From another member's bipolar thread....

[Werd]

Another member was asking about whether or not he should date a girl that admits she is bipolar.

I dont know jack about this disorder. Could those of you who are knowledgeable please help me? I honestly could use guidance without the bs.

I was reading on that thread that when someone is bipolar they dont have momentary mood swings but that the highs and lows last months. I dont understand this. What causes the swings? And what do they entail? What does one do (the one his is NOT bipolar) when something is awry?

Someone I love and care for very deeply is bipolar and IS medicated (has been for about 10 years or so - so this is not new to him), says that he gets close monitoring and ALWAYS takes his meds as he realizes that as with diabetes (for example) his body (brain) will not function properly without them. But some wierd shit just went down and I am clueless...

I really would appreciate guidance.

 

[biteme]

I have a friend who was diagnosed with it a few weeks ago. He tried to take his life but failed. I think he may have failed on purpose, not sure. Doc is not certain that he is bi-polar, but put him on meds anyway. His mood swings seem to be dictated by the circumstances in his life, which to me doesn't sound like a chemical imbalance. When he does not get along with his wife, he talks of wanting to die.

 

[havoc]

Can folks with this disorder attempt to fight the "swing" or "mood change"? Not sure if that is the right question to ask, do they realize they are in a different mode of operation/thinking/acting/etc?

I'm asking on behalf of almost every woman I've come in contact with: In person, phone, via email, pm, message board, fax, etc.


NON-PLATINUM MEMBER

 

[ChefWide]

My mother is bipolar, I am unipolar/cyclic.

Treatment varies, most get meds, some use a combination of UV lightbanks in the dark months, like my mom, some resort to more radical methods.

90% of my dealing with/overcoming my depression has been awareness of the signs and really just being aware that it is a problem that I have. Knowing and admitting are way more than half the battle, at least it was for me. I cannot stress how much training hard and the physical and emotional benefits of that effected my well being.

I tried meds, they worked, but weened myself from them about 5 years ago and have never gone back. It's a very tough, dark road for most folks. Some never get through it.

 

[Werd]

Come on Havoc.... no fooling around here.

I am dead serious as I have to make some hard decisions based on REAL data. I've gone to some sites and I guess I could post up questions on the forums there.

I just dont understand. I mean, where does one draw the line between "standard relationship drama" (ie - someone is straight up fucked up and you just bail) and the disorder (ie - you made a commitment, you care for someone deeply and you dont just jump ship at the first sign of trouble).

I have more than enough serious turmoil and drama in my life and the lives of my kids due to their father, although that shit is most certainly on the road to being rectified as the kids have straight up stood up and said, "You've lied so many times daddy, I dont believe you any more." Now it is only a matter of getting the ppwrk done and dragging his ass to court for all the support and proving fraud... but shit like that I can handle.

But this, this is really blind-siding me. I dont know how to feel.

I was told of this straightup from the getco but there has NEVER been a problem. I got hit with some FIERCE SHIT that came totally out of the blue and I just dont know what to "do" with it.

There has been no violence. Had there been, disorder or no - We are outta there. Sorry can't go through that shit regardless of the reason. But straight up cruel, pull the carpet right out from under you, where the FUCK did that come from shit at THE WORST possible time. We are talking borderline psychological and emotional cruelty... Part of me is like - WHOA! I need this like I need a fucking hole in my head. And the other part of me says, "He didn't bail on you even in the face of all the difficulties that come attached to you."

I am very confused so I am not "doing" anything about it just now... Trying to gather information and focus on the important tasks at hand. But I wont lie, it still hurts.

 

[havoc]

Werd, sorry to hear that you were a part of someone's "swing", especially in an innocent way, my question was legit though, I want to know if it can be mentally fought, in regards to my women comment it's sadly true. peace






NON-PLATINUM MEMBER

 

[Werd]

Werd, sorry to hear that you were a part of someone's "swing", especially in an innocent way, my question was legit though, I want to know if it can be mentally fought, in regards to my women comment it's sadly true. peace






NON-PLATINUM MEMBER

Its all good bro. I know you didnt mean anything nasty.

And yes, I know MANY WOMEN are subject to mood swings, hormones and all. I wont deny it. But not all of us are headcases though. When I get depressed and anxious (it happens when I cant eat and sleep - because of my GI tract) I can feel it happening and I KNOW to just not do shit and try really hard to eat and get to bed and just wait for the next day. I never EVER freak on anyone when I can feel my shit isn't right. I actually warn peeps. LOL It took me many years to figure out what my problem was but now that I know its happening I just chill.

