fucking mice.

[HappyScrappy]

Okay, from the thread titile, you would think I was gonna talk about using my small penis to my favor when banging mice.

But you are wrong.

Instead I'm bitching and moaning about how my apartment has mice. Which I personally don't give a shit about. Like, I've never been sitting on the couch and though, "holy shit, there is a mouse somewhere in this house, I'm fucked - time to freak out!"
But my woman on the other hand FREAKS at the idea of a mouse.

So last night, I get waken up (woken?) like 8 billion times because she hears mice. They are in the ceiling, they are in the walls, they are under the floors, all over. They make noise at night because they sleep all day.
I on the other hand, sleep at night. Or would if the bitch would let me sleep.

So I have to get up and take my entire fucking kitchen apart to try to find a fucking mouse in there banging on shit.
But of course with me making lots of noise, he was like, "oh fuck, better keep down" - so I'd have to act like I was not really there, then he'd bang on some metal shit, and then I'd try to triangulate where in the room he was.

Turns out I had to fucking tear off the bottom of my stove and there he was underneath there - his little head popped out and he gave me a look of "ahhh shit" and then bolted. I yelled out "ohhh, you little dick, you are the reason I can't sleep at night fucker" and then started banging at him with the metal oven part I was holding.

Anyway, I setup a snap trap in there and close the stove all back up, and I then hear him bitching and moaning and I'm like, fuck, did he get partially snapped?
so I tear open the fucking oven again and there is the little fucker - on a fucking sticky trap - that I didn't put there. It was left over from... who the fuck knows when. There was another mouse on there, already dead.
And he was stuck next to it and freaking out - squeaking and likely saying "ahhhhh FUUUUCK - HEY dudes! come on - give me a hand here! little help! come on - anyone!?"
I didn't know what to do - I felt bad, he was probably going over to the dead mouse and like "hey dude, you okay? hey, dude? any food here? oh fuck, sticky shit..."
I didn't have the heart to just crush him, so now the fucker has to suffocate or starve on there. I just hope he does it quietly so my bitch will shut up.

We have killed 14 mice in the time that we have lived there.
I don't particularly want to live with mice, but it isn't like we have a bear problem, or badgers - just little mice. But my woman apparently thinks that having mice in the house is akin to having a large man breaking through the front door when it comes to me having to wake up and take care of it.

Also, I'm pretty sure women have no fucking clue how the hell a house is built.
Walls aren't infinitely thick slabs of mass that are plopped down and the house isn't like an air-tight vessel charging its way throughout time - it is a fucking open thing that is made of small parts that go together to make a "house" shape. walls have empty space and mice can get in there and we can't.

ugh.

I'm so incredibly fucking tired.

I swear to god, if she wakes me up tonight, I'm just gonna freak.

 

[prophet]

did i read that correctly.....you had a conversation with a mouse you were trying to kill?

 

[HappyScrappy]

did i read that correctly.....you had a conversation with a mouse you were trying to kill?

he squeaked and I called him a dick and then started bashing the area where he was with a metal part from my oven.

but he was too fast and ran off so I was just making a lot of noise and basically taking out my frustration of just wanting to fucking sleep.

I put out traps all over the kitchen, so all we need to do is go to sleep at night and let the fuckers hit the traps. no biggie.
but the bitch is like "I don't want to even hear them"

arrrrgggh.
I'll bet taking a pillow and pressing it over her face while she sleeps will help her not hear it.

 

[beastboy]

House-O-Skank

 

[HappyScrappy]

lol - yeah, that is the thing - our apartment isn't even fucking dirty.
it is messy wherever I have my shit - papers and boosk and shit like that.

but my bitch is majorly anal and it is clean and that is mostly I think why she freaks about the mice.
she thinks that we are going to catch The Plague (sp?) from them or something.

