Cant figure out if this is wrong...

[buckwheat1]

I have been mostly single for about 7 years. I go out and meet alot of people but I am extremly picky. I wish I wasn't but that is just the way it is. So while I have hooked up with many girls there has not been any real drive to actually follow up and pursue past the initial occassion.

Last weekend, I met this wonderful girl. Hot, smart , playful and she was definitely in to me. I know because she basically told me. But she also ended up telling me that she had a boyfriend. She said she wanted to be unfront. Shes been seeing this guy for 3 1/2 years and she trying to make a decision on if she should continue the relationship. She asked me if I would give her my number because she would like to call me sometime. At one point, she asked me (I hope it was a joke) if I wanted to have a torrid affair with her. I told her that probably was not going to happen that I had been on the other side and know what that feels like. She was pretty impressed by my answer. She said that most guys would probably not have said that.

Anyways, a few days pass and she send me a real nice email saying how much she enjoyed meeting me and how she really can't help but wanting to get to know me better. But she also mentions that the timing of meeting me is not good. She then called me up and I ended up talking with for about 45 minutes. In the call she mentioned her boyfriend a couple of times.

I told her that I really had a great time with her last weekend and she seemed like such an amazing person. Too bad about the timing. She agreed and said she needed to figure out what she was going to do.

A couple of days later she called me and asked if I wanted to meet her and a friend for drinks. But I was sick so I had to decline. But I really wanted to go and see her. She then asked me to call her when I felt better. I want to get together again with her because I do want to get to know her better. I know that nothing is going to happen physically because I won't let it happen. But is the mere act of getting to know someone wrong in this case. When both of us are obviously attracted to other?? Haven't been this confused in a while. Another reason I don't drawn to relationships.

 

[Rex]

She might have a friend that's an even better match. Be friendly but not too friendly. You know what your limits are in taking the relationship further.

If I was her bf, then I wouldn't want some guy hanging out with her regardless of his intentions. Shit happens.

 

[Burning_Inside]

She might have a friend that's an even better match. Be friendly but not too friendly. You know what your limits are in taking the relationship further.

If I was her bf, then I wouldn't want some guy hanging out with her regardless of his intentions. Shit happens.

yes then you can hook up with her friend , driver this girl TOTALLY crazy, and she will do soemthing totally psycho.

 

[buckwheat1]

There is two things that cause me to want to at least put an effort in getting to know her. The first is that she was open about the boyfriend but she also mentions that she is at cross roads with him. Maybe bullshit, I don't know. But getting to know her a little better will clarify this. The second is that she has so many qualities that I would look for in a girl. And knowing how picky I am that is actually something.

I realize that her boyfriend would not appreciate me meeting her for drinks. But most boyfriends wouldn't even want their gf's to have a male friend even when it strictly plutonic. Which is all it really is. I have stayed close friends with a previous girlfriend even during the time she had another boyfriend. That entailed talking to each other on a regular basis and sometimes getting together for dinner or lunch. Again, it was strickly a friendship.

 

[Burning_Inside]

There is two things that cause me to want to at least put an effort in getting to know her. The first is that she was open about the boyfriend but she also mentions that she is at cross roads with him. Maybe bullshit, I don't know. But getting to know her a little better will clarify this. The second is that she has so many qualities that I would look for in a girl. And knowing how picky I am that is actually something.

I realize that her boyfriend would not appreciate me meeting her for drinks. But most boyfriends wouldn't even want their gf's to have a male friend even when it strictly plutonic. Which is all it really is. I have stayed close friends with a previous girlfriend even during the time she had another boyfriend. That entailed talking to each other on a regular basis and sometimes getting together for dinner or lunch. Again, it was strickly a friendship.

dont ask us , go with your gut.

 

[buckwheat1]

dont ask us , go with your gut.

Well if I completely felt comfortable with my gut feeling I probably wouldn't have posted. I am kinda trying convince myself that it would be ok to get to know her in a limited way. If enough people tore in to me saying this was wrong, I would probably walk away.

Thanks

 

[gonelifting]

Tough choice. I would usually go with the "don`t bother" route, but who knows, this may be your future wife by the way you`re describing it.

Maybe she`s asking her friends to "check you out" for her, that`s why you got the invite to go out. She wants to make sure she goes into this with no mistakes. Also, her friends are cool with her having a boyfriend and seeing you? That`s a little weird.

The right person does`nt come along every day. If you feel she`s cool, I would stick around and try SOMETHING, but use your head. (the one on your neck)

 

[-SD-]

If you are so darn picky try macking on women without boyfriends. Seems like a lot less hassle. Plus whatever lies/stuff she pulls behind her boyfriends back with you means she can do the same to you when you are her boyfriend.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

She might have a friend that's an even better match. Be friendly but not too friendly. You know what your limits are in taking the relationship further.

If I was her bf, then I wouldn't want some guy hanging out with her regardless of his intentions. Shit happens.

Yeah, but at the same time, the minute the bf gets jealous, things start going downhill. She has to figure out who she wants before anything happens.

 

[caseynyc]

If she'll cheat on her boyfriend, she'll eventually cheat on you. I'd stay away, just my opinion.

 

[Freaky Gear God]

Stop thinking, fuck her brains out and then kick her butt ass naked to the curb after breakfast.

