Girlfriend motivation help!!!

[Dieselgoku23]

First I admire all you girls how hard you train, diet etc........ =). Now here is the thing my girlfriend when I use to live around her she was very into training like myself but now she lives about 30min from me and dont see her that often, I have a job and go to College full time. Now her she is not going to school but has work. Now how can I give her motivation to go back to the gym and start eating well again??? Everytime I bring up the issue she gets upset, saying "You think I look fat" etc....... kinda like a guilt trip type of thing, I mean she has awesome genetics with all the crap she eats, BK, Mac Donalds , I'm surprise she has not blowen up into 200lbs, she still looks great, beautiful and I love her that way she is just concern about her health and frankly she can look a lot better how she use to look. Another thing her friend is always, always lazy I mean this girl all she wants to do is , go to the mall, eat nasty food, go drinking etc........, and can you believe this girl she wanted to hang out with us in Valentines day lol, and my girlfriend and I got upset at each to other because I said no and pretty much screw up the whole night (anyways thats another story) What can I do so she can get motivated without her getting upset, I mean she is getting chunckier?? Any of you girls got any suggestions!

 

[The Shadow]

dead man walking








pretty easy....but a couple gym membership




but - honestly.....what shape are you in?

 

[*Bunny*]

^^^ with Shadow

Also, If she ever gets to posting on EF (Great motivation) I'd be sure to delete that post for sure


I can't really see her changing unless she's the one who wants it. Seems like she's she doesn't from your post (if she's not doing anything about her health concerns).

 

[nycgirl]

In lieu of getting on her case about not going to the gym and eating bad, have you ever asked her is anything wrong? Maybe something else is going on and she just emotionally eating these foods. It is not your job to motivate her, you should be there for her and support her. "Guilt trip kinda thing" - obviously you think she is getting fat. The negative vibes that you are likely giving off is probably not helping the situation.

How about making a date out of going to the gym? Ask her to accompany you on a charity walk or race? Have a date at a healthy restaurant or cook her a healthy meal. If she had a healthy lifestyle, she will fall back into it again. However, the last thing she needs is her boyfriend writing on a board telling everyone about how she is letting herself go.

 

[jenscats5]

Well, you're kinda stuck..... if she doesn't WANT to change, neither you nor anyone can MAKE her change..... she has to do it for herself & herself alone..... And the more you encourage her -- it could backfire on you, making her even lazier -- plus, obviously her friends are not into a fitness lifestyle.....

Being fit can be very hard on people when there's no direct support group. When I worked I was made fun of daily, teased, stared at, talked about, and alienated from the group -- all because I ate right & exercised. So it will be very hard for her, since she obviously has no support.....

 

[jenscats5]

In lieu of getting on her case about not going to the gym and eating bad, have you ever asked her is anything wrong? Maybe something else is going on and she just emotionally eating these foods. It is not your job to motivate her, you should be there for her and support her. "Guilt trip kinda thing" - obviously you think she is getting fat. The negative vibes that you are likely giving off is probably not helping the situation.

How about making a date out of going to the gym? Ask her to accompany you on a charity walk or race? Have a date at a healthy restaurant or cook her a healthy meal. If she had a healthy lifestyle, she will fall back into it again. However, the last thing she needs is her boyfriend writing on a board telling everyone about how she is letting herself go.

Also good points..... could be some larger, mental issues at play....

 

[Dieselgoku23]

I dont think they are mental issues, it just seems that she is lazy,and yeah I do take her to my gym once in a while the thing is, if we lived closer or are schedule wouldnt contradict she would train with me. I mean if I do take her, what is one session going to do??. I guess I'm stuck lol!!, and why are man the bad guys when we think our girlfriend is getting on the hefty side lol, is there a law out there?? but for real just kinda upsetting. And I agree if she doesnt want to do it herself there is nothing much I can do. But I really think her friend is a bad influence they are always together and this chick put her that life style into her. And now she even picked up the smooking habit =(. Which I personally hate that fucking smell excuse my french! anyways thank you guys for the reply I guess I will see how things go!

 

[jenscats5]

I dont think they are mental issues, it just seems that she is lazy,and yeah I do take her to my gym once in a while the thing is, if we lived closer or are schedule wouldnt contradict she would train with me. I mean if I do take her, what is one session going to do??. I guess I'm stuck lol!!, and why are man the bad guys when we think our girlfriend is getting on the hefty side lol, is there a law out there?? but for real just kinda upsetting. And I agree if she doesnt want to do it herself there is nothing much I can do. But I really think her friend is a bad influence they are always together and this chick put her that life style into her. And now she even picked up the smooking habit =(. Which I personally hate that fucking smell excuse my french! anyways thank you guys for the reply I guess I will see how things go!

I'd break up with just for the smoking thing alone...... I don't date smokers.....

But if her lifestyle has changed so dramatically that you no longer feel you are a good fit together, maybe it's time to move on??