 

[big_bad_buff]

lmao

http://www.uwsp.edu/stuorg/lacrosse/ugly.jpg

 

[prophet]

for the mice just keep putting those traps down...

for the bitch, tell her to shut the fuck up and do something productive like licking your sack

 

[HappyScrappy]

a large part of the problem is that the people above us have a dog, a cat, and birds.
so the birds attract the mice (the seeds) and then the cat and dog keep them out of the upstairs, so we get stuck with them all down where we are.

it is an old house and just has a gazillion places mice can get in and move about.

fucking a.

oh well, at least we don't have bears.

 

[HappyScrappy]

big_bad - that looks a lot like me actually. I'm pretty.

and prophet - I hear that.

now that I think about it, maybe we do have a bear problem - but at least they are quiet.

 

[beastboy]

lol - yeah, that is the thing - our apartment isn't even fucking dirty.
it is messy wherever I have my shit - papers and boosk and shit like that.

but my bitch is majorly anal and it is clean and that is mostly I think why she freaks about the mice.
she thinks that we are going to catch The Plague (sp?) from them or something.

Your bitch is cool in my book if she is into anal.

 

[TheProject]

he squeaked and I called him a dick and then started bashing the area where he was with a metal part from my oven.

but he was too fast and ran off so I was just making a lot of noise and basically taking out my frustration of just wanting to fucking sleep.

I put out traps all over the kitchen, so all we need to do is go to sleep at night and let the fuckers hit the traps. no biggie.
but the bitch is like "I don't want to even hear them"

arrrrgggh.
I'll bet taking a pillow and pressing it over her face while she sleeps will help her not hear it.

why do I hear Ted saying "You dick!" when I read this post?

Scrappy, you know what would be REALLY funny?

Get one of those rubber mice that looks real, and put it on her chest or head or something while she sleeps.

I bet she'd laugh and laugh.

 

[HappyScrappy]

she would probably just die.

she would definitely FREAK OUT more than I've ever seen and there would be lots of flailing and crying.

she can't stand mice and/or toads.

of all fucking things to freak over - I think they are cute.

I can't stand anything with lots of legs. Like cats.
seriously though, can't stand millipedes or those earwig things... yuck

 

[beastboy]

she would probably just die.

she would definitely FREAK OUT more than I've ever seen and there would be lots of flailing and crying.

she can't stand mice and/or toads.

of all fucking things to freak over - I think they are cute.

I can't stand anything with lots of legs. Like cats.
seriously though, can't stand millipedes or those earwig things... yuck

My wife is terrified of spiders...she poured a bowl of cereal when she was a kid...started eating it and felt something crawling out of her mouth...it was Charlotte. Whenever I want sex I dangle a spider above her till she faints. She does anal too.

 

[HappyScrappy]

She does anal too.

post a pic

 

[TheProject]

My wife is terrified of spiders...she poured a bowl of cereal when she was a kid...started eating it and felt something crawling out of her mouth...it was Charlotte. Whenever I want sex I dangle a spider above her till she faints. She does anal too.

wow, two funny posts in one day.

Can you post a pic of your wife? Preferably doing anal with spiders?

 

[beastboy]

post a pic

Can you resize it for me?

 

[prophet]

is he saying she faints from anal as well as spiders? in that case it might be just as well....i would rather a chick be out cold while i pile drive her shit hole than hear the old " ouch ouch, not so deep, stop! its really hurting, can we stop? why do you (ouch) make me do this i don't enjoy it"

 

[HappyScrappy]

Can you resize it for me?

no problem

I can resize anything

except... fuck it, I'm too tired to be funny.
<insert joke about always being tired and not funny here>

 

[CYBERNIGG]

Put out a rat trap. Those things are big as fuck. You could catch a couple of mice is that trap.

It sounds like a shotgun when it goes off. When she goes to sleep, keep making it go off. When she says she can't stand the snapping, put the pillow over her face.

 

[Doktor Bollix]

Ah the joys of rental accomodation.

