divorced?well...

[da big thinker]

how did you feel while and after your divorce...?mentally drained...?do you beleive that the grass is greener on the other side now that you have gone thru it all?just looking to hear some experiences w/ this topic...anything really...thank you!

 

[Bikini Mod]

I am at the tail end of what has been a long VERY BITTER divorce and sadly, our children were caught right in the middle.

Without rehashing old stuff as I have sufficiently vented and am no longer interested in bashing my ex... actually, I kind of wish that I hadn't. Even though all that I said was true, it still makes me feel bad because after all, he IS the my girls' daddy.... anyway...

I can honestly say even though I am financially drained (my sister and brother-in-law filled my fridge, freezer and pantry with food because they realized that if I wouldn't be able to get my girls anything for Christmas if they didn't), have been publicly humiliated in EVERY way, shape, and form, have seriously considered suicide on more than one occasion (that is OLD NEWS now and a thought that will NEVER cross my mind again... after all who am I to determine when I have fulfilled my obligations and served my purpose on this planet?), am a bit anxious about what direction my life will now head in - I HAVE NOT FOR ONE MILLISECOND REGRETTED MY DECISION TO ASK FOR AND FACILITATE MY DIVORCE!

See, the good news about being torn down is that now I have the rest of my life to build myself back up in ANY WAY THAT I SEE FIT!

I have come to realize so much about the demons that have haunted me since I was a child... that I can now look them in the face and say, "FUCK YOU! " I now KNOW that my children would rather live WITH me in a shack than WITHOUT ME in a mansion.

It is a sad that all of this could not have occured WITHIN the confines of my marriage because it very well COULD HAVE!... but it does take two. Do not take this as a statement that blames my ex. I am not blaming him: WE DID IT TO EACH OTHER... the only REAL VICTIMS were my girls.

But now that we have our own places and there is only $ to squabble over, or the implied lack thereof (which we can do in an office, there truly is NO NEED to discuss these issues in front of the children) the children are so much calmer and happier. Have they been deeply affected? ABSOLUTELY! But they have echoed my sentiment that they would prefer to live with parents who are no longer married BUT NO LONGER FIGHTING than to have all the "nice things" they once did but be essentially ignored because their parents were too busy fighting behind a closed door..... we are talking HOURS here.

My advice to those contemplating divorce is TRY LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER to work it out! But if you can not salvage any shred of respect and friendship then go to a good mediator (Stay THE FUCK AWAY from money-hungry lawyers that will only cause the two of you to fight... in the end, the law IS the law and regardless of how much BULLSHIT you try to heap on each other the end result will be THE SAME - only the lawyers will be better off - NOT YOU and CERTAINLY NOT YOUR CHILDREN!), come to a reasonable settlement where it is FAIR TO BOTH and get on with your lives. Let the venom and hate go.... it will only consume you and make your life hell whether you are married or not.

 

[da big thinker]

I am at the tail end of what has been a long VERY BITTER divorce and sadly, our children were caught right in the middle.

Without rehashing old stuff as I have sufficiently vented and am no longer interested in bashing my ex... actually, I kind of wish that I hadn't. Even though all that I said was true, it still makes me feel bad because after all, he IS the my girls' daddy.... anyway...

I can honestly say even though I am financially drained (my sister and brother-in-law filled my fridge, freezer and pantry with food because they realized that if I wouldn't be able to get my girls anything for Christmas if they didn't), have been publicly humiliated in EVERY way, shape, and form, have seriously considered suicide on more than one occasion (that is OLD NEWS now and a thought that will NEVER cross my mind again... after all who am I to determine when I have fulfilled my obligations and served my purpose on this planet?), am a bit anxious about what direction my life will now head in - I HAVE NOT FOR ONE MILLISECOND REGRETTED MY DECISION TO ASK FOR AND FACILITATE MY DIVORCE!

See, the good news about being torn down is that now I have the rest of my life to build myself back up in ANY WAY THAT I SEE FIT!

I have come to realize so much about the demons that have haunted me since I was a child... that I can now look them in the face and say, "FUCK YOU! " I now KNOW that my children would rather live WITH me in a shack than WITHOUT ME in a mansion.

It is a sad that all of this could not have occured WITHIN the confines of my marriage because it very well COULD HAVE!... but it does take two. Do not take this as a statement that blames my ex. I am not blaming him: WE DID IT TO EACH OTHER... the only REAL VICTIMS were my girls.

But now that we have our own places and there is only $ to squabble over, or the implied lack thereof (which we can do in an office, there truly is NO NEED to discuss these issues in front of the children) the children are so much calmer and happier. Have they been deeply affected? ABSOLUTELY! But they have echoed my sentiment that they would prefer to live with parents who are no longer married BUT NO LONGER FIGHTING than to have all the "nice things" they once did but be essentially ignored because their parents were too busy fighting behind a closed door..... we are talking HOURS here.

