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Breaking up is hard to do

hardrock

hardrock

Go fuck your own face!
Platinum
Been with my current GF for almost 3 years. Lived together for 1 1/2. Her dad passed a few months back and ever since she has gone downhill. I tried to give her time at first and figured she would get better, but she disappears for days at a time. Last week I didn't hear from her for 4 days. I live with this girl. She's getting bad into drugs. Like 2-3 day meth marathons. Doesn't answer my calls. I stay up worried about her not knowing what or who she is doing. She's all I think about when she's away. I keep giving her another chance and right away she takes advantage. Then she gets mad at me for getting mad at her.

I can't live like this anymore. It affects my job, sleep, and overall well being. I'm trying to be sober, but all this makes me wanna do is go ut and get hammied. Especially when I don't have work the next day. It really hurts cause I love her so much. She said she'd be home when I got home from work and when I got home at 10:30 I could tell she hadn't been home all day. Tried to call and text and I get nothing. See's also 20 vs my 29 so she's got some growing up to do. She promised me a month ago she would seek counseling and or treatment and that I am the world to her, but you don't treat your "world" like shit day in and day out.

I hate this feeling. It's like a hole in my stomach that can't be filled. I'm ready to give up, but I can't even get her out of the apartment untuil sher signs a release. She doesn't work and does nothing to show me she's trying. I fucking hate this shit!

If she could straighten out, there's nothing I'd rather do than be with her, but it's not happening and I don't see it happening anytime soon. She's dragging me down with her. This sucks!
 
sorry to hear about your relationship...might be the best thing to do for her is let her hit rock bottom even more...then she can only climb back up...being 20 and on meth, thats pretty bad and the drug rehab will be hard for her and cause a bundle...

can see that its bringing you down, and you shouldn't fall into the hole that she is digging for herself...hope you make the right decision..
 
Do all you can for her, but don't let it drag you into your own cycle of abuse. Maybe a trial separation? Tough love?
What about other family? Mother, siblings, etc that can help.
Good luck man.
 
damn bro sorry to hear. but if it were me... id move out. when she gets back from her binge she will see you have given up and moved on. she will either do one of 2 things.... clean up and hopefully you still want her, or keep doing what shes doing and you will be much better off without her. sorry for this advice but im an outsider on this and this is my opinion. hope everything works out for you.
 
gtrcivic said:
sorry to hear about your relationship...might be the best thing to do for her is let her hit rock bottom even more...then she can only climb back up...being 20 and on meth, thats pretty bad and the drug rehab will be hard for her and cause a bundle...

can see that its bringing you down, and you shouldn't fall into the hole that she is digging for herself...hope you make the right decision..
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good advice...she is 20 years old. she has no idea how to manage her crisis and is taking it out on herself to escape the loss and pain.. remove yourself.. left her find you again as she finds herself...she has to want to do this, you will not make her or show her the light...all you can do is point in the direction and send her on her way....your a good man for being there thus far...dont fall down.
 
hardrock said:
Been with my current GF for almost 3 years. Lived together for 1 1/2. Her dad passed a few months back and ever since she has gone downhill. I tried to give her time at first and figured she would get better, but she disappears for days at a time. Last week I didn't hear from her for 4 days. I live with this girl. She's getting bad into drugs. Like 2-3 day meth marathons. Doesn't answer my calls. I stay up worried about her not knowing what or who she is doing. She's all I think about when she's away. I keep giving her another chance and right away she takes advantage. Then she gets mad at me for getting mad at her.

I can't live like this anymore. It affects my job, sleep, and overall well being. I'm trying to be sober, but all this makes me wanna do is go ut and get hammied. Especially when I don't have work the next day. It really hurts cause I love her so much. She said she'd be home when I got home from work and when I got home at 10:30 I could tell she hadn't been home all day. Tried to call and text and I get nothing. See's also 20 vs my 29 so she's got some growing up to do. She promised me a month ago she would seek counseling and or treatment and that I am the world to her, but you don't treat your "world" like shit day in and day out.

I hate this feeling. It's like a hole in my stomach that can't be filled. I'm ready to give up, but I can't even get her out of the apartment untuil sher signs a release. She doesn't work and does nothing to show me she's trying. I fucking hate this shit!

If she could straighten out, there's nothing I'd rather do than be with her, but it's not happening and I don't see it happening anytime soon. She's dragging me down with her. This sucks!
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Time for getting her into a program.

