Chuck Norris

[Razorguns]

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris scared God into giving men nipples. They are his targets.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

 

[Dunk]

How long did it take you to come up with these?

 

[Dunk]

less time than it takes to figure out this is a repost about 10 times over.

Shhh im trying to catch this craka ass honkey in a lie.

 

[Frisky]

Shhh im trying to catch this craka ass honkey in a lie.

hey bitch.. im a honkey too

 

[redguru]

 

[NJjuice22]

i never seen those before...funny!

 

[bullett]

What about those semi gay infomercials about the power gym, or whatever the fuck with Christie Brinkley.....Huh???

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

Awesome post.

 

[Slash_]

How long did it take you to come up with these?

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php

 

[hardrock]

Never gets old!

 

[JonPee]

Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris does

 

[seizer]

Fuck I love chuck

 

[seizer]

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

 

[seizer]

Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

 

[seizer]

Vin Diesel never shaves; he shoots himself in the face every morning so his facial hair doesn't get the wrong idea

 

[wootoom]

sidekicks?

 

[seizer]

If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

 

[seizer]

Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

 

[seizer]

Some people use sheepskin condoms. Vin Diesel just uses sheep.

 

[seizer]

Shooting on xXx had to stop for two weeks as Vin Diesel was called in by NASA to help realign the Earths orbit.

 

[redguru]

If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

Vin Diesel breakdancing

And he thinks the Grammy awards are for queers?

 

[seizer]

Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown's hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he'd come back to eat him.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.

Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown's hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he'd come back to eat him.