* Space Shuttle Challenger
>* Hubble space telescope
>* Apollo 13
>* Titanic
>
>The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:
>
>RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people
>
>REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.
>
>Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards
>and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by
>advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are
>far too complicated to explain. If that approach is not sufficient to halt
>the project, then the engineer will fall back to a second line of defence:
>"It's technically possible but it will cost too much."
>
>EGO
>
>Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
>
>* How smart they are.
>* How many cool devices they own.
>
>The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the
>problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem
>until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the
>engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal --
>a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature. Engineers will go
>without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just
>because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will
>experience an ego rush that is better than sex. Nothing is more threatening
>to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill.
>Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work
>from the engineer. When an engineer says that something can't be done (a
>code phrase that means it's not fun to do), some clever normal people have
>learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say
>something along these lines: "I'll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to
>solve difficult technical problems." At that point it is a good idea for the
>normal person to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The
>engineer will set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.