Go to your Doctor and get a referal. Or go to a major hospital and sit down with their Social Service rep. They will provide the help you need, including inhouse detox.

Don't dump her. Don't get loaded yourself. Drag her to help.
 
bigmann245 said:
damn bro sorry to hear. but if it were me... id move out. when she gets back from her binge she will see you have given up and moved on. she will either do one of 2 things.... clean up and hopefully you still want her, or keep doing what shes doing and you will be much better off without her. sorry for this advice but im an outsider on this and this is my opinion. hope everything works out for you.
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If she sees that you are gone when she does come back, maybe it will push her into reality......and seeing that shes losing someone that loves her very much will help her.....
but if it doesnt, you cant force her into going to rehab, if she does it to just make you happy, shell go back to using. Good luck sweety
 
u can't help someone who doesnt want to be helped.. shes gotta wake up and realize...

sometimes the only thing u can do is walk away....

Love isint always enough and it doesnt solve everything.. unfortunately
 
SoKlueles said:
If she sees that you are gone when she does come back, maybe it will push her into reality......and seeing that shes losing someone that loves her very much will help her.....
but if it doesnt, you cant force her into going to rehab, if she does it to just make you happy, shell go back to using. Good luck sweety
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She comes home and finds him gone it might push her further into drug abuse. She lost her father now her boyfriend? Don't think that would be good for her. At the same time, nobody deserves the shit she is putting him through.

Tough call bro.
 
Alot of good advice so far.

Give her 1 chance to get serious help. Or you move out...or she does.

If she doesn't do it...Get OUT!!!

She is only 20 she doesn't even know what love is. (even if she wasn't into drugs)

It will be hard...But, in time you will wonder why or if you even loved her.
 
Dam Hardrock sorry to hear this had a GF that had to leave her man a little while back similar issues with substance abuse. At times like this you need to be selfish and lookout for your well being. It may help her in the end as it forces her to take a good hard look at her self and what she is doing to her life.
 
OK, here's the deal. I can't move out cause I am on the lease and she doesn't have a job so rent won't be paid thus fucking my credit. I need her to sign a release to get her or myself off the lease. Both parties need to sign.

Her family is just as fucked up. he mom is a former/current pill popper and thinks treatment is not the option.

Basically I want her to leave. If she cleans up I'd love to stay with her. Thing is she lies. She was friggin high at her dads wake. Told me a month later. Said she was done with it and has been hiding it ever since. She says she avoids me cause she doesn't wanna get yelled at. WTF would you do if your SO disappeared for 4 days with no word. I had a civil conversation with her yesterday in which she said she'd come home and I have yet to hear from her again. I need to get her out of my life or at the very least out of my place for now. This stress is killing me.
 
question is how do I get her off the lease without her signing the release? I want her out before I go to Vegas on the 30th.
 
hardrock said:
question is how do I get her off the lease without her signing the release? I want her out before I go to Vegas on the 30th.
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i doubt that you can without her signing something, and then if you want her out and she doesnt want to leave you have to evict her, fun fun
 
hardrock said:
question is how do I get her off the lease without her signing the release? I want her out before I go to Vegas on the 30th.
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There has got to be some legal route you can take to force her off of the lease if you can prove she is not making the payments along with her drug problem.
 
I really hate to say it, but if you were able to force her to rehab & she got clean, it would probably be over anyways. Whatever coercion you have to employ to get her there, along with her ordeal & trust issues will probably be the end.
 
Alot of good advice here. Hardrock is in a tough spot. Hopefully, things will work out for him.

Hopefully, the people that make phoney ass threads(because they are too big of a pussy to deal with their problems in the real world) won't cause others to hesitate on trying to help someone when they need it like hardrock.
 
Wow man, that really really sucks. I am sorry you are going through this.

She sounds like she has some growing up to do, and her current situation and environment is probably not doing anything to help that. You can't force it on her though, she kind of has to find this and figure it out for herself.
 
