Are you prepared for zombie attacks?

[TheProject]

From http://loris.net/zombie/index.html

Ninety-five percent of Americans live within two miles of a cemetery or mortuary.

Most Americans use and value their brains -- the natural food of zombies.

Ninety percent of zombie related fatalities occur in the home.

The only proven defense against zombie attack is an effective early warning system.

 

[Sebass67]

You are one fucked up individual....

 

[TheProject]

You are one fucked up individual....

thanks!

 

[Raina]

Oh my!!! Another thing to worry about. I'm always fretting about the damn robots trying to take over my family, now I have zombie concerns as well.

At least there's an alarm....

 

[polarpixie]

I am afraid. Very afraid. How much is that thing? I can only afford to spare 3 installments of $9.99.

 

[Frackal]

I'd be glad to give you three installments for 9.99 polarpixie.

 

[Robert Jan]

lol zombies.

anyone watch those old, wrong movies night of the living dead and the sequal return of the living dead? i remember watching them as a kid and getting the shit scared out of me.

the bitch who strips in the sequal was prob the first woman i saw naked too. memories.

 

[TheProject]

I am afraid. Very afraid. How much is that thing? I can only afford to spare 3 installments of $9.99.

Well, that's the Industrial model, and works at a range of up to 1 mile. Unfortunately, it'll take 4 easy payments of $69.95 to get that level of protection.

The Standard version works at a range of 1700 yards, and can be yours for just 3 easy payments of $39.95.

Isn't your safety worth at least that much?

 

[wiseguy7]

I think you need to worry about other things like getting a job and a life so you don't die a 65 year old virgin living in your parents basement.

 

[Raina]

Isn't your safety worth at least that much?

Oh yes!!! And then some.

Can I somehow train my ferrets to protect me from the undead???

 

[Peyote Killa]

Oh yes!!! And then some.

Can I somehow train my ferrets to protect me from the undead???

NOOOOOOOOOOOO
Don't do that, push come to shove your ferrets will protect you, all the alarm will do is let you know that they are near!!!! What then, you will have nothing to protect you, cuz you spnt all your money on this stupid gimmick of an alarm.

Be smart Raina, and keep your ferrets they are your best bet, and they can comfort you, as the alarm can only "warn" you.

 

[Raina]

Thanks PK. Solid advise.

And wait til those zombies see how jacked my ferrets will be after they finish their first cycle......I dare those fuckers to try messing with me......

 

[Peyote Killa]

exactly Raina Exactly

 

[Raina]

Well it's a good thing I don't HAVE to have the alarm then because putting 4 ferrets on heavy cycles gets pricey. Between the gear itself and the premium food, I'm broke. They're currently ranging in weight from .75-3 pounds. I'm hoping to eventually build them up to around 14 pounds each. I think it's a reasonable goal.

Growing up we had a bad ass miniature schnauzer named Puttser. She was worthless in a zombie attack though-- she was killed along with my brother. It really was tragic. Now I'll go home and look at the ferrety 4 and I'll feel DAMN safe.

 

[Peyote Killa]

That a girl!!
I'm sorry to hear about your dog, and your brother too, but you got to protect yourself. Now, you need to do whatever it takes to PROTECT yourself, if that means, gear up the ferrets, then well, gear em up!!!!!

Remember, an alarm can only warn, just keep telling yourself that a warning will not suffice as protection. The geared up ferrets will keep you well protected, so it's not wasting money if it's for your protection.

 

[Raina]

It's just amazing how much I've learned from EF. From diet tips, to zombie protection plans, I'm a more informed woman as a result of spending ungodly hours every week for months on this site. I am blessed.

 

[Peyote Killa]

LMAO
That was the funniest thing I have heard all day

 

[addickt]

It's just amazing how much I've learned from EF. From diet tips, to zombie protection plans, I'm a more informed woman as a result of spending ungodly hours every week for months on this site. I am blessed.

I think the Zombies would be scared away by the loud moaning that would be coming from the bedroom if I were there..

I will protect you better than any ferret or alarm will..

 

[Raina]

Whatever are you talking about dear?? Hehe.

If you were at my house I'd make you help me clip their nails. Then I'd bake you a belated birthday cake and we'd watch animal planet all day. But I'd really be up for watching basketball.

 

[TheProject]

It's just amazing how much I've learned from EF. From diet tips, to zombie protection plans, I'm a more informed woman as a result of spending ungodly hours every week for months on this site. I am blessed.

Diet tips, I'm no good for.

Zombie protection and obscure references, I'm all over that.

 

[Raina]

On an off note, does anyone else ever use shoe polish as self-tanner??

 

[Peyote Killa]

No, but once I had a bunch of Blue Bell frozen orange ice pops, and melted them down to an orange liquid. Then I proceeded to evenly spread it all over my body in a vast attempt to make my skin look tan.
Needless to say I was very sticky and orange (not tan), but it was worth it, cuz then I went outside and ran through the sprinkler untill the spread came off. After that I voughed to never to that again.

(I did it yesterday, it was fun!)

 

[Raina]

I've had poor luck with the popsicle plan PK. I had serious problems with ants and bees. I find the only problem with the shoe polish is the smell....but it's kind of fun to be so dizzy.

 

[Peyote Killa]

fire ants sux

you said dizzy, that kinda sounds like flozzy, and you always say flozzy.
LOL

 

[Raina]

I never knew I was flozzy until my best friend in the world taught me that 1) I'm very flozzy and 2) that flozzy is even a word.

 

[Austin316]

OOoooOOOoo Zombies are easy to kill, use holy water, fire, powerful artillery and various Resident Evil fighting tactics such as head stomps...

Now what do you all plan on doing when the army of angry pissed off gophers emerges from the earth to plunder and pillage the land

 

[TheProject]

How can we be sure that some or all of the people around us are not zombies?

Zombies who grew up in our midst might become glib in the use of our language,

A zombie, or an isolated population of zombies, could 'originate'

No one thinks that the existence of zombies who display no 'mark of zombiehood' is likely in this actual world. It is just that the existence of zombies who are behaviourally indistinguishable from us appears to be metaphysically, logically, and nomically possible.

Zombie inhabitants of Zombie Earth would be distinguishable from us, because, lacking conscious lives, the zombies would never--indeed, could never--develop the mentalistic concepts and vocabulary that we have.

The occupants of Zombie Earth are smart.

 

[Raina]

Project-- you are a true inspiration for posting things like this to help people. If I ever enter the Miss America pageant, my platform is going to be zombie awareness. I don't think people realize the peril that they undead bring us. I want to teach all the children of the world to fear having their brains eaten by zombies. If only more people had alarms or ferrets.....

 

[Austin316]

I used to play Zombies Ate Me Neighbors for hours on Genesis so Im prepared with my super soaker to kick some zombie tale

 

[Sassy69]

When I was growing up our house was between 2 cemetaries. Then we moved. My parents currently live between 2 mortitians.


I moved to a different state after that.

 

[rushx79]

i have mastered "resident evil" the video game and have seen all "night of the living dead" movies...i am more than prepared for zombies.

 

[TheProject]

Just for Raina.

 

[KillahBee]

lol