"I am NOT normal today. LOL Ignore me, I'll be better later on. It isn't you, just having a 'female' moment." <------ MY EXACT WORDS

 

[ChefWide]

Werd, sorry to hear that you were a part of someone's "swing", especially in an innocent way, my question was legit though, I want to know if it can be mentally fought, in regards to my women comment it's sadly true. peace

The complex part is that it's a physical problem that manifests itself 'mentally', so can it be 'fought'? Not sure how to answer that...

It takes a change, it did for my mom, she was ready to take her life but found the strenght to find some answers. From answers come possible solutions: you try and keep trying until you find one that works. She did, she has been 'healthy' for a number of years now. Is she free of it? I dont know, I don't think so... is she dealing with it in a positive and healthy way? Hell yes.

My deal is that I know who I am and I know how not to take offence to that, does that make sence? Prolly not. Let's put it this way, if I didn't tell you, you wouldn't know. I suppose that means I won.

 

[Werd]

Chef - you have mail.

 

[Y_lifter]

I've seen BP first hand in a Woman at our Church..
One of the most loving, kind, giving, happy people you want to ever meet..

And then there's the Dark Side..

You know immediately when IT's within her.
She will hardly ackn your hello or even your presence

Very controlling, and more Paranoid than a dude Smokin Weed in the
Sheriff's Office bathroom.

And then they complain that the Meds give them NO moods, so they stop taking them.

Sad... I really feel for her husband as well... He takes the brunt of the crap.

 

[Werd]

I have seen some odd elements of control in his behavior, won't deny that. Not raging jealousy (I am SUPER-sensitive to peeps w/jealousy issues and wouldn't tolerate ANY of that bullshit), but rather just odd elements of control. I dont know any other way to describe it.

I am trying really hard to understand.

 

[Werd]

When the person w/the disorder is acting irrationally what do you do? Do you just "leave them be" until the get it together?.... or do you try to let them know that they are acting irrationally and that though you wont tolerate it, you will neither go packing? Or will it snap them out of it more quickly if YOU DO bail?

Gosh, I need this shit like I need a fucking hole in my head.

 

[Y_lifter]

When the person w/the disorder is acting irrationally what do you do? Do you just "leave them be" until the get it together?.... or do you try to let them know that they are acting irrationally and that though you wont tolerate it, you will neither go packing? Or will it snap them out of it more quickly if YOU DO bail?

Gosh, I need this shit like I need a fucking hole in my head.

We actually had to leave a Parent at the Church as a ref when she was running the Singing group practice sessions with many of the teens..
She would say one thing to them, then change it totally and scream at them for doing the wrong thing and not listening to her...

If they are closed off, Yes you leave them be. Don't push the issue as that will make it worse.. Just wait until the pendulum swings the other way..

No, you can't just let them get away with bad behavior.
We confronted her and offered help and she refused so basically we found someone else to work with the kids.. She was stressing them out, and yes they knew of her problem, but that still doesn't make it right..

 

[Ffactor]

Havoc is right, this is a disease that effects 90% of women and hamsters

 

[jerseyart]

Sorry angel

I don't know what they are like treated, but untreated its like a level of hell.

They are bright, at least my ex was extremely so, and know how to hide certain things from others. But then in the rare moments she would genuinely open up I would find out things like she had stayed up the night before wanting to kill herself the whole time.

She would be out and happy, and all you would need to do is say one wrong word (nothing obvious) and she would turn viciously violent for no apparent reason. More than once she tried to kill us both while I was driving the car, over something as inocous as it already being 4:30am and I needed to get home because I had to work the next day. Therte was no reasoning with her when she was in one of those swings. They cant hear you through the fog in the mind.

And there is a lot of hidden insecurity and fear on their part. It makes me want to cry even thinking about it now. Its ther hardest thing to witness someone you care for, and even love, go through all of that and feel helpless

 

[Werd]

If they are closed off, Yes you leave them be. Don't push the issue as that will make it worse.. Just wait until the pendulum swings the other way..

No, you can't just let them get away with bad behavior.

So then. I shouldn't try to email or call?.... just let them be then have a heart-to-heart?

He isn't violent AT ALL.... We are both going through some really REALLY deep shit - I mean HORRIBLE SHIT and up until Monday when everything seemed to be great for us inspite of it all. Then it all just "snapped" for no REAL reason. I spent most of yesterday trying like a mofo to keep it together for my personal shitstorm - THAT COMES FIRST. But I am dying on the inside with this uneasy feeling that by doing nothing I am abandoning him when shit is thick for him. He's got family and good friends that love and support him, but where is MY PLACE in this?

