Considerd a friend or Not

[Evil_Frisky]

So been running into a 'friend' here and there and getting the 'I really need to talk to you' line.

Had a few minutes of talk with her last week.. heard some things I didn't particularly like... but eh.. I expected it.

Then yesterday she was at the gym and I noticed she was there.. broke away and went say hi and she completely spilled some things to me that made my jaw drop. Things she's known for over a year...

So... really I'm thinking last night. Why the hell did she wait a year to tell me this? We aren't the best of friends, more friends by association.. but sheesh! Its a year later and it maybe hear say.. who's to know but I'd have like to have addressed this back then. It's pointless now.

Don't you think she should have spilled the beans when this all would have affected me then? I guess I'm thinking of what I WOULD HAVE DONE.

 

[tuc biscuit]

t
e
l
l

u
s

w
h
a
t

s
h
e

t
o
l
d

y
o
u

 

[nycgirl]

So been running into a 'friend' here and there and getting the 'I really need to talk to you' line.

Had a few minutes of talk with her last week.. heard some things I didn't particularly like... but eh.. I expected it.

Then yesterday she was at the gym and I noticed she was there.. broke away and went say hi and she completely spilled some things to me that made my jaw drop. Things she's known for over a year...

So... really I'm thinking last night. Why the hell did she wait a year to tell me this? We aren't the best of friends, more friends by association.. but sheesh! Its a year later and it maybe hear say.. who's to know but I'd have like to have addressed this back then. It's pointless now.

Don't you think she should have spilled the beans when this all would have affected me then? I guess I'm thinking of what I WOULD HAVE DONE.

I lost a good friend because of this. She refused to understand why I didn't come to her (I like to deal w/ things myself; I don't like to lean on people).

Frisky, maybe it was her pride, maybe she was embarassed to share the info w/ others, maybe she is a private person, whatever. Don't be selfish (i.e., this isn't about you); just listen and be there for her now.

 

[WODIN]

Does this have anything to do with your milf status?

 

[SoKlueles]

t
e
l
l

u
s

w
h
a
t

s
h
e

t
o
l
d

y
o
u

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

t
e
l
l

u
s

w
h
a
t

s
h
e

t
o
l
d

y
o
u

LOL

debating if I want to ... don't really know if its true or not.

Oh damnit....

That My X.. who was convinced and convinced our friends that I left him for another man... yea.. said I cheated on him... ( and I didn't) Was infact Cheating on me.

Now.. a year later.. why wait till now? Shit this would have made the whole leaving him then so much easier.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

I lost a good friend because of this. She refused to understand why I didn't come to her (I like to deal w/ things myself; I don't like to lean on people).

Frisky, maybe it was her pride, maybe she was embarassed to share the info w/ others, maybe she is a private person, whatever. Don't be selfish (i.e., this isn't about you); just listen and be there for her now.

No.. she told me things about MY LIFE!

not about her.. things I had the right to know and address.

 

[DIVISION]

So been running into a 'friend' here and there and getting the 'I really need to talk to you' line.

Had a few minutes of talk with her last week.. heard some things I didn't particularly like... but eh.. I expected it.

Then yesterday she was at the gym and I noticed she was there.. broke away and went say hi and she completely spilled some things to me that made my jaw drop. Things she's known for over a year...

So... really I'm thinking last night. Why the hell did she wait a year to tell me this? We aren't the best of friends, more friends by association.. but sheesh! Its a year later and it maybe hear say.. who's to know but I'd have like to have addressed this back then. It's pointless now.

Don't you think she should have spilled the beans when this all would have affected me then? I guess I'm thinking of what I WOULD HAVE DONE.

She was ashamed to tell you, for fear of what you would think.

Considering she was an acquaintance more than a friend, if you were in her shoes, you would not have told her. You do not tell everyone your business, only those who are close to you.



DIV

 

[WODIN]

There are no pygmies in this story are there?

 

[Gymgurl]

Maybe....just maybe she was hoping that you would be in a better place emotionally..my guess it was to hurt you

 

[Evil_Frisky]

She was ashamed to tell you, for fear of what you would think.

Considering she was an acquaintance more than a friend, if you were in her shoes, you would not have told her. You do not tell everyone your business, only those who are close to you.



DIV

Your misunderstanding...

She hears this about ME my life.. things going on in my house hold. I feel she should have told me then or not at all. Don't come to me a year later and say...

Blah blah blah.. I have been knowing this since way back when.

We are Divorced... I really didn't need to know this now.. I needed to know this then.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

Maybe....just maybe she was hoping that you would be in a better place emotionally..my guess it was to hurt you

That thought crossed my mind.

 

[DIVISION]

That My X.. who was convinced and convinced our friends that I left him for another man... yea.. said I cheated on him... ( and I didn't) Was infact Cheating on me.

Now.. a year later.. why wait till now? Shit this would have made the whole leaving him then so much easier.

Not this again......

We've already been over this, honey....




DIV

 

[nycgirl]

No.. she told me things about MY LIFE!

not about her.. things I had the right to know and address.

Oh, you should have said that. Maybe she didn't want to hurt you. Maybe she was hoping you would have saw the signs on your own.

Wait, the only thing she had to tell you was that your X said you left him for another man?

 

[Evil_Frisky]

Not this again......

We've already been over this, honey....




DIV

I've never been told he was cheating.. I've said that his insecurities all pointed that way.. and that his jealousy also.

No one till now has told me a word.