I thank you all for your input. I'm gonna go see the building manager about how I actually go about evicting her. Then it's off to the gym to work out some of this frustration.
 
well the longer she continues to stay with you and is broke, she will start taking stuff and pawning it, or just taking your cc or cash in your wallet...you won't feel comfortable with your stuff around the house while you are gone...

i was in a very tough situation......dated my last gf for 6 1/2 yrs, 2 yrs into it she went out with some dude for 7hrs on a date, (hh, movie, then late night dinner) and the whole time i was waiting to meet her at her place...her phone was on ,then turned off...get a call at 1am saying i'm sorry i forget we had plans...planned on dumping her ass that night but didn't..

one time mistake.. so the next 4 yrs, i was boning chicks that initiated/flirted with me behind her back..f w/me, i will f back 10x as bad....so 5th year her dad passed away, grandmother had a stroke...went to her friend's wedding and find out during the church part she was hanging too close to one of the guys..so at reception she continued when i showed up...decided to go to the after party bar with this guy and rest of the wedding guests...i decide to bail and was done with her....

she follows me home 2 min behind me. i swerved and miss a car dead in the left lane around a curve...i say hmm should i call her to let her know...Nope, if she didn't do anything wrong she'll miss the car...get a call from her.. i just totaled my car..i say tough shit thats what you get for flirting in front of my face and going to the after party at the bar...so this time ready to dump her when we get back to her place...well 7am the next day, she gets a call saying her brother died in a car accident at 4am, 2 hrs after she totaled her car....
stayed w/her for a year, then just outright dumped her cause she was doing better and in therapy...wno point hanging on to her anymore...well crushed her pretty bad by dumping her and costing her $20k in therapy out of her own pocket.....
well paybacks a bitch...
 
hardrock said:
question is how do I get her off the lease without her signing the release? I want her out before I go to Vegas on the 30th.
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go to the leasing office and have her legally evicted... not you, but just her... its worth a shot..
 
jack_schitt said:
See if theres an 'upper' you can talk to, to try and resolve this issue.
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thats ok i took care of you... our issue will be resolved shortly. i told you i have been around wayyyyy longer than you.
 
I just resolved the girlfriend issue. Our lease was actually expired and we were going month to month so I just signed a new lease and since she is unemployed, she doesn't qualify. Had to pay $75 to get the locks changed though. She will now have to contact me to get her belongings.

There's a letter on the door explaining the situation. I'd love to be looking through the peephole to see her reaction when she reads it. Now I just have to pick up all her shit and put it in the spare bedroom until her junky ass shows up to claim it.

To say I am relieved doesn't even begin to describe it.

grtcivic- you are correct. Everytime I leave I am worried about my shit. I feel like calling in everyday just to protect it.

Thank you everyone for your support. Now I just gotta get used to paying all the bills :( . I guess AOL is the first to go. Fuckin ripoff anyway. Who do you guys use?
 
Sorry to hear that man, some poeple don't know how to deal with loss and this shit happens, it can be especially hard on a relationship. Me and my ex drifted slowly after our baby died, I was with her 2 years. It never got nearly as bad as your situation, but I started gong days on end without hearing from her, and eventually I stopped caring, she never did anything or cheated on me but still its just not how a relationship should be, especially after going through that kind of shit together. I gave her chances for months, she never took them, only continued to treat me worse and be snippy at me when she actually DID talk to me. You will start feeling better soon man, yea it sucks but its neccesary, best of luck
 
Dude, make sure that you stick to your decision. Do not waver. Make sure that the police are there when she comes to get her things, and that anything that is not legal of yours is out of the house while she is there. Get the officer's names and badge numbers so that if she tries to make some sort of legal complaint, you have witnesses.

She is undoubtedly going to make some sort of emotional plea for you to give her just one more chance. You already did. You don't need to put yourself through anymore of this crap.

Perhaps this will be the impetus that she needs to get some help.

Zig
 
ziggyziggy said:
Dude, make sure that you stick to your decision. Do not waver. Make sure that the police are there when she comes to get her things, and that anything that is not legal of yours is out of the house while she is there. Get the officer's names and badge numbers so that if she tries to make some sort of legal complaint, you have witnesses.

She is undoubtedly going to make some sort of emotional plea for you to give her just one more chance. You already did. You don't need to put yourself through anymore of this crap.

Perhaps this will be the impetus that she needs to get some help.

Zig
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man o man life can suck .hope you do what zig said . life is to short to be unhappy.I never got clean till my world crashed in my fucken mom didnt speak to me. It will help her if you stick to your guns no matter how lonely you get. remember ITS NOT YOUR FAULT you dont deserve it.good luck
 
hardrock said:
I just resolved the girlfriend issue. Our lease was actually expired and we were going month to month so I just signed a new lease and since she is unemployed, she doesn't qualify. Had to pay $75 to get the locks changed though. She will now have to contact me to get her belongings.