I could commiserate at length about the incompatibility of womenfolk and rodents, but my current girl asserts that she "doesn't do that demeaning damsel-in-distress shit" and so doesn't freak. But then again where's she's from you have to check your shoes for scorpions before putting them on and the roaches are the size of volkswagens, so having mice is probably a good thing, an indication that there's no giant spiders in the house or something.

She does however give dead mice names. When one is caught she ceremonially names it before I throw it out. So far we've had a George, a William, a couple of Geralds and Stanleys and probably half a dozen Franks. I really don't know what's up with that.

 

[bullett]

but my bitch is majorly anal and it is clean

Hey Man, Congrats!

 

[Nathan]

I have mice too but mine come up to me and talk to me and stuff and sing me to sleep cause they love me and want me to be happy not like my damn abusive mother who keeps hitting me with blunt objects do you understand what I am saying here cause it's important that you do more or less anyways actually I'm lying since I don't care either way and I love my mice who love me and yours don't love you so that means I'm way better than you.

 

[VicTusDeuS]

I caught A mouse last week. I went to home depot and bought one of those plastic traps that keeps them alive. You put some bait inside and when it moves into the trap the door closes keeping the mouse safe. I put some rat poison in there as baid...Caught the mouse within a few hours.

 

[HappyScrappy]

I got home from work and there were 4 dead mice in traps.
I cleaned them up and put out new traps.

she came home and I told her that I got rid of 4 more and she said "we have 4 more mice!" and I said "well, no, actually we have 4 less now"
She then said that she couldn't take it anymore.
I asked what exactly she thought we should do then if she couldn't take it anymore.
She wants to move.
I told her that since we have a lease, that might be legally interesting.
She then didn't talk to me again until this morning.
yay.

if she ever had to touch the mice, or clean up after them, or have to really do anything with them, I could see her being pissed.
but to her, they are simply theoretical mice. she has seen one in her time here and she spazzed for days. it was a baby one. she hears them in the walls, but it is an old house, so it could be the dog upstairs or pipes creaking too.
so I then get waken up to "deal with it" which involves me groggily walking around the house wondering why the fuck I can't just sleep.

then if we do in fact move, that means I have to pay for the truck, I have to physically move all the shit, and I have to basically do everything except the packing and unpacking shit.
and since I make more, I'm gonna be the one that has to pay for the assrape of breaking our lease.
not to mention that it is impossible to find apartments here.
fucking a - not moving because of this.

she is my little princess. she says jump and I say how high.
<insert whip sound here>

fucking mice.

 

[Y_lifter]

I thought you had a Cat ?
What's up with it not kickin Ass ?

Or was that someone else ?

Get a Cat and don't feed it.

Problem Solved.

 

[HappyScrappy]

no, I don't have a cat.

I used to live somewhere else and the dudes there had a cat that was insane.

at this new place, no cat.

I don't really like cats and I sure as hell don't like cleaning up after cats and I fucking HATE the smell of cat litter.

but even then, if it would make the princess happy, then I'd do it, but I don't think she wants a cat either.
plus if we move later when this lease it up, then we have to find a place that takes pets - and it is hard enough just finding a place at all, let alone a pet friendly one.

 

[VicTusDeuS]

That would suck if the new place you moved to had rats....or spiders.



I hate spiders

 

[HappyScrappy]

we have spiders too and she is fine with those. I don't like them because I get bit by them, but I can deal - hell, at least they eat other bugs.

and yeah, she said she would "really freak" if she ever saw a rat.
she already is spazzing, no clue what "really freaking" would entail.

I would guess a lot of screaming I guess.

 

[Y_lifter]

I did not say get a Pet Cat, Just a Cat...

Litter? What's that ?

 

[Silent Method]

Poor mousey.

I was sleeping in a friends basment one night. I had eaten a small bag of potato chips and tucked the empty bag, open end up, between the couch and the wall for safe keeping before I went to sleep on the couch. In the morining I woke up to a rhythmic rustling sound.

