Feels like the world is ending....

[Supergirl515]

Hey ladies -
Most of you probably dont know me but I lurk around a lot reading all of the good stuff everyone posts on here..
I used to post more when i was really having trouble getting my eating under control (compulsive/binge eating). In the past few months, I have been doing REALLY well. I was really startign to like the way i looked. I have had a few binges but mostly becuase I allowed them to happen, my body got to the point where I just needed to eat. The problem is that I am in college so when it is time to eat, i go into the cafeteria and NOTHING in there could possibly be good for you. Anyway, I had one of these days on Friday and I tried really hard to plan out what I was going to eat but it didnt really work and so I kinda put it behind me and just kept on this weekend and started feeling better again. Then this morning I just felt like shit and was craving sweets and shitty food so bad, I had a dream about lucky charms...the wierd part is, I have never been into lucky charms or sugary shit like that...I am only 19 and growing up my house was like an organic food store...wierd...
SO basically i ended up in the cafeteria this morning going crazy ....took lots of ALA but still feel like shit and just woke up from like a 5 hour nap....
Basically, I know i have this whole diet thing in the bag now except for these days and I think they are only setting me back because I am going into the cafeteria and eating shit...
It is not practical to say i am just going to go for weeks and weeks without any carbs so what kinds of things can i buy for these days that i could avoid the cafeteria with???
Also I kinda want to buy things that I can just eat in one day because if they are in the room, they are bound to be eaten...lol...
man i am crazy..
any help for me ladies???
I am entering a modeling contest and having my photos taken on Nov. 23rd so I am doing everything in my power to make this morning my last fuck up till then....do u think 3 weeks is too long??? ahhhh help!
thanx a million
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Supergirl

 

[Supergirl515]

I try to "refeed" once a week but I never do well with it because I just end up binging...the reason I am going well with low carbing i think is becuase i basically eat the same things eveyday and i like having the structure with it.... when it is refeed day, all i know is...eat carbs which is basically anything and i dont know all the counts and things on that shit food so i just end up eating some of everything in that damn cafeteria...and then i feel like this...with my stomach all heavy and feelin like i cant stand up!!!
Also I am hypoglycemic so once i get my hands on a lil sugar, i want a lot....

 

[Supergirl515]

LOL I actually think half of my lucky charms cravings come from reading posts about refeeds on these boards....everyone seems to love them...

I guess the whole problem in general is that I have a history of both anorexia and binge/compulsive overeating...
Dieting/resrticting feels so good to me for this reason although i am not starving myself....although at the same time, when i think of this day where i can "refeed" it has no structure and basically i can have anything i want.... most guys would love to be like me because i can easily sit down and eat 2500 calories in one sitting.... its kinda like if i dont have set out what I am going to eat before i go in there....i get so out of control and just eat everything...

To me it would make more sense to just eat carbs but stick with oatmeal and brown rice and things but these things i would have to make in my dorm room and i dont really know how i would do that...well, i guess i have a microwave....this way i would stay out of the cafeteria and all its temptations and also i could stay away from the sugar.... but then everyone always says eat sugar and high GI...so i dont know AGAIN!!! lol

thanx again

 

[hardbdygrl]

sweetie, you have an eating disorder. You are aware of that. You have a problem that needs to be delt with. and its not the binging. Its the reason you feel the need to eat when u feel u are having a bad day or if u get stressed or whatever it may be that sets you off onto one of ur binges...

We can talk to you and try to help you as much as we can but Honestly the only way to get over ur ED is to go seek Proffesional help.... I have done it, and many others have,, U know my story, and look at me know.... Sure it took me a while, but I got better, and u can and will get better.... Binging is some sort of controle issue... Try to go talk to one of ur shcool counslors or make an appt with a doctor.... just my .02

 

[Supergirl515]

So your saying that I NEED to eat sugar on these "refeed" days...

Being hypoglycemic and all, I would think it would be better for me to stick with oatmeal and brown rice and low GI carbs, wouldnt this trigger less of a hypo reaction??

Is it bad to refeed with these kind of carbs though???

I think I am going to plan my next refeed for Friday, November 15th and then the next one for Sunday, the 24th .....

By the 15th I should be able to write out some kinda of plan for this day not to let it get so out of control...