There's a letter on the door explaining the situation. I'd love to be looking through the peephole to see her reaction when she reads it. Now I just have to pick up all her shit and put it in the spare bedroom until her junky ass shows up to claim it.

To say I am relieved doesn't even begin to describe it.

grtcivic- you are correct. Everytime I leave I am worried about my shit. I feel like calling in everyday just to protect it.

Thank you everyone for your support. Now I just gotta get used to paying all the bills :( . I guess AOL is the first to go. Fuckin ripoff anyway. Who do you guys use?
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you do realize that legally she still has a right to live there dont you? you cant just up and decide one day that you dont like who you live with and throw them out on the street if they dont want to leave
just something for you to think about if she decides to call the cops on you
 
hamstershaver said:
you do realize that legally she still has a right to live there dont you? you cant just up and decide one day that you dont like who you live with and throw them out on the street if they dont want to leave
just something for you to think about if she decides to call the cops on you
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No she doesn't. I signed a new lease and she's not on it. Effective today. Approved by management.

BTW while I was moving all her shit into the spare bedroom, I found a pouch with 2 meth pipes and a bunch of empty little meth bags in it. If she tries anything while the cops are here I'll bust that shit out.

Ziggy- Good idea about the cops and all. As far as illegal stuff goes, I already threw all my weed paraphanallia(sp) in the dumpster. All I have is my juice and xanax and that's all legal :)

Now I just need to find something constructive to do with my time. I am soooo bored.
 
gtrcivic said:
well the longer she continues to stay with you and is broke, she will start taking stuff and pawning it, or just taking your cc or cash in your wallet...you won't feel comfortable with your stuff around the house while you are gone...

i was in a very tough situation......dated my last gf for 6 1/2 yrs, 2 yrs into it she went out with some dude for 7hrs on a date, (hh, movie, then late night dinner) and the whole time i was waiting to meet her at her place...her phone was on ,then turned off...get a call at 1am saying i'm sorry i forget we had plans...planned on dumping her ass that night but didn't..

one time mistake.. so the next 4 yrs, i was boning chicks that initiated/flirted with me behind her back..f w/me, i will f back 10x as bad....so 5th year her dad passed away, grandmother had a stroke...went to her friend's wedding and find out during the church part she was hanging too close to one of the guys..so at reception she continued when i showed up...decided to go to the after party bar with this guy and rest of the wedding guests...i decide to bail and was done with her....

she follows me home 2 min behind me. i swerved and miss a car dead in the left lane around a curve...i say hmm should i call her to let her know...Nope, if she didn't do anything wrong she'll miss the car...get a call from her.. i just totaled my car..i say tough shit thats what you get for flirting in front of my face and going to the after party at the bar...so this time ready to dump her when we get back to her place...well 7am the next day, she gets a call saying her brother died in a car accident at 4am, 2 hrs after she totaled her car....
stayed w/her for a year, then just outright dumped her cause she was doing better and in therapy...wno point hanging on to her anymore...well crushed her pretty bad by dumping her and costing her $20k in therapy out of her own pocket.....
well paybacks a bitch...
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yea paybacks a bitch but you wasted 4 1/2 years doing it.... thats time you don't get back bro oh well live and learn
 
HumanTarget said:
good job, buddy. letting go is the best thing sometimes.
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It's the last thing I wanted to do, but I just can't take the abuse of my trust anymore. I tried to help many many times. All I got was lies. I beleived them at first, but the evidence is overwhelming. Time I put me first.
 
well technically if she is not on the lease, then she will be trespassing...but hope it doesn't get to the point where the cops are involved..i'm sure she will break a few windows, try to kick in the door...as long as the rental manager knows about the situation, then you are covered i guess.
 
hardrock said:
It's the last thing I wanted to do, but I just can't take the abuse of my trust anymore. I tried to help many many times. All I got was lies. I beleived them at first, but the evidence is overwhelming. Time I put me first.
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i'm impressed. you've done a hard thing, but you did it because it was best for you. you've found out that trust is harder to find than love.
 
hardrock said:
No she doesn't. I signed a new lease and she's not on it. Effective today. Approved by management.