I turned on the light and peeked behind the couch. Inside the bad was a little grey mouse, strethcing with all his might to reach out of the bag. He was trapped. Our eyes met and for a second he looked at me as if to say "little help?" That look quickly turnned to "oh shit" and he began a frantic cycle of jumping and reaching as hard as he could, then sliding down the side of the bag, back to the bottom.

I felt bad for the little guy, having spent his night like that. I know the owners of the house would have wanted me to kill him, but this was not his day to die.

I was going to release him outside, but it was too cold out for little mouses, so I let him go in the garage.

 

[HappyScrappy]

yeah, I feel bad for the little fellas.
they don't even care that we exist. to them it is just a big warm place to live with lots of things to make nests out of and if they play their cards right, sometimes there is food.
and for some reason not everyone comes back at night if they explore certain sections of the house.

they are cute and I feel bad for them, but she doesn't see it that way. she sees it as her apartment and they should go.
I'm sure they would if that was a concept that one could teach to mice I suppose.

I've seen some absolutely horrible things while cleaning these fellas up too. I feel awful for them because I'm an animal lover.
that said, I still kill the fuckers just so I can get some sleep.

 

[prophet]

Happy, this girls seems like a lot of work,,,,she better be really hot, good at giving head, bringing in a big salary, and a good cook...from what you describe she doesn't sound like she cleans much.

it won't hurt you to take a look at the thread "women take advantage of men" (the no hitting a women thread) not to suggest a beating for your lady just something to consider when she gets out of hand

also a sit down talk is good too...

 

[HappyScrappy]

she cleans and I love her.
two unrelated things.

 

[prophet]

she cleans and I love her.
two unrelated things.

good to hear that you are experiencing such a wonderful illusion....there is no such thing as love.

love is just a word used in place of "use"
you don't love someone you use them for your own self interest which is the enjoyment you get from being with them
why do you think people fall in love all the time...they just find a new person to use.

 

[john937]

For anyone feeling sorry for the poor little mices...
Do an internet search on Lyme disease.
This disease is most prevalent in the northeast.
It has a two phase life cycle.
Infected little ticks hop on a mouse, the mice run down into mouse holes, the ticks stay nice and warm and fed for the winter.
Spring comes, the mice come out of their holes, the ticks jump off, and jump onto some larger warm blooded mammal like a deer, or you.
Then you get to spend your summer in the hospital.
Not fun, and the damage Lyme desease does is permanent.

 

[HappyScrappy]

thanks john, but there aren't many deer in this city.
not saying these are clean mice, but I don't think this area gets lyme disease as some places out a few more miles from here (I doubt these mice make it out there that often).

My dad has had lyme disease twice and so has his dog. I got to learn all about it then.
His poor dog has arthritis bad now from it. poor thing.

also, the ticks will prefer something with hair over you - if you have a dog, they will likely leave you and hit up the dog first chance they get. if you don't, then they are cool with just hitting you up

and prophet, I love you

 

[beastboy]

Anyone have a spider I can borrow...I'm feeling a tad frisky.

 

[WODIN]

Mice and spiders are what the critters that live in my basement and yard eat for snacks.

 

[HappyScrappy]

Mice and spiders are what the critters that live in my basement and yard eat for snacks.

are you talking about your kids?

 

[Testosterone boy]

prophet ...you are just priceless.

If you really need to break the lease, I would think a letter from an attorney would help. A mouse phobia sounds legit to me, they shouldn't fight it in a tight rental market.

Easiest way to get rid of mice is to buy those little D Con boxes at the supermarket. Hide them away all over the place. It WILL help a lot and you don't have to sweat it. Poisoned mice just curl up somewhere and die, you won't find bleeders on the kitchen table or anything.