My advice to those contemplating divorce is TRY LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER to work it out! But if you can not salvage any shred of respect and friendship then go to a good mediator (Stay THE FUCK AWAY from money-hungry lawyers that will only cause the two of you to fight... in the end, the law IS the law and regardless of how much BULLSHIT you try to heap on each other the end result will be THE SAME - only the lawyers will be better off - NOT YOU and CERTAINLY NOT YOUR CHILDREN!), come to a reasonable settlement where it is FAIR TO BOTH and get on with your lives. Let the venom and hate go.... it will only consume you and make your life hell whether you are married or not.

man do i totally understand where you r coming from...thank you for taking the time to answer this Q...GOOD LUCK w/ all future endeavours.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Anytime!

If it were not for the board members at elite, I do not know how I would have made it through. Some replied to my posts, some sent emails and pm's - whether they were words about thier own experiences or simply words of encouragement... I DEEPLY APPRECIATE THEM! There was a handfull of internet ASSHOLES that thought it was funny to fuck with me and my children, but even from them I learned something positive so I guess I should thank them as well.

Then there are those friends that I met on elite and became my friends in "the real world".... they didn't judge, but helped me get where I am today - on my feet and thinking clearly, learning to love myself just a little more each day.... for the first time since I was a little girl. I realize that I am at the bottom of what looks like an insurmountable mountain, but the good news is: I can only move UP from here, I know who in this life TRULY loves and cares FOR ME, not the facade "bikinimom" - BUT PLAIN ME, flaws and all, and I have THE REST OF MY LIFE TO GET TO THE SUMMIT. Will I ever make it? That really is not the point..... I have come to realize that they journey is so much more important than the destination. See, for all of the pain and sadness I have come to learn things that I would not have realized otherwise.... it's kind of akin to being reborn. Yes, birth is EXTREMELY PAINFUL!.... but look at the payoff: LIFE!

Now I can LIVE AGAIN and with my family and TRUE FRIENDS how can I fail in my endeavors?

Good luck to you Thinker..... I return your sentiments as I send them to all of those out there that feel trapped in a hellish relationship or are going through the pain and turmoil of a divorce or to those that have come out on "the other side" and are also feeling just a bit anxious about the future. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Have a safe and wonderful holiday!

 

[da big thinker]

your words practically made me cry...it has been a hell of ride these past 2 yrs and i have felt the same sadness you advocate thru your words...the good news is,that,i have a bond w/ my child that nobody can take from me...blood as they say,runs thicker than water...and this applies to me as well.in addition,i have never blamed my spouse for anything...i realize that it takes two at all times...it is hard,but as you have stated,the only way to go from here is:UP...and i plan on reaching the top...my daughter is too important for me not to.once again,i know who you are,as you are quite the popular one on this board...and yes ass kissing becomes abundant for members such as yourself...but,from me to you...THANK YOU for sharing your story w/ me and for your sincere comments...feels good to know that people out there can feel your hurt and understand where you are coming from...

 

[Bikini Mod]

Look at the poem in my signature Thinker..... I want you to envision yourself LIVING a finish to it! That is what I have resolved to do. Unfortunately only its author has the gift to finish it in verse as I am void of such talent. But as for you and me and every other individual who has lived the words I believe that it is within ALL OF US to go beyond "the struggle to stay conscious"... and TO LIVE AGAIN.

The poem will remain in my signature until I have found the proper end.

If you find it before me Thinker....SHARE!!! tee-hee

 

[kd]

During the divorce you feel like your falling down a bottomless pit of gut wrenching, mind depression.

When the last paper is finally signed you hit the bottom of the pit.

The next few months - years (varies with each person), you will climb back out of that pit.

You will meet new people, you will sooner or later get involved in a new relationship, and that hole fills in and goes away.

You learn from your experience and are hopefully a better person.

You will really enjoy your life again, there are still many, many good times left.

Do I believe the grass is greener?. Yes. If I had stayed married it would have been a terrible, slow death of me.

I never have to win the lottery. I already have by getting out my marriage.

peace

 

[da big thinker]

During the divorce you feel like your falling down a bottomless pit of gut wrenching, mind depression.

When the last paper is finally signed you hit the bottom of the pit.

The next few months - years (varies with each person), you will climb back out of that pit.

You will meet new people, you will sooner or later get involved in a new relationship, and that hole fills in and goes away.

You learn from your experience and are hopefully a better person.

You will really enjoy your life again, there are still many, many good times left.

Do I believe the grass is greener?. Yes. If I had stayed married it would have been a terrible, slow death of me.

I never have to win the lottery. I already have by getting out my marriage.

peace

nice...another interesting concept,but very similar to BM...it's funny how unclear things are while going thru a divorce;but everything starts to make sense when you journey past the GREY area...