BTW while I was moving all her shit into the spare bedroom, I found a pouch with 2 meth pipes and a bunch of empty little meth bags in it. If she tries anything while the cops are here I'll bust that shit out.

Ziggy- Good idea about the cops and all. As far as illegal stuff goes, I already threw all my weed paraphanallia(sp) in the dumpster. All I have is my juice and xanax and that's all legal :)

Now I just need to find something constructive to do with my time. I am soooo bored.
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it doesnt matter if shes on the lease or not, she lives there, her stuff is there
trust me i know the law on this one
your best hope is that she doesnt know the law on this one and thinks that if you say she has to go then she has to go
 
gtrcivic said:
well technically if she is not on the lease, then she will be trespassing...but hope it doesn't get to the point where the cops are involved..i'm sure she will break a few windows, try to kick in the door...as long as the rental manager knows about the situation, then you are covered i guess.
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you dont know what you are talking about
 
As long as her mailing addy is there, consider her just as much as a tennant as you as far as the law is concerned.
 
Well management is backing me on this one. There's a letter hanging on the door for when and if ever she comes back telling her she has to contact me in order to get her things. I'll give her a couple weeks and then I'll throw her shit out. Lets see her prove she had anything here to begin with. End of story.
 
it depends on where you live. i've had some shit like that happen to me and was shocked at what the cops and the landlord told me.
 
HumanTarget said:
it depends on where you live. i've had some shit like that happen to me and was shocked at what the cops and the landlord told me.
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what was your situation, and what did the cops and landlord tell you bro? Dont leave us hangin'....
 
jack_schitt said:
As long as her mailing addy is there, consider her just as much as a tennant as you as far as the law is concerned.
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So if I go to the post officce and have all my mail forwarded to your house I am legally a resident??? What color is the sky in your world?
 
hardrock dude, we are on your side, she needs to leave, we are just telling what the law is, she is a legal resident there, you cant just throw her out if she doenst want to leave, hopefully she will have no problem moving out, you dont need to deal with her anymore
but if she tries to fight it you will have to go to court to get her evicted
if you dont believe me call and find out the law for yourself
 
hardrock said:
So if I go to the post officce and have all my mail forwarded to your house I am legally a resident??? What color is the sky in your world?
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I lived with a girl who turned into a druggie. I tried to throw her out and one of my buddies I grew up with who is now a cop told me this. I think it has to be for a certain period of time though.
 
the cops said it dosen't matter if someone has property or an addy there, if your not living there, you're not living there. the landlord (this was over a deadbeat roomate who wouldn't leave or pay) told me that I had to do something. i was pissed. so, i went and moved into the basement. then, i took everything that wasn't nailed to the floor down there too. i removed the fuses to the upstairs, so they had no power whatsoever. and i let everything in the fridge spoil and rot! then i'd go up and open the door to the fridge in the night, letting the aromatherapy do it's job. i was just outraged that this fat bitch landlord wouldn't go about collecting her money on her own.
 
Dude the landlord/management called her superiors first to see if this was legal and gave me the go ahead. I signed a NEW lease in which she IS NOT on. She is no longer legally a resident here peroid point blank. As soon as I log off I'll call the cops and find out for sure though. I'll be damned if I'm letting that bitch spend one more night here.
 
hardrock said:
Dude the landlord/management called her superiors first to see if this was legal and gave me the go ahead. I signed a NEW lease in which she IS NOT on. She is no longer legally a resident here peroid point blank. As soon as I log off I'll call the cops and find out for sure though. I'll be damned if I'm letting that bitch spend one more night here.
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if you have a garage, put all of her shit in there. if not, i'd be tempted to set it out on the lawn.
 
hardrock said:
Dude the landlord/management called her superiors first to see if this was legal and gave me the go ahead. I signed a NEW lease in which she IS NOT on. She is no longer legally a resident here peroid point blank. As soon as I log off I'll call the cops and find out for sure though. I'll be damned if I'm letting that bitch spend one more night here.
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lol, dude i have gone through this shit before, she is a legal resident, it doesnt matter if you signed a new lease or not
like ive told you, she probably wont know the law and will leave once you tell her to so it wont matter, im only telling you what can happen if she tries to fight it
 
I'm pretty sure once I show the manager or the cops her little sack of goods, she won't even bother. If she doesn't go to jail that is. I don't want that, but it is my trump card and I'll play it if I have to.
 
