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Ok, Been a while, so here is my input on some of the questions regarding diet, exercise, and healthy living.
Ok and for the Newbies and the others that don't see the humor, THIS IS A JOKE!!!
> Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything
> wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live
> longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving
> it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
>
> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
> corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
> efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
> Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
> vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
> allowance of vegetable slop.
>
> Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
> A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we
> all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories:
> animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not
> animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only
> leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy
> your liquid vegetables.
>
> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
> A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
> one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
>
> Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench
> press. What did he mean?
> A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up
> your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find
> that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to
> reevaluate your exercise program.
>
> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
> program?
> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain-No Pain.
>
> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
> A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In
> fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
> for you?
>
> Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
> A: Thicker gravy.
>
> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
> middle?
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
> only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
>
> I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about diet
> and exercise.
Ok and for the Newbies and the others that don't see the humor, THIS IS A JOKE!!!
> Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything
> wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live
> longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving
> it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
>
> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
> corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
> efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
> Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
> vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
> allowance of vegetable slop.
>
> Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
> A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we
> all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories:
> animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not
> animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only
> leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy
> your liquid vegetables.
>
> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
> A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
> one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
>
> Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench
> press. What did he mean?
> A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up
> your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find
> that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to
> reevaluate your exercise program.
>
> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
> program?
> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain-No Pain.
>
> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
> A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In
> fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
> for you?
>
> Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
> A: Thicker gravy.
>
> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
> middle?
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
> only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
>
> I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about diet
> and exercise.