 

[MS]

I agree it's about more than just losing control of a refeed. But the only other things you can try (aside from professional help) are more frequent VERY controlled refeeds, or no refeeds at all. For the record, you don't need high GI carbs to get a decent metabolic boost/refeed. Low GI oats, beans. brown rice etc.... will work just fine and you are less likely to go off the deep end on those kinds of foods. I recommend you eat them unseasoned and without sweeteners, and lay out exactly how much you intend to eat for your refeed, and give or throw the rest away. Eat to live, not live to eat. The refeed is mainly there for your dieting health, not as an emotional crutch.

 

[Gladiola]

sweetie, you have an eating disorder.
... Its the reason you feel the need to eat when u feel u are having a bad day or if u get stressed

You consider eating when stressed a disorder?
IMO, I can definitely see where that is the case, BUT - the only classified eating disorders (so far as I know) are Anorexia, Bulemia, & overeating.

If you just eat when you are upset - that's not considered a disease. I've eaten when upset my WHOLE LIFE & when I was in college & going for conseling 1X per week, I brought this up. The therapist was great, I feel that the time I spent with her was helpful, but when I brought this issue up, she asked what kind of 'binge' I was talking about.

When I told her it would be a candy bar & 2 pop tarts, or a serving of ice cream & bowl of lucky charms, she didn't think that sounded so bad & didn't consider it a problem.

I tried to tell her I felt I *couldn't stop myself* & the cravings - the cravings fueled by stress - were the problem, not the quantity of food or frequency of binges. She didn't get it & we never really talked about it. I was a normaly healthy weight & already teaching aerobics at the time. 5 years later it's still a problem for me. Sorry, Supergirl, I can't offer help.

 

[Supergirl515]

I already see a counselor and have been hospitalized and what not...
Of course I acknowledge that I have an eating disorder and more importantly major control issues in my life but I am honestlly doing better these past 2 months than i have been in the past three years and as much as i wanna have like 5% bodyfat, i have come to realize that it is not practical and having a healthy body is more important... which is why I do not want to continue having these out of control binges everytime i throw some carbs into my system....
Basically, I am always going to have an obsessive personality and always am going to be way into my appearance and my body and so i am happy that i have become obsessive about having a healthy body rather than a thin one and i am happy that i found these boards and such wonderful role models like you girls.
Thank you for all your support...

 

[MS]

Good luck on your next refeed.

 

[Candi Barr]

Hi Supergirl515. You're raising a lot of issues. I have a small brain and do best with one, maybe two questions at a time. You want ideas for high-carb foods that can be prepared in a dorm room equipped with a microwave, that are good but not so tempting as to lead to binges, preferably low-GI and available in single serving sizes to avoid a leftovers problem, right? Hmmmm. Is there a health food store near you that sells in bulk and you fill the bag with what you want? How about regular oatmeal, dried fruit, fresh fruit? I have a book on microwave Indian vegetarian cooking that explains how to cook dals in a microwave. Might be a little ambitious, but you will sure impress your roommates. If you're interested I'll type in some recipes.

 

[JJFigure]

I don't use high GI foods to "refeed" or "carbload", mainly for the reasons you stated - I lose control when I'm around sugar. I think most of us, when on a restricted diet, lose control when we get to eat the foods we've not been able to eat.

You have 3 weeks to keep your act together - that's not a very long time, and you just need to keep reminding yourself of that. In the meantime, if you don't know the nutritional breakdown of something, don't eat it. Go to the store and buy cream of wheat, oatmeal, rice - all these things can easily be cooked in the microwave, you can measure them out, and trust me, you won't binge on them. Write up your refeed plan (preferably 6 meals or so), break down the kcals/protein/fat of each meal, and don't let yourself deviate from your plan.

And just remember, three weeks is just a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things. You can last it out!

 

[hardbdygrl]

You consider eating when stressed a disorder?
IMO, I can definitely see where that is the case, BUT - the only classified eating disorders (so far as I know) are Anorexia, Bulemia, & overeating.

If you just eat when you are upset - that's not considered a disease. I've eaten when upset my WHOLE LIFE & when I was in college & going for conseling 1X per week, I brought this up. The therapist was great, I feel that the time I spent with her was helpful, but when I brought this issue up, she asked what kind of 'binge' I was talking about.

When I told her it would be a candy bar & 2 pop tarts, or a serving of ice cream & bowl of lucky charms, she didn't think that sounded so bad & didn't consider it a problem.

I tried to tell her I felt I *couldn't stop myself* & the cravings - the cravings fueled by stress - were the problem, not the quantity of food or frequency of binges. She didn't get it & we never really talked about it. I was a normaly healthy weight & already teaching aerobics at the time. 5 years later it's still a problem for me. Sorry, Supergirl, I can't offer help.

