help with relationship issues..

[decem]

here's the deal..

whenever i'm with my girl.. and we're together:

i don't wanna be.. i flirt with other girls (and would probably cheat if the opportunity arose).. i'm not attracted to her emotionally or physically.. i have yet to feel any emotional connection during sex (i mean the sex is OUTSTANDING.. but it's just sex.. and its been two years).. i don't see her as strong enough to bare children or have a decent carreer.. and the list goes on and on..

well.. i was feeling this way for a good week last week and decided to finally end it.. as i've always been on the fence in the relationship (never knowing if i wanted to be with her or not) and i've never felt "in love".. and i never did those "little things that matter" for her.. so we agreed upon it..

but now.. that we're broken up.. and still seeing each other daily, which we have to do for another week until my quarter is over at which point i will move back to ohio, and i can't afford a hotel.. even for a week or shit... even for a day.. and working together.. well now i can see all the things i never saw in her before..

i can see that she'll be strong enough to have kids.. i see her as beautiful.. i see how much she gives me in her unconditional love and devotion.. i see how funny she is.. etc etc..

so now of course i am second guessing my decision and knowing that i will always regret it.. and fearing that i'll be that fucking 40 y/o single man that never found anyone.. or talks about the girl he let get away.. and i'm also thinking.. "what if i get ugly and can't pull a good looking girl" and "what if i go bald on my next cycle - then no girl will want me and i'll be wishing i had her"..

any insight would be appreciated..

 

[cure]

You should have realized this while going out with her. If you realize this now it's generally because you know this is the last week you will ever see her. Why do you think it's so easy to notice things now and not for the time you were with her?

 

[LiLady11]

You want your cake and eat it too!! Like Cure said, it's possible you are seeing these things because this is the last week you'll see her. But think, why were you always "on the fence" as you described it? Why were you not letting yourself love her? And when you know, ask, what if we get back together and I feel the way I did before? Don't be an emotional yo-yo. And don't take her for a ride either. You will hurt not only her, but yourself as well. And those feelings of "What if I ..." and feeling like you'll be alone, all normal!! I mean, you've been in other relationships before I assume? If you've had other gf's and you've had other women attracted to you, that trend should continue!!



Wow, I should really practice what I preach!!
LiL

 

[basskiller]

You did the right thing by breaking it off. It really would not be fair to her if you just kept stringing her along for the sex.
Unless you both came to that understanding! You will find another. Just don't bury your head in the sand and not look!
Stay friends if you can, but move on!

Or you could become sex buddies! Thats fun, no strings attached. Just a phone call away from sex!

Best of luck in whatever you decide!
bass

 

[decem]

that's the thing.. i never knew why i was on the fence..

ok.. here's a quick run down of the history of the relationship..

met in hawaii - she was on vacation.. we fucked a few times.. she went home.. we kept talkin and seeing each other as FTF (friends that fuck) for a few months.. she then moved in with me in hawaii on that basis.. she caught feelings that i never did.. but we stayed together cause i thought she was cool and we made good companions..

moved back to ohio.. asked her to marry me.. then called it off cause i was too young and wanted to sleep around and be single.. etc..

then after a relationship where i thought i was "in love".. but fell out of it.. fast.. i came to realize how great she was and how much she did for me.. so i got back in touch with her and we went from there..

but when i saw her in the airport for the first time after a 7 month split.. i wasn't in awe.. i can honestly say i didn't really even fell anything.. but it was great to be back with her.. as companions and friends.. then i decided to move out here to try to make it work..

but the whole time all of this.. from the beginning.. was going on.. i was always second guessing what i really wanted.. did i want to be with her.. is she the woman i want to marry.. mostly because she doesn't meet the qualifications of the girl i always pictured myself marrying.. she's not strong.. she's not dumb but she's not intellectual and into learning the way i am.. i always wanted to look at my wife when they're having my child and think.. "god she is beautiful".. but when i think of her having it.. i think more along the lines of "how much longer until she looks normal again".. i know that's fucked up.. but it's the way i think.. she's a beautiful girl.. but i guess i never saw her that way.. i don't know why..

 

[decem]

um.. thanks.... for all the help......

 

[PinK233]

No offense but it kinda sounds like you're just keeping her around for the hell of it...what you're doing to this girl is unfair to say the least. Leave her alone....

 

[daised]

a lot of people go out for so long they start taking advantage of what they have, and the great person they are with.

 

[AAP]

somehow I don't think there is anything wrong with the girl, I think there is something wrong with YOU.

Make up your mind. Now that you are in a bind, she is looking mighty good huh?

Whatever you do, don't marry her. She deserves better.