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HappyScrappy
New member
Today as I walked out to my ElCamino, I saw that there was a homeless person sleeping in the back on the astroturf I had carpeted the back with. It angers me to know that some wino had probably been whacking off in or on my car just b/c he happens to like green plastic, or maybe the orange exterior. Either way, there was someone smelly in the back of my car. He was just lying there, smelling pleasantly like MadDog 20/20 and piss - reminded me of a few dates I'd been on in college. He looked so peaceful, so I decided not to distrub him and instead just drive to work and let the fucker deal with getting home. That would learn him.
So there I am, cranking Santana and singing along, doing 70 down the highway and drumming on the steering wheel when I look up past the fuzzy dice and into the rearview mirror and guess what I see - that lazy fucker was up and wide-eyed, banging on the glass screaming something, but I couldn't hear due to the cold wind blowing his cries of anguish away. Then in an apparent act of desperation, crazed looniness, or maybe just to teach me my own special lesson, the bastard set fire to the back of my car. Apparently he spotted the welding torch and cans of kerosene that I carry back there and the rest is, as they say "history".
Well, I had to pull over on the side of the road since the wind was just fanning the flames and the screams of the man in the back were getting tiresome at best.
So there we stood, me in my sweatsuit, next to the homeless guy, his pants around his ankles and fondeling himself watching my car as it burned itself to ashes.
I figured if I waited around for the coppers to show up, they were just gonna ask lots of questions, so I high-tailed it over the embankment and found the nearest busstop, losing the homeless loser since he obviously didn't have to get to a job like I did.
There I sat, contemplating the loss of my 8-track and today's cod fish lunch that I had packed. Next to me sat an overweight eldery woman that smelled of some sort of cleaning solvent. I put my arm around her and ran my fingers through her hair asI talked, trying to tell her my story - this, as she said "weirded her out" - fucking people, never want to listen.
So finally the bus came and me and lard butt got on - it was kinda crowded on the bus and I wanted a seat since the ordeal I had just gone through was trying at best. So there I stood at the front of the bus, sizing up the crowd to see what I had on my hands... I was mainly looking for someone small and frail that I knew I could take in a fight - maybe a young cripple, or a blind lady. But alas, I was on some sort of bus that only caters to college aged students, and most of them looked like they could take me, or at least clearly describe to the cops what happened.
So I figured my only recourse in this case was a single series of events that unfolded as so:
I dropped my pants and started to dance the macarena (sp?) while singing spanish love songs at the top of my lungs. Then I took off one shoe and beat myself about the head, neck, face, and shoulders and then smacked my ass with it. the crowd seemed interested at this point, and seeing as we were coming up on a stop soon, I seized the opportunity before more of those fucking freeloaders got on I puked all over the isle and then proudly declared "There's more where that came from!" with a big smile on my face.
That was how I got to ride in to work today on a bus all by myself. I sat in the back rubbing my nipples and singing "Holy Holy" while the bus driver swore at me and made hand genstures while at stop lights.
I don't think I need a car anymore, this bus shit rules.
So there I am, cranking Santana and singing along, doing 70 down the highway and drumming on the steering wheel when I look up past the fuzzy dice and into the rearview mirror and guess what I see - that lazy fucker was up and wide-eyed, banging on the glass screaming something, but I couldn't hear due to the cold wind blowing his cries of anguish away. Then in an apparent act of desperation, crazed looniness, or maybe just to teach me my own special lesson, the bastard set fire to the back of my car. Apparently he spotted the welding torch and cans of kerosene that I carry back there and the rest is, as they say "history".
Well, I had to pull over on the side of the road since the wind was just fanning the flames and the screams of the man in the back were getting tiresome at best.
So there we stood, me in my sweatsuit, next to the homeless guy, his pants around his ankles and fondeling himself watching my car as it burned itself to ashes.
I figured if I waited around for the coppers to show up, they were just gonna ask lots of questions, so I high-tailed it over the embankment and found the nearest busstop, losing the homeless loser since he obviously didn't have to get to a job like I did.
There I sat, contemplating the loss of my 8-track and today's cod fish lunch that I had packed. Next to me sat an overweight eldery woman that smelled of some sort of cleaning solvent. I put my arm around her and ran my fingers through her hair asI talked, trying to tell her my story - this, as she said "weirded her out" - fucking people, never want to listen.
So finally the bus came and me and lard butt got on - it was kinda crowded on the bus and I wanted a seat since the ordeal I had just gone through was trying at best. So there I stood at the front of the bus, sizing up the crowd to see what I had on my hands... I was mainly looking for someone small and frail that I knew I could take in a fight - maybe a young cripple, or a blind lady. But alas, I was on some sort of bus that only caters to college aged students, and most of them looked like they could take me, or at least clearly describe to the cops what happened.
So I figured my only recourse in this case was a single series of events that unfolded as so:
I dropped my pants and started to dance the macarena (sp?) while singing spanish love songs at the top of my lungs. Then I took off one shoe and beat myself about the head, neck, face, and shoulders and then smacked my ass with it. the crowd seemed interested at this point, and seeing as we were coming up on a stop soon, I seized the opportunity before more of those fucking freeloaders got on I puked all over the isle and then proudly declared "There's more where that came from!" with a big smile on my face.
That was how I got to ride in to work today on a bus all by myself. I sat in the back rubbing my nipples and singing "Holy Holy" while the bus driver swore at me and made hand genstures while at stop lights.
I don't think I need a car anymore, this bus shit rules.