Well it is an ED when you binge and purge. FOOD is not used for comfort .

You eat to live, not live to eat. Im sorry if my statments come across a little harsh, but I have had an ED for the Past 8yrs. I dont know what its like to actually BINGE,, but i do know how if feels to live on 4 pretzle sticks for weeks at a time,,So when this issue is brought up, i tend to take it personally. And i sometimes get a little angry...

SuperGirl15, you just need to eat clean foods and stop doing the re feeds... Just eat normally,, Dont focus sooo much on what u are eating... If ur hungry, Eat.. if ur stressed, go to the gym, go get a massage or something...

 

[Gladiola]

Well it is an ED when you binge and purge. FOOD is not used for comfort .

I didn't think you were harsh at all! Actually I was asking a question. I think my pattern of using food for comfort is 'disordered eating', but my therapist did NOT think so. It seems that's the consensus as well within the psychological community that if you don't purge, don't starve yourself, and don't overeat till you are morbidly obese, then you don't have an ED.

I DO think using food for comfort is somewhat of an ED (even if you don't purge) - so I was asking if that's what you were saying also. That's all.

I don't know what it's like to purge either, and have only starved myself for very brief periods.

 

[makedah]

Glad - When I brought up my eating with my therapist, I was reluctant to classify myself as compulsive eater because I thought that they were only those 400-lb folks who ate 2 pizzas in one setting and passed out after gorging. Now I know better. But at the time, she mentioned the term "disordered eating" to me. That sounded about right. We didn't go into my eating habits - too many other things to discuss!

Compulsive eating is indeed an ED. Now, the extent to which it is taken seriously by those who are going through it and by therapists probably depends a great deal on symptoms (yeah, the eating habits of a morbidly obese compulsive eater are going to be taken more seriously than a person who is slim or just slightly overweight) and the degree to which the person is compulsed to eat.

Many people in our society snack when stressed, but I think there's a difference between stress eating and having a compulsive eating disorder - the difference is feeling controlled by food, most if not all of the time. I'm not commenting on Supergirl, because I don't know enough about her case to make that judgement. I'm a recovering compulsive eater, and compulsive eaters don't just have some snacks when we're worried about something or have a deadline. We gorge on food especially when stressed, but even when not under acute stress. For compulsive eaters, food is a way of managing all of our emotions - stress, happiness, fear, joy, loneliness, excitement, you name it. There is also often a palpable "high" that comes from eating. There can be a fear of what would happen if one runs out of food. Just like with drug and alcohol addition, some people will try to hide their eating habits from others.

This page has a really good description: http://www.closetoyou.org/eatingdisorders/reading/article_coinwomen.htm

 

[makedah]

Crap! If my post looks like I'm lecturing you, Glad, I'm not. I put that first part in there for you, but the rest is for everyone one. I agree with you on most of what you've said here, I'm just trying to clarify some points.

 

[Supergirl515]

Thanx all...
tomorrow is a new day...
fuck refeeds...healthy eating it is....6 weeks till home for christmas!!!!

 

[hardbdygrl]

Glad, Sorry i think i took your post wrong...... But ur right, there are many forms of ED's not just the Normal Anorexia/Bulima/ Overeating......... I read an article that was talking about how Bodybulders had a type of eating disorder because of how scheduled our meals where and the times we needed to eat, stuff like that..... I was forced to go to the hospital, so i didnt get much out of the therapy,,,but somehow i turned to WeightTraining.. I still have an ED. but at least i am not 84lbs anymore...

 

[supergirl]

hey sweetie... just one thing...

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECTION!!!


if you keep trying to be perfect you will constantly not live up to where you think you should be!!! This pipe dream causes so much self disgust and hatred and depression... Letting go of the "perfection" dream is one of the hardest things to do... trust me i have fought that demon my whole life!!!
but ya gotta let it go and realize you are beating yourself up for naught!!

eat healthy, enjoy what you eat, stop feeling guilty about when you don't eat the perfect foods or if you stray from the perfect diet.. carbs are not your enemy.. just keep them in moderation.. and enjoy a cheat day once a week...

take control of your life and your eating... do not let it control you nor the idea of being perfect... FUCK IT!!!

advice from your sister LOL

 

[rez]

supergirl...
what is your diet like the rest of the time? sometimes i find that if i dont eat enough pro/carb/fat i crave shit (not that i eat it, but crave it all the same).
how are you training...sometimes if you really focus on training, you dont wana ruin all that hard work on eating crap..whata waste of a workout.
so..post your stats, diet etc..maybe we can help from there?