 

[buckwheat1]

Thanks for the replies.

gonelifting - your right. She really left an impression me. I obviously see potential there otherwise I wouldn't be worrying about this. I meet a fair number of girls/women. In fact, I met another girl at the same bar early that day. Ended up making out with her abit and got her phone number. But there was no spark. I will never call her.

It is odd that she is asking me to meet with her friends. The day I met her she was with a friend that seemed pretty excited about us meeting. When my ex was cheating on me, two of her best friends that knew about the affair disowned her and never talked to her again. So maybe the relationship is on the rocks since her friends don't see to have a problem with her looking around.

casyncy and superdave - your right. If she cheated on her boyfriend, then she could cheat on me. But she openly disclosed her relationship. Does telling someone else that they think they are attractive or have a good personality cheating? Does meeting someone for a drink because they seem interesting cheating? Especially when one is considering getting out of the current relationship. I think its a fine line. I trying to figure out where that line is.

freaky gear god - I wish it were as simple as that. Not into one night stands or meeting people for the sake getting layed. I know its sounds gay but I just not like that. Not a moral issue but rather of comfort. The few one night stands I have had were basically drunkfests that I barely remember and wouldn't have cared if they ever happened.

Thanks for the replies

 

[wtlftr]

buckwheat.. the post is too long. break it down for me

 

[buckwheat1]

buckwheat.. the post is too long. break it down for me

- met girl that blew buckwheat1 away.
- buckwheat1 rarely meets girls that blow him away.
- girl admits that she finds me attractive and interesting (which I am
- girls says she has a boyfriend of 3 1/2 years
- girl says she thinking of ending relationship.
- girl asks for my number
- girl calls we have good conversation
- girl calls again asks me out for drink with a friend
- buckwheat1 likes girl and would like to get to know her because she looks like she has potential.
-buckwheat1 will not take part in anything that would generally be considered cheating.
- buckwheat1 having trouble figuring out if meeting her for a drink and getting to know her a little better would be considered cheating.


Thats about as condensed its going to get.

 

[wtlftr]

If she ends it do her. If not wait. As Dr. Phil says, think how you would feel if you were in that situation

 

[thelegacy again]

a girl who is willing to cheat on her boyfriend of 3.5 years is a slut and will do the same with you--------think about it and make the RIGHT decision

 

[gonelifting]

a girl who is willing to cheat on her boyfriend of 3.5 years is a slut and will do the same with you--------think about it and make the RIGHT decision

Dude are you listening to what he`s saying? She may be ending it with this guy. She`s coming clean with him and may end it with her boyfriend. NO it did NOT happen yet, but that`s where the questions are coming in.

It could be on the verge of breakup with the other dude. The question lies in if he should wait or not.

I say, wait it out. If she`s serious, then she`ll dump him......and good luck to you bro.

 

[buckwheat1]

Dude are you listening to what he`s saying? She may be ending it with this guy. She`s coming clean with him and may end it with her boyfriend. NO it did NOT happen yet, but that`s where the questions are coming in.

It could be on the verge of breakup with the other dude. The question lies in if he should wait or not.

I say, wait it out. If she`s serious, then she`ll dump him......and good luck to you bro.

That is the major point. If it true, then meeting me may be the push she was looking for to take that step. Sometimes people stay in a dead relationship because they fear the alternative - being alone.

On the other hand, she could be a lying slut. I guess the only way I am going to find out is to get to know her a little better.


Thanks

 

[-SD-]

you analyze this stuff too much dude

 

[buckwheat1]

you analyze this stuff too much dude

Your probably right. I have ADD and one of the traits for some is hyperfocus. My work loves me because if I take on a problem I can put so much energy into it. I will literally think about it night and day until I am physically exhausted.

 

[awittyusername]

Ok, I touched on this before on a simmilar tread. But,

ALL HOT CHICKS HAVE BOYFRIENDS!

Weather it be engaged or occasionally seeing an EX. They might say they don't, or they say "not serious", or "he's an asshole" or they may be breaking up.

But, in reality they are keeping the security of their current relationship and looking to Upgrade. (some insecure guys are the same)

Every hot girl I met in the last 3 yrs has been in some level of relationship. In my younger days I was either too stupid to realize it or chose to ignore it. This is the main reason I have been staying at home and becoming one of those nerds on a chat site. (at least EF is cool)

My fantasy girl is someone who is secure w/herself and doesn't need to be in a relationship. But, wants to be in a relationship with me.

 

[Nubly]

if shes willing to dump her current boyfriend for someone else, what makes you think she wont do the same to you?

 

[buckwheat1]

if shes willing to dump her current boyfriend for someone else, what makes you think she wont do the same to you?

If she was dumping her boyfriend for me, I would be concerned. When I met her she mentioned that she was already at a cross roads in her relationship.


While my ex cheated on me, I don't think she would cheat on her current boyfriend. Her boyfriend happens to be the guy she was having the affair with. Their relationship is going on 10 years now. I have only been divorced from her for 7. So do the math. I laugh about it now. We actually are very good friends. In the long run I made out.

I also know several couples that got together after having an affair. Some of them been married for 20 years.

I do think that many people take the chicken route and don't leave a relationship until they have something else already lined up. I only have had a couple of relationships and I broke off all of them without having anything to fall back on. There usually something that you like in every relationship and even though you want something better or you know its not the right one, the thought of losing the good parts is hard for many.