I am utterly confused.

 

[ChefWide]

Read your pm.

.. and NO, you MUST NOT repeat YOU MUST NOT confront him. It's not the 'him' you know talking, take it from someone who has made the mistake.

 

[MissJanet79]

My brother-in-law's mother is BP. He had a ROUGH life growing up like that... she wasn't as bad however, as she is now! There are times when she's "SICK" & then there are times when she's "not as sick"... she goes through all kinds of moods depending on how "sick" she is. One day she'll lash out at her kids or tell them that she hates them & the next she's happy & doesn't even realize what she said. She'll act as if she's DRUNK... giggles and paranoia etc. She's been in & out of hospitals for years... after a while they refused to admit her b/c they said there's nothing they can do for her. She's punched orderly's etc. Man if you could only see her, it's really bad. I feel for my bro-in-law, his dad & his brothers & sisters b/c they've had to deal with so much for such a long time.

 

[Werd]

Read your pm.

.. and NO, you MUST NOT repeat YOU MUST NOT confront him. It's not the 'him' you know talking, take it from someone who has made the mistake.

I read your PM and replied.

It will be one of the hardest things I've had to do but I will heed your advice. I will NOT reach out. I will wait for him to contact me. I cant have this in my life.

There is nothing that I can do....

 

[Carmen]

my stepfather (former) and best friend are bipolar. My stepfather is on medication, but his mood swings are still somewhat apparent if you know what to watch for.
half the year he's "depressed", which is when he's nice and listens to people and compliments everyone and he becomes reflective. The other half of the year he's a cocky ass who speaks too fast, stays up half the night thinking of things for people to do for him and who 'owes' him, cuts people off on the road and books expensive vacations and then squables about $5 with his own daughter.
My best friend, who is not on medication right now because she's trying to get pregnant, has ballooned up to 300lbs and cries whenever she's alone and threatens to leave her husband every other day.
I tell them both when they need to have their medication checked. neither one 'hear' it when its said to them, but it sinks in later. I can only say it because i'm close enough to, and they still don't believe me at the time.
best to leave them alone till they realize what they've done.

 

[biteme]

All of my depression is circumstatial as is I believe is the majority of people's without any physical diseases that would contribute to it. Right now, my circumstances are about to get pretty shitty, so I'm a little depressed. Sux ass

 

[biteme]

My brother-in-law's mother is BP. He had a ROUGH life growing up like that... she wasn't as bad however, as she is now! There are times when she's "SICK" & then there are times when she's "not as sick"... she goes through all kinds of moods depending on how "sick" she is. One day she'll lash out at her kids or tell them that she hates them & the next she's happy & doesn't even realize what she said. She'll act as if she's DRUNK... giggles and paranoia etc. She's been in & out of hospitals for years... after a while they refused to admit her b/c they said there's nothing they can do for her. She's punched orderly's etc. Man if you could only see her, it's really bad. I feel for my bro-in-law, his dad & his brothers & sisters b/c they've had to deal with so much for such a long time.

I draw the line at violence. You start hitting people, they need to lock your ass up in detention, do it again, a little longer the next time, and so on. Violence cannot and should never be tolerated and that includes reckless behavior such as destroying and throwing things about. Someone can get hurt by flying objects.

 

[MissJanet79]

I draw the line at violence. You start hitting people, they need to lock your ass up in detention, do it again, a little longer the next time, and so on. Violence cannot and should never be tolerated and that includes reckless behavior such as destroying and throwing things about. Someone can hurt by flying objects.

I agree... but for some reason they can't let her go. I remember when my bro-in-law was 20 & I was in the car w/ my sister & he came home to get something.... she came out & was literally hitting him & scratching up his face! Tore his leather jacket etc., in front of everyone. I felt so bad for him. They have to carry with them the emotional scars for life...I'm just surprised that they haven't gone CRAZY!

 

[Werd]

I feel like a zombie....

I just feel numb. There is a lot going on and it feels like it all happened at once. My head is spinning and I dont even know where to start.

I never saw this coming and it is knocking the breath out of me.... Everytime I want to call or email (believe me, I have enough serious personal drama to keep my mind occupied w/other thoughts but still they creep back. How can they not? I am human afterall) I think to myself, "What usefull purpose would this serve?" The answer is always like a lump stuck in my throat - NONE.

I feel like everything was taken from me in just 24 hours and I dont know what to do next. I dont even have the option of checking out which pisses me off even more. I dont even get to fucking decide if I want to check out or not.... It simply isnt an option.