hardrock said:
Been with my current GF for almost 3 years. Lived together for 1 1/2. Her dad passed a few months back and ever since she has gone downhill. I tried to give her time at first and figured she would get better, but she disappears for days at a time. Last week I didn't hear from her for 4 days. I live with this girl. She's getting bad into drugs. Like 2-3 day meth marathons. Doesn't answer my calls. I stay up worried about her not knowing what or who she is doing. She's all I think about when she's away. I keep giving her another chance and right away she takes advantage. Then she gets mad at me for getting mad at her.
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Let me tell you a story of a made man's daughter who got hooked on crystal meth. Long story short, she diappeared for a week and the made guy told and gave somebody (somebody is a somebody I know and told me the story) alot money to find her because the cops couldn't and neither could he. She was about about 17 or something. Anyway, the DUDE went looking for her and after few days he found her in some place run down where she was being whored out. But she was so fucked up on drugs that she had no clue what was going on, (SEE THE MOVIE TRAFFIC) and you will know what I'm talking about. When he found her she looked so fucked up that she wasn't the beautiful daddy's princess anymore. The pimp naturally did not want to give her up, but as somebody told me, "That day I was so happy I had my gun."
 
Brother, I feel your pain and hers. Please do everything you can do for her. I am not a very religious person, but, "Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepards the weak through the valley of darkness. For truely he is his brothers keeper and finder of lost souls. (however it goes)
 
I think Matt helped somebody one time by even paying an assload of money and stuffed her into a detox program. Not saying you have to do the same but you can help her.
 
fistfullofsteel said:
I think Matt helped somebody one time by even paying an assload of money and stuffed her into a detox program. Not saying you have to do the same but you can help her.
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Her aunt offered to get her into a program and she told me a month ago she would go. SHe has probably been home 2 nights in the last 2 weeks.

About the whoring out bit, I prey to god she hasn't gotten that deep. A friend of hers did a while back and is still fucked up. Once she runs out of money I guess she's gotta get her fix somehow.

Even though I need to distance myself from her I wish I knew she was ok and sober. I wish I knew where she was so I could go kick the door in and clean house of all the junkies she's with. I gotta let go though. She already has. I can only do so much when she isn't willing. I miss her already, but I WILL NOT BE GOING BACK TO HER!!!
 
hardrock said:
Her aunt offered to get her into a program and she told me a month ago she would go. SHe has probably been home 2 nights in the last 2 weeks.

About the whoring out bit, I prey to god she hasn't gotten that deep. A friend of hers did a while back and is still fucked up. Once she runs out of money I guess she's gotta get her fix somehow.

Even though I need to distance myself from her I wish I knew she was ok and sober. I wish I knew where she was so I could go kick the door in and clean house of all the junkies she's with. I gotta let go though. She already has. I can only do so much when she isn't willing. I miss her already, but I WILL NOT BE GOING BACK TO HER!!!
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bro, doesnt your girlfriend post on this board?
 
_Yossarian_ said:
bro, doesnt your girlfriend post on this board?
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Used to. Feel free to ban her or red the shit outta her. I doubt she'll ever be back again anyway.
 
you can't say just b/c she is 20 she can't handle her problem.. everyone, no matter their age is capable of handling their problems. BUT remember you can't help someone that doesn't want it. sounds to me like you've tried, i'd break up with her if i were you, yes it will be hard at first but keep your head up and stay busy to keep your mind off it, time heals everything
 
I am so sorry... I know exactly what you are going through i went through the same shit with my ex... it is such a tough situation.. the drug completly changes the person... and for those brief moments that she tells you how much she wants to be with you and loves you the drug will make her forget that minutes later... when someone is that far gone nothing else matters but that drug... I bagged my boyfriends parents to put him into rehab for months and I did everything in my power to try to help but honestly she has to decide she wants the help... if you continue on the path your on you will begin to resent her and your love will try to hate...

it is a sad fact but you have to let her hit rock bottom!!!! walk away now if you ever want a relationship with her in the future... and also for her health... the faster this happens the faster she will realize that she needs help and will reach out when she is ready
 
You are right. I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to. I just wish I didn't care so much. it would be so much easier.
 
hardrock said:
You are right. I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to. I just wish I didn't care so much. it would be so much easier.
Click to expand...