 

[Wombat]

You got mice because you live near Boston

The big dig stirred up millions of mice and rats....If rats start coming to your place? Time to leave the state....

 

[HappyScrappy]

I just don't want the poisoned mice to die somewhere and then start to smell.

and wombat, you are probably right. also, supposedly last year's mild winter gave them a breeding season that is essentially year round (apparently their breeding season is based on available water from what I've read) and now there are a shitload of them out there.

all I know is that it is causing stress at home.

TB - thanks, I'll look into that if it seems it comes to that.
I sure hope not, the only thing that sucks more than moving, is moving on ice.

 

[Y_lifter]

Scrappy, I know you majorly POO POOed my Cat Idea,
but it is the only permanent solution to get some Sleep.

Well, other than getting rid of the Noise Maker (GF)....

I live on Acreage, and there are lots of critters roaming around.
Probably puts WODIEvile to shame.

In 12 years of living there, we have had a total of 1 tiny field mouse in the house.

He was probably too small for the Cat to see..

 

[HappyScrappy]

I live in the bottom of an old house that has been converted to have our apartment. it is in the city, and there aren't woods or fields anywhere near us. it sort of has a backyard, at least in terms of houses here and yards.
The people upstairs have a cat and a dog and birds.
I think the cat up there, and maybe the dog too, are what drives the mice down to us.

there is a neighborhood cat that chills out near our place too and he probably ate the mice that were out there - he was actually the only cat I've ever liked, but he would give me a "fuck you asshole" look and then walk away anytime he ever saw me.

and the noisemaker/gf is no technically my fiancee - I wasn't going to say it on the board, but ssme outed it on another thread.

 

[Y_lifter]

Congratulations. How long until you will actually get some ?

 

[HappyScrappy]

LOL

not sure when we are getting married, if that is what you are referring to.

 

[Y_lifter]

LOL

not sure when we are getting married, if that is what you are referring to.

Yes it was...

 

[prophet]

LOL

not sure when we are getting married, if that is what you are referring to.

good luck bro!

does she know the happyscrappy we know? because i would have to say she must be a cool chick

 

[HappyScrappy]

Yes it was...

it was going to be May 1st or the 8th of '04, but now she might want to do it ealier.
it will be in another country and she wants to do it when the weather there is good.

and prophet, yeah, she knows me very well, and I'm pretty much like this in real life too

 

[Testosterone boy]

it was going to be May 1st or the 8th of '04, but now she might want to do it ealier.
it will be in another country and she wants to do it when the weather there is good.

and prophet, yeah, she knows me very well, and I'm pretty much like this in real life too

I'm totally different in real life. HS is hung like a rhino compared to me in real life.

 

[Y_lifter]

Twice in one day .... George Costanza

 

[beefybull]

I just don't want the poisoned mice to die somewhere and then start to smell.

Actually, the poison causes them to dry up. They get crispy somewhere and you eventually find a lil mummified mouse.

 

[HappyScrappy]

interesting.
most of the poisons I read said that they were anti-coagulants, so I assumed that they somehow had an abrasive agent in them too so that the little guys bled to death internally.
but knowing my luck they would instead bump something in my kitchen and then bleed out on the floor and she would walk in and see it and freak.

anyway, I'll look into it.

I know one thing is for certian, those glue traps are cruel as all hell.
the snap traps occasionally get them and they remain alive and squeaking, but the glue trap never kills them quickly.

oh well. at least we don't have badgers. knock on wood.

 

[Y_lifter]

I hate the glue traps because you have to Deal with the Guilt of looking into those sad beady eyes and twitching nose.

The Snap traps can splatter stuff all over or worse when it just get a Leg and the rat get away leaving you with the stump.

As for the Rat Bait, it does cause them to Bleed internally, and yes they will stink for a few weeks until they dry up or are eaten up by the Maggots.. Yum !

That cat is looking better and better all the time, huh Scrap ?

 

[TheProject]

BUMP