No matter how hard I fight, no matter direction I take, no matter what course I plan and strive for NOTHING WORKS PROPERLY.

My family is my rock, but they deserve a break too... I feel like a constant toxic drain on every one and everything I come in contact with and I am genuinely a happy person by nature. This, like everything else in my reality only adds to my frustation.

I feel imprisoned by fate - and there is nothing to do to escape. I am trying so hard not to let shit get me down but it has gotten near impossible.

If I only had ONE THING that was "right", it would make it easier to bear all of this. But NOTHING works...

The only ray of hope is also one that is overshadowed by tremendous sadness... One of my kids has finally seen their father for the low-life lying selfish scumbag that he really is and is done with allowing him to dash their hopes ever ever again. I just dont know what to do anymore. So I sit....

....and do nothing.

 

[ChefWide]

You are just in a different stage of the battle. There are other things to work on so that the next stage, whatever that is, might go well.

Concentrate on getting other things done. Work on food, music, learn something new.

No kidding, I know it sounds trite, but some of my most expanding moments in life have been when I focused like a laser on something completely different.

Doing nothing is not a good call right now. Your mind needs to be stretched, even if starting that process seems like a pile of bullshit right now, when you take the pressure off of the other parts, they might just come into focus.

Does that make sense?

 

[Werd]

You are just in a different stage of the battle. There are other things to work on so that the next stage, whatever that is, might go well.

Concentrate on getting other things done. Work on food, music, learn something new.

No kidding, I know it sounds trite, but some of my most expanding moments in life have been when I focused like a laser on something completely different.

Doing nothing is not a good call right now. Your mind needs to be stretched, even if starting that process seems like a pile of bullshit right now, when you take the pressure off of the other parts, they might just come into focus.

Does that make sense?

Your advice is sound and I KNOW you are correct, but I was up till after 11AM because my asshole ex insisted on taking my terrified little kid with him last night... We are all trapped in an endless nightmare. Now the township police see him for the asshole he is. My lawyer is a bungling ass that is could give a flying fahootie about my case. I am sick. I am tired....

But you are correct Chef.... I know you are. I guess I just needed a little pity party for me.

I haven't done anything creative since FEBRUARY!!! THAT IS CRIMINAL!!! But it is so hard to keep getting knocked down again and again and again. My resources are limited.

I got up at 3:30 - I have to spend my morning in family court (the officer that is ROYALLY pissed at my ex for lying to him and now making the children not trust law enforcement gave me a bit of legal advise) to try and beat my ex at filing more bogus charges against me for not MAKING my kids go with him when they dont WANT TO.... I have to find a new attorney. My kids are trapped. I am trapped. We are all trapped in a fucking hell of their father's design and I dont have the finanacial might to fight - never did.... But it's only money and we will find a way.

I dont have physical strength sometimes to carry my own bodyweight. Dont have the money to refill my scripts. I could go back to doing what I have been for 2 years past to cope but that will only make things worse in the long haul. I have a 54K hospital bill that is actually quite funny! LOL

I just need to keep myself busy with positive pursuits... I cant let any of this shit fuck me up. My kids need me to stay strong. They are standing up and fighting finally and I cant let them down.... But Goddammit, I dont fucking understand WHAT THE FUCKING HELL is up with their slimebucket father! You should have heard him going on and on last night. Everyone wants to fucking bitchslap him for all the nonsense crap he is spewing but nothing changes until we go before a judge AGAIN.... So everyone is trying to help me, but no one can. He has the legal rights - why?

I WAS FUCKED UP AND TRUSTED HIM AND GAVE EVERYTHING TO HIM SO HE COULDNT USE THE KIDS ANYMORE... NO ONE EVER WARNED ME THAT IF I DID THAT HE COULD MOST CERTAINLY MANIPULATE THE LAW LIKE THIS.

I DIDN'T FUCKING KNOW. I DIDNT KNOW.... I DIDNT FUCKING KNOW. NO ONE WARNED ME. NOBODY TOLD ME. I DIDNT FUCKING KNOW.

I am sorry to blubber over and fucking over and over and over....

I am so very sorry... but I am having a hard time getting all this shit out of my head.

I am just venting and if this is all too much for anyone, then just please excersize your right to scroll on. I appreciate all helpful comments and even constructive critisicm but save the negativity for someone else. I have enough of it already. I dont need anymore.

I genuinely appreciate the time that everyone takes to give me guidance or words of support.

Thank u