it won't be easy because you care but you HAVE to do it because you care, sadly you are probably supporting her drug habit, cut her off immediately and I bet she gets slapped in the face with reality pretty hard and turns around, either way you are BOTH better off apart for awhile, doesn't have to be permanent, people change
 
hardrock said:
You are right. I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to. I just wish I didn't care so much. it would be so much easier.
Click to expand...
it's not supposed to be easy. and it hurts cuz this was real for you, genuine. give it time. you let go, and if it's real, she'll get the picture and do whats right.
 
nutsnack said:
it won't be easy because you care but you HAVE to do it because you care, sadly you are probably supporting her drug habit, cut her off immediately and I bet she gets slapped in the face with reality pretty hard and turns around, either way you are BOTH better off apart for awhile, doesn't have to be permanent, people change
Click to expand...
It's sad, but the fact is, if a girl is even moderately good looking, they can always find a way to get stuff. There is always some low-life dude who is gonna give her a fix for some poontang. I hope she is not to that point, but some chicks go from one pusher to the next, and they can do that until the one thing they have (their looks) are completely gone. I wish you well, and I hope your girl (ex) is not so far gone that she cannot pick herself up and get away from her destroyer.
 
If she realizes that death is eternal, she'll pick herself up and start making her life better. You've gone the distance, you've rode it out and now its time to cut the rope. You are making the right decision with this because its for the best. Good luck man, as a real person and not some user off a message board, I really hope shit shapens up for you.
 
hardrock said:
You are right. I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to. I just wish I didn't care so much. it would be so much easier.
Click to expand...


if you would like to chat about this pm me.... this was one of the toughest periods of my life I am not going to lie... but unless you really want to hate her in a few months you HAVE to cut her off!!! the more you help and give of yourself right now the more she will suck you dry... THAT IS THE DRUG not her!! she is not the same person that you fell in love with DONT LET HER TRICK YOU TO BELIEVE THAT!!!! the drug is her life, her love, and ALL THAT MATTERS!!! and as sad as it sounds you helping her is just encouraging the problem... I know that is hard to hear but that is the harsh reality!! These our the kind of situation that the saying "tough love" was invented for. I am SO SORRY!!!
 
So here's the latest- I hadn't heard from her since Tuesday morning. She calls lastnight and says she wants to come home she's tired and sick. I tell her she doesn't live here anymore. That I signed a new lease and changed the locks. I tell her I don't want her anymore and would consider it down the road if she gets some help, but not until. She all the sudden gives a damn and wants to change.

She ask if she can at least come get a change of clothes and a blanket/pillow. She's been in the same clothes for 4 fuckin days. She planned on sleeping in her car. She asked me to let her spend the night here and I almost let her. I wouldn't even let her leave my sight to change her clothes. I don't/can't trust her out of my sight in my place. Luckily her friend would let her stay one more night.

So she came by and saw all her shit in the spare room and started crying. I read her some poems she had wrote about me in the past and the letter she wrote me a month ago saying she would get help even though she didn't need it. She Says she wants help and admitted to using for months now off and on. I always wondered why she would be home all day and leave right before I came home. It was because she was getting high all day and wanted to keep getting high.

So I called a few treatment places but they won't take her until she has a chemical assessment which they only do on weekdays?? WTF?? How the fuck is someone that is willing to get help actually get it unless they happen to decide M-F 9-5?? This is a 24 hr rehab facility. they all seem to operate that way. So she was supposed to set up an appointment for 1 pm monday and call me today at work. She hasn't called doesn't return my calls, and her friend that she was staying with won't answer my calls.

Makes me wonder if I should have let her stay, but I know it wouldn't matter. As soon as I left for work she would have gone to get high. I really hate her for doing this and at the same time love her soo much I just want to help her. I can't stand it. I just wanna go have a beer and forget about her for now. I can't take this anymore!
 
"Don't take your love away from me
Don't you leave my heart in misery
Cause if you do, then I'll be blue
breaking up is hard to do.
 
Remember when you held me tight
and you kissed me all through the night
just think of me and I'll be blue
cause breaking up is hard to do.
 
now she has some supposed lawyer call me on HER cell phone at 1:15 am Saying he had some people for me to talk to and the ball is in my court. When I asked his name he hung up on me.

I called the police and filed a report saying I found her pipes and will probably file for a restraining order on Monday.

She has definately turned for the worse. I am soo dissapointed in her.

Then again it makes this easier.
 
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