 

[Gymgurl]

Why else would she mention it to you now.....just tell her that is okay cause he has some disease..that way if she slept with him she will freak

 

[DIVISION]

I've never been told he was cheating.. I've said that his insecurities all pointed that way.. and that his jealousy also.

No one till now has told me a word.

It sounds to me like this "friend by association" isn't a "friend" at all if she's waiting a year to tell you these revelations.




DIV

 

[Evil_Frisky]

Why else would she mention it to you now.....just tell her that is okay cause he has some disease..that way if she slept with him she will freak

LOL

It sounds to me like this "friend by association" isn't a "friend" at all if she's waiting a year to tell you these revelations.




DIV

She is married to my X's Friend.. hunting buddie.. etc etc..

 

[Evil_Frisky]

Oh, you should have said that. Maybe she didn't want to hurt you. Maybe she was hoping you would have saw the signs on your own.

Wait, the only thing she had to tell you was that your X said you left him for another man?

that and that he was cheating way before I left him.

 

[DIVISION]

She is married to my X's Friend.. hunting buddie.. etc etc..

You've got a warm heart, Frisky...........

I think you're too nice to people.....



DIV

 

[Gymgurl]

I think she wanted him and is trying to fuck you emotionally....tell her to get lost

 

[Evil_Frisky]

I did confront him on this matter... more so to let him know that he's not as sly as he thinks.. and that this so called friend of his... is saying lots of crap about our past relationship.. even more than what i've said here.

That If its true then it was then.. the only thing I can do now is say 'thanks for always being honest '

and I actually told him that I wish i'd have found out then, it would have made this divorce thing so much easier.

I don't know if its true... prolly will never know.

Emotionally I'm not one bit hurt... pissed ya a little... more so that its a year later that I'm told this and not when this shit was going down. Its pointless now.. other than to stir the pot.

 

[Griz1]

She didn't tell you cause she was banging him.

Now she feels guilty.

Just guessing.

Either that or her man, and your ex are bashing you so often with bullshit she feels guilty for not sticking up for you which conflicts with her loyalty to her man. So she's put it off, and put it off.

Either way, as an old client of mine once said....

"Aint nothin you can do bout it now, might as well keep going...."

 

[Evil_Frisky]

You've got a warm heart, Frisky...........

I think you're too nice to people.....



DIV

I for the most part disassocated myself with all of OUR friends. I mind my own business.. take care of my wee ones, train, and every now and again i'd go dancing or something.

That fucker can tell me he cheated on me a million times... I'm emotionally detached from him, It doesn't affect me at all... but when he's telling people I'm a bad mother I want to rip his head off.

LOL.. I'm nice ..... sometimes

 

[DIVISION]

Emotionally I'm not one bit hurt... pissed ya a little... more so that its a year later that I'm told this and not when this shit was going down. Its pointless now.. other than to stir the pot.

At this point it's just another brick in the wall, Friskers.

You know this, already.

I say forget it and go about your life.




DIV

 

[Evil_Frisky]

She didn't tell you cause she was banging him.

Now she feels guilty.

Just guessing.

Either that or her man, and your ex are bashing you so often with bullshit she feels guilty for not sticking up for you which conflicts with her loyalty to her man. So she's put it off, and put it off.

Either way, as an old client of mine once said....

"Aint nothin you can do bout it now, might as well keep going...."

So very true...

and exactly, nothing can be done now... let a sleeping dog lie.. right. did or didn't .... water under the bridge, he's already my X.

My concern is why tell me NOW. Serves NO purpose.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

At this point it's just another brick in the wall, Friskers.

You know this, already.

I say forget it and go about your life.




DIV

Exactly what I am doing..

Was a bit on the fence about even letting him know what was said to me.. then i said Fu*k it ... so I told him. And then said .. all is done. You will never hear me question this again.

My life has moved on, and I'm happy.

 

[BUBBLES]

People tell you gossip which has been circulating around for a while because they are jealous especially when you have found a happy path in your life and they want to bring you down or they have no clear reasoning as to why they do the things they do.

Just ignore them Frisky... smile in their faces and walk away..

 

[Griz1]

My concern is why tell me NOW. Serves NO purpose.

Other than for her to feel better about herself for FINALLY telling you instead of sitting at the kitchen table while her hubby and your X bash you and she feels like dirt for not sticking up for you. It's been eating at her and now she feels like she's been washed clean (which of course is bullshit, she should have jumped in and told some cold hard truths to your X and her hubby in the first place).

Yay now she can go on with her life and not feel like a slug for participating in the "silence is consent" crowd. Hmmmm.

 

[Austin316]

Don't dwell on it. Perhaps she didn't say anythign out of loyalty to her husband who is your ex's freind. SHe could have thought that by getting involved it would affect her own relationship but over time her consciousness couldn't take it anymore and she thought hell with it and that you had a right to know?

Then again it could be the exact opposite, but if you treat it as the first thought I mentioned and don't give it another thought then I would think it might curb confusion and suspicion and allow you to drop it

 

[fistfullofsteel]

this thread is wack, let's see some boobies

 

[Dial_tone]

Maybe she didn't feel comfortable bringing it up and thought you'd find out thru other means. Eventually guilt got the best of her. I'm not sure I would say anything to a casual friend then or now.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

She might've been in on it.....that's why she waited, maybe until she thought it wouldn't matter as much.

just my 2 cents.

You could ask her.

 

[big4life]

My feeling is why tell you now?

It's not going to make you feel better, or fix anything, so why bring it up? I could see if you were thinking about seeing him again, and her warning you, but since you have moved on, she should have kept her mouth shut.