 

[*Bunny*]

People are attracted to different things....looks, personality, sense of humor etc.

If her physical appearance is a big part of the reason you are together, and it's going downhill, maybe you should re-think your 'feelings' about the relationship in general.

Whether or not I agree with that, I won't judge you, but looks aren't everything and they do fade eventually...

I think your issue is with her friend who is the bad influence...maybe your GF needs a reality check if you are serious about holding on to this relationship, otherwise move on

 

[Firecracker]

People are attracted to different things....looks, personality, sense of humor etc.

If her physical appearance is a big part of the reason you are together, and it's going downhill, maybe you should re-think your 'feelings' about the relationship in general.

Whether or not I agree with that, I won't judge you, but looks aren't everything and they do fade eventually...

I think your issue is with her friend who is the bad influence...maybe your GF needs a reality check if you are serious about holding on to this relationship, otherwise move on

I agree Bunny. You can't change who she is and hope someday she'll get back into the gym. She's still the same person at heart, so if you're concerned with her weight, what she eats, and who she hangs out with, it sounds like issues other than "true" love. You should love her no matter what. Let her live her life and make her own decisions, that's what makes us all unique. If she doesn't want to eat right or go to the gym, that doesn't make her a bad person, that's just her decision. Her personality will still be the same. I know if my boyfriend stopped working out and eating right, I would still love him as much as I do now!

 

[Dieselgoku23]

! I do love her no matter what!!! thats not the issue I have been with her for 4 years!!,. Looks to me doesnt matter, we all get old eventually thats the last thing but I think she can take care of herself better I mean anyone can agree with me here, that we do work our asses off at the gym training, etc to look good for our significant one, all I ask for her is to change some of this nasty habits she has picked up. I mean I'm asking advise here, how can I bring the issue with out her getting upset???? every time I bring up the issue she starts saying some of the things you guys are saying "You should love me no matter what etc......". I far as her friend anyone would care if you see your significant other hanging out with someone that they are up to no good or whatever....., Anyways thanx guys!!! =)

 

[*Bunny*]

! I do love her no matter what!!! thats not the issue I have been with her for 4 years!!,. Looks to me doesnt matter, we all get old eventually thats the last thing but I think she can take care of herself better I mean anyone can agree with me here, that we do work our asses off at the gym training, etc to look good for our significant one, all I ask for her is to change some of this nasty habits she has picked up. I mean I'm asking advise here, how can I bring the issue with out her getting upset???? every time I bring up the issue she starts saying some of the things you guys are saying "You should love me no matter what etc......". I far as her friend anyone would care if you see your significant other hanging out with someone that they are up to no good or whatever....., Anyways thanx guys!!! =)

Next time be a little bit more specific about your relationship to avoid any confusion mmm k?

IMO, there is no EASY way to tell your girlfriend what you want PERIOD... no matter how you say it you will hurt her feelings and she will take it the wrong way. Tell her flat out, "I'm sorry, my intention is to NOT hurt your feelings... I care about you dearly and I think you can take better care of yourself." Tell her you are worried and you think she should change some of "these nasty habits she has picked up."

As you Know communication is a big part of a relationship - what did she say when you said this 'friend' is bringing her down? Also, tell her right back "You should Love me no matter what" and give you respect for trying to be honest with her.

You are in a no win situation hun. Good Luck

 

[Firecracker]

! I do love her no matter what!!! thats not the issue I have been with her for 4 years!!,. Looks to me doesnt matter, we all get old eventually thats the last thing but I think she can take care of herself better I mean anyone can agree with me here, that we do work our asses off at the gym training, etc to look good for our significant one, all I ask for her is to change some of this nasty habits she has picked up. I mean I'm asking advise here, how can I bring the issue with out her getting upset???? every time I bring up the issue she starts saying some of the things you guys are saying "You should love me no matter what etc......". I far as her friend anyone would care if you see your significant other hanging out with someone that they are up to no good or whatever....., Anyways thanx guys!!! =)

I know you're concerned about her and love her, but people will only change if they want to change. Like Bunny said, communication is key. Make sure she knows how you feel and how it affects you. You're only trying to help her and not be mean. If she gets upset, then she's not ready to change or confront that issue right now. She might be content with her habits and her friends. She's saying "you should love me no matter what", because it's true. She may change and she may not. The question is, are you able to wait and see? I'm not a wait and see type person simply becauce I believe there is somebody out there (I'm with him now), who will accept you 100% no matter what and would never ask me to change. I mean it's not like she's doing something totally off the wall. Maybe she's just going through a "phase" or something. Good luck to you, you will be fine. As long as you communicate your feelings and not get upset with her, she should listen openly and acceot what you are saying.

It will get better!

 

[Dieselgoku23]

Thanx girls!!! well at least I have start for now! =)

 

[Firecracker]

Thanx girls!!! well at least I have start for now! =)

Be confident, stay strong, and go get em!