how do I launder money....?

[AAP]

Ok, I bumped my head, lost my purse but found one million in cash... how to go about making this legally mine?

I know to take it off shore to an account but :

how do I get it there?
how do I get access to it from the U.S. and use the money without raising eyebrows with the IRS?
how do I funnel it into my U.S. account without paying a shit load of taxes?

I was thinking something like.... putting it in an offshore business account and then taking a "vacation" for a month or so, but claiming I was working for that phony business as a consultant the entire time, claiming on my income taxes a large salary for that time frame.


So help me break the law here.

 

[circusgirl]

How to launder money -

as you know, paper money in the US is made of cotton rags, not paper. This means that as you correctly assume in your subject heading that yes, i is washable.

I would first of all suggest that you not wash it at a temperature above 30 centigrade. Any hotter will activiate the bleaching agent in the chosen powder, which you really don't want. Fabric softener here is also not necessary.

I would also recommend not putting on too long or high a spin cycle, a lower spin (100rpm?) for a short while should be sufficient.

Secondly, to avoid it getting caught on stuff, wash it inside something like the net bags you can get for washing delicate hosiery, ask at your local Victoria's Secret store for details .

Finally, the use of clothespegs is not recommended for drying, nor a tumble dryer, which can mess up your notes. In addition, hanging currency out to dry on the washing line leads to laundry theft by local kids (kinda like when women hang out their clean washed underwear).

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist this .

 

[Norman Bates]

1. Open a restaurant/pizzashop

2. you write down in your books that you have sold more pizzas than you really did ( don´t forget to fake what you bought, too, else they will catch you)

3.You put the money into your enterprise

4. you transfer the now clean money to your private account


There was a way with casinos ,too,but i forgot how it worked

 

[MrDbol]

If you have cash bro, just put it in a safe place in your house and spend it. Just never pay for a big purchase in cash, like a house or a fancy car. Always lease or finance.

I think money laundering is STUPID. Let's say you have $1,000,000, why would you spend 30% of that money in taxes, when you can spend it on yourself.

 

[SofaGeorge]

You don't need to launder it. Just have a family law attorney open a family trust for you. Then deposit no more than $3,000 into the account. You can get $3000 check easily at check services for cash. ($4000 triggers a 'reporting.' Multiple reportings trigger an investigation.)

If you want to avoid taxes on the money, open an account in I believe Belgium (I'll have to check with my contract attorney to make sure that is the right country) and wire small amounts each day. They are the only offshore country wher the banks do NOT report to the US. All other offshore banks DO report.

Also, read this loud and clear - a ton of people will claim they can set you up with tax shelter offshore accounts that are untraceable. These people are ALWAYS fly by night idiots who get you in a ton of trouble.

A legit probate/family law attorney can guide you.

 

[gotmilk]

Deposit in several accounts.

Or become your own venture capitalist...you loan money...you get back clean money with interest.

 

[SofaGeorge]

>All other offshore banks DO report

No they don't. Not any more than your local Bank of America reporting to Brazil for every transaction. Personal Information is private. The US would have to get a court order in that country to obtain that information.

WRONGO. MY CONTRACT ATTORNEY FORMALLY MADE HIS LIVING SETTING UP SECURE OFFSHORE ACCOUNTS. HE IS ADAMANT THAT VIRTUALLY ALL OFFSHORE SOURCES ARE OPEN TO US REQUEST/REPORTING.

Not that hard. Most people get busted for laundering, cuz they also do huge crimes, and that gets them arrested and THEN the police look into their past and do detective work.

WRONG AGAIN. MOST PEOPLE GET 'BUSTED' BECAUSE THEY ARE REPORTED BY ANGRY EX-WIVES OR GIRLFRIENDS, EX-BUSINESS PARTNERS, AND EX-EMPLOYEES.

The IRS will have NO idea that joe the mechanic has $1 million stored away someplace. Nor will they even bleieve he could have that much money.

READ ABOVE AND LEARN.

btw: Look up taxes on worldwide lottery/gambling winnings. You might find taxes on those lower, cuz most countries alreayd tax you there on the spot. So the US might let you get off with that cash. Just show a fake receipt from like Burundi awarding you $300,000 cash for blackjack.

NAV IF YOU EVER COME INTO MONEY - GET AN ATTORNEY.

-= nav =-

 

[HappyScrappy]

casinos.
to really hide it well, lose a bit - or at least genuinely play it.

this is a very common practice - but you will get it taxed assuming that it is over $10K since they have to report that (at least in Vegas).

this applies to offhore casinos as well as online (which technically are offshore as well).

 

[saint808]

if you are serious PM me.

 

[AAP]

if you are serious PM me.

I am VERY serious.

 

[Code]

Money laundering is easy.

Start a business with no product....like a casino or strip club.

Then claim your illicit funds from your business.

No one knows how many people paid for the 50,000 dollar lapdances.

 

[SofaGeorge]

I am VERY serious.

Anal... if you are very very serious... take a flight to Bora Bora and request economic citizenship. Just bring the cash with you in your suitcase.

 

[AAP]

Anal... if you are very very serious... take a flight to Bora Bora and request economic citizenship. Just bring the cash with you in your suitcase.

I think there is a limit of how much cash you can board a plane with, something like $5K.

 

[AAP]

P.S. the ideas of starting businesses with no products are very good, however, I am refering to a fixed amount of money that will not increase or decrease. how would you explain a business that made you a bunch of money up front and you then closed it later (when you reached the prefixed amount.)??

 

[Code]

I have a friend who works for EPIC, he says most big time laundering operations absorb 45+% of the cash.

Moreso for smaller amount of money.

 

[Saint7]

Open a swiss bank account. Our IRS can not touch it or investigate it. saint7

 

[Norman Bates]

P.S. the ideas of starting businesses with no products are very good, however, I am refering to a fixed amount of money that will not increase or decrease. how would you explain a business that made you a bunch of money up front and you then closed it later (when you reached the prefixed amount.)??

That´s not a problem, you sell it after you don´t need it anymore.
Best thing about it, since you used the black money to increase what you sold, it will look as if it was more prosperous than it is in reality and net you more than it is worth.

 

[gotmilk]

Open a swiss bank account. Our IRS can not touch it or investigate it. saint7

Unfortunately...the Swiss do co-operate with the US now. Anguila and some Mauritius island (spelling?) are the only two who do not.